She cheated, getting married in two days

[Lostcat32]

I am writing this mostly because I need to get it out of my head and telling the story someone I don’t know will help. I have been engaged before and cheated on before. With that said I have always held a strong in saying there is no coming back from this.

Currently I am engaged to be married and in a couple of days I may be going through with it. My head and heart is heavy with all of this. My current Fiancé cheated on me with her ex boyfriend. And I am up against a wall of torn feelings it seems no one can help. I love her dearly enough to try and move past this. Still it is harder than I ever could imagine.

I should come to find out that the whole thing began shortly after my Birthday with a simple text message asking if I was around because he wanted to tell her something. She assured him that I would not see it. He told her he missed her and wanted her. Although she shrugged it off jokingly she still flirted with him regarding. Plus I was never told.

In December we planned on going to Colorado to visit her maid of honor and enjoy a much needed vacation. She had expressed an interest in seeing her ex but the idea was always short hand like as if we could fit it in. Maybe together. I did not like the idea but I am not the kind of person that’s going to make anyone feel trapped. That’s not how a relationship should be in my eyes.

As things got closer to the trip she stressed more on the idea of wanting to see him. I told her I was not comfortable with it but I am willing to work with her. She knows my past and how much that destroyed me the last time. How it ended that relationship. She assured me several many times that there was nothing to worry about that she would do nothing to ever hurt me and would do nothing to **** up our current relationship.

About 3 days before the trip I come to find out that there has been a mix up with the tickets and that we would not be on the same flight. In fact I would be leaving 3 hours later and be connecting in Cleveland with a 3 hour layover. All and all she would be in Denver by herself for almost 6 hours by the time her plane landed and I got there. She expressed her disappointment but then turned and said to me with some excitement “Well look at the bright side! I can see my ex and we can hang out and get that part over with. You don’t want to see him anyways. And then we could enjoy the rest of our trip.” I expressed that I really did not like the idea. I freaked out at the concept. And further she assured me that nothing could or would ever happen. I asked what if you got high because that had come up before. She gets turned on when she’s high. She expressed that she has complete control and that still nothing could or would ever happen. I would later come to find out that while she is telling me this she is flirting with him. Telling him how she’s freaking out because she doesn’t know if she can control herself around him. They never came out and said via txt that sex was the plan but flirted with the idea often and joked about it. Apparently they had been flirting via txt ever since my birthday in October.

Things got worse as I got delayed in Cleveland. I was stuck there for almost 7 hours and did not get into Denver till mid night. I freaked out of course and 3 times she assured me all will be ok. It was not Ok. Turns out the moment she found out there was a delay she continued to flirt about taking off her pants as soon as she got in the car. And her only excuse for not is that it’s too cold but then again I guess it’s not too cold she said. She told him he wanted him and to hurry. My flight is delayed and she wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

After I got there she told me nothing happened and I had nothing to worry about. They texted often during the trip and we fought a lot about the texting. I told her I could not understand how someone who never texted you before can’t stop long enough for us to enjoy ourselves together. She always got quiet and never gave me a reason. Just would stop talking. Still we made a lot of good happy memories for the rest of the trip. The txt messages were a mix of stuff when I finally got to read them. Talking about the sex they had and if it means anything.

I found out about a month later when I got to carouse not to look at the conversations. I confronted her and it all came out for the most part. I really had to dig. She explained that she was worried too and when she saw him she felt nothing so the fear was gone. They went to the pizza place and all was good. Then he got a txt from his current girlfriend asking for a paper. I think it was a lie but whatever. SO they went to the house and he looked for the paper. I was very upset she did not fight this or simply wait in the car. After the paper was found and emailed. He took her into his room to smoke. She says she exclaimed that I did not want her to do that and that it’s not a good idea. Still she did it. Standing there after smoking and talking he jump forward and kissed her. She says she pushed him off once but he came back at her again but stronger and harder with the kissing. She says the thought went through her head “well this is it I guess I will need to see if there really is something still here” That is no excuse in my book. He sat her down and pulled off only one pant leg he was in such a hurry. Came very quickly she said and it was over. I don’t know if I believe all of it but that’s the story and she’s been very consistent with it.

Since then she has stopped all contact from him and done all she can to make it up to me. Are love feels real and the holidays were solid. Since then has been too. I have hacked all her accounts and I know for sure that she has not talked to him and that’s a little over the top but she did break the trust first. Now in two days we are due to marry as planned and I am so cross. I love her more than anyone. I have never before been willing to try and work it out. But it has helped to write this all out as I have seen it. Feel free to comment. I would love to talk with someone because I haven’t had the chance too. I am too embarrassed to tell someone I know.

