That's all folks..

[na49]

This time, one of her friend's brothers came to visit. Her friend's brother told her that he had a crush on her. I didn't take that information so well, and this guy became her "best friend" even though she met him like twice.. There were just a bit too many pictures with him on her Facebook for my taste, and she would worship him as being a "best friend who hears what she doesn't say". I even let her know at one point that I felt like she was going to leave again because of how similar everything was to the last time she left. She assured me it would not be the case. Conveniently, I was dumped a week later because she needed to "find herself". :rolleyes:

 

Another reason for my suspicion is because one day she was walking with a bunch of her male friends, and apparently someone yelled at her from a car "Do you have a new guy every week!?". Why would they yell that at her? Everyone and their mom knew I was her boyfriend because it was all over Facebook.

 

I'm still curious about what people think of this part of my post from last night.

 

I'm feeling meh so far today.. I feel like as soon as I get up, and right before I go to bed are my weakest moments. I still wake up wanting to text her, call her, beg for her, etc. I feel so alone not getting texts from her. I miss her so much I've been finding things every day that relate to her, they always set me back but I just throw them away, or delete them.

[dyna85]

So sorry na49 to have distracted from the purpose of the post/thread. Simon Phoenix and I didn't mean to go off on a personal tangent there and we've worked it out privately.

 

It seems like every time there's a potential crush for her in the picture, she questions things. I think your having felt insecure about the situation is totally justified, particularly if she wasn't doing enough to reassure you. I think her going out of her way to show off their 'closeness' to you on FB and by making comments like 'he hears what I don't say' is inconsiderate of your feelings. I'm pretty sure she'd take issue if you had a close bond with another female and made a remark like that. She sounds immature and insecure, as well as attention-seeking. It's as though she's trying to get a rise out of you to make herself feel better. Wouldn't you want someone who would try to abate your concerns about other guys rather than continuously stirring up those insecurities? This seems like a compatibility difference...

 

Honestly, you sound like such a sensitive and caring soul, that she was lucky to have you.

 

Also, I know what you mean about right before bed and as soon as you wake up being the lowest points. Many here on the forum can definitely relate to that sentiment, for sure.

Edited February 7, 2015 by dyna85

[CT98]

Been where you are mate; getting dumped by the same girl twice, it really takes the p*ss, but it's easier the second time around.

 

If you're like me, the first time around you were hoping for a second chance; you got it and it turned out exactly the same way the first time did. Now you know for sure you're just not meant to be, and there's no way you could ever trust her again. That's good, because you can close that chapter knowing that you could never go back, it's quite liberating in a way, because you have the ultimate form of closure.

 

Hang in there for a girl who appreciates you for all you can offer, you'll be ok.

[na49]

So sorry na49 to have distracted from the purpose of the post/thread. Simon Phoenix and I didn't mean to go off on a personal tangent there and we've worked it out privately.

 

It seems like every time there's a potential crush for her in the picture, she questions things. I think your having felt insecure about the situation is totally justified, particularly if she wasn't doing enough to reassure you. I think her going out of her way to show off their 'closeness' to you on FB and by making comments like 'he hears what I don't say' is inconsiderate of your feelings. I'm pretty sure she'd take issue if you had a close bond with another female and made a remark like that. She sounds immature and insecure, as well as attention-seeking. It's as though she's trying to get a rise out of you to make herself feel better. Wouldn't you want someone who would try to abate your concerns about other guys rather than continuously stirring up those insecurities? This seems like a compatibility difference...

 

Honestly, you sound like such a sensitive and caring soul, that she was lucky to have you.

 

Also, I know what you mean about right before bed and as soon as you wake up being the lowest points. Many here on the forum can definitely relate to that sentiment, for sure.

 

It's alright guys, I appreciate the apologies.

 

It's nice to hear that I was justified for not being comfortable with that. Every time I let her know that it bothered me, she told me that I didn't trust her. I tried to assure her that I DID trust her! I didn't trust her friend though! Especially when he has a crush on her. He probably didn't give two cents about my relationship with her. I'm still feeling uneasy about this. Like if I had trusted her, and not let her know how I felt, then we would be together

 

I asked her a lot how she would feel if I had as many female friends, as she had male friends. She told me that she wouldn't care, because SHE trusted me. I always thought that was easier for her to say than actually do though. This is the same girl who got mad when she found I had pictures of models saved to my computer. (pictures I saved when we were apart the first time). This is the same girl who got jealous if I told her that an actress was pretty. I always had to reassure her that she was more beautiful.

