She cheated, getting married in two days

[Omei]

You would be insane to marry this woman.

 

Truly out of your mind bat crazy that your even still considering it, you're about to ruin your life she has no respect for you and you're going to be the one left with nothing.

[Broom]

You know about her infidelity, want to marry her, and give her more validation. If she can reveal this and you still marry her, she will feel even less bad about future indiscretions.

 

You can't go forward and expect any different.

[lolablue17]

Oh, my god! Your fiance is a monster in a mask of a human being

It's not a regular common cheating. That woman is a pro!!

 

Every word she says worth nothing. She is 100% selfish. She will always cheat in the future - With her Ex, With a new guy from the pool, her boss - It doesn't matter.

 

Imagine to be stuck with a liar and a pro cheater when you have kids and she will nail your ass with financial tricks.

 

 

Please please cancel the wedding. Don't postpone - CANCEL!!

[kendahke]

Sweetheart...

 

Do not show up at the church.

 

She and her ex are not through. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

 

You cannot willfully go into the gravity of marriage with this.

 

She made a choice--a premeditated choice--to foul your trust, the integrity and esteem of your relationship. She schemed and connived to put another man first in her consideration and that proves that she is not capable of the discipline, restraint and integrity required for being married.

 

Please do not show up at that church.

 

It will be far cheaper for you to not marry her than it will be to marry her, discover she's cheating on you and to divorce her with her taking half of what you own.

 

No woman's kitty is that good. NO. ONE.

 

She has shown you exactly who she is and the lengths she will go to to satisfy her selfishness and feelings of entitlement. This whole taking advantage of the layover was her feeling entitled to do as she pleased because you weren't there to check for her.

 

For you to proceed with her is to be fine living a lie. You'll be lying to God in that church if you show up. She certainly will because she has already shown you she's incapable of honoring, cherishing and remaining faithful to you. Her saying she's sorry isn't good enough because she knew your feelings when she sent the text to him to come meet her at the airport... and she knew your feelings while she was ok-ing everything else that transpired in those 7 hours.

 

Please! Do not show up at that church.

Edited February 3, 2015 by kendahke

[kendahke]

And on top of everything else, she will not respect you once she is legally bound to you.

 

Now is the time for real courage, my friend.

[elaine567]

NO-ONE getting married is so insistent on seeing their ex unless they have doubts.

She had doubts, they f*cked.

She will still have doubts about marrying you and she will F*ck him again if given the chance.

 

DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN

[smackie9]

She probably had unprotected sex too......ewwww not worth it!

[stillafool]

It seems he's gone. He is probably going to marry her anyway. I wish him the best but it must be a sad day for him to marry this skank.

[Satu]

Yes, it looks like he's going to through with it.

 

Big mistake.

[mightycpa]

Maybe he's planning the ultimate revenge, and when the priest says:

 

Do you LostCat32, take this woman Matilda to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in heath, in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, keeping yourself solely unto her for as long as you both shall live? If so, answer " I DO."

 

he's going to say,

 

NO WAY. She cheated on me a couple of weeks ago, so why in the world would you expect me to do something stupid like that? The wedding's off Ladies and Gentlemen! Let's go to the reception and celebrate!

[kendahke]

Lying before God at the altar... it doesn't get any more tragic than that.

[Chi townD]

Blah.... hit and run thread. We might be chasing after bunnies.

[No Limit]

Blah.... hit and run thread. We might be chasing after bunnies.

 

Maybe, maybe not. In a different forum a woman was writing a similar thread 2 weeks before her wedding when her fiance cheated with his ex. Well, she still married him and they spent their first wedding days in MC. She never updated afterwards but it can't have a happy end.

[smackie9]

It kinda stabs you in the heart when you hear these stories.....

[SawtoothMars]

I know a guy that had this situation come up. His whole family went home after the rehearsal dinner, but he didn't notify anyone else. His best man was the only one from his side who showed for the wedding and publicly read the cheaters dirty txt messages. Most of her family got up and walked out within 30 seconds only upset that he would air dirty laundry in such a public fashion.

[Spectre]

As soon as this girl started talking about wanting to see her ex again you should of ended the relationship right then and then. But you not only stayed with her, but asked her to marry you after that? Yeah, you need to get this person out of your life.

 

I mean, even ignoring everything else I can't even imagine talking to someone I was with about how badly I want to see an ex, who does that? That's just asking for drama.

[Radu]

I am writing this mostly because I need to get it out of my head and telling the story someone I don’t know will help. I have been engaged before and cheated on before. With that said I have always held a strong in saying there is no coming back from this.

Currently I am engaged to be married and in a couple of days I may be going through with it. My head and heart is heavy with all of this. My current Fiancé cheated on me with her ex boyfriend. And I am up against a wall of torn feelings it seems no one can help. I love her dearly enough to try and move past this. Still it is harder than I ever could imagine.

First thing is to protect yourself and then move forward with something like marriage.

