That's all folks..

[na49]

I spent a long time on this website mourning the loss of my first relationship. Then the unthinkable happened, and she came back. I took her back, and things were great. Until they weren't. I always worried that she would leave again, and it made for some major trust issues. I got blamed for things I couldn't help, and as much as we talked about fixing things, they never got fixed. She pulled the plug on me for a second time, and I'm absolutely devastated. I didn't cry yet, but I might cry later.

 

I know the deal because I've gone through this before. NC. etc. The worst part is that I still run the risk of seeing her, and her friends on campus. I am graduating next year, but this still sucks. I don't have any friends on campus who aren't her friends. So I really feel like I've got no one right now. I was stupid, and now I'm paying the price.

[Simon Phoenix]

Sorry man. It's never fun to go through this. That being said, I think you'll be fine and you'll be back sooner than you think. You learned a lot going through this the first time, which will help you along this second time. And you have a bit of closure knowing that you gave it another try and it just wasn't meant to be.

 

Just stay NC as much as possible and if you do see her on campus, just avoid when you can and be polite but short when you can't. And now it's time to branch out your friend network a bit.

[na49]

Sorry man. It's never fun to go through this. That being said, I think you'll be fine and you'll be back sooner than you think. You learned a lot going through this the first time, which will help you along this second time. And you have a bit of closure knowing that you gave it another try and it just wasn't meant to be.

 

Just stay NC as much as possible and if you do see her on campus, just avoid when you can and be polite but short when you can't. And now it's time to branch out your friend network a bit.

 

I'm glad you're still here lol. I deleted all pictures on Facebook, Instagram, etc. I blocked her, and every single one of her friends. I blocked her number, and some of her friend's numbers. I got everything that she gave me over the years and put it into a garbage bag for my parents to deal with. Some of the things that she gave me I actually like. So I kept them. For now. I try to tell myself that I can't pretend like this didn't happen. I spent a long time with her, but we aren't together anymore. I'm actually a little afraid of her coming back this time.

 

I want to check my phone to see if I hear from her, but then I remember that I blocked her already, and I also remember that it won't help me even if I do hear from her. I feel like an expert in dealing with this already because I had it happen to me once.

[marcelo.santos]

Sorry man! Time is your friend - don't be so afraid if your paths crosses in campus, it is bad but will not kill you. Dont be so afraid or it will be worst for you. Good luck!

[tikay00]

You've been through this before, and you have final closure now. You're better off than most folks.

[na49]

Sorry man! Time is your friend - don't be so afraid if your paths crosses in campus, it is bad but will not kill you. Dont be so afraid or it will be worst for you. Good luck!

 

Thanks. I know I shouldn't be so afraid of seeing her.

 

Also, I know that I have it better than most because this is the second time she's left me. I couldn't really sleep last night, and I don't know if it was because of this or because I was feeling sick anyway. I went over things I could have done differently in my head. She's got me so convinced that this is my fault. I was the selfish one. I never made the effort. I never showed her I loved her, but she always did for me (according to her).

 

I really am afraid of her coming back again. I don't think I'm strong enough to turn her down. I wish I could fast forward these first few weeks. I feel like they are the most difficult.

[mightycpa]

I really am afraid of her coming back again. I don't think I'm strong enough to turn her down.

 

Have you ever seen that movie Total Recall? There's a scene in it where the main character Hauser (Arnold Schwarzenegger/Colin Farrell, take your pick) opens a time capsule briefcase, and watches a movie he made for himself.

 

It starts out something like this

 

Listen to me... I'm your friend...

 

Maybe you need to make yourself a movie like that.

[na49]

Have you ever seen that movie Total Recall? There's a scene in it where the main character Hauser (Arnold Schwarzenegger/Colin Farrell, take your pick) opens a time capsule briefcase, and watches a movie he made for himself.

 

It starts out something like this

 

 

 

Maybe you need to make yourself a movie like that.

 

I haven't seen the movie, but maybe I should watch it. I've been on the roller coaster of emotions just like I was the first time. I hate her, I miss her, I accept that it's over, then I want to text her. Gah!

 

School today felt just like it did the first time she left. I see a lot of her friends around campus, and basically avoid eye contact with them. If they do look at me, I just smile and keep walking. God I feel so alone right now. I thought about unblocking her number, and calling just to touch the stove and make sure it's hot. I know it won't help. Last night it was ended so quickly. She was going to give me her explanation but I basically said I didn't want to hear it and told her "bye" and that was it. Posting here helps me deal with these urges.