[Satu]

RED FLAG.

 

I would walk away without a backward glance.

 

If you carry on seeing her she will cheat on you again.

 

Then she will lie about it again.

 

If you marry her she will cheat on you again and again.

 

She will lie about it every time.

 

Part company now and save yourself from certain heartbreak.

[Zahara]

Oh my. If I were you I would postpone/cancel. The worse way you can start off a marriage is going into it with trust and loyalty strained and tainted. What happens moving forward?Three days from now have to hack your wife's accounts to check up on her to see if she is cheating. What type of marriage is this?

 

I have a hard time believing her because she sounds utterly deceitful and manipulative.

 

And unfortunately, love isn't enough.

[Zahara]

And you are probably embarassed to talk to people you know about this because you know they will probably knock you upside the head. And deep down you know you are making a huge mistake and you know others are also going to tell you so and you just can't bear to hear it.

[stillafool]

I hope you don't marry this woman or you can expect more cheating down the road. Who just drops their panties in the 8 or 9 hours they have to wait for their fiance. My goodness if she can't control herself better than that you should worry about every serviceman that enters your home. She lied to you and is clearly not wife material. It is better to cancel now than to go through heartbreak, divorce, alimony and child support when she cheats on you again after a number of years of marriage.

[Satu]

My current Fiancé cheated on me with her ex boyfriend. He told her he missed her and wanted her. Although she shrugged it off jokingly she still flirted with him regarding.

She had expressed an interest in seeing her ex

She assured me several many times that there was nothing to worry about that she would do nothing to ever hurt me and would do nothing to **** up our current relationship.

said to me with some excitement “Well look at the bright side! I can see my ex and we can hang out and get that part over with. she assured me that nothing could or would ever happen. She expressed that she has complete control and that still nothing could or would ever happen. while she is telling me this she is flirting with him. Telling him how she’s freaking out because she doesn’t know if she can control herself around him. They never came out and said via txt that sex was the plan but flirted with the idea often and joked about it. Apparently they had been flirting via txt ever since my birthday in October.

the moment she found out there was a delay she continued to flirt about taking off her pants as soon as she got in the car. She told him he wanted him and to hurry. she told me nothing happened and I had nothing to worry about. They texted often during the trip and we fought a lot about the texting. The txt messages were a mix of stuff when I finally got to read them. Talking about the sex they had and if it means anything.

She says she exclaimed that I did not want her to do that and that it’s not a good idea. Still she did it. Standing there after smoking and talking he jump forward and kissed her. She says she pushed him off once but he came back at her again but stronger and harder with the kissing. She says the thought went through her head “well this is it I guess I will need to see if there really is something still here”

 

Read it after redaction...

 

She cheated on you because she wanted to.

 

Thats the truth, whether she admits it or not.

 

Cancel the wedding, end the relationship, and go no contact.

 

If anyone wants to know why, tell them.

[Diezel]

So you want to reward her infidelity with marriage?

 

Looks like she has one hell of a sweet deal lined up. Not only does she get married, but she gets the possibility of eventually getting 50% of your assets and possibly one day child support and to make your life miserable?

 

Yeah, no wonder she is all lovey dovey now.

[No Limit]

RUUUUUUN. DON'T MARRY HER.

Tell everyone you're cancelling the marriage and tell them why should they ask for it. Kick her to the curb and never look back. And get your money back for those rings.

[BeatsByDirk]

Omg bro!

You are in a bad spot, you need to hit reverse like ten weeks ago!

 

I dated this chick with a BF for 3 years. She called me when they got engaged, we hooked up before she got married(I hadn't talked to her in months) we still chat very rarely but her son has his dads first name and my name as his middle name.... You can't trust crazy cheater chicks they are crazy, all this talk about I love you, I'll always love you, I love him too have to see what's there... She will cheat the duration of the relationship on and off. This girl I hooked up with is very respected by everyone she knows, comes off as the most perfect, innocent person you ever met! Still claims she loves her husband!

 

Do yourself the favor of reading all the dudes who were betrayed.

They are all madly in love.

Wife complains of emotional neglect/insecure partner regularly

The betrayed is the worrier, wants partner to be happy even if they can't be together/at his own expense.

Thinks he can move past it but is having a hard time forgetting it.

Doesn't want to throw away what is a great relationship just because she made a mistake!

