That's all folks..

[na49]

I noticed that I feel horrible at night, so I've been running on the treadmill. It's nice to just tire myself out, so that I don't have trouble falling asleep. I also feel a little better after I run.

 

I just don't trust myself enough to get over this right now. I don't know if this hopeless feeling is normal 3 weeks out or not. I'm still clinging to hope which is terrible. I feel like there is nothing that she could tell me or that I could see that would make me lose this bit of hope.

 

The fact that she came back once is holding me back. I try reading over my Word Document where I wrote everything she told me the last time I texted her (It is over, What's there to speak of? I'm not looking back), but that doesn't help as much anymore. I have those moments where I realize it's over, and want to move forward. I wish I could keep that motivation, but it always disappears.

[dyna85]

Yes, the hopeless feeling is normal 3 weeks out. You just gotta ride out the feelings. There are no shortcuts.

 

Just remember that you gained strength by the 3 month mark before, so what makes you think you won't get there again?

 

I don't think you can really control your thoughts and/or feelings too much. Just be kind to yourself and go with the flow....

[seminoles84]

Agree 3 weeks is still pretty recent. I didn't feel significantly better til 2 months out. Here's the catch.. I went 100% NC. I haven't so much looked at a picture of her. I know it's tougher seeing her which you can't entirely get around but DO NOT go out of your way to have any sort of contact for awhile. It's really the only thing that helped me.

[darkbloom]

na--

 

Pretty soon, 3 weeks will turn into 3 months. YOU CAN DO IT. Keep all of that positive energy on yourself and great things will come for you.

[na49]

I really need to keep up my running at night, because it is when I feel the worst. I went for a run, and any urge to do something stupid disappeared. Now I'm just watching TV and playing a video game. I keep looking at my phone hoping that I'll get a text from her. We talked about all of this stuff for the future. She always said that she wanted to be Mrs. na49. We had promise rings. She told her parents that she wanted to marry me. The whole bit. How could she change her mind like this? She can't be serious about breaking up with me again... can she?

 

Well, I know that she is. I just need to accept it already.

 

also, seminoles84, I've watched the video in your signature multiple times. It's awesome, and cheers me up.

[Simon Phoenix]

I really need to keep up my running at night, because it is when I feel the worst. I went for a run, and any urge to do something stupid disappeared. Now I'm just watching TV and playing a video game. I keep looking at my phone hoping that I'll get a text from her. We talked about all of this stuff for the future. She always said that she wanted to be Mrs. na49. We had promise rings. She told her parents that she wanted to marry me. The whole bit. How could she change her mind like this? She can't be serious about breaking up with me again... can she?

 

Well, I know that she is. I just need to accept it already.

 

also, seminoles84, I've watched the video in your signature multiple times. It's awesome, and cheers me up.

 

You didn't unblock her again did you? And good for you for going on a run, just getting moving and occupying yourself can help temper feelings of despair.

[Situasian]

Na, you need to try as hard as you can to forget about her and everything about her. My ex is on holidays at the moment overseas and I told one of our mutal friends I bought tickets to a concert and the ex message me saying why i didnt ask her then stupidly i replied and she went off at me again calling me names etc. Don't be a jack ass and do what i just did and regret it. No contact, no FB stalking no nothing. Its hard but has to be done!

[dontexpect]

I really need to keep up my running at night, because it is when I feel the worst. I went for a run, and any urge to do something stupid disappeared. Now I'm just watching TV and playing a video game. I keep looking at my phone hoping that I'll get a text from her. We talked about all of this stuff for the future. She always said that she wanted to be Mrs. na49. We had promise rings. She told her parents that she wanted to marry me. The whole bit. How could she change her mind like this? She can't be serious about breaking up with me again... can she?

 

Well, I know that she is. I just need to accept it already.

 

also, seminoles84, I've watched the video in your signature multiple times. It's awesome, and cheers me up.

 

That sucks. Well, my ex would sometimes tell me she wouldn't mind moving in with me and tell me all these sweet things when I least expect it. Now, if I show up in her doorstep, she would be pretty mad. Now, I get ignored. Where do these feelings go? The thing is, feelings change and people change.