 

I think about other couples I've seen around campus, and how they are no longer together. I try to put myself in their shoes. They all survived their breakups. I can too.

[na49]

Dammit.. I need my self control back. I just checked her Facebook. Not much has changed on it since last night. Thankfully no picture of her with a new guy. Something that will always scare me.

 

I think all of our pictures are gone (at least the profile pictures are) I feel so weak right now, I want to text her. So I'm posting here instead. I know she is in class now anyway. Is there any justifying that I need to get seriously burned again so that I stay the bleep away?

 

Just to add a bit more fuel to the fire because I can't focus on my homework at all right now. Last week she told me about someone yelling out at her "Do you have a new guy every week?" while she was walking with a bunch of her guy friends. This was a few days after her telling me that her friend had a crush on her. Could she have been cheating on me again? Could she have liked the idea of this guy liking her, and needed to get rid of me to put herself in a position to be with him? Is it really my fault for not approving of her guy friends having their hands all over her, giving her kisses on her cheek? Do I have trust issues or should there be a line drawn when it comes to how her male friends treat her.

 

I don't have as many ill feelings towards her this time for some reason. When venting to my family, and friends I didn't really focus much on her flaws. They know most of them already, and the things they don't know won't make me feel better.

Edited February 4, 2015 by na49

[na49]

Well everyone is allowed to give me one free slap in the face. I asked if I could call her, and she said "It is over. What's there to speak of?" then told me she "is not looking back." I stupidly let her know how badly I'm hurting. Anxiously waiting for a response. If I don't get anything by the time I go to work in an hour, she's back to being blocked.

 

Did this hurt? It really did. It stinks knowing that all of our time together was for nothing. In some weird way, I needed this though. I don't need any false hope. If her telling me these things doesn't tell me it's over, then nothing will. It was ended so suddenly, and hearing this from her sucks. but I'm not crying over it. I feel sad, but also relieved.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well everyone is allowed to give me one free slap in the face. I asked if I could call her, and she said "It is over. What's there to speak of?" then told me she "is not looking back." I stupidly let her know how badly I'm hurting. Anxiously waiting for a response. If I don't get anything by the time I go to work in an hour, she's back to being blocked.

 

Did this hurt? It really did. It stinks knowing that all of our time together was for nothing. In some weird way, I needed this though. I don't need any false hope. If her telling me these things doesn't tell me it's over, then nothing will. It was ended so suddenly, and hearing this from her sucks. but I'm not crying over it. I feel sad, but also relieved.

 

Yeah, no more of this. You gave it two tries, it didn't work, time to move forward.

[na49]

Yeah, no more of this. You gave it two tries, it didn't work, time to move forward.

 

She just replied "sorry" to me when I said how hurt I was. I wanted to text back "I'm sure you are. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" but I think I'd just want to do that out of anger. I was hoping she wouldn't text back before I had to go so that I could have left it there.

 

Would have been nice to say that as a final jab at her, but it would just spark more conversation. We'd probably argue over what I meant by it. She'd argue that she should have never came back in the first place. I'd tell her that she was the one who came to me, and if she never did, I'd be well on my way by now. (hopefully). I'd tell her that she promised not to leave again, and did.

 

I really am back at square one, but I've been saying "It is over. What is there to talk about? I'm not looking back" out loud, and wrote it a few times in a Word Document. As weird as it is, it's a little refreshing after I say that. It reminds me what she said, but also can motivate me to what I need to do. I wanted to snap a picture of her texts to me, and save them just so that I could look at them, but I decided not to.

Edited February 4, 2015 by na49

[lil hoodlum]

What the heck is her problem?

 

Seriously, this is the second time she has pulled this stunt on you. I guess she can't help but sh *tting on people who love and care about her.

 

Maybe it could help to see her as she is. Someone who is so shallow that she needs the constant attention from other men for validation to feel good about herself. Well if that is the life that she finds fullfilling, then leave her to it. I am sure that will work out for her in the long-term.

 

Just concentrate on yourself and healing yourself from this betrayal by her again.

[Chi townD]

Wow! Here we go again. Do I really need to write down what you should be doing?