 

Also thanks, I wasn't perfect in our relationship, but neither was she. I took the blame for things, and instead of accepting my apologies she used them as more ammunition for the gun she unloaded on me for the second time.. She's got me feeling like this is all my fault still..

[Simon Phoenix]

It's alright guys, I appreciate the apologies.

 

It's nice to hear that I was justified for not being comfortable with that. Every time I let her know that it bothered me, she told me that I didn't trust her. I tried to assure her that I DID trust her! I didn't trust her friend though! Especially when he has a crush on her. He probably didn't give two cents about my relationship with her. I'm still feeling uneasy about this. Like if I had trusted her, and not let her know how I felt, then we would be together

 

I asked her a lot how she would feel if I had as many female friends, as she had male friends. She told me that she wouldn't care, because SHE trusted me. I always thought that was easier for her to say than actually do though. This is the same girl who got mad when she found I had pictures of models saved to my computer. (pictures I saved when we were apart the first time). This is the same girl who got jealous if I told her that an actress was pretty. I always had to reassure her that she was more beautiful.

 

Also thanks, I wasn't perfect in our relationship, but neither was she. I took the blame for things, and instead of accepting my apologies she used them as more ammunition for the gun she unloaded on me for the second time.. She's got me feeling like this is all my fault still..

 

It's definitely not all your fault. You were right to question her interactions with her male friends and she was wrong to dismiss them. She talks out of both sides of her mouth on this subject (and probably others). She thought she was justified for getting upset at you being attracted to models and actresses you'll never see or meet and she thought your hesitation about flirty friendships with guys she meets up with regularly wasn't justified? That's some hypocritical bulls*t.

 

As for you blaming yourself, dude, you have to stop that emo crap. While you won't always make the right move, you need to always own the moves you make and don't apologize for them unless you were clearly wrong. You weren't wrong here, and you certainly don't want to suppress your thoughts and feelings to stay with a person who doesn't completely respect you. Don't apologize for being hesitant about something.

 

Honestly, I think the root cause to you wanting to cling to this is exactly what it was before -- you don't have much in the way of other social outlets or ways to spend your time. I'm sure you loved her, but I think a lot of that love was the manifestation of fear. You thought that this was all there is and all there will ever be, and its more comfortable for you to be in a flawed situation like this then actually have to go out and experience the rest of the world. I think that's why you say you are willing to keep quiet, because you are afraid that without her, that you'll have nothing. You don't even really seem to care that much whether she respects you and you are willing to erase any boundaries to stay away from that fear.

 

I mean, you are way too young to be this afraid of life. Join clubs, meet people in classes, go to parties, do something. Travel somewhere new. Once you go out and experience some other things besides the "same old, same old" you'll want to shake the sh*t out of yourself for putting up with what you put up with.

 

This is where I think you screwed up the first breakup, you never did this. You did No Contact correctly in that you stayed away from all communication, but by the time you might have been ready to branch out, she came back. And you took her back without much of an effort on her part other than her opening the lines of communication. Therefore, once the both of you got "comfortable" being together again you assimilated back into your old roles.

 

Don't make the same mistake twice. Be more active in No Contact this time, branch out.

[na49]

I can always count on you to tell me what I need to hear, exactly when I need to hear it. I agree that I would have an easier time getting over this if I had a larger social circle, or more hobbies. I'm not sure if it's because I'm less than a week into it, but I still am having a hard time believing this happened. I feel like I should be texting her right now. I feel like I should be fighting for her more. I need her to hurt me more so that I can start to believe it is over for good.

 

but then I realize how badly that would hurt.

[Simon Phoenix]

I can always count on you to tell me what I need to hear, exactly when I need to hear it. I agree that I would have an easier time getting over this if I had a larger social circle, or more hobbies. I'm not sure if it's because I'm less than a week into it, but I still am having a hard time believing this happened. I feel like I should be texting her right now. I feel like I should be fighting for her more. I need her to hurt me more so that I can start to believe it is over for good.

 

but then I realize how badly that would hurt.

 

It's time for you to get out of the house and do something, anything. You can't fight for someone who left you on the side of the road TWICE.