[Chi townD]

I really need to keep up my running at night, because it is when I feel the worst. I went for a run, and any urge to do something stupid disappeared.

 

 

It because when you run or work out, you release endorphins. That's the hormone that gives you a natural high, boosts your energy. Makes you feel better. AND THAT'S A GOOD THING!

 

 

If it works for you, then keep doing it.

[na49]

Yes.. I did unblock her. again. It won't be the last time I do this, I still haven't accepted that it is over, so I am leaving the line of communication open. I fluctuate between blocking/unblocking so much. It hurts when she isn't blocked and isn't texting me, but it also hurts when she is blocked and I don't know if she is trying to text me. I know I'll get to the point where I block her and leave her blocked. I'm clearly not there yet.

 

Also, I made an appointment to see a counselor at school. It is free, and it helped me the last time. As I was making my appointment, the receptionist told me that the person I will be talking to isn't very "warm and fuzzy". I told her that I don't need "warm and fuzzy" right now. I see her this Thursday.

[Chi townD]

Yes.. I did unblock her. again. It won't be the last time I do this, I still haven't accepted that it is over, so I am leaving the line of communication open. I fluctuate between blocking/unblocking so much. It hurts when she isn't blocked and isn't texting me, but it also hurts when she is blocked and I don't know if she is trying to text me. I know I'll get to the point where I block her and leave her blocked. I'm clearly not there yet.

 

Also, I made an appointment to see a counselor at school. It is free, and it helped me the last time. As I was making my appointment, the receptionist told me that the person I will be talking to isn't very "warm and fuzzy". I told her that I don't need "warm and fuzzy" right now. I see her this Thursday.

 

 

OH! A female version of me! It should go well for you! Now, are you going to block her again or what?!?!?

[na49]

OH! A female version of me! It should go well for you! Now, are you going to block her again or what?!?!?

 

Pretty much lol. I'm looking forward to it. I have a lot of things I can talk about. I can talk about having trouble getting over her/pining for her, my issues with meeting new people, etc.

 

The only thing that worries me about this person I am seeing is that she is an older woman. So I hope she can relate or at least give guidance on how I should handle social media/texting. Even though I know what to do, there's something about hearing it in person that helps.

[Simon Phoenix]

na, put the block back on your phone. You are demonstrating the whole "planning to fail" crap when you unblock it. Block it. Good move on visiting a counselor -- it sounds like you are starting to move forward with working out and seeing a counselor. Now put your damn phone block up again.

[na49]

I think part of the trouble I'm having with leaving her number blocked is because I still haven't accepted that it's over. For some reason I'm still expecting her to come back again. I still want her to come back even though I know I shouldn't.

[Simon Phoenix]

I think part of the trouble I'm having with leaving her number blocked is because I still haven't accepted that it's over. For some reason I'm still expecting her to come back again. I still want her to come back even though I know I shouldn't.

 

Even if she was to come back (which would be a disaster), you blocking her number wouldn't affect her coming back if she was serious. You have to do this and stick to this. You just have to. Living in denial is dumb, you know this. No excuses, get it done.

[The Poster]

na, I'm going to quote a song I've been listening to a lot recently that I think could help you.

 

"Sometimes to keep it together, we've got to leave it alone."

[na49]

I know that I will put the block back on, and leave it on at some point. I just haven't gotten there yet. Part of me wants to get even a breadcrumb at this point because of how she has gone cold on me since leaving. I was the one to reach out a few days post BU, and she shut me out. Does she think that she is blocked already because she tried to reach out when I did have her blocked? I'm pretty much desperate for anything from her which is why I want to leave the lines open.

[na49]

I saw her in passing today. She was outside of my classroom talking to some friends. Damn did that hurt. I didn't look in her direction, there was someone in my way, so I just went passed them and kept walking. Not sure if she saw me or not. It isn't like it matters either way...

 

Also, the more I read about narcissistic people, the more I believe that my ex is a narc. Maybe not a diagnosable one, but she's got so many narcissistic traits.

