That's all folks..

[darkbloom]

I appreciate you reading all of this. It's probably a pretty frustrating read

 

I don't plan on sending that text anymore. As soon as I saw everything on her profile, it snapped me out of my funk. I don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing how hurt I am, when it's clear she doesn't care. She doesn't have to care either. I don't have to care about her, and I hope I can start to care less about her, what she is doing, and what she thinks.

 

It was very frustrating to watch you struggle. It was like watching an addict go back to the drug. I wanted to reach through the screen and shake you. You are better and stronger than that. I promise after two months of NC you won't care what she's doing and who she's doing it with.

 

As the dumpees, we cannot break the NC. unless we want our hearts taken out of our chest and stomped on again.

[na49]

I started to reach that indifference during the first breakup. I was 3 months NC. I still missed her, and the relationship, but I was doing things for myself, and living with the fact that I'd probably always miss what I used to have.

 

It's kind of the same deal this time, except I don't think I ever saw a picture of her with another guy during the first breakup. The guy she left me for the first time, never ended up wanting to date her. So they never were officially together. I feel an incredible amount of anger towards her, and anyone she knows. Today was the first time I actually thought to myself "If she comes back again.. I may actually reject her". I don't know if I was just having a strong moment, because I could also see myself getting back with her if she came knocking.

 

Another reason I should have seen the breakup coming was during the last time we were hanging out. She had a board of pictures on her wall, and conveniently all of the pictures of me were missing. She had some on her desk still, but her board had no trace of me. She told me it was because she "wanted new pictures". How could I have been so stupid to believe that crap?

[darkbloom]

I started to reach that indifference during the first breakup. I was 3 months NC. I still missed her, and the relationship, but I was doing things for myself, and living with the fact that I'd probably always miss what I used to have.

 

It's kind of the same deal this time, except I don't think I ever saw a picture of her with another guy during the first breakup. The guy she left me for the first time, never ended up wanting to date her. So they never were officially together. I feel an incredible amount of anger towards her, and anyone she knows. Today was the first time I actually thought to myself "If she comes back again.. I may actually reject her". I don't know if I was just having a strong moment, because I could also see myself getting back with her if she came knocking.

 

Another reason I should have seen the breakup coming was during the last time we were hanging out. She had a board of pictures on her wall, and conveniently all of the pictures of me were missing. She had some on her desk still, but her board had no trace of me. She told me it was because she "wanted new pictures". How could I have been so stupid to believe that crap?

 

You believed her because you wanted to. Even though you registered it as a red flag, you are blind to it because you did not want to see it. You wanted everything to be okay so you believed her explanation.

 

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I saw red flags with my ex and knew somewhere deep down that he was cheating. I ignored it because I wanted the relationship to work so bad that I believed his flimsy excuses. I was also in love with him. I know he is hurting and he misses me even though he broke up with me. However, me missing him and him missing me does not mean anything. I went NC and I put on a brave face everyday so he has no idea how much he hurt me. I do not deserve to be a second choice and I will NEVER reach out to him because I do not want to go back to that dark place where he holds emotional power over me. I am slowly letting go of the anger at him and starting to heal. I finally am indifferent to whatever he does. He occasionally shows up in pictures on my social media because we have so many mutual friends and my first thought is 'meh'. (I did block him on all social media but if I deleted all of our mutual friends that would literally be my entire instagram list.) The hardest part of the letting go of the anger is the thinking that he should be beating down my door and apologizing to me for all the hurtful things he did.

 

There are good days and bad days. But I am over 2 months into NC and I feel so much better. You will too. Don't let her pull you back in. Stay strong. Stay NC. Keep your heart in your chest and do not let her walk all over it.

[Chi townD]

What's your gameplan Na? Now that you have this new found motivation.

[na49]

What's your gameplan Na? Now that you have this new found motivation.

 

Stick to NC obviously. Not hang my head if I see her. Run on the treadmill, and eat right. Focus on school. Maybe go to counseling to learn how I can make friends. It just seems like I completely forgot how to do that. I was admitted into an honor society last year, and I haven't really gotten too involved with it. It would be crawling with girls because it is a Psychology club. Even sitting in class today, I looked around and I am surrounded by girls. They are all over the place, and yet I am stuck on one.

 

The sadness hit me at work today. I was feeling so motivated, and angry. Then I thought about everything and reality hit me that she is gone, and is happy without me. I think I need to find a new job too. I got so used to coming home and telling her about my day, and now I come home and can't tell her anything. I know that if I had a new job, I still may want to tell her, but this job reminds me of her too much for some reason.

[na49]

You believed her because you wanted to. Even though you registered it as a red flag, you are blind to it because you did not want to see it. You wanted everything to be okay so you believed her explanation.

