Kaitie Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 BF and I have been living together for 5 months now, and had a good setup going about splitting finances. He made significantly more than me, so we worked out that I would buy all the groceries and do all the housework and he would pay everything else. However, I'm starting a new job where I can really contribute to everything, but he does not want me to. More than anything, he hates doing the whole "we split everything and you give me a check" deal. He owns the house and everything is in his name and already said he would never ask me to pay the mortgage if my name was not on it. He pays everything with a credit card first, so a joint bank account really wouldn't help. So I'm looking for ways to contribute more financially, without giving him a check each month. We both agree that if would be good for me to contribute more, but we just can't figure out a way how. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I can understand the mortgage thing. It wouldn't be fair for you to be paying on a mortgage that you wouldn't get anything out of if you were to break up. You two can sit down and discuss a reasonable amount you could pay for your living there. Maybe you could take care of the housework, buy the groceries, pay the cable, electric bill and phone bill while he worries about the mortgage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaitie Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Thank you for the input. I have offered to pay both the cable and electric bill (no other bills, free garbage and a well), or half of each. That would even us out pretty much in terms of how much we each contribute to the house. We are both just very indecisive and have a hard time coming to a final answer, so i'd like to throw out as many options as possible. The biggest issue is that he hates the idea of me giving him a check each month. We have always been the type of couple where one one pay for one thing and the other for something else. It would basically even us out. I'm thinking I could buy new material items (tv, sectional for the basement) that would benefit us both without him feeling like I'm paying him to live here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Thank you for the input. I have offered to pay both the cable and electric bill (no other bills, free garbage and a well), or half of each. That would even us out pretty much in terms of how much we each contribute to the house. We are both just very indecisive and have a hard time coming to a final answer, so i'd like to throw out as many options as possible. The biggest issue is that he hates the idea of me giving him a check each month. We have always been the type of couple where one one pay for one thing and the other for something else. It would basically even us out. I'm thinking I could buy new material items (tv, sectional for the basement) that would benefit us both without him feeling like I'm paying him to live here. The issue I see with the bolded is that you'd have to be careful not to buy things just because you want to contribute. You could end up spending more than you need to, or buying more things than you need. Another way to do it could be setting up a separate account and depositing a certain amount each month. You can then use that as your vacation fund, furniture/appliance/household fund, car repair fund, restaurant/bar fund etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaitie Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 That is a good idea. The tv is on its last leg anyway and we have been working on finishing the basement since I moved in. The current couch down there is a hand-me-down, so a new one would really be appreciated and a lot more comfortable. I hate spending money on things that I don't think will improve my life in some way, so I definitely wouldn't buy things just to feel like I am contributing. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Instead of contributing to improving HIS house (which you have no legal right to), why not invest the money into a high-yield CD or something for the future. Then, when/if you get married, you can offer to pay for part of the wedding. And if you don't get married, you will have more towards your retirement instead of his property... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.D.E.B.T. Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 It sounds like both of you need to come to a firm agreement. Instead of addressing this by looking at how you can spend money to contribute, have a conversation about lifestyle goals. Once each of you have expressed these desires, look into ways that you could contribute to all mutual or shared goals. You may be surprised by what comes from this type of conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
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