That's all folks..

[mtnbiker3000]

It's like having any scar. It's probably going to be there forever. But it fades over time. You learn to live with it and after while, you don't even notice it. But it's there...

[JollyDays]

Na, I've pretty much read this entire thread and I feel for you. Yes, joining a club, as a few people have suggested over the past few weeks, is a step towards progress, and having a Summer job, while not seeing her on campus on a daily basis, will aid in your recovery tremendously. But you seem somewhat like me. Perhaps a bit inexperienced with the ladies, and a nice guy, who invested all of his chips in one lady, and you were flushed. Since then, you've been mentally racing through every little tidbit of the relationship and trying to figure out where the point-of-divergence occurred.

 

 

Take my advice: you have eyes in the front of your head for a reason. Do you understand what I'm trying to convey? She is gone (thankfully), and proved to be nothing more than an immature slutbag who latched on to the first piece of dick she could find just WEEKS after she left you. Hey brother, I can relate, as not only a woman did that to me when I was about your age, but also called me from the dude's house multiple times.

 

 

Why are you missing that? You should be thanking your lucky stars that this faux version of Mae West left you to infect someone else with God knows what disease (s). You are nothing more than a pitstop on her proverbial relationship highway. While she's "resting" in your heart and sould, she eats on you, takes a piss and ****s in your bathroom (illogical mind) on the way to her destination, which is to latch on to some other dude's dick, money, and time.

 

 

I might sound harsh, but damnit, I've been reading these postings for the past few days, and actually replied to this thread around March, using a weird baseball analogy. But I digress. The larger point that I'm making is that sometimes we just have to take stock of what occurred, recognize not necessarily their role in the breakup, but, most importantly, OUR role in the mess that has occurred and get on with the business of living. You're not finished dude, you're 20 years old, and I know that it may seem like your world is done, but it's not. You're just starting, and there are BILLIONS of women on this rock called Planet Earth. Think of all the infinite possibilities there are as far as meeting women and forming friendships, and possible relationships. Honestly, even though I don't know you, I know you. Does that make sense? I (and others here) do not want to see you like me, 37 years of age, lonely as ****, and regretting not putting myself out there during my 20s and early 30s because I was stuck in a fantasy world OF MY OWN CHOOSING with two exes. DON'T MAKE THAT MISTAKE MAN!! WE'RE ROOTING FOR YOU!!

[JollyDays]

Have you ever considered whether or not you have OCD? I have it, along with social anxiety, and it causes a hell of a wreck on the mind, as far as relationships are concerned. It's kind of hard to form them. I have a feeling that this woman plays in your mind like a film reel on a daily basis, and it's draining you emotionally (well, it did that to me). I am not trying to insult and mock you, I'm just wondering, because I've had those kinds of feelings through the years.

[na49]

Wow, thanks for reading this entire thread. The time away has to help, so I'm looking forward to it. I am extremely inexperienced with the ladies, and all of my chips were with her. Once I had her, that was it. I didn't bother trying to meet other girls. I had her, and that was all I wanted. You could say I was willing to settle for all of the abuse she put me through just so I could tell people I had a girlfriend. I ended up taking her back, so I'm partially to blame for that, but I forgive myself.

 

Not only did she latch onto that dick after leaving me. Once she found out she couldn't just get me to take her back without having to work on the relationship, she latched onto another dick.

 

I don't think I'm missing her as much as I am missing being in a relationship. I don't have many friends to begin with, so she became my best friend. I realize that your SO should be your best friend, but when you don't have any other friends, it's a problem.

 

I've never thought that I had OCD, but it's possible. I could have social anxiety, and a bunch of other things, but I try not to diagnose myself. Also, don't apologize for being harsh. I really appreciate your advice, and I didn't think you were mocking me at all.

[JollyDays]

Well na49, I think your heart's in the right place, but you're tattered emotionally by everything that's occurred. Although we are saying NC for your own good, it's hard to erase the good memories of a relationship, though in the end, the bad heavily outweighs the good. Think of a basketball game in which you score 30 points in the first quarter but only score 55 the rest of the way. OUCH!! It sounds like the NY Knicks teams of the early-to-mid 90s, but I digress and don't want to piss off any Knicks faithful here. LOL

 

 

I'll let you in on something else. I broke up with one of my exes over a decade ago, and I received a notification from Facebook last week that she joined the site. Now, that was strange because a.) How would FB know that I cared about her joining, and b.) I was deactivated when she did. The kicker was that the damn site stated that I friend requested her (or it said "requested" on her page)! Now how is that possible given that I was deactivated when she joined and I never searched for her? Maybe she was trying to request me and it was a glitch, but I digress. So I looked at her profile and a funny thing happened to me---I felt free after all of these years. Freed from the way the relationship ended, and some of the other stuff that happened afterwards.

