That's all folks..

[na49]

I'm definitely going to continue putting all of my thoughts on here instead of acting on any urges. It's nice to know that I'm really not alone in how I am feeling, and that everyone going through this has their ups and downs.

 

Sadly, today is a down.. I used to love when the snow would cancel class. Now I hate it though. I'm stuck inside with my thoughts, and nothing to do. I woke up wondering if I should apologize to her for how I acted. Maybe I shouldn't have been angry/jealous about her friend's brother telling her that he had a crush on her. Maybe that shouldn't have bothered me, or I shouldn't have made it a big deal. I feel like this was all my fault. I feel like she'd be here if it wasn't for my stupidity. She deserves an apology..

[Stercrazy]

No......she doesn't. It happened the way it happened. You don't owe her anything. If your ex wants to be with you she would be with you. An apology at this point is irrelevant for the both of you. Just do you.

[na49]

I just feel like I need more insight into this whole thing. Was I wrong for being uncomfortable that she was hanging out with a guy who made it clear that he has a crush on her? Was I wrong for believing that for the sake of our relationship, she should at the very least distance herself from him? and not worship this guy on Facebook by writing things like "This guy is my best friend, he hears what I don't say". Should I have been completely comfortable with this? Is this my problem?

[Stercrazy]

No.....if you weren't comfortable with it then it is what it is. It's the communication within the relationship that counts. So when situations like yours comes up dialog should happen leading to understanding. It doesn't sound like that happened. That takes two people....not just one.

[na49]

No.....if you weren't comfortable with it then it is what it is. It's the communication within the relationship that counts. So when situations like yours comes up dialog should happen leading to understanding. It doesn't sound like that happened. That takes two people....not just one.

 

I told her that it bothered me many times. I really believe that I was pretty good at communicating when something was bothering me. She wasn't very receptive though, and had me feeling like it was my fault for being uncomfortable. Even though when I asked her how she would feel if she was in my situation, she told me that she'd be uncomfortable. and the worshiping this guy on Facebook... I mean really? Why would she do that to me when we were still together? She had to realize that would bother me.. right?

[Simon Phoenix]

I told her that it bothered me many times. I really believe that I was pretty good at communicating when something was bothering me. She wasn't very receptive though, and had me feeling like it was my fault for being uncomfortable. Even though when I asked her how she would feel if she was in my situation, she told me that she'd be uncomfortable. and the worshiping this guy on Facebook... I mean really? Why would she do that to me when we were still together? She had to realize that would bother me.. right?

 

Of course she does. She just didn't, and doesn't, care. And the sooner you get that through your thick skull, the sooner you can start moving forward and getting on with the rest of your life. If you apologize to her, I'll officially give up on you. That would be such a terrible move on your part.

[na49]

but was I wrong for being uncomfortable about that? Maybe I was just too jealous. I don't think I'd actually apologize, I'm just having a really bad day today. I can't stop thinking about everything that happened, and I'm believing that it was all my fault.

[Simon Phoenix]

but was I wrong for being uncomfortable about that? Maybe I was just too jealous. I don't think I'd actually apologize, I'm just having a really bad day today. I can't stop thinking about everything that happened, and I'm believing that it was all my fault.

 

No, if you're uncomfortable you're uncomfortable. It's not like you secretly held it against her -- you let her know. She didn't give a sh*t.

 

Honestly, I'm going to beat the crap out of you with a baseball bat. None of this "it's my fault" crap. Come on dude.

[Situasian]

I'm going to have to agree with Simon here. You can't blame yourself seriously you stood up for yourself! She didn't take it very well obviously. So stop blaming yourself man! I don't want to get angry at you cause we are going through very similar situations but i know im not blaming myself for the break up! You did everything you could and from all accounts you sounded like a good/great bf to her but she obviously is looking around for something maybe she will never known what it is she is looking for and hopefully by then you'll get what you deserve

[mtnbiker3000]

Well, right or wrong, this was a stage I definitely spent some time in as well. It's all part of the Nice Guy patterns and behaviors. I still see many mistakes I made throughout the RS. The trick is to not beat yourself about them. Learn from them, let them go as best you can and move on!!

[Situasian]

NA, do not break NC i just had to as i got a speeding fine from last year from a day my ex was driving the car. I texted her saying i just got a speeding fine and i'm pretty sure you were driving my car that weekend because i was at work. She wrote back prove it or F*** off. so moral of the story do not break NC

[na49]

I guess I just needed a reminder that I did the best I could in handling this. I did let her know that it was bothering me. It wasn't me being jealous of her male friends, it was me having an issue with a male friend who had a crush on her. She insisted on remaining close with him, and even did things like post about how he "hears what I say and what I don't say". She had to know that would hurt me, but whether she did or didn't, she didn't care.