Many ppl ... many of them women [i'm gonna get some flak for this] will equate marriage with love ... comitement ... etc.

 

However marriage is the single biggest contract you will ever sign in your life.

And if you make the wrong choice you will end up paying not in money but in yrs of your life.

Either you will lose assets or you will have to retire later or your possibility of acrueing assets will be greatly damaged.

It's even worse if you have kids.

 

For the time being you need to stop the damn wedding.

Hold it off.

Weather or not you say why is up to you [if you keep it a secret and it becomes clear that you will be breaking up she will 99% demonize you to many others].

Some will say how i can be so sure ... well ... read below.

 

I should come to find out that the whole thing began shortly after my Birthday with a simple text message asking if I was around because he wanted to tell her something. She assured him that I would not see it. He told her he missed her and wanted her. Although she shrugged it off jokingly she still flirted with him regarding. Plus I was never told.

So it was premeditated from Day 1.

This is not her getting caught up in a mistake ... having it thrust upon her ... she premeditated contact with this guy behind your back from day one.

 

That is the very first act of cheating.

Cheating is not about EA or PA ... it's about betrayal of trust in someone.

And from the beggining she worked to hide this from you.

 

In December we planned on going to Colorado to visit her maid of honor and enjoy a much needed vacation. She had expressed an interest in seeing her ex but the idea was always short hand like as if we could fit it in. Maybe together. I did not like the idea but I am not the kind of person that’s going to make anyone feel trapped. That’s not how a relationship should be in my eyes.

As things got closer to the trip she stressed more on the idea of wanting to see him. I told her I was not comfortable with it but I am willing to work with her. She knows my past and how much that destroyed me the last time. How it ended that relationship. She assured me several many times that there was nothing to worry about that she would do nothing to ever hurt me and would do nothing to **** up our current relationship.

About 3 days before the trip I come to find out that there has been a mix up with the tickets and that we would not be on the same flight. In fact I would be leaving 3 hours later and be connecting in Cleveland with a 3 hour layover. All and all she would be in Denver by herself for almost 6 hours by the time her plane landed and I got there. She expressed her disappointment but then turned and said to me with some excitement “Well look at the bright side! I can see my ex and we can hang out and get that part over with. You don’t want to see him anyways. And then we could enjoy the rest of our trip.” I expressed that I really did not like the idea. I freaked out at the concept. And further she assured me that nothing could or would ever happen. I asked what if you got high because that had come up before. She gets turned on when she’s high. She expressed that she has complete control and that still nothing could or would ever happen. I would later come to find out that while she is telling me this she is flirting with him. Telling him how she’s freaking out because she doesn’t know if she can control herself around him. They never came out and said via txt that sex was the plan but flirted with the idea often and joked about it. Apparently they had been flirting via txt ever since my birthday in October.

Again ... she was an active instigator in all of this.

 

Things got worse as I got delayed in Cleveland. I was stuck there for almost 7 hours and did not get into Denver till mid night. I freaked out of course and 3 times she assured me all will be ok. It was not Ok. Turns out the moment she found out there was a delay she continued to flirt about taking off her pants as soon as she got in the car. And her only excuse for not is that it’s too cold but then again I guess it’s not too cold she said. She told him he wanted him and to hurry. My flight is delayed and she wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

Premeditated and a willing participant.

 

After I got there she told me nothing happened and I had nothing to worry about. They texted often during the trip and we fought a lot about the texting. I told her I could not understand how someone who never texted you before can’t stop long enough for us to enjoy ourselves together. She always got quiet and never gave me a reason. Just would stop talking. Still we made a lot of good happy memories for the rest of the trip. The txt messages were a mix of stuff when I finally got to read them. Talking about the sex they had and if it means anything.

I found out about a month later when I got to carouse not to look at the conversations. I confronted her and it all came out for the most part. I really had to dig. She explained that she was worried too and when she saw him she felt nothing so the fear was gone. They went to the pizza place and all was good.

Even if nothing had happened afterwards ... what had happened until then is enough to fully qualify for cheating.

 

Then he got a txt from his current girlfriend asking for a paper. I think it was a lie but whatever. SO they went to the house and he looked for the paper. I was very upset she did not fight this or simply wait in the car. After the paper was found and emailed. He took her into his room to smoke. She says she exclaimed that I did not want her to do that and that it’s not a good idea. Still she did it. Standing there after smoking and talking he jump forward and kissed her. She says she pushed him off once but he came back at her again but stronger and harder with the kissing. She says the thought went through her head “well this is it I guess I will need to see if there really is something still here” That is no excuse in my book. He sat her down and pulled off only one pant leg he was in such a hurry. Came very quickly she said and it was over. I don’t know if I believe all of it but that’s the story and she’s been very consistent with it.

Do you notice the change ?

From actively searching to setup this to letting him 'lead'.

 

It's so that she can look at herself and say 'i did not want this; it just happened'.

 

The bit about coming fast ... that's just to make you feel better about yourself.

Fact is ... you are the safe bet ... the option.