[na49]

You can't fight for someone who left you on the side of the road TWICE.

 

and for some reason I still want to try. I still believe there's a chance for us after she left me twice. I still can't believe this happened again. I feel like if I just let her know how I felt, and how I would change whatever it is she wanted me to, then we could be together. I don't want her to reject me again because it would probably hurt more than it did when I contacted her earlier this week. I need to stay the heck away from her, and anything that has to do with her.

 

Part of me thinks that this feeling is just because of how recent the breakup was. For some reason I'm thinking that her "sorry" text was actually sincere now, and I should have continued the conversation instead of blocking her right after that. These feelings should pass. I want to get angry at her for what she did with me. I know how wrong she was for all of the things she did. My feelings never mattered that much to her. She wanted me to care about her feelings, but stopped caring about mine.

[Situasian]

Man you have no idea how crazy your story is. Literally almost identical to mine. However my ex partner and I broke up 3 times and each time for back after a few months however my last breakup with her is pretty final. I feel your pain man. If you ever need to vent etc just message me man I totally understand and it hurts!

[na49]

This breakup feels final for me too. She seems in a much better place than she was the first time she left. She's got her giant support group of friends, who probably talked her through her decision.

 

Dammit! I wanted to sleep, but she kept appearing in my dreams. I kept thinking of everything I did wrong. I kept thinking about texting her, and begging again. So I decided to come here instead. I feel like I'm going to end up begging again, so I don't know if I should wait for this urge to pass, or get it out of the way so she can reject me again. I weigh my options, and think about the worst possible things she can tell me.

 

"I don't love you like that anymore.." "I still care about you, maybe we should try being friends at some point?" "I'm dating *insert her friend's brothers name* now. He's a really nice person. You should have given him a chance" "*insert friend's brothers name* is planning on asking me out on Valentine's Day, and I couldn't be more excited about it!"

 

ahh all of those sound equally terrible. I'll fight the urge a bit longer.

[Situasian]

Yeah man I would just stop the urge. The last 2-3 times i broke up with mine she has always kept the lines of communication open and also gave me some sort of hint at maybe working it out. This time however she seemed different, i dunno i just got a different vibe from her. However the last few time we broke up I did do the whole pleading and begging thing then went NC and every time i was almost at the point of getting over her she would come back and try to work it out with me. This time i did the pleading for the first 1-2 months (we've have been broken up since nov), i have found out she is seeing someone and it was the guy i caught her messaging behind my back even though she said it is a different guy (but still has the same name and his name isn't even a common name) to the one she was messaging. Best thing for both of us to do is to walk away and never look back. Sometimes the best thing to do is the hardest thing to do. I hate myself for letting her back in more than once and it drives me mad cause i know i deserve better but all i can think about sometimes is her smell and how i miss her touch. But i refuse to let her win, i will not let her win, why should i give her that satisfaction especially since i'm the one who did nothing wrong in the relationship.

[na49]

I'm fighting the urge, but I actually ended up unblocking her number for some stupid reason. Well, I know why I did it. I did it because I want to leave channels of communication open in case she comes back. I wrote a text of what I wanted to say to her, but I deleted it. I reminded myself of all of the things that she could say that would hurt me, and weighed that against the few things she could say that would help me. I try to remind myself of how hard she tried to get back into my life the first time, and how if she isn't doing that, then it's best to assume she doesn't want to come back. She told me "she isn't looking back". Why do I need more from her?

 

Also, I'm going out with some friends tonight. First time seeing all of them since the breakup. I may end up venting to them, like she probably vented to her friends about me. I really didn't want to go tonight, but I know I should.

[stellamaria]

I'm fighting the urge, but I actually ended up unblocking her number for some stupid reason. Well, I know why I did it. I did it because I want to leave channels of communication open in case she comes back. I wrote a text of what I wanted to say to her, but I deleted it. I reminded myself of all of the things that she could say that would hurt me, and weighed that against the few things she could say that would help me. I try to remind myself of how hard she tried to get back into my life the first time, and how if she isn't doing that, then it's best to assume she doesn't want to come back. She told me "she isn't looking back". Why do I need more from her?

 

Also, I'm going out with some friends tonight. First time seeing all of them since the breakup. I may end up venting to them, like she probably vented to her friends about me. I really didn't want to go tonight, but I know I should.

Go out. You need your friends around you.

