That's all folks..

[frigginlost]

The pain is already as bad as it was the day she left. It hit me a few hours later. I know this is what is best for me, and I feel so stupid for replying to her email now. I was doing so good! I was missing her, but didn't let it ruin me. I wanted to be with her so bad, but this just won't work. She made her decisions, and even told me she had sex with this guy after TWO WEEKS! She said she had sex with him twice in a month! :sick:

 

The thought of them naked and f*cking is enough to make me want to die again. It's my fault though. I don't need sympathy from anyone, just continued support would be cool.

 

I hear ya. It sucks, man. But if it makes you feel any better, what you found out is nothing earth shattering. My ex cheated and went on a date 6 days before my Birthday, then dumped me the day before my Birthday, then left for a weekend getaway with the new guy 2 weeks later.

 

You just gotta come to grips with the fact that sh*tty people do sh*itty things, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Only they can...

[na49]

I hear ya. It sucks, man. But if it makes you feel any better, what you found out is nothing earth shattering. My ex cheated and went on a date 6 days before my Birthday, then dumped me the day before my Birthday, then left for a weekend getaway with the new guy 2 weeks later.

 

You just gotta come to grips with the fact that sh*tty people do sh*itty things, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Only they can...

 

I was freaking there man.. I was really starting to accept it was over (for good). I still probably was going to have my moments, but I was ready to say "screw her! she left me for someone else!" and then she emailed me..

 

I honestly don't know what to do right now. I hate the thought of losing her, it was nice talking to her, but being friends with someone you love doesn't work. I knew that, I preach that to others, I am no different. The wounds are all still fresh. The last time she came back, 6 months had passed. This time, it's been a month. She changed her tune from "I love you, I made a mistake, I want you back" to "I think we should be friends, and if things don't work out, at least we are best friends!". What a sh*tty thing to do! I was her safety net! She was dumped yesterday morning, and emailed me yesterday afternoon which started this sh*t show.

 

I want to block her on Facebook again, but I have to wait. I broke whatever NC I started, but I'm not trying to rekindle anything. She says it's up to me whether we are friends or not. I don't know where to "leave it" now. She's acting like she is the one who is hurting in all of this..

[darkbloom]

Na,

 

I got three whole days without looking at your thread and you break NC. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Let me be the first to say though, I am proud of you for not settling for whatever carrot she is dangling in front of you. NC is always the hardest when you first start over again. We are here to support you. Never forget that you deserve to be happy and that should be your top priority.

 

 

You can do it.

[na49]

Na,

 

I got three whole days without looking at your thread and you break NC. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Let me be the first to say though, I am proud of you for not settling for whatever carrot she is dangling in front of you. NC is always the hardest when you first start over again. We are here to support you. Never forget that you deserve to be happy and that should be your top priority.

 

 

You can do it.

 

Thanks, I really can't settle even if I wanted to. I hate having to start this over again. We kept talking and talking, I eventually told her I needed to get off of Facebook. She told me she needed rest. I deleted our conversation. I don't know if I should reach out to her again tomorrow, and let her know before I block her or not. She told me she didn't want me to block her again, but I honestly have to. I do deserve to be happy.

 

The thought of them having sex still haunts me.. when will that go away?

[Simon Phoenix]

I was freaking there man.. I was really starting to accept it was over (for good). I still probably was going to have my moments, but I was ready to say "screw her! she left me for someone else!" and then she emailed me..

 

I honestly don't know what to do right now. I hate the thought of losing her, it was nice talking to her, but being friends with someone you love doesn't work. I knew that, I preach that to others, I am no different. The wounds are all still fresh. The last time she came back, 6 months had passed. This time, it's been a month. She changed her tune from "I love you, I made a mistake, I want you back" to "I think we should be friends, and if things don't work out, at least we are best friends!". What a sh*tty thing to do! I was her safety net! She was dumped yesterday morning, and emailed me yesterday afternoon which started this sh*t show.

 

I want to block her on Facebook again, but I have to wait. I broke whatever NC I started, but I'm not trying to rekindle anything. She says it's up to me whether we are friends or not. I don't know where to "leave it" now. She's acting like she is the one who is hurting in all of this..

 

Actually you started the sh*tshow by caving and responding. And there you go making excuses about why you can't go No Contact again. No excuses, just do it. Stop coming up with ways to undermine yourself. You're doing it again.