 

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I saw red flags with my ex and knew somewhere deep down that he was cheating. I ignored it because I wanted the relationship to work so bad that I believed his flimsy excuses. I was also in love with him. I know he is hurting and he misses me even though he broke up with me. However, me missing him and him missing me does not mean anything. I went NC and I put on a brave face everyday so he has no idea how much he hurt me. I do not deserve to be a second choice and I will NEVER reach out to him because I do not want to go back to that dark place where he holds emotional power over me. I am slowly letting go of the anger at him and starting to heal. I finally am indifferent to whatever he does. He occasionally shows up in pictures on my social media because we have so many mutual friends and my first thought is 'meh'. (I did block him on all social media but if I deleted all of our mutual friends that would literally be my entire instagram list.) The hardest part of the letting go of the anger is the thinking that he should be beating down my door and apologizing to me for all the hurtful things he did.

 

There are good days and bad days. But I am over 2 months into NC and I feel so much better. You will too. Don't let her pull you back in. Stay strong. Stay NC. Keep your heart in your chest and do not let her walk all over it.

 

I trusted her.. I really did. I shouldn't have trusted her, but I did. I told her that I didn't trust her friend who had a crush on her, and it turns out I was right. It's annoying how her friends basically walked her to this decision, and she decided that life is better without me in it.

 

If I see her tomorrow (which is a possibility) should I just look at her and shake my head? Look at her and not smile? give her a dirty look? Knowing what I know now makes me not want to show her any weakness. I showed weakness before I saw her Facebook because I thought she wasn't happy with her choice, and would feel bad if she saw me hurting and would come back. It's stupid, I know. I'm not doing that anymore because I have all the info I should need.

[lil hoodlum]

What should you do tomorrow/ how should you act?

 

 

You straight up ignore her and act like she doesn't exist anymore.

 

Yes, that means no shaking your head at her.

 

Yes, that definetly means no smiling at her.

 

Yes, that means do not look at her and give her a dirty look.

 

 

Listen man, I know you loved and cared for this girl alot and you got your second chance but she is trash. You know what I like to do to trash? I put it in an appropriate recepticle and throw it away. If you live out in the country you can burn it also.

 

You need to focus less on her and more on you. It's time to start detatching from her and moving on with your life.

 

Honestly man, you don't want this kind of woman in your life. She has shown her true colors. If anything you should feel sorry for this poor schmuck as she surely will do the same to him and everyone else who crosses her path.

[na49]

Alright if I see her tomorrow, I'll have a nonchalant look on my face, instead of the scared/broken look I've had on my face when I used to see her. I might not even see her, which would be cool. I just want to have a game plan because the encounters are all extremely awkward.

 

She is trash for treating me like trash. Nothing I did warranted her leaving me for other guys like this. She's done it twice, and has not been sad about it either time. Maybe guilt hasn't caught up to her yet. I honestly don't care if she wants to ease her guilt and tell me she "cares about me" or any of that garbage.

 

Erasing someone who took YOU back, and gave YOU three years of their life so easily should tell me all I need to know. She doesn't care, and hasn't cared about me for a while now. She'll need to burst the door down to talk to me, and if she doesn't then I know where I stand.

[darkbloom]

I worked with him when we broke up. The best defense is to straight up pretend that she doesn't exist. No eye contact, no searching for her in the hallway, no nothing. Keep your head high and calm and coolness on your face. People can feel energy that you emit and that is the fastest way for you to heal.

 

You are stronger than her nonsense. Focus on you. Join a meet up group online. I just found one and they do happy hours, hikes, bowling, etc. it is literally super easy to make friends. And it's all set up already so you don't have to plan anything. You just have to go.

[na49]

Do I look away if she is coming in my direction/standing in the hall where I'm walking? do I look at her as just another person? Or do I look at my phone as she passes and pretend I don't see her at all? (even though I feel like she'd know if I was glaring at my phone as she passed)

 

I know I'm making this into a big deal, I just don't want to look weak anymore. I need my power back.

[darkbloom]

Look past her like she is someone you don't even know. Because let's be real, you don't know her anymore. Do not ever look down at your phone. Look right through her. No glare, no eye contact. You are stronger than this.

[Simon Phoenix]

Do I look away if she is coming in my direction/standing in the hall where I'm walking? do I look at her as just another person? Or do I look at my phone as she passes and pretend I don't see her at all? (even though I feel like she'd know if I was glaring at my phone as she passed)

 

I know I'm making this into a big deal, I just don't want to look weak anymore. I need my power back.

 

Look straight ahead in a way where she isn't in your line of vision. Just pretend like you are in a tunnel and she's outside of it. I worked with an ex for several months after we broke. After she unnecessarily tried to get me in trouble at work I did exactly this. I looked past her, I looked around her, I looked everywhere but at her, all the while holding my head up. I did this for months before she tearily apologized to me on the day she was quitting.

[na49]

Look straight ahead in a way where she isn't in your line of vision. Just pretend like you are in a tunnel and she's outside of it. I worked with an ex for several months after we broke. After she unnecessarily tried to get me in trouble at work I did exactly this. I looked past her, I looked around her, I looked everywhere but at her, all the while holding my head up. I did this for months before she tearily apologized to me on the day she was quitting.

