AIJ Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 AIJ everyones going to check their ex's social media... It is just a way relationships and breakups work nowadays. Kind of funny how I am also studying for a final tomorrow And one of the topics is "why we experience emotion in response to social media" lol. anyway I digress. I remember that it was hard for me to stop looking at my ex's social media accounts. I didnt block or anything, so I did keep looking at it. Then one day, like about 5or 6 months later... I realized that I havent checked on it in a few weeks. Then another month past and I somehow saw a picture of her and the OM she left me for, but I didnt really feel anything. No feeling of shock, no heart dropping to my stomach, no tingly feelings in my hands like before. What I am saying is, though we can talk about our emotions and our feelings with others, and avoid them at all costs, yes this can make us feel better, but it wont help us move on from our emotions- Eventually you will just snap out of it. Sounds dumb but I swear to you it will happen. one day, you'll wake up and not really care about them anymore. Now if that doesn't work then I am screwed for tomorrows exam lol. I really hope that day comes soon. So, so sick of feeling like this. I don't think I'd be taking this break up half as bad if it wasn't for this new guy already in the picture, however at the same time, I'm kind of glad it's happening sooner rather than later. I'll be moving away in 6 months time for University, brilliant opportunity to meet new people and start fresh so I'm very, very excited about that! Link to post Share on other sites
McDonald Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Well if you are not over it by the time you leave, I am sure the transition will help you out. A new school a new you. You literally will have the opportuntiy be whoever you want to be. And Everyone gets over it at a different pace. For me, To become fully detached, it took me about 8 months and the end of the school year. Link to post Share on other sites
AIJ Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Well if you are not over it by the time you leave, I am sure the transition will help you out. A new school a new you. You literally will have the opportuntiy be whoever you want to be. And Everyone gets over it at a different pace. For me, To become fully detached, it took me about 8 months and the end of the school year. Yeah, we were only together for 5 months. Although we spoke on a daily basis for 13 months, it took a very long time before we were actually in a relationship. It's weird, as soon as we became exclusive, all sorts of problems began to arise. The 8 months prior, everything was fine. Just deleted all forms of social media and blocked her number, really need to push myself to get over her now. Kept stalling my healing with the Twitter stalking etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Situasian Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 I think you moving away is the best time to start a new life! i remember when i was 18(about 9 years ago) and i got my heart shattered by my first love who cheated on me with one of my close mates. I remember her and all of her friends saying i would become nothing but become a junky and i'll get no where in life. That really kicked my butt into gear, i moved to the other side of the country earn my degree and just finished my 2nd one now whilst working a kick ass job that pays well! lets just say when i came to visit she definitely changed her tune but by then it was too little too late for me because my ship had sailed! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 I think that part of moving on is wanting to move on. If you are like me, and are in fantasy land, waiting for her to come back, then more power to you. but at some point you have to realize that's enough. Seeing her Facebook did it for me. It is what made me realize she is moving on, and starting fresh without me. She wasn't kidding when she said that she "wasn't looking back". so I won't "look back" either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AIJ Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 I think that part of moving on is wanting to move on. If you are like me, and are in fantasy land, waiting for her to come back, then more power to you. but at some point you have to realize that's enough. Seeing her Facebook did it for me. It is what made me realize she is moving on, and starting fresh without me. She wasn't kidding when she said that she "wasn't looking back". so I won't "look back" either. Yep I've decided I want to move on. She isn't coming back, and I would never take her back even if she did. She has emotionally destroyed me. When she asked me to be friends when it ended, I told her I couldn't, it would be too hard to watch her get close with another guy, she told me that wouldn't happen. Guess what? 2 weeks later, seeing someone new. Absolute joke. Feel like this girl has destroyed my ability to trust anyone. Built up so much resentment towards her over the past month, I despise her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 I just got an email from my ex. I had her blocked everywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
lumberjac Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 whats the email about? the usual predictable stuff? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 I just got an email from my ex. I had her blocked everywhere. Welp, we all know how this story ends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 Dude I told you! Are u not gonna share w us? You better not reply. Link to post Share on other sites