She didn't make a mistake, she planned it, and she did it while gas lighting you, while you were in route to be on vacation with her.

That girl I was seeing lied one night, left her BF at her parents house while she went to "work out at 24" and we hooked up around the corner. She text me laughing about him smelling her hair and commenting on how she doesn't seems like she worked out!!!!

You are most likely dealing with a really self centered monster!

Ditch her now before you are making excuses to stay because you believe in marriage and want your children to grow up in a home with both their parents.

You aren't fathoming how far this rabbit hope goes.

I've seen this situation from all sides and burrying your head in the sand is gonna get you hurt in so many ways.

 

I would argue more that somewhere deep down your girlfriend both loves you and hates you but the hate will grow stronger as her disgust for your grows.

 

It's another thing about some women but they pick a great guy, good provider/good dad type to marry and fall in love with when they know that they aren't attracted to them. Then they start to feel entitled because they aren't satisfied in the relationship which leads to justifying side situations that are in no way justifiable. In their mind they KNOW the pedestal their partner put them on, they know they will ultimately be forgiven, and this will feed the belief that you the betrayed boyfriend deserve to get cheated on because you are not strong enough to walk away from her when you find out she isn't accountable in the relationship.

I regret letting that dude marry that girl I messed around with, I probably could have told him everything the day before, he would've thrown a fit, told two people who advise him not to go though with it and he would have ignored them and gone through with it anyway. It's almost like fate that these two types of people (serial cheater who cheats on their partner because they destist their partners weakness and ability to forgive all offense and the other type, the partner who has no self esteem but believes in commitment and loves his partner blindly) will be forced to be together until it goes up in flames and a huge dish of pain has been served!

 

I know you didn't come here to be talked out of this and that's all the advice you are getting. I know you don't want to hear this. I know you just want to write it down so you can process it and maybe someone will give you a tip that will make it easier to forgive and move forward but you should be very angry. You shouldn't be in the place where it's your decision to keep the relationship going or not(it's over, you just don't know it but she'll let you waffle over pulling the trigger for years until she finds someone good enough to leave you for) because she basically decide it was over when she slept with her ex in a way that is very hateful and hurtful way to you!

Please, please please please please please please look at the other stories similar to yours and see the pattern and please don't throw your life and your future childrens possibly of a good family life away just because you can't throw this selfish person out of your life.

[smackie9]

I agree don't marry her....her heart is still with her ex no matter how hard she tries to move on. If you marry her she will have access to half your stuff. Pregnancy is possible and it's this guy's kid, and you getting stuck raise someone elses child. Kick her to the curb.

[hoping2heal]

Hi LostCat,

 

I think you know deep down that marrying her is a very poor idea. I know there are instances of relationships moving forward past infidelity but I think for that to be a realistic possibility at the minimum there has to be actual remorse. It sounds like not enough was there for her to warrant breaking up with you, but what happens the next time she falls into an emotional affair?

 

She isn't grown up enough for the kind of commitment marriage entails. I think you know that too, you just hate the ugly truth. That is understandable. She reassured you countless times while all the while she was carrying on with this guy - perhaps not physical, but certainly emotional if this was enough to drive her to lie to the man she was supposed to be married to - you get what I am saying?

[CarrieT]

If nothing else, POSTPONE the wedding until you both have gone through extensive couples and individual therapy.

 

In the grand scheme of things, not having a wedding in two days (and losing the money you have already spent) will be infinitely cheaper than a divorce.

[No Limit]

If nothing else, POSTPONE the wedding until you both have gone through extensive couples and individual therapy.

 

At least by 5 years. And always demand a paternity test, no matter when pregnancy happens.

[aliveagain]

I am writing this mostly because I need to get it out of my head and telling the story someone I don’t know will help. I have been engaged before and cheated on before. With that said I have always held a strong in saying there is no coming back from this.

Currently I am engaged to be married and in a couple of days I may be going through with it. My head and heart is heavy with all of this. My current Fiancé cheated on me with her ex boyfriend. And I am up against a wall of torn feelings it seems no one can help. I love her dearly enough to try and move past this. Still it is harder than I ever could imagine.

I should come to find out that the whole thing began shortly after my Birthday with a simple text message asking if I was around because he wanted to tell her something. She assured him that I would not see it. He told her he missed her and wanted her. Although she shrugged it off jokingly she still flirted with him regarding. Plus I was never told.