[darkbloom]

Thanks, I really can't settle even if I wanted to. I hate having to start this over again. We kept talking and talking, I eventually told her I needed to get off of Facebook. She told me she needed rest. I deleted our conversation. I don't know if I should reach out to her again tomorrow, and let her know before I block her or not. She told me she didn't want me to block her again, but I honestly have to. I do deserve to be happy.

 

The thought of them having sex still haunts me.. when will that go away?

 

Na,

 

She came back and you're still NOT happy. This is your come-to-Jesus-moment. Realize that she is not in control of your happiness nor does she make you happy anymore. You like the idea of her coming back into your life but everything in your body is telling you that you do not want to go through this heartbreak again. You have seen this movie. You know how it ends. You are in charge of your happiness and taking control. The words 'I can't' are no longer in your vocabulary.

 

Come over to the recovery light where we are in the business of moving on and bigger and better things.

[Situasian]

Na, do not go back please for the love of all that is holy! I've been in your position and i will tell you now our ex's are very similar they are what i call branch swingers. They grab one branch and when that breaks they swing to another! Do not be the fool in this, you are better than that! If you go back history will repeat itself and this i can promise you!

[na49]

It doesn't even seem like she wants me back anymore. She thought she'd just come back as a safe landing spot, but once she realized she'd need to work on building a relationship again, she thinks we should just be "really best friends".

 

Another reason I'm not happy is because my parents weren't happy to hear she came back again. I still live under their roof, and they support me in all of my decisions. They dealt with her coming back the first time, but they don't want to see her do this to me again. So they told me I shouldn't go back to her. They mimic what everyone here says. She doesn't really love me because someone who loves me wouldn't do this to me twice.

 

I guess my true NC starts once I block her. I told her last night I was going to bed because I had work in the morning. I unadded her which she didn't like, but I don't care. I can't do this friendship thing. I need to get back on the track to moving on. It's too soon to have any conversations with her.

[Situasian]

Your doing the right thing and your parents want the best for you. When I went on holidays with my ex overseas we ended meeting up with my parents halfway through our holiday as they went to the same place as well. My mum who is very reserved with girls I date saw I was really happy with my ex at the time and went all out and went above and beyond to make my ex comfortable on our trip(talking about getting 5 star accomdation etc) because it was her first time to an Asian country and like most countries they have different customs etc so she wanted to make sure she felt comfortable etc. Anyhow when my mum found out she cheated on me the 1st time then the 2nd she completely blocked my ex out to the point where when we use to visit my mum would completely ignore her for the 2-3 weeks we were there. I think parents and especially mums know if your partner is a keeper or not and you should probably listen to them but that's just my humble opinion

[na49]

My parents did accept my ex when we started dating, and after a few weeks, they accepted her the second time. This time they seem pretty firm in the belief that she is no good for me. They told me if I got back with her, she'd do this to me again, and I'd look like a fool. They notice my low self esteem too. It stinks that even they see it, but it's why I need to change.

 

Now I am going between "she's not a good person/doesn't value you at all" and "maybe we just need more time..". Yeah, I know I'm back at the beginning of my healing, but I was seriously doing so good before I responded to that email..

[Simon Phoenix]

My parents did accept my ex when we started dating, and after a few weeks, they accepted her the second time. This time they seem pretty firm in the belief that she is no good for me. They told me if I got back with her, she'd do this to me again, and I'd look like a fool. They notice my low self esteem too. It stinks that even they see it, but it's why I need to change.

 

Now I am going between "she's not a good person/doesn't value you at all" and "maybe we just need more time..". Yeah, I know I'm back at the beginning of my healing, but I was seriously doing so good before I responded to that email..

 

Then stop responding and block. I mean, the solution isn't complicated, no matter how much you try to make it complicated. Is it easy? No. But it's necessary.

 

No more excuses.

[Hopeful714]

Na-what happened here was really,really,really, disrespectful to you,

your whole family, and your peeps on LS.

 

I understand you and her are very young ....and she may just be very immature..but it's no excuse because you wouldn't do what she did ...and that is because you have higher morals and character.

 

My suggestion ..for what it's worth ..is NOT to communicate with her anymore. If you must...send a VERY SHORT "hey, we had a good time... I don't want this anymore...its not healthy....take care". Then you block her and shut the door on this for good... and never look back.

 

There is no chance of this ever being repaired. Mourn the loss of the rs...then move on.

