That's all folks..

[na49]

My urge isn't nearly as bad as it was when I first got home. I wrote the text of what I wanted to say to her, but didn't send it. After reading it, I thought of everything that could happen. You're right. I would feel worse. If she cared, she would be texting me. She'd be trying to contact me. She'd use her friend's phones to call me or something. I'm spending all day thinking about her, and she's spending minimal time (if any) thinking about me. She's got her friends around 24/7 because she lives on campus with all of them.

 

My 3 month mark would be a great goal. The thing that I'm worried about is feeling worse during the summer. My summers were never lonely with her because we'd always be texting, and finding time to see each other. I won't have anyone to talk to like that anymore. I feel like I'll end up chasing her, or stalking her Facebook page. I will probably be working during the summer, but not all the time. I'm bound to have weak moments.

[Simon Phoenix]

If I were you, I'd use your previous NC endpoint as a benchmark to try to reach. You made it 3 months after your last BU (before the whole snafu of her returning--we'll ignore that part for now), so you should visualize yourself getting to that point again, and strive to reach it. You did it before, so you should be determined to get there again, and once you get there, you can then push yourself beyond, to the next milestone.

 

What helps me is to think of the summer, since I'm such a fan of warm weather. Imagine how amazing it will feel to have several month's worth of progress under your belt in time to enjoy the beautiful warmth of the sun and blue skies. Is that not worth aiming for? I know for me, that's a motivating factor.

 

Yes, 3 months is a great benchmark. Then go another 3. na49, I would challenge you this time to be more active in your NC.

 

Simply not contacting your ex isn't good enough. You did this the first time, which allowed your emotions to get under control, but as soon as she got through to you, you ran back. You didn't really work on any of your issues (like being codependent) so after she got comfortable and knew she had you back you went right back into your previous pattern. And this is a pattern that will repeat itself, whether its with her or a new woman, until you make some adjustments.

 

Honestly, this is a great opportunity for you if you seize it. Don't allow yourself to be caught in a repeater pattern.

[Simon Phoenix]

My urge isn't nearly as bad as it was when I first got home. I wrote the text of what I wanted to say to her, but didn't send it. After reading it, I thought of everything that could happen. You're right. I would feel worse. If she cared, she would be texting me. She'd be trying to contact me. She'd use her friend's phones to call me or something. I'm spending all day thinking about her, and she's spending minimal time (if any) thinking about me. She's got her friends around 24/7 because she lives on campus with all of them.

 

My 3 month mark would be a great goal. The thing that I'm worried about is feeling worse during the summer. My summers were never lonely with her because we'd always be texting, and finding time to see each other. I won't have anyone to talk to like that anymore. I feel like I'll end up chasing her, or stalking her Facebook page. I will probably be working during the summer, but not all the time. I'm bound to have weak moments.

 

That's why you have to be social and MAKE FRIENDS. You can't afford to play the victim. You aren't a victim. By playing the victim, you are making excuses to not evolve and not improve yourself. Don't be that guy.

[na49]

I realize that my social circle is really the biggest hurdle that is keeping me from moving past this. While I don't believe that I would be over her quickly, I would be over her much faster if I had more people in my life. I just feel like it is so difficult for me to create meaningful relationships with people. I don't have many friends, but the friends that I do have are all very loyal. Sure I can talk to some people in my class, but that won't do much.

 

Also my curiousity is killing my tonight. I still have that urge to text her. She's probably watching the Grammy's with her friends or something. I don't want to look needy, but I know I will. It's eating away at me. If I'm going to break NC, I'd rather do it now than wait any longer.

[Situasian]

Agreed with all the comments once again. When I broke up the second time I actually decided f*** it I'll go join a sports team. My ex always said I did a lot of talking about wanting to play gridiron(I live in Australia btw) and never did anything so I joined the closes club to me and made a ton of friends. Literally best way to make friends is to join a club or something along those lines. Even after this break up the gridiron lads are there backing me up 100 percent. Be bold be brave man do what you have to do. My ex literally just texted me then asking if I'll be home tomorrow, she thinks im going to look after her cats while she goes on holiday this week. I'm not her safety net I jus deleted the message and blocked her number. I already organise to stay with friends the next few days so when she comes around I won't be home

[calgary]

Also my curiousity is killing my tonight. I still have that urge to text her. She's probably watching the Grammy's with her friends or something. I don't want to look needy, but I know I will. It's eating away at me. If I'm going to break NC, I'd rather do it now than wait any longer.