In December we planned on going to Colorado to visit her maid of honor and enjoy a much needed vacation. She had expressed an interest in seeing her ex but the idea was always short hand like as if we could fit it in. Maybe together. I did not like the idea but I am not the kind of person that’s going to make anyone feel trapped. That’s not how a relationship should be in my eyes.

As things got closer to the trip she stressed more on the idea of wanting to see him. I told her I was not comfortable with it but I am willing to work with her. She knows my past and how much that destroyed me the last time. How it ended that relationship. She assured me several many times that there was nothing to worry about that she would do nothing to ever hurt me and would do nothing to **** up our current relationship.

About 3 days before the trip I come to find out that there has been a mix up with the tickets and that we would not be on the same flight. In fact I would be leaving 3 hours later and be connecting in Cleveland with a 3 hour layover. All and all she would be in Denver by herself for almost 6 hours by the time her plane landed and I got there. She expressed her disappointment but then turned and said to me with some excitement “Well look at the bright side! I can see my ex and we can hang out and get that part over with. You don’t want to see him anyways. And then we could enjoy the rest of our trip.” I expressed that I really did not like the idea. I freaked out at the concept. And further she assured me that nothing could or would ever happen. I asked what if you got high because that had come up before. She gets turned on when she’s high. She expressed that she has complete control and that still nothing could or would ever happen. I would later come to find out that while she is telling me this she is flirting with him. Telling him how she’s freaking out because she doesn’t know if she can control herself around him. They never came out and said via txt that sex was the plan but flirted with the idea often and joked about it. Apparently they had been flirting via txt ever since my birthday in October.

Things got worse as I got delayed in Cleveland. I was stuck there for almost 7 hours and did not get into Denver till mid night. I freaked out of course and 3 times she assured me all will be ok. It was not Ok. Turns out the moment she found out there was a delay she continued to flirt about taking off her pants as soon as she got in the car. And her only excuse for not is that it’s too cold but then again I guess it’s not too cold she said. She told him he wanted him and to hurry. My flight is delayed and she wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

After I got there she told me nothing happened and I had nothing to worry about. They texted often during the trip and we fought a lot about the texting. I told her I could not understand how someone who never texted you before can’t stop long enough for us to enjoy ourselves together. She always got quiet and never gave me a reason. Just would stop talking. Still we made a lot of good happy memories for the rest of the trip. The txt messages were a mix of stuff when I finally got to read them. Talking about the sex they had and if it means anything.

I found out about a month later when I got to carouse not to look at the conversations. I confronted her and it all came out for the most part. I really had to dig. She explained that she was worried too and when she saw him she felt nothing so the fear was gone. They went to the pizza place and all was good. Then he got a txt from his current girlfriend asking for a paper. I think it was a lie but whatever. SO they went to the house and he looked for the paper. I was very upset she did not fight this or simply wait in the car. After the paper was found and emailed. He took her into his room to smoke. She says she exclaimed that I did not want her to do that and that it’s not a good idea. Still she did it. Standing there after smoking and talking he jump forward and kissed her. She says she pushed him off once but he came back at her again but stronger and harder with the kissing. She says the thought went through her head “well this is it I guess I will need to see if there really is something still here” That is no excuse in my book. He sat her down and pulled off only one pant leg he was in such a hurry. Came very quickly she said and it was over. I don’t know if I believe all of it but that’s the story and she’s been very consistent with it.

Since then she has stopped all contact from him and done all she can to make it up to me. Are love feels real and the holidays were solid. Since then has been too. I have hacked all her accounts and I know for sure that she has not talked to him and that’s a little over the top but she did break the trust first. Now in two days we are due to marry as planned and I am so cross. I love her more than anyone. I have never before been willing to try and work it out. But it has helped to write this all out as I have seen it. Feel free to comment. I would love to talk with someone because I haven’t had the chance too. I am too embarrassed to tell someone I know.

 

Do not make possibly the biggest mistake of your life, postpone the wedding at least until you have a post nuptial agreement that gives you all the assets if you divorce because of a new infidelity. No mention about a condom being used, don't touch her without an STD test, seriously. She knew your concern but banged him anyway, this is who you want to grow old with? Wake up, put everything on hold, take your time to think this through because it's going to cost you everything you have later to get out of it. This old song by a guy named Meatloaf just jumped into my head "Stop Right There.......Before We Go Any Further"

[kissmybooty]

Sorry you have to go through this I can only imagine what you are going through:( Some people just dont have a conscience and dont feel remorse. Its hard for others to comprehend why. But please dont marry her, save yourself . Its a sign from God. It will be painful temporarily but you will be happy about your decision later on and meet someone worth more than Gem. Bad experiences happen to us so that we can have an even brighter future and be more cautious in the future ( speaking from experience) hugs

[LostOnes05]

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT COUPLES THERAPY...DO NOT MARRY HER!! She cheated emotionally with the texting right in front of you. Then she cheated on you at the first opportunity for physical contact. I'd kick her so far to the curb, she would be sitting on someone's front porch. You really have nothing to lose by dumping her..