He's the bad boy he can't get over; he is the one she pursues and wants ... you are the one she needs to come home to.

 

Since then she has stopped all contact from him and done all she can to make it up to me. Are love feels real and the holidays were solid. Since then has been too. I have hacked all her accounts and I know for sure that she has not talked to him and that’s a little over the top but she did break the trust first. Now in two days we are due to marry as planned and I am so cross. I love her more than anyone. I have never before been willing to try and work it out. But it has helped to write this all out as I have seen it. Feel free to comment. I would love to talk with someone because I haven’t had the chance too. I am too embarrassed to tell someone I know.

Of-course she has ... the wedding is right around the corner.

She wants to make sure it will happen.

 

Why are you embarassed ?; because staying with her and others knowing it has emasculated you [the idea that others might know].

Nobody will judge you harshly for her cheating.

 

I'd like to give you a few ideas :

-- love is about selflessness and you can gauge those in actions.

Her actions are not selfless but selfish; it's about her and what she wants.

Right now she wants to make sure the wedding happens.

After that ... it's the next thing.

 

She has already started molding you into someone who will accept these actions.

Atm it's easy to walk away ... sure you will lose some money but you will lose much more with a D 10yrs down the line.

 

For her it's great ... someone who will kiss up to her and support her selfishness with his selflessness.

-- she is a decent manipulator.

See how easily she rationalized guilt away during the entire process of setting up the cheating ?

She went from active seeker to participant to ... being forced to do this.

 

Honestly ... i'd play with her a little bit and ask that she files rape charges with the Police over what he did.

She will not do this though.

-- before marriage ... before signing and saying 'i do' men have more power.

Once marriage happens ... an institution who's goal is the protection of offspring and women ... she will have more power for herself.

 

Do you believe she will use it wisely ?

Someone who is selfless will acknowledge this power ... but never use it. Because it's not in their character.

They are givers ... especially towards the ones they love; she is a taker.

-- you were willing to accept that you can't impose on her what she can and cannot do.

You told her point blank that you felt uncomfortable with it.

Did she listen ?; did she stop to think that she has to respect the wishes of her SO even if she does not agree with him ?

 

Once you marry you technically become one; individual decisions on big things [and this is a big thing] are not to be taken and you have to take into account your partners's feelings on the subject.

She acted as if she had no SO.

 

You showed respect ... she did not.

-- do you believe in God ?

If this is your first marriage ... understand that what God can make ... man cannot unmake.

That means that while D's can be granted on this realm ... God will still consider you married with her ... forever.

 

Finally ... if your mother is a solid woman with a good head on her shoulders ... or your father ... sister ... aunts and uncles.

Show them this thread.

NOW.

 

Before it is too late.

[Satu]

For me the bottom line in any kind of relationship is honesty.

 

As soon as dishonesty appears, everything else falls apart.

 

This 'marriage' simply can't succeed, because the foundation just isn't there.

 

I really hope he sees sense before its too late, but it's looking like he's going ahead...

[ascendotum]

I know a guy that had this situation come up. His whole family went home after the rehearsal dinner, but he didn't notify anyone else. His best man was the only one from his side who showed for the wedding and publicly read the cheaters dirty txt messages. Most of her family got up and walked out within 30 seconds only upset that he would air dirty laundry in such a public fashion.

 

I fully support that shock style. Cheating on your fiance in the run down to the wedding is low. **** her/his reputation. That's consequences. If the cheating happened before the engagement and the other person just sat on it till the wedding, then no that's different and wrong.

Where I think its wrong is that the guests will feel pissed off they got dressed up and wasted their day off plus wasted money spent on presents. Some will be able to return and get refund or store credit but some if they threw away the receipt might not. Also the parents if they stumped up the money for the wedding will be pissed off having wasted their money for the person to enjoy revenge,especially if there was a chance to cancel and maybe just lose deposit only.

 

Sometimes these fiance cheating threads could just just be cooked up

[No Limit]

It kinda stabs you in the heart when you hear these stories.....

 

Makes me feel a lot of sympathy for this MGTOW movement. They ought to make councelling sessions for guys like OP to get marriage out of their heads.

[smoothcriminal94]

She will cheat on you again and again! She clearly shows no remorse and will lie her way out of everything! You will feel so stupid marrying her and it happens again down the line. Leave her cheating ass whilst you still can! She's nothing but a selfish idiot! Find someone who will be faithful and honest to you.

[Satu]

I suppose that he must have married her by now....

[smackie9]

Sounds to me the OP hasn't dated her for very long....possible a year? kind of a rush to the alter don't ya think?

[kendahke]

I suppose that he must have married her by now....

 

If this was a real post at all...

 

I mean, no one can be that obtuse, can they?

[Woggle]

If this was a real post at all...

 

I mean, no one can be that obtuse, can they?

 

Yes they can. He is out of his mind if he marries this woman. If she does this before marriage it will only get worse. Marriage just magnifies issues.