[na49]

Responding obviously was not the smart move. I wouldn't tell anyone else to do that. but not responding and wondering "what if?" wouldn't have done me any good. I didn't do it to disrespect my family, anyone here, or myself. I lose whether I responded or not. I don't respond, and spend weeks posting about how I feel bad for not responding. I respond, I bite the bullet, learn that it was just her asking for attention/friendship/relieve her guilt and keep going.

 

We aren't getting back together or doing that fake friendship garbage. I have so many thoughts, and really need my counselor to help me sort this out. The thought of her having sex with this guy twice in a month after dumping me has been killer. It has made me see her for who she is though. I was like a piece of jewelry. When she was with me, she had status, it looked great. A good, nice looking, loyal guy. Her family loves me, she does the whole promise ring thing, posts every single thing I do for her on Facebook.

 

She wasn't in love with me though. Just what I did for her. I gave her a relationship status. Something that she had with this guy too. She lost it once he got tired of her after he had sex with her. She did tell me when I talked to her that she left me for him because she felt like he was the only one who was there for her. :rolleyes::rolleyes: Then she is right back to me telling me she always loved me once he's gone. Literally hours later... Well I can't put up with it anymore. and I'm not. I'm not an idiot. I deserve better than this.

[fancy feast]

Sorry to sound like a broken record, but my advice to you is still the same: Get out there and do stuff (join clubs, play some sports, meet some people ffs). It's great that you were able to see through the "being best friends" BS, but it means nothing if you're still just living your life based on what's happening with her. That's a depressing cycle that you need to pull yourself out of.

[na49]

The fact that she is gone. again. is finally starting to hit me. She came back, and when the idea of building a relationship came up, she wasn't interested, and turned in the other direction. She went from loving me and wanting to me with me, to being buddies, to "needing time". She asked that I don't block her so she feels like I'm still in her life, but I had to do it.

 

I was doing so good, and it feels like I just broke up with her again. I know this is what's best for me, but I'm so mad at myself for being set back..

[na49]

I get that in life we need to do things that we don't want to, but this really sucks. I don't think of her as the only girl I'll ever fall in love with or anything, I really have seen her for who she is, and that is someone who didn't treat me well. I really feel like I was just used to soften the blow of this guy breaking up with her after a month. My counselor was right when she told me that my ex always needs to have a boyfriend. She has some nerve expecting to come back to me expecting things to be the way they were.

 

Oh well, at least I believe I'll fall in love again. I see girls on campus who all have qualities that my ex didn't have that I find very attractive. At least I have an eye for other girls now. Once I finish getting advice on getting through this setback, I will need to figure out how to become social in the clubs that I join, and actually make friends instead of sitting there listening to people talk.

[Situasian]

That is a good start. I wouldn't stress too much about it man. I think it is for the best you now put this behind you, she obviously is a branch swinger and even though it sucks you need to let her go swing on another branch. I've been full NC for a about a few weeks now and i am really getting better, i went out with my gridiron team last night for our club trivia night and you know what? i had the most fun i've had for a long long time and i even met an old ex work crush out last night and we are currently talking/smsing and we are planning to go out next week sometime! and remember its always the darkest before the dawn

[na49]

It's good that you are getting yourself out there again. Although my pace is probably the slowest pace in breakup history, I do believe once I start to realize my value again, being able to make friends, and asking girls on dates will come easy. My counselor told me she believes I'd have a new girlfriend by next year. I don't know about that necessarily, but her confidence in me has given me confidence in myself.

 

I thought about how I wouldn't be able to handle a girl rejecting me, but then I remembered that my ex has rejected me multiple times, and I think I handled it pretty well. I know I go in circles over my decisions on here, but I'd rather keep it here than act on any stupid urge. I've been rejected already, so if a girl in the future doesn't want me, then that'll have to be okay too. I think I can deal with it.

 

If my ex was such a "catch" the guy she left me for wouldn't have dropped her after a month. It's about time I realize my value. I'm not her safety net. I am a catch, and I put up with her sh*t for a LONG time. I used to think that putting up with things was part of being in "love" but I'm starting to realize that putting up with what I put up with wasn't "love", it was settling.

[na49]

I need to put these thoughts somewhere.. I just can't make sense of this all.