 

 

In any event, I still recommend NC like most other people because we're not talking a decade later, we're only months in your case. I only brought my story up because I wanted you to know that many of us still struggle to accept the loss of our previous relationships, and the roles WE played in the breakup years later, while also dealing with some of the things left unsaid. But, in the end, this isn't a Hollywood script, and you have to have the wind at your back and roll on with your life. YOU CAN DO IT NA!! YOU'VE MADE IT THIS FAR!!

Edited May 7, 2015 by JollyDays

[na49]

Finding out that I was right about her being interested in her friend's brother was nice. Finding out that he dumped her, and that she was single sucked. and honestly, finding out that she already has another person really sucks.

 

I've been haunted by the thoughts of her having sex with both guys already. She's getting it every other day, and I'm not sure when the next time I'll do anything with a girl is. I know that it's counter productive, and I was doing so well until I got home today. It hit me, and now I'm having the worst night I've had in a long time.

 

I can accept my roles in the relationship failing. It was my first relationship. I had two tries with the same girl, but it's still my first relationship. There's a lot of things I could have done better, but I also realize that I never could have done everything to make her happy. No matter how much I did, I always could have done more. I just wish I could get myself to stop checking the Trash folder for emails from her... It's been like a month+ of NC, and she's got a new boyfriend.

[JollyDays]

Honestly man, don't even worry about who is ****ing her. You can't control that, and you're no longer together, so it's a moot point. ****, I used to think the same as you until I figured out that there were other women out there, and quite frankly, you want someone who is there just for you and your eyes only, not every dude with a dick walking around. Look at her as spilled milk brother. Why cry over it?

 

 

You'll get through this night, and future nights. Do something for me. When you start thinking about her boning someone, focus on something else, like a hobby, or work that needs to be done. Call a friend and just talk about life, but don't allow her to occupy space in your head rent free! It's not worth it!

[JollyDays]

As far as the new BF's concerned, he's going to find out what you and everyone else did. Don't sweat it.

[Chi townD]

I've been haunted by the thoughts of her having sex with both guys already. She's getting it every other day, and I'm not sure when the next time I'll do anything with a girl is. I know that it's counter productive, and I was doing so well until I got home today. It hit me, and now I'm having the worst night I've had in a long time.

 

 

 

Dude, you need to look at things in a different light. Yeah, you know damn well she's banging these guys. She feels the only way to keep a guy happy is to sleep with them. But, look what's happening to her. These guys that she hooking up with are looking at her as an easy piece of ass and nothing more. And when they grow tired of her or she hints that she wants something more, they kick her to the curb. Therefore, even if she's with someone else and sleeping with them, she's probably more lonely than you are.

 

 

Dude, don't worry about girls, that will come in time and when you least expect it. And you'll get to know her, talk with her, have fun with her. You'll look forward to taking her out, holding hands and stealing kisses. And when the time is right, you'll get intimate with her and it's going to be mindblowing! In my experience, sex is a hell of lot better with someone I care about and even grown to love than sex with someone I barely know. And, hopefully, one day you'll understand what I'm taking about.

[na49]

I'm officially done for the semester, and I definitely had some negative feelings about coming home. Today would have been our last date night of the semester, and we would have been figuring out plans for the summer, etc. It's a nice day so we probably would have been sitting outside or something.

 

Thankfully I didn't see her, and haven't seen her in a week or so. I don't need to worry about running into her again until I go back to school. I'm trying to stop myself from checking the Trash folder of my email, but I still check because I have a feeling she will send me another email to relieve her guilt. Then I remember that she has a boyfriend, so why would she bother?

 

This checking my email bullsh*t is like the only hurdle that I have right now. It's not a big one, but it's such an annoying habit. I want to hear from her, but I know I won't respond, and I know that a relationship between us will probably NEVER work because everyone in my life hates her/thinks she'd just leave me again.

[Simon Phoenix]

Everybody is write, she's done it twice, which would make it easier to do it a third time. And stop checking your damn trash folder. That's just weird and counterproductive. If she did send you something, could you refrain from opening it? Not a chance in hell IMO.

[JollyDays]

Come on NA!! It seems like you're a sucker for self-destruction. Honestly, YOU STILL WANT HER IN YOUR LIFE. Sometimes, when you get the urge to check your emails, or start thinking about her, I want you to do something---just walk away, and I mean literally. Eat, take a nap, read, call someone. I don't really care. But try erasing her from your mind.

 

 

You even admitted to yourself that she has a man and isn't thinking about you. Why waste your time thinking about someone who has no regards for your mental well-being? Again, I implore you to stop letting her live in your head rent-free. Otherwise, you may end up like me, letting one of my exes live rent-free in my mind for 10 ****ing years. I finally got the courage to move on recently when I saw her Facebook picture and realized that she was (and will always be) just a woman. I don't hate her, but she was a part of my life for a moment, nothing more, nothing less. In the end, she wasn't that special to me, and the chick that you're pining for isn't that special either.