 

just out of curiosity.. what is your plan if you break nc? what will you say? what are you expecting in response etc? do you think it will help with getting her back or are you just wanting answers? or maybe you're just wanting to let out some anger?

 

I personally think it's a bad idea. especially if she's with her friends. They'll tell her what to say and how to behave and they'll all start talking about you and like you said previously they don't speak greatly of you.

[BC1980]

Adding to Simon's great advice. I think you need to make a list of personal goals that you can work on, while simultaneously doing NC. When I went NC, I decided that I wanted to accomplish some things in my life while I was recovering, and I'm still doing that today.From your posts, I get that you are going NC but not really accepting that it's over. You aren't really attempting to build a new life. You have to get out of that mindset and take some steps forward. Even if they are small steps. I remember going to open a savings account at the bank, and it seemed like a huge deal at the time. My ex and I lived together, so I hadn't anticipated needing to start a savings account to buy a house anytime soon.

 

What kind of personal goals do you have in mind? School? Volunteering? Finding new ways to meet people? Saving money for something? Fitness goals? Trips? Career? There has to be something that you can put your energy into.

[Simon Phoenix]

If I'm going to break NC, I'd rather do it now than wait any longer.

 

NO BREAKING NO CONTACT! Seriously, there's no point. She has told you how it is, please respect it. And respect yourself.

[BC1980]

Also my curiousity is killing my tonight. I still have that urge to text her. She's probably watching the Grammy's with her friends or something. I don't want to look needy, but I know I will. It's eating away at me. If I'm going to break NC, I'd rather do it now than wait any longer.

 

You haven't made the choice to commit to NC. When I made the choice, I would have rather died than speak to my ex. There was just no way in h*ll that I would have spoken to him again. You can't go NC if you don't commit to it, and you're not there.

[na49]

I was thinking of texting her this

 

"Hi stranger, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Can we please just try things again? I miss you so much.."

 

So pretty much I just want to beg. A bad night for me tonight. Going out really didn't help much because I just wanted to text her. It's safe for me to assume she will always be with someone because on campus that's all she has really. I have a feeling that her friends don't think very highly of me, and didn't even before she left. Not all of her friends, but the "group" she has right now. She's got a pretty unstable pattern of relationships, and is best friends with someone one week, and then a few months later they are on her sh*t list, and she has a new best friend.

 

Like I said, this fella who told her that he had a crush on her.. I didn't hear about this dude until one day she told me that he is one of her best friends. She's worshiping him on Facebook, and I'm sitting there like

 

but of course, I was wrong because I need to trust her more. I need to not be insecure about her having male friends who have their hands all over her. She told me that we talked about this when we started dating, but I do not remember any conversation like that. I told her that I do trust her, but didn't trust him. Gah!

[na49]

What kind of personal goals do you have in mind? School? Volunteering? Finding new ways to meet people? Saving money for something? Fitness goals? Trips? Career? There has to be something that you can put your energy into.

 

Goals I have are making new friends, focusing on school so I can graduate next year. Figuring out what I want to do after graduation. (A masters degree, or try finding a job? I'm a Psychology major, so most people say I'll need more school). Finding a better job for right now. Fitness wise, I have been running on the treadmill, and watching what I eat.

 

I just want to be happy being single. There are times I sit there and think about how stupid I was for thinking my relationship at 20 would really last a lifetime. That the first girl I dated would also be the one I married. I am so envious of some of my friends who have never been in serious relationships and don't care about it one bit.

[dumbass2]

"Hi stranger, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Can we please just try things again? I miss you so much.."

 

I can't think of a worse thing to text someone who dumped you. If you thought you had any chance in the future with her, then throw that out the window and at the same time, throw out any remaining self respect you had.

Don't do it!!!!!!!

[dyna85]

I agree with BC. You don't sound like you've fully committed to NC. It's either now, or later, should you choose to prolong the agony. Your choice.

 

My take is that your ex will seriously eat up that text though. She'll love knowing that she's still got such a strong hold on you, and will sit back contentedly with that knowledge.

 

She specifically said there is nothing to talk about, no looking back, it's over.

 

So let it be over. For your sake, let it be over.