 

What you lose...

A liar

A cheater

Stepfatherhood

Child support and alimony

A possible prison sentence

 

What you gain...

FREEDOM!! [Mel Gibson Braveheart voice]

 

You're welcome!

[Chi townD]

Dude, don't believe a word she says. Postpone the wedding. NOW!

 

 

One thing you need to know is that cheaters will only tell you the bare minimum to make it seem not as bad as what truly happened. It was nice and long full on sex. Two or three times and maybe one in the shower.

 

 

She had no intention on telling you and standing at that altar and pledge herself to you when she just had another man inside her less than 72 hours ago.

 

 

That's not love, dude. You even told her that you didn't want her seeing him and she did it anyway. Well, now she can have him as much as she wants because she shouldn't be your problem any longer.

[aliveagain]

Just my opinion but if you proceed with the wedding without thinking this through you may need to change your name from Lostcat32 to fu*kedcat32. Going through with the wedding is such a bad decision.

[JS84]

Do not marry this woman. Seriously.

 

Don't.

 

****ing.

 

Do.

 

It.

[bubbaganoosh]

Think about it. She lied. She cheated, can't handle her drugs and I got a feeling that the mix up at the airport with the tickets wasn't a mix up but intentional and you want to marry her.

 

Think about it. If you did that to her, you think you would see her hoofing it down the aisle in a wedding gown. Fat chance Groucho. You would be waiting by the alter and the only sounds you heard would be crickets chirping.

 

You seem to be a real gullible guy and she can read you like a book and hand you one $h!t sandwich after another and you would wolf them down and ask for more. Wise the hell up and let her know that the marriage is off and she can take her pants completely off for that guy and go live with him.

 

Right now you got your chance to save yourself from a lot of heart ache and being taken to the cleaners with lawyers and your money so wake up and see it for what she is. A liar and a cheat. Is that what you want?

[mightycpa]

You don't want to be this woman's husband or even her boyfriend. You want to be the ex she's banging while her husband or boyfriend is grinding the enamel of his teeth worrying about her happiness.

[ascendotum]

Read it after redaction...

 

She cheated on you because she wanted to.

 

Thats the truth, whether she admits it or not.

 

Cancel the wedding, end the relationship, and go no contact.

 

If anyone wants to know why, tell them.

 

Yep she cheated on him because she wanted to, plain as. All that needing to go to his place and him forcing her to have some dope and then forcing himself on her is just a bunch bs to help mitigate the nature of her cheating. Its pretty typical when it comes to cheaters confessing. Its up to you if you want to give her a 2nd chance, but I would post phone the wedding at minimum (she can reimburse any lost deposits). You don't want to be rushed into this decision. I don't think she's a good bet though. If she can cheat on on the lead up to the wedding when things are supposed to be at their best/happiest in a relationship, her level of restraint when it comes to not being tempted wont be too hard to overcome when married life becomes humdrum & routine for her 4-7 yrs down the line.

[Friskyone4u]

You are about to make the biggest make of your life and you are going to regret it. You should be thanking the heavens that she pulled this stunt before the wedding.

She set this whole thing up, and you are letting your hurt stop you from doing what is right for you. How will you listen to her tell you her marriage vows and not want to vomit.

In another six months or whenever you hit a rough patch she will find another affair partner or get back in touch with her current AP.

if your friend told you this happened to him you would tell him to get this bitch out of his life. You need to do thensame

[italianjob]

Run for the Hills as fast as you can.

 

 

She planned this, and carried it out without a bit of remorse.

 

 

She will make your life miserable if you marry her.

 

 

Now you know who she is, if you go on and marry her, you'll have no one to blame for your suffering but yourself.

[kissmybooty]

It's sad that the OP is not even reading the comments or replying. I am so anxious for him because I feel like he is entering doom. How can love be so one sided and blinded that someone cannot see what they are putting themselves into? Omg. Hope the OP ever replies and hope he does not get married. This is terrible it's going to happen again and again Esp when she "accidently" smokes.