 

Those that have struggled with moving on have to realize that placing a PERSON on a pedestal is essentially viewing them in a God-like manner. In the end, they eat, sleep, ****, fart, and work to make a living just like us. Or, as they say, they put their pants on one leg at a time.

 

 

Man, you have to get yourself back into a positive mood. Hell, there's probably some ladies on (and off) campus eyeing you at this moment, and you're going to miss out on true happiness. NA, don't be like so many of us who watched the best years of our lives pass us by because we were bitter, or living in Neverland, hoping for a reunion that never was. Take care man.

Edited May 16, 2015 by JollyDays
Typos

[na49]

Thank you! I actually removed my school email from my favorites, so that I need to manually visit the website to check. It's stupid, and wouldn't technically stop me from checking, but the extra step might stop me from getting the urge. Out of sight, out of mind.

 

I started my new job today, and feel overwhelmed about it. It's in retail as a cashier which is something that I've never done. I listened to a recording the whole time, but don't think I learned much from it. I don't have a schedule, and the floor manager told me when to leave. I'm freaking out about the fact I didn't formally "clock out".

 

By the time I got to my car, I felt like crying. Not because of anything relating to my ex, I just feel overwhelmed by this job. Having my mom ask me how it went when I got home didn't help. I used every ounce of strength to not cry in front of her. Maybe I'm not smart enough to do it. The extra money to spend/save for myself was going to be nice, but I feel so incompetent right now.

[Chi townD]

DUDE!! Chill the hell out! It was your first day on the job! They're expecting you to mess up! Your not going to be comfortable with what you're doing for a little bit! Part of the learning process! They know this! They don't expect you to be an expert walking in the door!

 

 

RELAX!!!

[JollyDays]

ChiTownD's right. It's just your first day on the floor rookie. CHILL MAN! Don't break down about it. I give it a few weeks and you'll be an expert at what you do. Besides, staying busy helps to keep exes off our minds, and you might meet Ms. Right in the checkout line. Never say never NA!

[AIJ]

Thank you! I actually removed my school email from my favorites, so that I need to manually visit the website to check. It's stupid, and wouldn't technically stop me from checking, but the extra step might stop me from getting the urge. Out of sight, out of mind.

 

I started my new job today, and feel overwhelmed about it. It's in retail as a cashier which is something that I've never done. I listened to a recording the whole time, but don't think I learned much from it. I don't have a schedule, and the floor manager told me when to leave. I'm freaking out about the fact I didn't formally "clock out".

 

By the time I got to my car, I felt like crying. Not because of anything relating to my ex, I just feel overwhelmed by this job. Having my mom ask me how it went when I got home didn't help. I used every ounce of strength to not cry in front of her. Maybe I'm not smart enough to do it. The extra money to spend/save for myself was going to be nice, but I feel so incompetent right now.

 

Don't feel overwhelmed. I've been working for a few months now and I still sometimes forget to clock out, it's a very simple thing to forget. I also am a cashier, at first I was making all kinds of mistakes, you get used to it, I'm sure your colleagues would be more than happy to assist you if you ever get stuck, I know mine were

[Lizrd3000]

.......You are me and your ex is my ex. I'm serious.

Everything you've said about your ex is what my ex is. We also gave our relationship a second chance. first RS lasted 6 months, break up of 1.5 months, then RS of 1.5 years, now a BU of a week as of now. our RS lasted 2 years and a bit in total.

 

 

The way you think is just like me. The way you describe you're feeling is just like me. I never thought there'd be anyone this close as being a copy of me and my situation, haha.

 

 

Man, I just feel like I know you. I'm on page 2 of your thread right now, but I'm gonna continue reading, and will be waiting for more updates from you. I just wanted to let you know ASAP that I am exactly going through what you're going through.

 

 

Can I ask how old you and your ex are? and where are you from? I'm really curious! Hope you're okay right now, I'll be posting in the future.

 

 

Cheers, Jeff

[na49]

I guess everyone's right. It was my first day, but not everyone knew that. The people I was bagging for didn't know, so they probably thought I was inefficient. I also feel like I made mistakes when bagging, or wasn't as fast as I should have been.

 

When I did ask questions, everyone was helpful/friendly. I didn't ask as many questions as I should have though.. Oh well, tomorrow is another day..

 

Also, Lizrd3000 that's pretty crazy I hope that reading this giant thread helps you realize that you aren't alone in anything you're feeling. I'm 20 and my ex is 21. We are both Americans (unless you meant what region/state or something?). I've been doing okay recently. My new job has given me something else to obsess over.

