That's all folks..

[Simon Phoenix]

When I block her, I won't give her any heads up. I'm just going to do it.

 

What the hell are you waiting for? I really don't get your obsessive need to put off your own recovery. Stop waiting, stop making excuses, stop preparing to do it, just do it! Why waste another minute in this limbo state?

[na49]

I'm honestly waiting to meet with my counselor, and talk to her about everything that has happened over this past week. I think I'm also afraid that if I block her, I won't hear from her again. I feel like maybe I should give her the heads up that I am blocking her again because not having her blocked isn't really doing anything for me. I check her profile every few hours now just because I can. It's seriously right there for me.

 

Is it any surprise that she hasn't reached out to me today? She's back on campus, so she's with her friends again. Even after I insisted we don't talk, the past few days she would always offer to meet up or say we should be friends. Today there was been complete silence.

[smellysocksuni]

I'm honestly waiting to meet with my counselor, and talk to her about everything that has happened over this past week. I think I'm also afraid that if I block her, I won't hear from her again. I feel like maybe I should give her the heads up that I am blocking her again because not having her blocked isn't really doing anything for me. I check her profile every few hours now just because I can. It's seriously right there for me.

 

Is it any surprise that she hasn't reached out to me today? She's back on campus, so she's with her friends again. Even after I insisted we don't talk, the past few days she would always offer to meet up or say we should be friends. Today there was been complete silence.

 

Maybe she's just respecting your final wishes, for once.

 

Also, I know how it feels to not really want to block her, leaving the door open, so to speak... but sometimes you just gotta bite that bullet.

[jus d'orange]

You need to be able to start seeing this for what it is: your logical mind recognises that the whole situation is firmly ****ed, that there's no good future here, and that you need to be moving on.

 

Your heart, or emotions, are meanwhile still attached to her. That's normal. She's hurt you a lot and put you in a place of weakness, and it's normal to then play along with that weakness a bit. Even though we shouldn't, lots of people do this.

 

But what you need to STOP doing is telling yourself that staying in any contact with her isn't hurting you. IT IS. You're so used to not moving on and being stuck on her that you don't realise that you could be having minutes, hours, or even days free from this madness, culminating in eventually being completely free of it.

 

I'm still hung up on my ex. She broke up with me last month. I'm still in love with her. I've had days that were really awful. But I've been full NC the whole time, and it's gradually, gradually getting better. As I said, there are awful days, but there are days that are better than any before them. You could have this too. But because your ex keeps contacting you, you need to block her permanently. No warning, no nothing, and tell yourself FINALLY that any bit of contact does hurt you. It'll probably be terrible for a while for you, but then you'll start to have days feeling free from the pain too, and you'll see I was right.

 

Get a friend to take away your social media access so you can't even undo this block. Do it now.

[na49]

I had no trouble blocking before, but this time I am for some reason. When she dumped me the second time, I immediately blocked her everywhere. I've gone through this before. Now it's different though. For some weird reason, I feel like because she got dumped by the dude she left me for, that I have to forgive her. I don't want to forgive her though. She is still a sh*tty person for doing that to me, and she is a wh*re for giving it to him after 2 weeks. She's also has a lot of nerve to tell me that she still loved me while she was getting it every which way from this dude. I want to be mad at her because it will make it easier to block. but for some reason I can't stay mad at her.

 

I've been fighting myself over this. Part of me says "block her. She knows where you stand. She's shown that she isn't shy about reaching out to you if she wants to. She'll either contact you again, or she won't." and the other part of me says "If you block her, you'll always wonder what would have happened? Will she contact me tomorrow?"

 

As I scanned her profile, she's posting a lot of positive things about her friends. She worshiped her friends after dumping me, and now that she got dumped, she's worshiping her friends again. If you have such amazing friends, then talk to them! Why waste your time with me?

Edited March 23, 2015 by na49

[na49]

My next counseling appointment can't come soon enough. I feel like I just need to talk to her about all of this stuff. I need to walk through my decision to just block her with no heads up. I sat in class today asking myself if I should tell her that I'm blocking her, and to let me know if she ever wants to work on us. I got home from class, and went straight to her profile like an addict. She's posting pictures of her friends. She's still super close with her friend whose brother she left me for. She's posted a picture of her holding his hand with the caption "This is what best friends look like"

 

:sick::sick:

 

aaaand an hour later, the picture of their hands holding is gone.. why? So many questions.. God damn I need a new hobby. I used to be cool with just kicking it, playing video games, but I haven't had the same constant joy from them since this breakup. I guess homework would be a good idea too.

Edited March 23, 2015 by na49

[frigginlost]

Na,

 

When I was a young boy, I was out trolling through the woods. I came upon a hornets nest and being young and dumb, I decided to take a stick to it. It took me a month to get over the pain those stings caused.

 

Do you know what I do now when I come across a hornets nest?

[seminoles84]

Na,

 

When I was a young boy, I was out trolling through the woods. I came upon a hornets nest and being young and dumb, I decided to take a stick to it. It took me a month to get over the pain those stings caused.

 

Do you know what I do now when I come across a hornets nest?

 

Oh I know I know! Wear a bee suit?

[na49]

Na,

 

When I was a young boy, I was out trolling through the woods. I came upon a hornets nest and being young and dumb, I decided to take a stick to it. It took me a month to get over the pain those stings caused.

 

Do you know what I do now when I come across a hornets nest?

 

Of course I know what you did.. You hit the hornets nest with a stick again to see if you would get stung.

 

I understand what you're saying. I realize how much pain this causes me, and yet I insist on doing it anyway. I guess I'm afraid to close the door on her again (with no warning), because I like the idea that I could hear from her. It's nice to think that she is thinking of me/wants to talk to me. I've been addicted to her profile like a drug though.. I check it every few hours now. I also haven't heard from her since our conversation a few days ago.

[frigginlost]

Of course I know what you did.. You hit the hornets nest with a stick again to see if you would get stung.

 

I understand what you're saying. I realize how much pain this causes me, and yet I insist on doing it anyway. I guess I'm afraid to close the door on her again (with no warning), because I like the idea that I could hear from her. It's nice to think that she is thinking of me/wants to talk to me. I've been addicted to her profile like a drug though.. I check it every few hours now. I also haven't heard from her since our conversation a few days ago.

 

No Na, I leave the hornet nests alone now. I remember what pain it caused me and have come to grips with it being a losing battle.

 

Buddy, believe me when I say that you are no different than anybody else when it comes to trying to get over the pain of a broken heart. But you have to put yourself first. You can't care about your ex and how she feels right now.

 

You need to worry only about you.

[na49]

I think that I've pretty much made up my mind that I will end up blocking her after I talk to my counselor. I am not necessarily looking for her to give me "permission" to do it, but I feel like talking about it in person with someone will make me realize that it is right for me. I'll also talk about whether or not I should tell her I am blocking her, or what. It probably isn't good that I have become this dependent on my counselor, but it's where I'm at right now.

 

When I'm honest with myself, I realize that even if I block her, she has shown that she WILL contact me if she wants to. All of the blocks in the world haven't kept her away from me. My problem is coming to terms that she may not care enough to go through my blocks anymore. Even if she does, she may just not be "in love" with me anymore. She may not want to be with me in a romantic relationship with me. I'm not "the one" for her. I'll just be seen as a friend of hers. and that is extremely hard for me to believe/accept.

[mtnbiker3000]

Say something like this:

 

"I really need to work on myself right now, and I think its best if we don't communicate for a while"

 

That's it. Done. Nothing else necessary. And the best part is... 'for a while' really means forever!!!

 

Then you can start to redeem your self respect and dignity. You won't be dependent on her words or actions any longer. It's really quite liberating

[dyna85]

I wouldn't communicate with her further if she just fell off the map yet again. She's shown her true colors time and time again. There's a good quote out there that goes something like: 'if someone keeps showing you their true colors, stop trying to paint a different picture.' This girl has shown complete disregard for your feelings on more than one occasion. Her actions speak volumes as to her lack of love and respect for you. She comes back and then is gone like the wind again, and you're considering having another heart to heart with her? Dude, she's nowhere to be found. She just popped back in to say 'hey,' only to turn her back once more five seconds later. She's using you and you don't deserve it. Walk away now. Your pride and dignity are calling, but you keep ignoring them.

 

You deserve SO much more than someone who ditches you for someone else and pops back in to seek comfort from you, and then leaves you in pieces again. Stop the madness. Stop letting her control you. You need to take your power back and recognize that what she is doing is not fair to you. You need to take the focus off her and think about what YOU deserve.

 

Someone who treats you like you're insignificant is not worthy of friendship or anything more.

 

I hope you take the blinders off soon, because you seem like you have a lot going for yourself (for starters, you're kind and considerate towards others--unlike this girl for whom you're pining) and you truly do deserve that same respect and love in return.

 

Screw this girl. Seriously, if you could only be an outsider looking in, you would see this so clearly and you'd wish the best for you, like I do.

[na49]

I won't do anything until I talk to my counselor. I'm sure she will advise me to not contact her, and I'll go back to blocking her by this weekend. I do deserve better. I thought about how when I asked her why she wanted me back, and what qualities I had that her other guy didn't. She told me that I was "familiar". She assured me this wasn't a bad thing, but I mean come on. This is the same girl who tells me she doesn't "use" people.. I was insulted by that, but also thought, what qualities does SHE have that I really want? Well.. no good qualities that I couldn't find in another girl certainly, but she definitely doesn't show that she loves me when she is leaving me for any guy who shows her any interest.

 

When I was in contact last week, I remember that I asked her what I did wrong in the relationship. She told me that I didn't call her pet names enough, and I cursed when I was mad. That was all she could come up with? I gave her the floor to completely rip me apart, and THAT was what she had to say about me? My god...

 

I've probably said this before, but another reason I have a hard time hating her is because she has so many friends. My stupid logic tells me that if she has a lot of friends, and people in her life, then it must mean that she IS a good person, and there isn't anything wrong with her. because I don't have a giant fan club, there must be something wrong with me.

Edited March 24, 2015 by na49

[mtnbiker3000]

I hope when you visit this counselor, who you feel you can't make a move without, that you spend some time on your low self-esteem and low self-worth. The ex and failed RS are only symptoms of much deeper issues. You can 100% expect the exact same results down the road if you're not working on you right now.

[Simon Phoenix]

na, it sounds like you want this counselor to talk you out of blocking her because you are still feeding yourself this delusion that you have a shot of being in the relationship with her that you desire. There's literally no other reason to wait other than the hope that she tells you what you want to hear. And since it gives you another excuse to not heal and not evolve, you're going with it.

[na49]

I was looking through her profile and found old things that she posted that I hadn't seen before.

 

She shared an article a few weeks ago about how she was "the girl who leaves". Basically the article seems like it's about people who leave relationships when they aren't going well. Okay, that's fair. No one forced her to stay with me. She wrote a comment to her friend how "of course she cares where her ex goes in life, but doesn't think she should look like the bad guy".

 

What's got me shaking like crazy with anger is how she has the nerve to write "Thank god I found the one I feel I deserve". (I guess she only deserved him for a month ) Seriously?? Ughhhhh and all of her friends like it and tell her how proud of her they are. What the actual f*ck. Follow your heart honey, follow it to an unplanned pregnancy, and right out of college. This dude just wanted to have sex with her. She treats guys like jewelry just like my counselor said. It's not about who they are, just how they make HER look.

 

F*ck that b*tch. I decided to just block her while I'm still angry over all of this so I don't feel bad. This girl does NOT love me anymore. She wants to talk to me, she knows where to find me. I'm not torturing myself with this until I see my counselor. That's a giant waste of time. I need to get back to healing. I was doing awesome before the b*tch came back.

 

/endrant. If you didn't feel like reading that. I blocked her on Facebook. again.

[Simon Phoenix]

I guess whatever gets you to do what you need to do. Now don't unblock this time.

[fancy feast]

Good on you for blocking, but you're eventually going to have to get over your addiction to this girl and stop making her your whole life.

[mtnbiker3000]

Making someone else your 'everything' is extremely unattractive. Again, you need to address your own issues of self. Make you your everything!! This is no easy task for some of us. But it is essential...

[na49]

I don't intend on unblocking her again. Unless she contacts me, she will stay blocked. I wasn't strong enough to ignore her last week, and I haven't changed since then. It will take time for me to build that strength.

 

I do want to check her profile right now, but I'm not going to. This feeling is probably the withdrawal because I was back on the drug (her) for a week. I realize that I need to work on me, and that's part of the reason I'm seeing this counselor.

 

I'm just having a problem telling myself that she's a sh*tty person and believing it. I always argue that she can't be that bad if she has so many friends. She can't be that bad if all of these people like her. She wasn't ALWAYS bad to me. Maybe I'm the problem? Maybe I wasn't a good boyfriend.

[na49]

Just dumping more thoughts here..

 

I feel like I want to give this one more shot, and just ask her where exactly she is at before I disappear. I realize that she basically has told me and shown me where she is at, but I'm still wondering "what if I fight a little harder?".

[Hopeful714]

Imo what she DID was ****t* but can we say for sure she's a completely ****t* person? Maybe, maybe not. I say this because you are both so young. If anything this is what people your age do....experiment with dating and different partners till they figure out what the really want in life and then .....well whatever they choose. Now if you were both older and considering a real future together and she did this...then yes, I'd say she was for certain a shift* person.

 

As many other posters on here said...you have depended too much on her. I think you need to concentrate more on you, and where you are headed in life before you get all caught up in someone else again. Meet some guy friends, girl friends, be social and get comfortable being single for a while, while you plan where you are going in your own life.

 

I also think you are a very sensitive person...and there is nothing wrong with that. There is obviously something special about you to have 2 threads and many, many followers that go on and on an on and seem genuinely concerned about you and interested in your story. Heck..got me hooked..lol!

 

Lastly one of the reasons this is so difficult is because there were betrayals of trust...which honesty could affect many people very negatively. In a sense I'm sure you are asking who this girl really is....thus why you kept looking at her page. Don't worry about forgiveness now either. Let it come as it may...if it comes at all. One way that helped me with this was to "wish him what he deserved". Whether it be good, bad or whatever.

 

There's tons of good books and articles out there that deal with breakups, esteem building, dealing with betrayals, etc. to help you heal in addition to your counseling. Give it time!

[Hopeful714]

No! Do not contact her!

[smellysocksuni]

Don't contact her, it's just urges. Keep working towards this time next year - picture where you'll be, and how you'll feel. You'll feel fine, and this will all be a memory. Don't let yourself down, na.