fancy feast Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I have been running, but I don't consider myself to be athletic. I was out for most of the day, and came home feeling like crap. I am having those urges again, and feel like I might crack and just check her Facebook to make sure she's completely over me. On the first part, stop making excuses. If you can run, then you can handle cardio. That's more than enough to do intramural stuff. You'll actually be better than most people there. On the second part, this is why you need a crew to roll with. Take it from me, they'll pull you out of this funk. Go take my advice from the first part, and things are going to get better (and it doesn't have to be sports. I'm just inferring from your posts. If you have other interests, seek out groups for them and make those connections. It will pay dividends even beyond your personal life). Link to post Share on other sites
myheartaches Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I have been running, but I don't consider myself to be athletic. I was out for most of the day, and came home feeling like crap. I am having those urges again, and feel like I might crack and just check her Facebook to make sure she's completely over me. Don't do it!! Block her from Facebook, seriously! No social media. You create these delusions in your head that the ex is probably thinking about you, and then you go and check their ****ing social media and realize they are In a relationship after 6 months. Don't put yourself through that okay? It is truly terrible. I'm going on 6 months since break up and full NC and I still am sad and that sucks big time. Luckily the anxiety is no longer 24/7! I just get little pangs of sickness when I think about him. So I try all my might not to! I deleted all my photos on Instagram bc he used to like all my photos so his profile was just a click away... It felt good starting fresh ☺️☺️ I have a goal for myself and that is to lose 15 lbs. now, do I hope that he sees me when I lose that weight and make him totally in awe? Unfortunatly I do... But then I'd kick him in the ****ing balls and tell him to go **** himself lololol as you can see after 6 months I still have a lot of resent... Goodness I should definitely see a therapist I just don't know what kind of therapist ? anyways good luck I'm just rambling! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Set yourself up with baby step goals. Tell yourself that you're going to say "Hi!" to at least 10 people. Nothing more and nothing less. Just say, "Hi" and get you comfortable with just saying something that simple to someone you don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 Run, Forest... Run!!! It's seriously come to this. Every night I feel like sh*t so I just start running. I'm running more for my emotional health than my physical health now. I may not join sports, but my counselor seems to want me on the fast track to joining clubs and meeting new people. I didn't do anything stupid last night, even though I really thought I would. I laid in bed and felt relieved that I didn't give in to my urge. The cold sweats, and chills I would have when I tried falling asleep wouldn't have been worth it. I had a dream about her. I was texting her, and she was really cold and mean to me. She told me she hated me now. I got so angry, and woke up pissed off that she hasn't reached out once since the breakup. 3 years thrown away so easily. Every good thing I ever did for her didn't mean anything to her, because it wasn't enough. Screw her, and screw all of her friends, especially her new "best friend" Link to post Share on other sites
NC-Thomas Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I had a dream about her. I was texting her, and she was really cold and mean to me. She told me she hated me now. I got so angry, and woke up pissed off that she hasn't reached out once since the breakup. 3 years thrown away so easily. Every good thing I ever did for her didn't mean anything to her, because it wasn't enough. Screw her, and screw all of her friends, especially her new "best friend" Good man! Being pissed of is a part of progress! And your dreams are reflecting your emotional / mental state. Being pissed is like some kind of acceptance / closure of the fact that she left you. I think it proves you are slowly getting past the denial / needy desperation phase. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Once I think I'm going to stay mad at her, I slip back into missing her/wanting her to come back. I'm having a bit of a weak moment right now. I need to be talked out of these ideas that she is missing me right now. I believe that she wants me to reach out to her. I feel like she wants to contact me, but thinks that she's blocked, and that's why she isn't contacting me. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 (edited) Okay, I'm gonna tell ya a little story that happened over the last three days to give you an idea of how my mind may work in the same way as yours... I for the love of all that is holy cant keep up NC for the life of me. Call me weak, call me a fool, call me a cab. I always cave at the 10 day mark. And the worst part is I *know* that I am torturing myself in doing so. Last week was the ex's birthday and it took every single thing in me not to contact her. I did not and was proud of myself. The very next day, I caved as I felt like crap and it was the day after her birthday. I was coming home really late at night and something told me to drive by the other guy's house. I could not stop myself his place is just off the main road I use to get home. You know what I saw? Her car sitting in his driveway. It absolutely CRUSHED me. Crushed. Killed me. The next morning I was a wreck. An absolute wreck... only to receive a text message from a mutual friend with a picture she posted on Facebook of him and her taken 3 days after she dumped me looking like the happy couple. You want to talk about pain? Dude, if I could have found a hole deep enough, I would have buried myself in it. Want to know how I'm feeling today? That I can fully, and 100% close the book. I'm not saying that a horse kick to the head like I just took can/will do the same to you, but you are absolutely torturing yourself by being wishy washy... Find a way to rip the band-aid off... Edited March 2, 2015 by frigginlost 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 I've been able to stay strong for almost 3 weeks now. It's been 3 weeks since I looked at her Facebook, and I'm afraid of setting myself back. I thought I had ripped the band-aid off when I looked at her Facebook a week after the breakup, but then I ask myself questions like "Is she really over me?" "Should I really move on? "Did she mean it when she said it's over and she isn't looking back?" Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I've been able to stay strong for almost 3 weeks now. It's been 3 weeks since I looked at her Facebook, and I'm afraid of setting myself back. I thought I had ripped the band-aid off when I looked at her Facebook a week after the breakup, but then I ask myself questions like "Is she really over me?" "Should I really move on? "Did she mean it when she said it's over and she isn't looking back?" We can't prevent you from deluding yourself and lying to yourself. That's on you. It'd be cool if we could, but we can't keep you from telling yourself lies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 It's a shame because I feel like the only way to stop myself from deluding/lying to myself would be to seriously set myself back in my recovery. It's a vicious cycle. I'm constantly having to remind myself that she is over me/doesn't want to be with me/isn't looking back/etc. I'm so afraid of what I would see if I checked her Facebook.. Link to post Share on other sites