[Lizrd3000]

I guess everyone's right. It was my first day, but not everyone knew that. The people I was bagging for didn't know, so they probably thought I was inefficient. I also feel like I made mistakes when bagging, or wasn't as fast as I should have been.

 

When I did ask questions, everyone was helpful/friendly. I didn't ask as many questions as I should have though.. Oh well, tomorrow is another day..

 

Also, Lizrd3000 that's pretty crazy I hope that reading this giant thread helps you realize that you aren't alone in anything you're feeling. I'm 20 and my ex is 21. We are both Americans (unless you meant what region/state or something?). I've been doing okay recently. My new job has given me something else to obsess over.

Cool! I'm 20 too, but my ex is 19. Yeah I meant which country. I'm from The Netherlands! So far away, yet so similair. Makes me realize how people all over the world can share the same difficulties, it's a pretty comforting feeling, even though I rather have you not suffering the way you are. LMAO.

 

 

I'm currently at page 6, I read so slowly, plus I get distracted by random stuff all the time! I think I'll finish your thread in 2 days. hahah.

 

 

So far it's been pretty informative, still the same situation.

Just wanted to let you know that it gets bad before it gets better. Always!

So take bad days as a sign of incoming good days, it helps me alot. Especially since it's true.

 

 

 

 

Hope you're alright,

 

 

Jeff

[AIJ]

I guess everyone's right. It was my first day, but not everyone knew that. The people I was bagging for didn't know, so they probably thought I was inefficient. I also feel like I made mistakes when bagging, or wasn't as fast as I should have been.

 

When I did ask questions, everyone was helpful/friendly. I didn't ask as many questions as I should have though.. Oh well, tomorrow is another day..

 

Also, Lizrd3000 that's pretty crazy I hope that reading this giant thread helps you realize that you aren't alone in anything you're feeling. I'm 20 and my ex is 21. We are both Americans (unless you meant what region/state or something?). I've been doing okay recently. My new job has given me something else to obsess over.

 

Most of the people that come in to that store are most likely local, and would recognise you're new. Most of the people that came in to mine when I started working would recognise that and comment on it.

 

Anyway, bagging tips:

- eggs & bread should be at the top of the bag, or in a bag by themselves/with other very light items. Don't want to crush them.

- big bottles, only put 1 in a bag.

 

You'll get the hang of it in time, don't worry about it, you'll be fine!

[na49]

Thankfully I was shadowing someone the entire day today, and I feel like I can get the hang of this. I talked to a few people about the training mp3 and they all said it made things seem more confusing. It was relieving to hear I wasn't the only one who didn't understand it.

 

I got a little better with bagging too. I feel completely different than I did yesterday which is nice. I'm sure I'll have bad days at work, but I definitely don't feel too stupid to do this. Also, a lot of the customers wished me luck, or were friendly to me about being new. It made me feel much more relaxed. I'm a very shy person, so this forces me to talk to people.

[Lizrd3000]

I'm happy your new job got easier for you. Great job on that. Being shy and forcing yourself to talk to customers is a brave thing to do, well done on that too!

 

 

Hope you're doing okay!

[na49]

I've been doing pretty well recently. I missed her more than usual today, but I have been pushing through it.

 

One thing that has been getting to me is having my mom ask me if I'm making friends at work. It seems like every day since I have started she's asked me. I understand it's my fault for making my ex my world, and being okay with not having friends outside of her. She means well, but it completely dumps my self esteem whenever she asks me.

 

I've been talking to people at work. A lot of the people who train me have been older, but I am still friendly with them. A girl who trained me today was around my age, and I talked to her about things relating to work. Another guy at work has been busting my balls over what video games I like, but I wouldn't call any of these people my "friends".

[na49]

Bleh, I thought I'd be able to stay away from this journal thread for a while, but one of her friends came in with her mom today, and was on my line. She told me that she didn't know that I worked at the supermarket, and I told her that I just started.

 

The thoughts of my ex came flooding in. My hands were shaking, and I kept asking myself if she was going to tell my ex that she saw me working. I won't be caught by surprised if I see this girl again, and she was always nice to me even after my ex dumped me. I also wondered what she thought of my ex's behavior.

 

It could have been worse though, I could have seen my ex with her mom. (even thinking about that makes me shake) Thankfully, my ex doesn't live THAT close to me, so she is one person I shouldn't have to worry about seeing at work.

 

I also feel myself backsliding a bit. I felt awesome for two weeks, and last night/this morning I felt like crying. I don't know if it's because of her or just because I'm feeling lonely, but it sucks. Having my parents asking me if I'm okay makes me start to tear up. They must notice I'm not acting like myself..

Edited May 23, 2015 by na49

[seminoles84]

Really gotta get out of your own head sometimes na. Stop over analyzing..