 

She went from wanting me back, to wanting to be friends, to wanting to take it slow, to wanting to jump right back into the way things used to be, to needing more time to be single and figure things out... She told me that her relationship with this guy "didn't count" even though she had sex with him twice. She told him she loved him. She probably wanted it to work. HE was the one who left HER! If he didn't, she would have never reached out to me. She told me she wanted to, but she never did. She knew she could contact me using her school email. She didn't because she wanted to stay loyal to the new guy.

 

She had asked me to meet up, saying that if she didn't she'd always regret it. I let her know that it wasn't my job to give her closure. She also told me that her parents are not happy with her right now in her last messages to me. I have no idea why really. I like to think that they aren't happy with her treating me like a backup plan, but it's more likely that they just want her to be single for a while. When I asked her why she wanted me back, she actually told me it was because I was "familiar". She justified it by telling me that was supposed to be a good thing, but I mean.. really? I was expecting her to list a bunch of things that she loved about me. Why does she only realize how much I care when I'm gone? Can't someone recognize it when I'm with them?

 

She doesn't seem to know what she wants, but it probably isn't me. I mean the first time we got back together, we both knew it was what we wanted. This time she came back, and was turned away by the fact that she'd need to actually build this relationship back to the way it was.

[Simon Phoenix]

This wasn't a recent conversation I hope. If so, you need to stop talking to her immediately. And you're right, she wants to use you as a familiar pit stop until she finds something more to her liking. She needs to be in some sort of relationship, even if it's a fake quasi-one, and doesn't really care how it effects anyone else.

 

But if you're still talking to her, STOP and block!

[na49]

I admit, it did happen earlier today. I hadn't blocked her yet, but wasn't messaging her. She kept messaging me offering to meet up, be friends, stay in each other's lives, etc. I have to focus on what she did instead of what she says. She was f*cking another guy two weeks after she left me... :sick:

 

A giant red flag was that she told me that she doesn't mind if she isn't the one who makes me happy in life. That screams "I don't want you anymore!" but I'm still willing to eat whatever scraps she gives me. I'm not in the dumps or anything, and I realize that I will block her again at some point. I guess I like the ego boost I get from hearing from her/ignoring her/making her sweat for a response.

 

I told her earlier that if a relationship wasn't in the cards for us, we shouldn't be talking. She told me "okay" and that was it. I really feel like she is just using me to get over her newest boyfriend. She's bored/lonely because she's home for spring break. Next week she's back on campus, and will probably not talk to me. Ideally this will be the last I hear from her, and once I get the push to block her, I will continue moving on.

 

I'm finally starting to realize how I am holding onto something that doesn't exist. Letting go of that has been ridiculously hard though.

[Simon Phoenix]

I realize you like to do these things the hardest way possible, but you really need to block her now. No more excuses, no more conversations, no more rationalization of reasons for you to stay in this muck.

 

I really don't understand why you stubbornly resist the most necessary solutions, but until you do, this is the sh*t you're going to have to deal with. You do realize that by indulging in these conversations you are still offering support don't you?

Edited March 22, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[smellysocksuni]

Hey na,

 

You just gotta block her...change your number, too - this reduces the temptation to contact her.

[Hopeful714]

Na-again,,, tell her it's over! Then block! It finally gives you the chance to get some sort of closure,self esteem,and self respect back from this.

 

You have to do this because,,,,Its OVER! Done,,,,fineto. Nothing good can come of this anymore. I know you must see that. And yea, it does suck,,,but t it will get better once you get better. Let her go boo hoo. It's not your problem anymore. The only thing you should be thinking about is moving on in your life. She f-ed up not once but twice! Are u supposed to say oh that's ok,,,,let's be buddies? Don't think so!

 

There will be other girls...but really having a girl is not the end all be all! Take the advice on here about making some new friends,,,get a new hobby,bust your ass to secure your future! jUSt BE DONE WITH THIS!

 

I understand will b sad 4 a while,,,but we need a plan from you. Something positive!

[na49]

I honestly don't want to tell her anything. Yesterday when I talked to her, I basically explained where I was at, and how I didn't think we should be talking if we weren't going to work on anything. (why I still want her back is a different story). When I block her, I won't give her any heads up. I'm just going to do it.

 

I realize that a girl isn't the be all-end all, and I realize I'm not someone that any girl would want right now either. I need to do my own homework, and get myself right before I consider that. I'm happy to say that I can see myself with someone who isn't her though. It sounds like nothing, but to me that's a pretty big deal.