 

The stove is hot. Don't keep touching it.

[na49]

I'm still in that denial stage, where I believe that coming off desperate, and showing her how hurt I am will make her realize how much I care, and realize she made a mistake. I realize how @ss backwards that logic is.

 

She did specifically tell me all of those things. I still just can't believe it's over again. I don't want to believe that it is over, probably for good. I don't look forward to life without her, life without her is scary. I want her to tell me she made a mistake and come back again.

[BC1980]

"Hi stranger, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Can we please just try things again? I miss you so much..

 

Do not send this. She will feel sorry for you and possibly show it to her friends for a laugh.

[na49]

Do not send this. She will feel sorry for you and possibly show it to her friends for a laugh.

 

I haven't sent it.

 

I wonder if she knows that I'd be willing to reconcile and whatnot. She has to know right? I sent her those texts a few days ago how I'd be willing to do anything to go back to the way things were, and how hurt I am.. She just doesn't care because she doesn't want to be with me anymore. (right? lol)

[Situasian]

Ok if you send that text you might as well throw any hope out the door. 99.9 percent of women want a guy who is confident and not needy. Trust me on this before I met my current ex I was an alpha male and wouldn't give two hoots about what girls thought about me. I would do whatever I wanted to do etc without asking or caring. Obviously that's what most likely attracted her in the first place but once I started to lose ground and give up power to her it was all down hill from there. If you send that message your just showing her that she did the right thing by ending it with you

[Simon Phoenix]

Na, you're killing me man.

[redX009]

Hey Na49,

 

Literally just a member today. Just to let you know, I've read every single response in this thread.

 

I am going through a breakup myself too (3 weeks ago), and every single post that you made in this thread, is almost a reflection myself.

 

Particularly, the post that you said about fighting back tears when you saw a menu, knowing what she'd like/dislike.

 

I am much broken myself, and continue to struggle to get up everyday. I am feeling the same **** as you did, if that is any consolation.

 

let's work hard tgt man.

[Chi townD]

When some dude yells to her, "Do you have a new guy every week?!" Should tell you that you didn't know this girl as well as you should have.

 

 

This girl has been pulling the wool over your eyes for far too long. And now we're back at square one.

 

 

You are not in NC because you know far too much about her life and you haven't been trying hard enough to avoid her. Hell, I'm at the point just to tell you to switch schools at the end of the semester.

[na49]

When some dude yells to her, "Do you have a new guy every week?!" Should tell you that you didn't know this girl as well as you should have.

 

I'm not sure if it was a guy or a girl. She had told me it was someone driving past her and her friends as they were walking. There may have been more than one person in the car. Transferring schools isn't worth it for me at this point. During the first breakup, I considered it because I had a long way to go. Now I'm on the way out next year, so that's not a possibility.

 

The only part of NC that I am in right now is that I haven't talked to her since Wednesday, and haven't looked at her Facebook since Tuesday. Beyond that, I guess I'm not completely ready to start trying to move on.

 

I did have a bit of an epiphany this morning though. I asked myself why I want someone who has rejected me twice. I asked myself if I would be as hung up on them, or wanting to chase them if they were just a friend. Heck, anyone but a significant other. I really don't believe that I would care this much.

 

I saw one of her close friends today who I was kind of friendly with. It brought back good memories, but really angered me after. This guy knew every detail about my relationship because he was always with her, and she always vented to him. He is dating one of her friends, but still kind of annoying how close they were. She'd accidentally call me his name at times because she hung out with him so much. I got really mad when I saw him. Nothing against him personally. Seeing him just made me hate her for doing this to me again, and not giving a crap about how I feel during it. It made me angry how everything she told me was a lie. I feel used.

[Chi townD]

I'm not sure if it was a guy or a girl. She had told me it was someone driving past her and her friends as they were walking. There may have been more than one person in the car. Transferring schools isn't worth it for me at this point. During the first breakup, I considered it because I had a long way to go. Now I'm on the way out next year, so that's not a possibility.

 

The only part of NC that I am in right now is that I haven't talked to her since Wednesday, and haven't looked at her Facebook since Tuesday. Beyond that, I guess I'm not completely ready to start trying to move on.

 

I did have a bit of an epiphany this morning though. I asked myself why I want someone who has rejected me twice. I asked myself if I would be as hung up on them, or wanting to chase them if they were just a friend. Heck, anyone but a significant other. I really don't believe that I would care this much.