 

I'm not blaming myself as much today. I still am beating myself up a bit, but I'm really angry today. I've been slamming my hand on my desk while I'm trying to do homework just because I think about everything that happened. I'm getting so frustrated. I'm feeling hopeless. She has so many friends and people in her life, she gets to find some new guy with ease and it's like nothing happened. I don't have nearly as many friends as her. It makes me feel inferior.

[Chi townD]

I guess I just needed a reminder that I did the best I could in handling this. I did let her know that it was bothering me. It wasn't me being jealous of her male friends, it was me having an issue with a male friend who had a crush on her. She insisted on remaining close with him, and even did things like post about how he "hears what I say and what I don't say". She had to know that would hurt me, but whether she did or didn't, she didn't care.

 

I'm not blaming myself as much today. I still am beating myself up a bit, but I'm really angry today. I've been slamming my hand on my desk while I'm trying to do homework just because I think about everything that happened. I'm getting so frustrated. I'm feeling hopeless. She has so many friends and people in her life, she gets to find some new guy with ease and it's like nothing happened. I don't have nearly as many friends as her. It makes me feel inferior.

 

 

 

Well, with that attitude, you will be.

 

 

YOU have to decide for yourself that you deserve better. That you deserve a girl that will respect you for who you are. I suspect that you were just filling a void while she was still on the look out for the next guy to latch onto.

 

 

My father taught me a long time ago that if you treat the RIGHT girl with kindness, love and respect; then, she's going to give that back to you and A LOT MORE!!! And that's all it takes.

 

 

You were showing her kindness, love and respect; but, she wasn't giving that back to you. Therefore, she wasn't the RIGHT girl. She proved herself to be the WRONG girl.

[na49]

It really is up to me at this point. She hasn't reached out to me once in the past month, and clearly doesn't want to be with me anymore. I should be glad to accept that, because she seriously messed me up. I'm still having a hard time. It's ridiculous for me to believe that I'll never meet someone else when I'm 20 years old. The thought of having to court someone new, and have them actually want to be with me seems impossible. Even if they do, there's no guarantee that it would work out. I'd rather stay with the comfort of my ex, but that's out of the question now.

 

I guess it's normal to feel this way after your first heartbreak.. I've almost had a month of NC. Through all of my stupid urges during the past few weeks, I haven't acted on any of them. I should give myself at least a little credit.

[Situasian]

Dude your 20 years old. Trust me plenty of time to find the one. I think you need to just keep busy and not worry so much. Karma is a bitch and she will get hers man maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but one day she will. Do what you need to do to grieve and move on because end of the day your allowing someone who doesn't care about you to control how you feel about yourself and the only way to move on is to let her go and make yourself happy

[na49]

I've been trying to stay busy, and just worry about what is going on in my life instead of what isn't. I can't pretend like I don't miss her or want her to come back, but that's all it can be right now. This is one part of life where I really have no control. There's nothing I can do to bring her back. I've had a few moments where I've felt happy, and just because I was making myself happy. I need more moments like that.

[na49]

Surprisingly I felt pretty good all day yesterday. I've been telling myself that "she is living in my head, and not paying any rent" when I think about her too much. It's stupid, but it worked for me yesterday. She's been the only thing that I'm thinking about when she hasn't done anything for me in the past month. Meanwhile, I have a lot of people who are still in my life and are doing things for me every day. I don't spend time thinking about them at all.

 

It was nice to feel good and confident that things will get better for a day. I still miss her and wish she'd reach out now.

[Situasian]

Hey man i assumed you wrote on here again because you wanted to express yourself rather than think about her which is awesome I'll be following this thread until you decide to stop. Today I received numerous phone calls from my ex eventually I decided to pick up after the 10th time. I'm so glad I did because you know why? Well this phone call weirdly enough has made me get over her full stop. It was so werid. She basically accused me of keying her car last night and yelling crap like she was a sl@& or whore outside her house, obviously it wasn't me as I was at night shift and I told her to settle down. Now here's the kicker she then goes to me well it was either you or Peter(a guy who I thought was her friend and whom I've met before whilst going out with her), I then proceeded to ask why would Peter do it? She then replied saying well I started seeing him after we broke up. I was shocked and asked her to repeat what she said which she did. I just hung up the phone and she then messaged me saying she wants proof I was at work to which I replied I don't give a crap what you think I was at work you can go to the cops I don't give a rats ass you bitch. Then you know what two hours later she is asking me to look after our cats because her housemate has threatened to kill them because she asked him to move out and I just replied with (sorry I was being a cheeky ass when I wrote this to her because I was sick of her crap) the only chance youll have at me doing that is you get on your knees and suck my c$&@. Anyway she replie with I can't believe your asking me to do that when I'm seeing someone and I find that sad on your part. I wanted to reply with well I thought since I was with you for 4 years and you cheated on me numerous times you wouldn't care but I didn't even bother messaging back and you know why? Because I am done with her man! Best feeling ever and I honestly wish I could share this feelin with you NA! What goes around comes around my friend and sorry for the long post but I feel so so much better

[na49]

It's alright dude, I'm glad that you finally feel like you got the closure you need to move on. It's much easier to get motivated to move on when you can hate them for something like that. I tell myself that seeing her Facebook would give me that motivation, but the pain might not be worth it.

