fellini Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 For me not necessarily compassionate. Understanding - actually conscious that if I didn't see that, that maybe I was in for a flip flop back into the A. It occurs to me that all of the responders who say they could not handle seeing a WS detox from and A are BS that did not have to witness that. I could be wrong but I think everyone that posted saying they did have a WS in withdrawal from the A, had a compassionate reaction to that. Maybe we are all more compassionate than we realize. I'd be interested to hear from any BS that was going to possibly consider recon but then when faced with a WS grieving the loss of the AP, they then decided not to reconcile. 1
oceangirl22 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I know this is an older thread but I feel it's an important topic in deciding to stay or leave a relationship that experienced infidelity. My husband had a long distant EA of 4 weeks. When discovered I was amazed at the speed it progressed from "Hi to I love you". It was unbelievable. I was devastated to be demoted while a virtual stranger became the center of his world. I started to realize that the real culprit was his own self esteem, poor choices and ego kibbles. The woman could have been interchangeable with anyone. Almost like that movie Her that came out last year. He was in love with "how" the affair was making him feel alive and renewed because he never really saw her other than a few pics. They never skyped and I suspect he was catfished. D day I kicked him out. We had a few rough weeks of trying to navigate the storm. Got intensive couples counseling for a year and a half but the first month was rough. I did catch him in down moods and I'm sure when I wasn't around he grieved the loss of the "fun" high that he experienced. He started to drink a nightly beer and I'm sure that was to cope. While in an affair the participants get to be someone new. They create a new future while destroying their legacy/partners and all that releases addictive brain chemicals. I know we all understand that and it doesn't excuse their crappy behavior. So he didn't blatently mourn in front of me I still saw signs of detox and missing aspects of it. It lasted about a month but the shock of it all still haunts me. Here we are three years later and I wonder if she ever crosses his mind. I can't decide if I want an answer to that. 1
Buckeye2 Posted April 4, 2015 Posted April 4, 2015 I don't buy this great divide, men are all X and women are all Y. There may be slight preponderances but nothing so black and white. Already on this thread we see a BW posting about her WH breaking your stereotype. There are very many more examples here on LS for those with eyes open. Sometimes I think people mess this up intentionally. No one says that all men are Y and all women are X (except for chromosomes ). They say that “as a group” or “tend.” Someone will observe that men tend to be taller than women. Then someone will jump in and say that I know a really tall woman or a really short man. If the difference between men and women are so insignificant then why do we separate them at sporting events?
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