 

Don't think about why she's done what she has, or try to read her mind. You don't know what she's thinking, and guessing is only going to hurt you.

[na49]

Go out. You need your friends around you.

 

Don't think about why she's done what she has, or try to read her mind. You don't know what she's thinking, and guessing is only going to hurt you.

 

I know I need to get out more. My friends all work, or are busy so getting together with them can be difficult. We do find time, but it's not like I can hang with them every, or every few days.

 

I'm trying not to. I'm so bad right now that a wrong number called my mom's phone twice. My brother eventually called it back to find out who it was. I was asking him who it was, hoping it would be her. I even turned my phone on to see if maybe she tried calling. Yes. I'm that bad right now. I feel like I'm on the edge of texting her again. I'm fighting the urge with everything I have though.

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, put the block back on immediately.

[na49]

Dude, put the block back on immediately.

 

I really need to, but this itch to break NC already has got me leaving it off.

 

I've still got so many questions, and am curious on whether she tried to follow up after her "sorry" text. I feel like just saying one more thing would change everything. I also am questioning whether she was up to no good again. Why would people yell at her that she "is with a new guy every week"? It makes me feel like her words are so empty. People she met only two or three times are automatically her "best friends" and this guy know her well enough to "hear what she doesn't say?"

 

I feel like the way I started NC was on my terms though. I asked if I could call. She told me it's over, and didn't think there was anything to "speak of". I told her I wanted things to go back to the way they were. She told me she "wasn't looking back" I told her I'm "broken, completely broken", she says "sorry" 20 minutes later, and that was it.

 

Get your crowbar Simon.

[Simon Phoenix]

I really need to, but this itch to break NC already has got me leaving it off.

 

I've still got so many questions, and am curious on whether she tried to follow up after her "sorry" text. I feel like just saying one more thing would change everything. I also am questioning whether she was up to no good again. Why would people yell at her that she "is with a new guy every week"? It makes me feel like her words are so empty. People she met only two or three times are automatically her "best friends" and this guy know her well enough to "hear what she doesn't say?"

 

I feel like the way I started NC was on my terms though. I asked if I could call. She told me it's over, and didn't think there was anything to "speak of". I told her I wanted things to go back to the way they were. She told me she "wasn't looking back" I told her I'm "broken, completely broken", she says "sorry" 20 minutes later, and that was it.

 

Get your crowbar Simon.

 

I mean, you know how foolish you're sounding right now, so I'm not going to reiterate it. She closed the door dude. It's over. You need to accept this. Stop plotting to try to manipulate her into coming back. You tried it, twice, it didn't work. It sucks, but you have to move forward. It's cool to be sad, it's understandable, but put a proper block on and stop plotting. Why the hell would "one more contact" help a relationship that has died twice at her hands? Think about it.

 

Just block. I mean, you know the process. Stop cutting corners and do the right thing for you.

[Situasian]

Could not agree more with what Simon said. Look today I woke up and went work and for the first time in the last few months I felt good. Yesterday was the worst I ever felt regarding my ex and I. This morning however I felt different like I knew the hard bit was over that the end had come and been finalized. You obviously know what you need to do here. Just let her go and if she comes back, stone wall her bro. Nothing will change if you get straight back into it. I know if my ex wanted to try again right now I would say no and that we need more time apart. If you got back with her now nothing will change it'll be the same story repeated. Best thing to do now is to let it all go. Maybe things will work out in the future who knows but you need to realise you need this break and time away to get back to being you

[na49]

Thanks guys. I ended up getting some food with a few friends, and ended up not talking about her at all. I was fighting back tears most of the time. I looked at the menu, and saw things that she would/wouldn't have liked and just lost it. It was torture. All I could think about on the way home is texting her. I get that it is still early on, but I have done this before. It feels worse this time.

[lovebug_5858]

Thanks guys. I ended up getting some food with a few friends, and ended up not talking about her at all. I was fighting back tears most of the time. I looked at the menu, and saw things that she would/wouldn't have liked and just lost it. It was torture. All I could think about on the way home is texting her. I get that it is still early on, but I have done this before. It feels worse this time.

 

You'll be fine... you even said it yourself, other people have gone through break ups and come out in one piece, why not you?

I'm kinda going through what you're going through... second break up, even after they promised it wouldn't happen, cold shoulder from ex...