 

I spent about an hour last night crying my eyes out to the saddest breakup songs I could find. I wanted to make this breakup feel a bit more real, and make my emotions feel real too. I am still sad. No one knows it unless I tell them, but I'm very sad, and feel hopeless at times. I woke up wishing I were dead this morning. I'm sure that things do get better, but I feel like I'll be stuck here forever. I'm afraid that I'll never get over her, and it will effect any future relationships I try to have.

[na49]

I feel like I opened up the flood gates when I cried two nights ago. I found myself crying again yesterday. I almost broke down at the dinner table, and was tearing up when I was trying to study. I also legitimately felt suicidal. I think it's more of my feeling hopeless, and like this pain will never end. I felt like inflicting more pain by checking her Facebook. Thankfully I didn't act on that stupid urge. Outside of dealing with this breakup, I wouldn't say my life is that terrible.

[na49]

I thought today might be better, but it really wasn't. I've never truly felt suicidal until now. I feel like I've been dealing with this breakup for long enough, and just want it to be over. I have all of my urges right now, and even want to call her just to beg. Of course it would hurt, but then again I'm already in pain.

 

I seriously hope I'm just going through the motions. This sucks..

[Hopeful714]

WoW! I come here once in a great while to lurk and lo and behold here we are again! Remember me?

 

I'm sorry about your break up NA and I feel bad your feeling so low as I certainly know the feeling as I was exactly at the same place with you when you went through this the first time round.

 

I can say, I am living proof that you can get through this but It's going to take you a long time I'm sorry to say. You need to hang in there. I am fully healed now and you will be too someday.

 

It took me a good 2 years to rebuild myself and get to the total non caring stage. During those 2 years I, like you wanted to peek on FB but I didn't for a long while. Then I did, here and there, and though it set me back, it also helped me heal because it reinforced what I already knew and that was that he is a dirty bum lying cheat who continued his ways with the girls that came after me. I would never want him again. And, I will say without going into details that yes, he got and is getting his karma.

 

For you, if you cant snap out of this funk soon, I would seriously consider antidepressants. You cant be thinking suicidal thoughts. You need to get a grip and slowly you can build yourself up to a new you that will never experience this crap again. Again though...its going to take a while.

 

Get back to the gym if you can. Lift some weights. Pour yourself into your studies as it will benefit your future. Picture the type of man you want to become and then become that person. You can do it.

 

Time is going to pass and your going to hate this girl. And, you will hate what you let her do to you. I know...my esteem hit rock bottom! But now I see it had nothing to do with me. The guy was a J-As* and I obviously had some growing to do...and now its done and my life is great ....and his ...well lets just say I wouldn't want it.

 

I want to warn you though...be prepared...they always come back for the last twist of the knife. It may take weeks ...or months. But be prepared. Show NO emotion. Never let her see you hurting. Say little...if anything at all and be on your way and become awesome. It will kill her forever. Let this motivate you now....and eventually you will grow and be like "hey, im this great guy...and I don't give a rat's ass about that bitc* anymore"

 

Dude...your gonna be ok! I just know it! Hang in there...we are ALL puling for you!

[na49]

When I saw you replied to my thread, I thought "hmm.. that name looks familiar". Yes I do remember you. I'm realizing pretty quickly that time is a huge factor in my healing. It hasn't been that long, but it feels like it's been forever already. I never took antidepressants, I never thought I needed to. I always had my ups and downs in life, but these suicidal thoughts are no joke. Contemplating ending my life is scary.

 

I got a treadmill last summer, and everyone in my family would go on it but me. Now I try to go on it every night. I am running more for my mental health than my physical health. I've been doing surprisingly well this semester, which has been nice.

 

The thought of her coming back at all makes me feel good. I don't know if I should feel good about the idea of her coming back just to twist the knife. I guess I want to know that I matter enough to her for her to reach out to me. I have all of my stupid urges, but I am just trying to hang on until my next counseling appointment. It's really one of the only things I look forward to right now.

 

Thank you for your kind words. It really was the surge I needed to feel better tonight.

[na49]

I'm posting here instead of doing something really stupid. I want to check her Facebook so bad, and am wondering if I should just do it and get it over with already. This urge has been killing me for the past few weeks, and I can't take it anymore. I also want to text her, but have no idea what I'd say. I still feel so hopeless.

[BlueIris]

na,

 

The thing about life is that we NEVER know what is around the corner. There are possibilities you can’t imagine- like that you and your life without her will be so much better in some way or down some path you can’t see yet.

 

Every time you ask, “what if…?” and imagine bad, be fair and realistic and consider “but, what if everything will end up much better?”

 

Even if you can’t see it yet, allow for the possibility.

 

Don’t preclude possibilities. The very best things are just as possible as any other possibilities.

 

Hugs