 

 

You know what? Screw that! I want you to tell me what you plan on doing. What positive changes you have planned to help you get over this. I want to know your gameplan and we'll tweek it from there. So, start thinking and start writing. If you can't do your homework then there's no reason for you not to respond.

[dyna85]

Na49, how long were you guys nc before she came back the first time? I'm just curious. Can you briefly summarize what happened at the end last time? Did you both go full-fledged nc right off the bat or what happened prior to her fully returning?

 

It it similar to what is happening now?

[Simon Phoenix]

She just replied "sorry" to me when I said how hurt I was. I wanted to text back "I'm sure you are. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" but I think I'd just want to do that out of anger. I was hoping she wouldn't text back before I had to go so that I could have left it there.

 

Would have been nice to say that as a final jab at her, but it would just spark more conversation. We'd probably argue over what I meant by it. She'd argue that she should have never came back in the first place. I'd tell her that she was the one who came to me, and if she never did, I'd be well on my way by now. (hopefully). I'd tell her that she promised not to leave again, and did.

 

I really am back at square one, but I've been saying "It is over. What is there to talk about? I'm not looking back" out loud, and wrote it a few times in a Word Document. As weird as it is, it's a little refreshing after I say that. It reminds me what she said, but also can motivate me to what I need to do. I wanted to snap a picture of her texts to me, and save them just so that I could look at them, but I decided not to.

 

I mean, you've been through this drill. So no more rookie mistakes. You did well the first time, but it's time for you to complete the process this time. One of the biggest things you seemed to fail at in the earlier recovery process is branching out your social network. Dude, you need to make friends. You can't make your ex, or any other woman, the vast majority of your social interaction. Go out and make some friends man.

 

And with two failures with this girl, you need to be driven toward moving past her. There's nothing wrong with giving a second chance, but anything after that falls into codependent, breakup-and-makeup-cycle territory.

 

But no more rookie mistakes.

[erklat]

Yeah na49, you are a vet here. Is it really so hard

the second time? You know the drill, I think that I

could never be in that same delusional clingy state

right after the breakup. Or it seems I could?

[na49]

lil hoodlum: Do you think that her having all of those guys around is too much for someone who is supposed to be in a relationship? Or am I completely off on that? I'm not looking for answers relating to her, but just in general. Is it okay for a girl to have a lot of guys as friends, and allow them to touch her and kiss her like she does?

 

Social life is really what has got me stuck. It's what got me stuck last time too. I just don't know how to really make friends like I used to. I guess only being around her friends all the time will do that. I have some friends, but not nearly enough. My classes are mostly girls, but I don't really think I want female friends right now. I'm also afraid of making friends with someone who knows her. It feels like she knows everyone on campus because our campus is pretty small.

 

I've been running my @ss off on the treadmill. I "punished" myself last night for thinking about her too much by running on the treadmill. I'm going to try watching what I eat too.

 

It is probably pretty corny, but I ended up making a word document with what she sent me in her texts earlier. I think I'll open it every time I feel sad. I kept reminding myself of this at work and it helped.

 

dyna85: lol she left me the first time, after 3 months of semi-contact, I finally blocked her number. Was NC from that point forward. I may have checked her FB once or twice during that time. On our anniversary she texted me, and yada yada yada, we're back together. Yada yada yada, she leaves me again.

[michael-034]

Sorry about that. Sucks when you get screwed over twice, been there done that and it sucks.. You know the drill which is good, no pleading, no contacting, no happy birthday wishes.. Just realise that if you guys didnt make it the first time it usually won't work.. People in general dont really change.. Keep the NC up and face your fears..You see her on campus, don't say hi, but don't be like one of those guys looking away in terrible fear. where it is obvious... If your eyes cross look at her without any emotion for a sec, and move on.. You know the drill, practice it, and after a while youll be just fine! you'll get there, good luck!

[calgary]

it's sad to see somebody who was such an influential person to me during my first bu on loveshack go through this.

 

You helped me a lot even if i didn't always listen to you back then, your words were wiser than i was at the time and i only wished i'd listened to you instead of my gut.

 

You're good at giving advice. you know what to do, definitely listen to your own advice. you did well to get your ex back. not many people know how to do that.. but maybe like you always told me, it's not for the best sometimes.

 

hang in there buddy! i'll try and help you like you helped me. but i'm not as good at this stuff as you are.