fancy feast Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) I just got an email from my ex. I had her blocked everywhere. You know what to do. Silence will say everything. Make a promise to yourself that you won't let this set you back. Go check out some clubs tomorrow. Meet some people. Edited March 17, 2015 by fancy feast Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 To anyone who thinks that if they block their ex, they won't contact them. Let me be proof that it doesn't matter how high you build your walls, if they want to come back, they will. She emailed me using her school email.. so she really wanted to tell me what she had to tell me. I didn't post the content of the email because I felt it was too personal. Things went south with her friend's brother, and she reached out. I laid my cards on the table and responded. Like when I peaked at her Facebook, it was something I had to do. I let her know that friendship won't work for me. We are back in contact, but I wouldn't say we are back together yet. I have no idea where this will go. She wants to try again, but doesn't seem to like the reality that things can't just be the way they were. She'll need to get back the trust of people close to me. (my parents). If she tells me that she doesn't want this anymore, I wouldn't be too surprised. Seriously.. just when I thought I was out... Link to post Share on other sites
AIJ Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 To anyone who thinks that if they block their ex, they won't contact them. Let me be proof that it doesn't matter how high you build your walls, if they want to come back, they will. She emailed me using her school email.. so she really wanted to tell me what she had to tell me. I didn't post the content of the email because I felt it was too personal. Things went south with her friend's brother, and she reached out. I laid my cards on the table and responded. Like when I peaked at her Facebook, it was something I had to do. I let her know that friendship won't work for me. We are back in contact, but I wouldn't say we are back together yet. I have no idea where this will go. She wants to try again, but doesn't seem to like the reality that things can't just be the way they were. She'll need to get back the trust of people close to me. (my parents). If she tells me that she doesn't want this anymore, I wouldn't be too surprised. Seriously.. just when I thought I was out... Honestly wish you the best of luck, personally I wouldn't have responded. Hope it all goes well for you and at least you're very well prepared if things go south again. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 To anyone who thinks that if they block their ex, they won't contact them. Let me be proof that it doesn't matter how high you build your walls, if they want to come back, they will. She emailed me using her school email.. so she really wanted to tell me what she had to tell me. I didn't post the content of the email because I felt it was too personal. Things went south with her friend's brother, and she reached out. I laid my cards on the table and responded. Like when I peaked at her Facebook, it was something I had to do. I let her know that friendship won't work for me. We are back in contact, but I wouldn't say we are back together yet. I have no idea where this will go. She wants to try again, but doesn't seem to like the reality that things can't just be the way they were. She'll need to get back the trust of people close to me. (my parents). If she tells me that she doesn't want this anymore, I wouldn't be too surprised. Seriously.. just when I thought I was out... Jesus dude, this is the second time she's thrown you aside when someone else caught her eye and this is the second time she's come back after that happened. What really makes you think that this won't happen a third time? It's nice to tell her that things can't go back to the way they were, but when push comes to shove, they are going to because you haven't made a single big move towards evolving. Yes, you've talked to a counselor, but you haven't made new friends, you haven't diversified your life, everything is the same as it was. And once again, you're going to throw any steps toward progress away for a woman that's already left you in the dust TWICE because you are codependent. I mean, come on dude. I realize it's ultimately your call, but those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it. This is the exact song and dance that happened the last time. You can't afford to be this obtuse. If I were you, I'd cut her off and make the necessary steps to strengthen yourself before doing anything at all to reconcile with this person. Well, if I were you I would be done with her entirely, but that's an aside. I was afraid of her coming back and sniffing around because she knows that when her more ideal options aren't present, that you'll be there to help her pick up the pieces until she's ready to go hunt for someone "better" again. History is repeating itself. And that's sad to me. Nearly three years on here and you haven't learned a thing. Best of luck, but I predict that if you do get together (which is almost a virtual certainty) that you'll be back here again when she tosses you aside, again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. You're at number two. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 You are out if you choose to be. 2000 posts and 2.5 years of heartache isn't enough? The only reason she is reaching out is because she doesn't have anyone else. Your posts are how not to handle women and breakups. Have fun going back to square one 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 To anyone who thinks that if they block their ex, they won't contact them. Let me be proof that it doesn't matter how high you build your walls, if they want to come back, they will. She emailed me using her school email.. so she really wanted to tell me what she had to tell me. I didn't post the content of the email because I felt it was too personal. Things went south with her friend's brother, and she reached out. I laid my cards on the table and responded. Like when I peaked at her Facebook, it was something I had to do. I let her know that friendship won't work for me. We are back in contact, but I wouldn't say we are back together yet. I have no idea where this will go. She wants to try again, but doesn't seem to like the reality that things can't just be the way they were. She'll need to get back the trust of people close to me. (my parents). If she tells me that she doesn't want this anymore, I wouldn't be too surprised. Seriously.. just when I thought I was out... Brah, are you serious? Your girl is going to reconsider and bounce a week later. I don't mean any harm in that comment, but it seems painfully obvious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Na49, You're giving her way too much power over you. Too much power, too many free passes. Simon is right. People will treat you how to let them treat you, so if you let her just walk back in like nothing happened, with her not having to make a valiant effort and demonstrate significant change (which btw--let's get real--is not likely to happen in such a short time span and given that she's proven to do the same thing over and over, given her track record thus far), well then the inevitable outcome is that you will get more of the same. 