smellysocksuni Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Hey na49 - This will make you all laugh but I'm listening to Taylor Swift' album and there sre some break up quotes on there like "Here you are now Calling me up But I don't know what to say I've been picking up the pieces of the mess you made People like you always want back the love they pushed aside But people like me are gone forever When you say goodbye" PMA! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 It's a shame because I feel like the only way to stop myself from deluding/lying to myself would be to seriously set myself back in my recovery. It's a vicious cycle. I'm constantly having to remind myself that she is over me/doesn't want to be with me/isn't looking back/etc. I'm so afraid of what I would see if I checked her Facebook.. With the way you are stubbornly trying to keep this lie going, odds are that even if you did see her with someone else you'd spin it some other way to keep your fantasy alive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 I met with my counselor again today. We talked about how unhealthy my relationship with my ex was, and how I shouldn't want her to come back at all. My counselor doesn't think I should look at her Facebook, and I thought seeing her would help my urge. Now I'm home, and I really feel like I'm going to look... Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I met with my counselor again today. We talked about how unhealthy my relationship with my ex was, and how I shouldn't want her to come back at all. My counselor doesn't think I should look at her Facebook, and I thought seeing her would help my urge. Now I'm home, and I really feel like I'm going to look... Gee!!! Where have I heard that before as well? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 I'm not sure... but as I was about to ask her, she immediately said "No" when she knew what I was getting at. She's trying to get me to realize that this breakup has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with her. She's trying to show me that I was in an abusive relationship with this girl, and that she's just someone who loves to have a boyfriend. (she wasn't as "into me" as I thought she was). I know everyone says that I shouldn't, but I wonder if I'm putting off the inevitable when I feel like I'm going to crack eventually. I gone 3 weeks without looking. 3 weeks of complete NC. I just don't know if I can keep this up.. I want to know that she's over me. I want to get rid of this hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Situasian Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Dude do not look at her facebook or contact her! Literally i just looked at my ex's and saw a photo of her and her new guy! I have to admit it hurt like hell but at the same time it made me smile cause as much as i hate what she did to me, i love her enough to let her be happy and she looked happy so i do not advise to look at it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Dude do not look at her facebook or contact her! Literally i just looked at my ex's and saw a photo of her and her new guy! I have to admit it hurt like hell but at the same time it made me smile cause as much as i hate what she did to me, i love her enough to let her be happy and she looked happy so i do not advise to look at it! I feel like it would definitely hurt/set me back to see her Facebook now, because I would see how much she's moved on since the breakup. I'd also know that it was over though. I'm so afraid of feeling like crap for a week that I don't want to, so instead I'm struggling with these feelings of wanting to look. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 GEEZ DUDE!!! I think junkies have and easier time getting off crack than you do staying off her facebook!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Situasian Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Na, please don't look at her facebook or contact her trust me on this. I go between feeling good and bad with regards to missing her. My ex and i broke up the day before my birthday in Nov and we were still talking for 2 months after that e.g. hooking up and seeing each other. We stopped talking for good about 2 weeks ago. I just woke up and its 4am in the morning here in Australia and all i can think about is that stupid picture i saw of her and her new guy on her FB that i saw yesterday. This is the lowest i have felt since her and i broke up. So i'm telling you now just do not look at it! Nothing good will come out of it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stercrazy Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I can admit when me and my ex had some contact last week I did look at her Facebook and for me it hurt a lot. Its been a week since going full contact. My emotions have an ebb and flow between feeling good and then feeling sad. I keep putting the relationship in perspective and I can tell you reality says the relationship was fair at best. Don't look at her Facebook. Journal your feelings to get them out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 I was actually reading about how drug addicts and alcoholics handle their addictions last night. It's embarrassing, but even my counselor told me that getting over this is a lot like what an alcoholic goes through. I don't have as much of an urge to contact her as I do to see her Facebook. Outside of asking for a chance to fix things, I really don't know what I'd say to her. She obviously didn't think we needed to talk when I asked if I could call her 3-4 weeks ago. I go through these mental gymnastics every day. Every day is a battle. One thing has remained the same though. She doesn't want to be with me anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Situasian Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I have noticed NA that all your post always have something along the lines of you saying she doesn't want you back. Maybe from now on you shouldn't worry about that and just try writing down other things like how you felt during the day and what you did to feel better etc? Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Believe it or not, I think I've been feeling the best I've felt since the breakup. I realize this feeling probably won't last forever, but I have just been feeling great today. I felt like I was being "me" today. I was doing group work in a class, and was carrying on conversations with the people (all girls) in my group just fine. I made them laugh and kept the conversation moving pretty well. I can acknowledge that I want her to come back, I miss her, and all of that. I don't think that feeling will go away any time soon. I've done a good job of just living with that and worrying about other areas of life. Then of course, I look at my phone and notice I don't have any texts from her which definitely still hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Stercrazy Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Yeah me and ex used to text constantly. Its hard to accept that life change but you will survive and one day fall in love again.....when you're ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Situasian Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 NA are you sure we aren't twins or something? hahaha i feel like our stories and how we feel are very much the same. I work for the fire brigade so i am taking all the OT i can get atm to get my mind off the ex and i have spent alot of money on new items e.g. the new riddell speedflex helmet and other gridiron gear to keep my mind off her (plus i have a boatload of spare cash now that i dont support her and myself). I do all these things plus work out and hang out with my friends a ton but after all this and mostly at night i think of her and miss her but i know i shouldnt. I'm glad we are all in this together and i hope that we continue to blog it on here rather than text our exs! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts