That's all folks..

[Riptide91]

Na, your thread was one of the very first I started reading seriously when I came to LS, and I felt very sorry for you because I could tell our hurt and pain was similar. Since then I have followed the advice many posters like the ones on here have suggested. I feel 80% better and am at 3 weeks NC after being supremely lost for 5 months post breakup.

 

I now feel 100 times more sorry for you because you're 100% doing this to yourself, you have taken what this silly little girl did to you and ran with it. You, not her, are now the cause for your hurt and pain. It is time to stop man, you just keep digging your hole deeper and before you know it you'll be in a whole new hell. She was not good for you, you're not meant to be together, and you WILL find someone new. Stop telling yourself otherwise.

 

All these posters are fed up because youve dragged this on so long it's almost sickening. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or be offensive, and you know that, but seriously it's time to turn this around. Do not open her little breadcrumb emails, if you see her say hello and keep walking like she's an old acquaintance from high school you really don't care to conversate with, and get out there and LIVE. You're in college and you prefer to stick around this toxic girl instead of finding a woman? If that's your thought process Id hate to see your GPA. Cmon man, start the rest of your life now, the more time you waste the more you'll look back on this and kick yourself.

 

I hope you read this with an open mind and not get mad at me, I just can't stand to watch you ride the misery-go-round any more and I don't think I'm alone.

[mtnbiker3000]

^^ Agreed, but until OP address his own issues, another woman will just end up doing the same thing to him. And so will the next... And so will the next...

 

And that is a way worse hell than this one. Believe that!!

 

As you mentioned, this stopped being about her a looooong time ago...

[na49]

I haven't been updating this thread because I found that writing about the same thing every day wasn't helping. I was actually feeling better, and went out Saturday night and was chatting with a girl. I liked her, and thought she liked me so I decided to message her. I asked if we could have lunch or something to talk more. She said no. Ouch...

 

I'm glad that I at least put myself out there, but as soon as I got told no, I started to get my urges to talk to my ex again. It's probably just because I'm hurting, but this blows. I was feeling awesome for like a week... and now I'm miserable again. It didn't help that I saw my ex sitting outside today, and all of my feelings came rushing back.

Edited April 16, 2015 by na49

[Riptide91]

I haven't been updating this thread because I found that writing about the same thing every day wasn't helping. I was actually feeling better, and went out Saturday night and was chatting with a girl. I liked her, and thought she liked me so I decided to message her. I asked if we could have lunch or something to talk more. She said no. Ouch...

 

I'm glad that I at least put myself out there, but as soon as I got told no, I started to get my urges to talk to my ex again. It's probably just because I'm hurting, but this blows. I was feeling awesome for like a week... and now I'm miserable again.

 

Hey man, first of all: good for you!!! It's nice to see you not only started staying away from here but went out and got yourself out there. I only say it's nice you've stayed away from a bit because I think it helped you realize that you WERE posting the same stuff everyday and going no where.

 

Next, so what you got turned down?! We all get turned down, it shouldn't go against your self esteem, there could be so many reasons why, who knows. It's important that you keep doing things like going out and having fun rather than wallowing in your sorrow at home. Who knows, maybe the next girl you end up dating?

 

Honestly, I am very happy to hear this. I think you're starting to figure it out and the only way is up from here. Keep on keepin' on. And if it makes you feel any better I got rejected last weekend too. Eh, there's plenty more!

[Simon Phoenix]

I haven't been updating this thread because I found that writing about the same thing every day wasn't helping. I was actually feeling better, and went out Saturday night and was chatting with a girl. I liked her, and thought she liked me so I decided to message her. I asked if we could have lunch or something to talk more. She said no. Ouch...

 

I'm glad that I at least put myself out there, but as soon as I got told no, I started to get my urges to talk to my ex again. It's probably just because I'm hurting, but this blows. I was feeling awesome for like a week... and now I'm miserable again. It didn't help that I saw my ex sitting outside today, and all of my feelings came rushing back.

 

Good for you for at least trying. That being said, sometimes trying before you're ready results in what happened to you. But as long as you don't act on it and start chasing after your ex those feelings will pass. This was a good litmus test to see where you're at though. Maybe after a little more NC with your ex you can fire again at another girl.

[BC1980]

I haven't been updating this thread because I found that writing about the same thing every day wasn't helping. I was actually feeling better, and went out Saturday night and was chatting with a girl. I liked her, and thought she liked me so I decided to message her. I asked if we could have lunch or something to talk more. She said no. Ouch...

 

I'm glad that I at least put myself out there, but as soon as I got told no, I started to get my urges to talk to my ex again. It's probably just because I'm hurting, but this blows. I was feeling awesome for like a week... and now I'm miserable again. It didn't help that I saw my ex sitting outside today, and all of my feelings came rushing back.

 

Try to see that one person turning down lunch does not define your worth as a person. Let this be a way to learn that. I think it would be good for you to work on finding your worth outside of your ex or a lunch rejection. I know it doesn't feel good to get turned down, but it doesn't define you. It doesn't mean you are worthless. I think the lunch thing was a trigger that brought up you feeling rejected by your ex. It might be better not to date until you can get rejected and then take it in stride.

[na49]

I thought that I would be able to handle "dating" and should try meeting new girls to date. Meeting girls when I'm out isn't out of the question for me, but I'm not in the position to go further than that. I've known of this girl for a while, and finally had a chance to really talk to her. I obviously ended up projecting my feelings onto her. I may end up seeing her every so often, so I'm dreading that.

 

I'm hating myself up over asking her. I know I shouldn't, but I really feel like a fool for asking her if she wanted to get lunch some time. I was feeling fine before I even said anything to her. Now I've got this bit of pain to deal with on top of the pain of my breakup/seeing my ex today.

[Simon Phoenix]

I thought that I would be able to handle "dating" and should try meeting new girls to date. Meeting girls when I'm out isn't out of the question for me, but I'm not in the position to go further than that. I've known of this girl for a while, and finally had a chance to really talk to her. I obviously ended up projecting my feelings onto her. I may end up seeing her every so often, so I'm dreading that.

 

I'm hating myself up over asking her. I know I shouldn't, but I really feel like a fool for asking her if she wanted to get lunch some time. I was feeling fine before I even said anything to her. Now I've got this bit of pain to deal with on top of the pain of my breakup/seeing my ex today.

 

Dude, not every girl will want to date you. You can't take this stuff personally. You took a swing, you missed, big deal. You'll get another at-bat against another pitcher. I mean, please don't let this turn into a nuclear mushroom cloud like every other setback you have does. Part of life is learning to deal with setbacks. You really need to learn how not to let little things like this ruin your entire day.

[mtnbiker3000]

Too soon... What would you do if she did say yes? How have you grown at all from this debacle? What would you do differently? Not her. You!!

 

You're trying to take every shortcut in the healing process. Why are you so dead against working on yourself for a while? You and the mirror! Alone! Solo!

 

That's what this is going to take. That's the only thing that will get you past this permanently. That's the only thing that might help you avoid another situation like this. You simply have to put in the work!!

 

The rest is band aids!!

[na49]

I really haven't grown much. Although I would have liked a relationship with her, just getting to know her as someone to talk to would have been cool too. After she told me "no thanks" on Facebook, I didn't respond. I feel like I should have. but it's been a while now, so it'd probably be annoying for me to say anything. I'm really not bitter or anything, and I don't know how it came across. Our families know each other, so idk if I should say something or not. Things will just be weird now.

 

Also, I won't be doing this again for a while. I struck out, and was swinging at pitches that were way out of the strike zone.

[mtnbiker3000]

Also, I won't be doing this again for a while. I struck out, and was swinging at pitches that were way out of the strike zone.

 

Honestly, I think that is a wise idea at this point. You need some na49 time!!!

[Riptide91]

Well, I don't think it was too soon otherwise you wouldn't have actually approached her in the way you did. I think you did well my friend. Yes, of course you have a long way to go to heal and of course you can definitely spend more time on yourself but what a step, you asked another girl who wasn't your ex. That shows some improvement. Don't get caught in a downward spiral, I think you're well on your way to moving on. Keep it up. Maybe take another break from LS, just keep working on you. If you get the chance to ask another girl out, please do so. I think it's good for your self esteem whether you get turned down or not. You can't hit a homerun unless you swing! You got this dude, come on!

[na49]

I'll just take this as a litmus test to see where I was at. I really am not ready to date yet. Just making friends (male or female) is going to be my focus right now. I really thought I was close to being over my ex because I was feeling so good for a few weeks. but I definitely am not. I was talking about her, and started to tear up. It sucked, but it was just more evidence that I am not over her.

 

A problem that I'm having recently is checking my email more than I normally would. I go to the Trash folder hoping to see an email from her. I realize that it's not good, and I wish I could just put a wall up to keep any emails from getting to me. Blocking her number, and on Facebook is nice because at least I know she can't contact me.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'll just take this as a litmus test to see where I was at. I really am not ready to date yet. Just making friends (male or female) is going to be my focus right now. I really thought I was close to being over my ex because I was feeling so good for a few weeks. but I definitely am not. I was talking about her, and started to tear up. It sucked, but it was just more evidence that I am not over her.

 

A problem that I'm having recently is checking my email more than I normally would. I go to the Trash folder hoping to see an email from her. I realize that it's not good, and I wish I could just put a wall up to keep any emails from getting to me. Blocking her number, and on Facebook is nice because at least I know she can't contact me.

 

Yeah, going to the trash folder defeats the purpose of filtering her emails there. You have to stop doing that. Don't feel bad about not being over her yet -- you aren't expected to be. Just concentrate on taking steps forward.

[fancy feast]

Don't build up asking a girl out into a huge thing. Dating isn't something that I would make a goal. If you click with someone and want to get to know them more, ask them out. If they say yes, great. If no, then you haven't lost anything.

 

Honestly, the best thing that ever happened to me dating-wise was to get rejected a bunch of few times so I could see it wasn't that big of a deal.

[mtnbiker3000]

Dude. It takes time. Unfortunately, this is a long road. But, you can do it. I was like you. I was hurting so bad for so long. But now? 2 years later? It doesn't bother me much at all. Still think about her. But it's different. And it will be for you too. Just need to put in the time and work!!! Be kind to yourself and practice self-care. Whatever that means for you. You can do this. I know so!!!

[na49]

I wanted to stay away from here until I built myself back up, but today is just a bad day. I went out earlier, and heard songs that made me think of her. Now I feel sick. The pain from my first rejection comes and goes, but the pain of this breakup has stayed constant. It all feels like too much to deal with right now.

[mtnbiker3000]

Get out of the house... Run, walk, ride, skate, whatever...

[na49]

I wanted to make sure the girl that I asked out for lunch didn't remove me from her friends list. I had a feeling that she may have, so I checked. She didn't remove me, but I ended up going to her profile and seeing new pictures of her with friends. There were some pictures of her with guys, and I naturally started comparing myself to them. Even though these people are friends of hers, and even if not, it doesn't mean anything, I'm beating myself up for even looking.

 

Just venting. I'm sure this won't become a habit like stalking my ex lol.

[mtnbiker3000]

I naturally started comparing myself to them.

 

Careful!! This is a slippery slope that I have noticed is usually an indicator of low self-esteem and low self-worth...

 

F them. You're you and that's something great and valuable and worth someones undivided love and respect!!

[Hopeful714]

Just popped in to check up on you! I've been staying away as sometimes this place reminds me of things.

 

Anyhow you seem to be doing well! That's great. Remember, it's a long journey, just keep hanging in there and building your life.

 

In so far as dating.....i,m not sure your really ready for that yet. Sure, meet new friends, get out etc., but I'd continue to work on your self esteem for a while and getting rid of any residual hurt you still have. You won't regret it.

 

I'm assuming at this point you must be feeling a bit of relief that it's over, no? I mean I'm sure you see more clearly that you deserve better than the bull that you were getting right? If so, that's a big step! Just keep going....you will stumble but then get up and continue.....on your way to a better life and better relationships!

 

Ok...catch ya soon! Be well! Keep us posted!

[na49]

Just found out through little birds (seriously f*ck little birds) that my ex has a NEW boyfriend. That makes two guys since leaving me not even 3 months ago.

 

Put your crowbars down everyone. I'm honestly disgusted with myself for allowing this thread to go on so long with me pining over someone. Can we take bets on how long this relationship lasts? I say for a lifetime. I think she finally found "the one". :sick::sick:

[dangerbang]

You should take that as good news. It's proof now that you two are over and she has no interest. And imagine all the issues there'd be if you got back with her after her having had inbetween relationships.

Use this as a stepping stone in the right direction. She's gone, there are millions of other women in the world. No one died here, it really isn't that big a deal. Be thankful for what you have.

[Chi townD]

I seriously wish this thread turned into a thread about your healing and your progress. Telling us the new and exciting things you're doing with your life. Learning to let go and making positive changes in your life so that people could see that there is, in fact, life at the end of the tunnel...but 30 something pages......

[dangerbang]

My fiance left me 2 weeks ago and I'm already seeing plenty of light at the end of the tunnel. I've been at the gym every day after the initial few days of shock and started playing jazz guitar again, took up meditation, arranged a surfing trip soon with my brother, lost 10 pounds, eaten ridiculously healthy every day. What are you doing to improve yourself? It really works. I'm still bloody down every day but I am getting moments of happiness. I think you're quite young - I'm 35 soon and my wedding was cancelled, I'll never get the keys to the apartment we had a deposit on, and I don't think I can ever commit to marriage again.

Some chick dumped you. Seriously, big deal, you need to get over it, and yourself.