'If she tells me she doesn't want this anymore, I won't be surprised' - Why is this her choice? Don't you know your worth? It should be you in the power seat, with the way she treated you. Don't you realize that you hold all of the cards here? It's up to you to decide what to do with them. Also, this: 'seriously, just when I thought I was out..' makes me cringe. Like the only way you can be whole is with her. Someone who quickly got with another guy right after.. not just once, but twice. Like someone who would do that is something to be desired. You both have some serious growing up to do, I must say. This is a demonstration of an on/again off/again struggle at its finest. Sometimes we can't be told though, and must learn the hard way. Don't say we didn't warn you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 I haven't jumped into anything with her outside of contact. I don't feel the same this time as I did the last time she came back. It's too soon, and there's too much damage done. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I haven't jumped into anything with her outside of contact. I don't feel the same this time as I did the last time she came back. It's too soon, and there's too much damage done. A word of caution: You say you don't feel the same this time. Keeping in contact with her will change that over night... She knows you're doormat material (no offense, we all have been at one time) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) It had been chaos since I got her email last night. I didn't sleep at all, and haven't eaten most of the day. Enough was finally enough. We have been talking in circles all day, I haven't done any schoolwork, and nothing went anywhere. I finally decided that we need to go NC. Does it suck? Yes. Do I want to talk to her? Yes. but talking to her didn't make me feel the same way. She was there, but she wasn't mine. She was kind of just a girl who I used to see. I guess I was friend zoned for a few hours. She was not the "love of my life". She suggested we do this pseudo-relation/friendship where we are exclusive, but not together... umm... No. I felt more anxiety/emptiness when I heard from her than the warm feelings I used to have. Her parents, like mine, believe that we both seem desperate to just get back together like this. I agree. I told her I don't deserve to be anyone's plan B. She assured me this wasn't the case, but she also told me the moon was made of cheese.. (lol) I may not have many boundaries (currently working on it), but even I had to draw the line somewhere. So that's where I'm at right now. Edited March 17, 2015 by na49 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Awesome! Well done! Keep those boundaries. It's only been a day, so prepare yourself because you are again at day 1 of NC, and your mind is going to go to work on you. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I think I need to take a break now. I got nothing man....Wow. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Good, you need to stay away from her. Not to punish her, not to manipulate her, but for you and your own well-being. And, quite frankly, it sounds like she needs to figure out how to be alone for herself as well. For as much as we've harped on your lack of independence and boundaries, she isn't exactly in a good place either. She jumps from lily pad to lily pad, from one relationship to the next, because she's incapable of being alone. So she needs to figure out her s--t too. But back to you. The fact that she pitched to you a psuedo-relationship that's not a relationship indicates a complete lack of respect for you and shows that she sees you as a temporary rest stop at best. Honestly, when I think about your situation, I equate you to Cameron Frye from the 1980s movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off in many ways, so desperate for acceptance and afraid of the world that you're willing to put up with whatever for the illusion that someone values you. This is what Ferris says about Cameron. Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like s--t, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work. I think the bolded describes your situation very well on multiple levels. Hopefully you'll get to the point he gets to later in the movie: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Eff that Ferrari!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Awesome! Well done! Keep those boundaries. It's only been a day, so prepare yourself because you are again at day 1 of NC, and your mind is going to go to work on you. Stay strong. The pain is already as bad as it was the day she left. It hit me a few hours later. I know this is what is best for me, and I feel so stupid for replying to her email now. I was doing so good! I was missing her, but didn't let it ruin me. I wanted to be with her so bad, but this just won't work. She made her decisions, and even told me she had sex with this guy after TWO WEEKS! She said she had sex with him twice in a month! :sick: The thought of them naked and f*cking is enough to make me want to die again. It's my fault though. I don't need sympathy from anyone, just continued support would be cool. Link to post Share on other sites
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