[na49]

michael-034: I do know the drill. Every day without her will become a bit more manageable. They may not get "easier", but I know that I won't feel as bad today, as I will next week. I don't want to look weak to her. I know I looked weak because I told her that I'm hurting so bad (admittedly trying to guilt her) She didn't care whatsoever. Just texting back "Sorry" after like 20 minutes. Probably laughing it up with her friends. I know that she isn't actually sorry. If she was, I would have gotten something more than just a "sorry". I'm happy I didn't respond after that though.

 

calgary: Your name looked familiar lol. I think I am pretty self aware, so I know what the right thing to do is most of the time. I can tell other people to do it. Actually doing it myself is a completely different story though.

 

Tomorrow is going to be a very hard day for me. Thursday nights were always our date nights. We'd hang out after her last class, and spend the entire rest of the day together. It's all part of the process though.

[dyna85]

I think you're doing pretty well for being only a few days out from doomsday. Seems like you want all of the unpleasant feelings to just be gone right away, which is natural, but if you think rationally (which is hard to do when you're right out of the gate), you need to let yourself feel how you feel.

 

I don't think she was laughing with her friends at your text, unless she's a heartless B. I doubt she did that. I know this goes against the grain, but the fact that she responded after 20 mins means she's clearly still thinking of you. She could have ignored it altogether or waited hours, which would feel worse, in my opinion. Even so, I get that it's a lame retort. However, she's definitely acting from her little power position, feigning apathy by being curt.

 

In the early days, it feels like relief to the dumper. It usually catches up with them later.

 

I would just try to chill and do you--take yourself out of sight and mind from her.

 

She doesn't need to be privy to your roller coaster of emotions.

 

Take it one step at a time. Hour by hour.

 

You got this.

[erklat]

Sorry about that. Sucks when you get screwed over twice, been there done that and it sucks.. You know the drill which is good, no pleading, no contacting, no happy birthday wishes.. Just realise that if you guys didnt make it the first time it usually won't work.. People in general dont really change.. Keep the NC up and face your fears..You see her on campus, don't say hi, but don't be like one of those guys looking away in terrible fear. where it is obvious... If your eyes cross look at her without any emotion for a sec, and move on.. You know the drill, practice it, and after a while youll be just fine! you'll get there, good luck!

 

This is exactly how I would do that.

 

How long were you apart first time, na49?

[maryça]

That's a difficult situation, I hope that you can stay strong and keep NC, I am going into the same situation but with a man. I hope this time I won't be weak and keep NC. Do not give her the pleasure to see you hurt, they get power from that situation... I truly believe that you will be OK

[na49]

I think you're doing pretty well for being only a few days out from doomsday. Seems like you want all of the unpleasant feelings to just be gone right away, which is natural, but if you think rationally (which is hard to do when you're right out of the gate), you need to let yourself feel how you feel.

 

I don't think she was laughing with her friends at your text, unless she's a heartless B. I doubt she did that. I know this goes against the grain, but the fact that she responded after 20 mins means she's clearly still thinking of you. She could have ignored it altogether or waited hours, which would feel worse, in my opinion. Even so, I get that it's a lame retort. However, she's definitely acting from her little power position, feigning apathy by being curt.

 

In the early days, it feels like relief to the dumper. It usually catches up with them later.

 

I would just try to chill and do you--take yourself out of sight and mind from her.

 

She doesn't need to be privy to your roller coaster of emotions.

 

Take it one step at a time. Hour by hour.

 

You got this.

 

Yeah, she probably didn't laugh it up with her friends really. She cared enough to respond, but what does that do for me anyway? I do believe that her friends don't really like me very much, and didn't like me when we were together. but that's just my speculation. I don't know what to believe, and it doesn't matter anymore.

 

I really do want all of these feelings of sadness to be gone already. I've been getting rid of anything and everything that I consider to be a "trigger" for me. I've kept some of the things I got while I was with her. I'm just curious how others handle this. Do you guys keep anything that your ex gave you as a gift? If it is just something like a sweatshirt, or a poster? They have no emotional value attached to them, they were just things she knew I'd like and got them for me. I'm pretty sure she kept some of the stuff I got her. I really do like some of these gifts, and it stinks that she has to be attached to each of them.

 

Every time my mind wanders to wanting her back, and wanting what we used to have. I remind myself of what she told me yesterday. I remind myself that it didn't work. We tried it twice. She realizes it now. It sucks, but it gets me through it.