But I, like you, got through it the first time around and I know I will get through it this time as well.

I fought tears in class the first day and IT WAS TERRIBLE... But hey, Im sitting here 8 days later breathing lol. It gets better, you know this.

 

I know you're hoping she'll come back, but really think to yourself how happy you'd be with her again. Knowing she did this to you, twice. Get over her man, you'll find the girl that will not hurt you like this, not even once. She's the girl whose worth your time, not this one.

I mean "Sorry" after you telling her how heartbroken you are, no thanks!

She knows you're there, heartbroken and suffering.. do not give her the time of day when she comes lurking around because you know and I know it, she will.

[dyna85]

Thanks guys. I ended up getting some food with a few friends, and ended up not talking about her at all. I was fighting back tears most of the time. I looked at the menu, and saw things that she would/wouldn't have liked and just lost it. It was torture. All I could think about on the way home is texting her. I get that it is still early on, but I have done this before. It feels worse this time.

 

Well, if it's any consolation, you are only a week into the recovery period so you deserve to be easy on yourself. I'm sure you remember from the last time that it's always an awful trip, the post-BU recovery period--especially in the early weeks. It truly stinks that there is no way to side-step the pain and frustration of it all. That urge to contact her will subside if you give it time. You just have to strengthen that NC muscle, and the only way to do so is to not give in, ever. You are doing good so far!

[Situasian]

Like you said early days mate. It probably feels worse this time because deep down inside you know it's over and you know you can't go back because it's for the best. That's how I felt yesterday, I got sick in my gut and felt like my heart would burst but like I said I woke up this morning and felt good. It was like this massive weight has been taken away. Baby steps man, you gotta try not to remind yourself about her even over small stuff. Like for instance the menu cmon man you gotta do better than that. My ex was a crazy lemon juice person use to put it on everything she ate and I mean everything and she even just use to drink it straight out of the bottle but everytime I see a lemon juice bottle I just think negative thoughts about her. Sometimes everytime I think of her i fuel my thoughts with stuff that use to make me angry at her eg her never apologizing when she is in the wrong or never wanting to communicate. It's always the darkest before the dawn mate

[na49]

I don't know where I'd be without everyone on this forum. (actually, I do know where I'd be. I'd be texting her lol)

 

There is a rational part of me somewhere, and that part knows that it has to be over. Whether I want it to be or not, there would be a lot of trust issues if we did this a third time. This part of me knows that once I graduate next year, she'll be out of my life for good basically. I probably won't run into her anywhere outside of seeing her on social media, or texting her.

 

That rational part of me isn't speaking loud enough though. I still want to text her, I feel like I haven't made that much progress so far. How much could it really hurt me? Then I think about some of the things she may tell me, and it scares me.

[lovebug_5858]

I don't know where I'd be without everyone on this forum. (actually, I do know where I'd be. I'd be texting her lol)

 

There is a rational part of me somewhere, and that part knows that it has to be over. Whether I want it to be or not, there would be a lot of trust issues if we did this a third time. This part of me knows that once I graduate next year, she'll be out of my life for good basically. I probably won't run into her anywhere outside of seeing her on social media, or texting her.

 

That rational part of me isn't speaking loud enough though. I still want to text her, I feel like I haven't made that much progress so far. How much could it really hurt me? Then I think about some of the things she may tell me, and it scares me.

 

 

Okay text her. If you really really REALLY want to.

And you'll be right back here, even worse but maybe then you'll move on from wanting to text her.

What are you going to accomplish- other than her knowing you're going absolutely nowhere.

She doesn't care about you. If she did, she'd be texting YOU. Stop this, for your own sanity.

 

 

You'll feel better in a month. but the more you go back, the further and further away this month of complete NC will be.

[dyna85]

If I were you, I'd use your previous NC endpoint as a benchmark to try to reach. You made it 3 months after your last BU (before the whole snafu of her returning--we'll ignore that part for now), so you should visualize yourself getting to that point again, and strive to reach it. You did it before, so you should be determined to get there again, and once you get there, you can then push yourself beyond, to the next milestone.

 

What helps me is to think of the summer, since I'm such a fan of warm weather. Imagine how amazing it will feel to have several month's worth of progress under your belt in time to enjoy the beautiful warmth of the sun and blue skies. Is that not worth aiming for? I know for me, that's a motivating factor.