 

I saw one of her close friends today who I was kind of friendly with. It brought back good memories, but really angered me after. This guy knew every detail about my relationship because he was always with her, and she always vented to him. He is dating one of her friends, but still kind of annoying how close they were. She'd accidentally call me his name at times because she hung out with him so much. I got really mad when I saw him. Nothing against him personally. Seeing him just made me hate her for doing this to me again, and not giving a crap about how I feel during it. It made me angry how everything she told me was a lie. I feel used.

 

 

And you should feel used. You need to block her from everything again. The sooner the better. If you haven't already noticed, she moving on with her life without a care in the world! Like, nothing changed in her life. That should give an indication of what you meant to her. You don't even rate to be an after thought. She all smiles and hanging out, laughing with her friends and you're a big pile of blubbering goo that she feels sorry for and pities.

 

 

Screw that! Take your life back! Okay, you don't want to change schools. Well, what about studying abroad programs? Lots of Universities have those! You're still enrolled at your college, your just spending six months of those in England or wherever.

[na49]

And you should feel used. You need to block her from everything again. The sooner the better. If you haven't already noticed, she moving on with her life without a care in the world! Like, nothing changed in her life. That should give an indication of what you meant to her. You don't even rate to be an after thought. She all smiles and hanging out, laughing with her friends and you're a big pile of blubbering goo that she feels sorry for and pities.

 

 

Screw that! Take your life back! Okay, you don't want to change schools. Well, what about studying abroad programs? Lots of Universities have those! You're still enrolled at your college, your just spending six months of those in England or wherever.

 

Just blocked her number again. It's easier to put back on (and remove) on the iPhone. Reading your post made me more angry about everything which is what I need. She really isn't mourning this loss, and she didn't do it the first time either. I'm disposable to her. The first time she chased the douche rocket. That didn't work, so she ended up trying to see some muscle head she knew when she was younger. This guy wouldn't give her the time of day, so that failed. Conveniently, that was when she came back to me. She told me about how this guy was the "guy that got away". She was gushing over him only a few days before we broke up. She said that she would probably still be with him had things worked for them when they were younger. (Whatever puts you to sleep sweetheart )

 

This time, she may be chasing her friend's brother who has a crush on her. She may be chasing someone else. Or she may want to be single until "prince charming" comes along. All of those don't include me though, and that pisses me off.

 

She is happy without me in her life. She thinks that this is a good idea. F*ck that! Also, studying abroad would be cool, but might be a little too expensive for me right now. I'm struggling with money as it is. I think my next step with education is figuring out whether or not I want to apply for a Masters program. The school I attend now offers one, but I would rather go elsewhere so that I don't see her anymore. Also, a change of scenery would be nice.

Edited February 9, 2015 by na49

[Chi townD]

 

She is happy without me in her life. She thinks that this is a good idea. F*ck that! Also, studying abroad would be cool, but might be a little too expensive for me right now. I'm struggling with money as it is. I think my next step with education is figuring out whether or not I want to apply for a Masters program. The school I attend now offers one, but I would rather go elsewhere so that I don't see her anymore. Also, a change of scenery would be nice.

 

 

Don't count that possibility out just yet. There are a bunch of scholarships and grants for students wanting to study abroad! You need to look into them. Plus, those oversea's Universities have programs that help with paying off the costs. I know a girl that's going to the University of Birmingham and another going to the University of Edinburgh. First one is only going for six months and the other for a year.

 

 

Dude, six months away from your Ex and her games might be what you need.

[na49]

It sounds like a great idea, I just don't know if it is in the cards for me, or if I'd be that interested in studying abroad at the moment. I can stay where I am and get away from my ex and her games.

 

I started thinking about how lonely this summer will be without her. How she'll be spending her birthday with all of her friends most likely, and not with me. I'll spend my birthday without her. I got so used to our dates on each other's birthdays, it will suck not doing that anymore. I was on the top of the mountain for a few hours when I was angry/indifferent, but feel myself coming back down. I still miss her and am having a hard time believing it is over.

 

There is a part of me that wants her to come back, another part that believes she is never coming back, and a very small part of me that still feels like she may come back whether I want her to or not. I just feel like this can't really be the end of us for some reason. Someone slap me.