Edited February 24, 2015 by na49

[Chi townD]

I saw her in passing today. She was outside of my classroom talking to some friends. Damn did that hurt. I didn't look in her direction, there was someone in my way, so I just went passed them and kept walking. Not sure if she saw me or not. It isn't like it matters either way...

 

Also, the more I read about narcissistic people, the more I believe that my ex is a narc. Maybe not a diagnosable one, but she's got so many narcissistic traits.

 

 

 

Okay, that's cool.....Have you seen the counselor yet? What clubs have you looked into? Join any good causes lately? Did you sign up for a 5k mud run, yet? Have you talked to people to come and do it with you? Have you been meeting new people? Are you still going to the gym? Have you started to make any plans for spring break?

[na49]

I see her for the first time on Thursday. I haven't really been meeting new people yet. I'm working out still, but have no plans for Spring Break yet.

 

Also have a strong urge to check her Facebook right now...

[darkbloom]

na--

 

 

invest in some heavy metal music. every time you get the urge to check it, put that **** on super loud. you need to find ways to distract your brain when you want to facebook stalk her. facebook stalking is on par with real stalking and should be avoided at all costs. you are better than this.

[The Poster]

I could even argue that social media stalking is worse than real life stalking because only positive things get posted on social media. People aren't posting bout sadness or hard times. Nothing you see will ever make you feel good. Ever.

 

I once saw a pic of my ex and her brother. That was it, and for some reason it shook me.

[na49]

I know that it's pathetic, and I guess it really is on par with real life stalking. I found myself looking at her mutual friends Facebook's again earlier. I saw an old picture of her with her friends. Her smile in the picture though... Ugh it brought back so many memories. I tell myself that what I did wasn't as bad as actually looking at her Facebook and seeing new pictures, but it isn't good at all.

 

I told myself that I didn't want to be that "crazy ex", but I have really turned into one. She just doesn't know it.

[darkbloom]

I could even argue that social media stalking is worse than real life stalking because only positive things get posted on social media. People aren't posting bout sadness or hard times. Nothing you see will ever make you feel good. Ever.

 

I once saw a pic of my ex and her brother. That was it, and for some reason it shook me.

 

 

 

Disagree. My best friend's ex would keep tabs on her on social media. And then show up places she was tagged. Followed all of our friends on social media to make sure he knew where she was at. It was like emotional stalking.

 

 

I think an innocent look isn't stalking. But when you are going through her friends pages for a glimpse of her that is where you are crossing the line. I understand that that might not be legally stalking. But I'm sure if you were to ever tell her what you were doing, it would make her really uncomfortable. And SHE would think you were stalking her.

 

 

I think when two people decide to break up and not be friends (since that is the case 99% of the time) that should include not being involved on social media at all. I think just because you can do it when no one is looking on the internet doesn't make it okay. If they wanted you to see their stuff, they would still be friends with you on those platforms.

 

 

It all boils down to healthy emotional boundaries. Setting them and keeping them.

[The Poster]

Disagree. My best friend's ex would keep tabs on her on social media. And then show up places she was tagged. Followed all of our friends on social media to make sure he knew where she was at. It was like emotional stalking.

 

 

I think an innocent look isn't stalking. But when you are going through her friends pages for a glimpse of her that is where you are crossing the line. I understand that that might not be legally stalking. But I'm sure if you were to ever tell her what you were doing, it would make her really uncomfortable. And SHE would think you were stalking her.

 

 

I think when two people decide to break up and not be friends (since that is the case 99% of the time) that should include not being involved on social media at all. I think just because you can do it when no one is looking on the internet doesn't make it okay. If they wanted you to see their stuff, they would still be friends with you on those platforms.

 

 

It all boils down to healthy emotional boundaries. Setting them and keeping them.

 

Social Media is so bizarre with relationships and breakups. I unfollowed my ex on Instagram a week after the breakup because I realized I couldn't handle it. She unfollowed me the very next day. A month later she followed me back, and I still don't know why.