 

Alright, and what if I am waiting outside of my classroom and she walks past me? I usually just play a game or check Facebook/Twitter while I wait. Should I just keep doing that if I notice her coming? or look up at her if I notice her coming?

 

It's probably ridiculous that I'm asking for advice on how to handle this, but if I do end up having to deal with it for the rest of the semester, I want to be completely ready.

[fancy feast]

Alright, and what if I am waiting outside of my classroom and she walks past me? I usually just play a game or check Facebook/Twitter while I wait. Should I just keep doing that if I notice her coming? or look up at her if I notice her coming?

 

It's probably ridiculous that I'm asking for advice on how to handle this, but if I do end up having to deal with it for the rest of the semester, I want to be completely ready.

 

What would you do if it was just some random bloke walking by? Do exactly that.

[Simon Phoenix]

Alright, and what if I am waiting outside of my classroom and she walks past me? I usually just play a game or check Facebook/Twitter while I wait. Should I just keep doing that if I notice her coming? or look up at her if I notice her coming?

 

It's probably ridiculous that I'm asking for advice on how to handle this, but if I do end up having to deal with it for the rest of the semester, I want to be completely ready.

 

As long as you don't acknowledge her, it doesn't really matter what you do. Just don't be the dumb, sad bastard.

[lil hoodlum]

You'll know when she is your vicinity or in your periphial vision, but you will not acknowledge her again, EVER!!!! She is just a ghost. A phantom that can not be seen. And please, yes, don't look down at your phone or anything.

 

I like Simon's version of a tunnel. You can only see what is inside of the tunnel, everything else just doesn't exist.

 

 

Trust me, it will get to her on some level, and she at least deserves that from you.

[na49]

Thanks guys, I will keep my head up. She doesn't exist anymore.

 

I woke up this morning feeling very angry at her. I'm having more moments where I think "If she really had the nerve to come back again.. I'd probably tell her to f*ck off". It's probably nothing, but I'm taking this as a little victory. I'm getting a bit of self respect back by actually wanting to reject the person who has rejected me twice.

 

I still have other moments where I want her back, but I'm having them less than I used to. Maybe this is still the roller coaster of emotions, but I'm enjoying feeling this way versus sad.

[lil hoodlum]

All of your feelings are normal considering all that you have been through.

 

 

You just need to love yourself more than you love her.

 

You have more worth than her.

 

You would never treat another human being like the way she has treated you.

 

Think of these and hold your head high and be proud of yourself.

[na49]

Thank you, I need to be reminded of this sometimes.

 

I did end up seeing her, but not like I was worried about. I needed to talk to the same professor again after class, and in she comes. Kind of fast, says hi to someone, and sits down. I don't know if she noticed me or not, but I noticed her. Didn't look in her direction though, and just walked out and went to my next class.

 

Every time I see her, I get so angry. I am feeling a lot more anger right now than anything. It really pisses me off what she did to me. It's frustrating that I need to start to "get over" her again. I was doing okay before she showed up. I was 3 months NC, and was making strides. She came back in April on our anniversary last time, I admit that I'll be expecting to hear from her again this year (and will probably be hurt when I don't) After Valentine's Day, April will be the next really difficult time for me.

[na49]

Dammit, I want to unblock her number again.. I haven't done it, but I was reading my old threads and about how she came back the last time. It put those thoughts into my head, and convinced me it will happen again.

[Simon Phoenix]

Dammit, I want to unblock her number again.. I haven't done it, but I was reading my old threads and about how she came back the last time. It put those thoughts into my head, and convinced me it will happen again.

 

And you'll get dumped the exact same way again, because you haven't changed a bit, nor has she. And she'll keep dumping you faster and faster. Is that really what you want? Do you really want to be codependent and spineless?

[mtnbiker3000]

C'mon NA... You know the drill... Don't make this harder than it needs to be.

[darkbloom]

Na,

 

Going to reach through the screen and throttle you. You are better than getting rejected a third time by the same wench. You have been in this place before and you will survive. The first few weeks of NC are always the hardest. Set a day in two weeks where you are going to reward yourself for keeping NC. And then another reward for 30 days.

 

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

 

You are addicted. Stop the addiction. Now.

[na49]

Maybe it's because today was our date day during the semester. I was driving home wondering what she was up to. What is she doing on Thursdays now that she isn't going out on dates with me?

 

I've been flipping back and forth between anger and sadness. It is crazy that I could be sad about losing someone who had no problem leaving me twice, but I still am sad. I think I'll be better once this weekend is over. Valentine's Day and all of that nonsense will drive me mad.

 

I have so much work this semester, and haven't really gotten started on any of it. A lot of it requires reading, and as I'm reading, my mind just wanders towards her and never comes back.

[mtnbiker3000]

Dude. You've got too much important shyte to worry about. Focus!!! This broad is a time burgular. Have you read: No More Mr Nice Guy??? If not, read that before anything else. It puts a lot into perspective!!! In a year or so, you won't even think twice about her or all of this nonsense!! Now, just don't waste the next year proving me right...