Gridlock Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Hello Loveshack! I've recently run into a situation in which I am unsure of where my relationship is heading and it's starting to scare me. This is my first post on these forums and I could really use some sound advice! I've been in my current relationship for approx. 4 years. I love my girlfriend a ton and she recently left for a 4-month trip to study abroad in London. Up until the time she left and several weeks after that nothing made me think that we might be heading for a break-up, but in the most recent weeks she has gotten quite distant. I have recently ended my job working for a company that ate up most of my time, and with all my free-time recently I've been over-analyzing and over-thinking every conversation that we have. Sometimes she tells me that she has little time to keep contact with everyone, yet I see her come on facebook and use instagram 20+ times a day, but she never talks to me anymore. I've committed myself to giving her space, because I understand that she's going through a major adjustment and also wants to enjoy her time abroad. Admittedly, I've accused her of ignoring me on several occassions and I know that's wrong. I can't help but feel neglected, and I almost scare myself into believing that a break-up could be coming anytime now. As I said previously, I often over-analyze and over-think things and I always choose to latch onto the worst-case scenario. I'm unsure of how to feel about things so while I try to give her space, I drive myself crazy. I can't help but miss her! Thank you in advance for any advice! Link to post Share on other sites
emi Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I think its plain and simple that she having GIGS. You dated for 4 years and she got comfortable and bored i supppsed. So you are no longer fit in the new London adventure. And its not a good trace of a future wife ( if your relationship goal is to marriage of course). And honestly, after being together for 4 years as you said I think your bond is really weak because this is just a 4 month study trip. She should also give you the respect and attention you deserve as a decent girl friend would do. Just go NC and see what she does. If she completely kick you out of the picture i think you should end it and move on. Since she doesnt give a rat ass about you Hello Loveshack! I've recently run into a situation in which I am unsure of where my relationship is heading and it's starting to scare me. This is my first post on these forums and I could really use some sound advice! I've been in my current relationship for approx. 4 years. I love my girlfriend a ton and she recently left for a 4-month trip to study abroad in London. Up until the time she left and several weeks after that nothing made me think that we might be heading for a break-up, but in the most recent weeks she has gotten quite distant. I have recently ended my job working for a company that ate up most of my time, and with all my free-time recently I've been over-analyzing and over-thinking every conversation that we have. Sometimes she tells me that she has little time to keep contact with everyone, yet I see her come on facebook and use instagram 20+ times a day, but she never talks to me anymore. I've committed myself to giving her space, because I understand that she's going through a major adjustment and also wants to enjoy her time abroad. Admittedly, I've accused her of ignoring me on several occassions and I know that's wrong. I can't help but feel neglected, and I almost scare myself into believing that a break-up could be coming anytime now. As I said previously, I often over-analyze and over-think things and I always choose to latch onto the worst-case scenario. I'm unsure of how to feel about things so while I try to give her space, I drive myself crazy. I can't help but miss her! Thank you in advance for any advice! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 It sounds like she's doing a slow fade out and has discovered that she likes the single life. Prepare yourself for the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gridlock Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 Thank you for the sound advice I have been and plan to stay NC with her until something happens, but for now i'm going to prepare for the worst and perhaps the inevitable. I'm resolved to handle this well if it comes to that. Saying it won't cause me pain though, would be an utter lie. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Try to stay positive! Sometimes this does happen, the best thing is to keep busy and surround yourself with people that actually want to be apart of your life! Link to post Share on other sites
Holmes85 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Hello Loveshack! I've recently run into a situation in which I am unsure of where my relationship is heading and it's starting to scare me. This is my first post on these forums and I could really use some sound advice! I've been in my current relationship for approx. 4 years. I love my girlfriend a ton and she recently left for a 4-month trip to study abroad in London. Up until the time she left and several weeks after that nothing made me think that we might be heading for a break-up, but in the most recent weeks she has gotten quite distant. I have recently ended my job working for a company that ate up most of my time, and with all my free-time recently I've been over-analyzing and over-thinking every conversation that we have. Sometimes she tells me that she has little time to keep contact with everyone, yet I see her come on facebook and use instagram 20+ times a day, but she never talks to me anymore. I've committed myself to giving her space, because I understand that she's going through a major adjustment and also wants to enjoy her time abroad. Admittedly, I've accused her of ignoring me on several occassions and I know that's wrong. I can't help but feel neglected, and I almost scare myself into believing that a break-up could be coming anytime now. As I said previously, I often over-analyze and over-think things and I always choose to latch onto the worst-case scenario. I'm unsure of how to feel about things so while I try to give her space, I drive myself crazy. I can't help but miss her! Thank you in advance for any advice! Gridlock, In all likelyhood your Girlfriend met someone else whose she's interested in pursuing a relationship with. You have been together with her for 4 years, she knows you inside and out, she's bored with the relationship, something new and fancy comes along and boom she starts to give you less attention and setting the stage to breakup with you while making progress in the new love interest. If you talk to her about it, she's going to breakup with you, if you don't talk about it, she's still going to breakup with you, the end result for both is the same, the question is what are you going to do? If I were you, I would talk to her and see what she has to say, if she's sending mixed and unclear signals, I would start doing NC and start healing myself, because the longer she strings you along, the more its going to hurt later down the road, better pull off the plug while you are still ahead of the game, instead of doing it later and losing your dignity in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gridlock Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 First off I want to say thank you to everyone that gave me advice on here! I wound up, doing what most of you said. I called her and explained how I felt like I was the only one still interested in the relationship, and that I felt like I was the only one putting in any effort. I asked to hear her side of the story, and she told me that she "wasn't ready for a committed relationship". I know I didn't get all of the answers, but i'm not interested in knowing what brought her to that decision if i'm being perfectly honest. Whether it be another love interest or her simply falling out of love, the fact of the matter remains the same. After she said that I told her that its best that we breakup and go our separate ways. I definitely feel like I made the right choice, and while it's not what I wanted, at least I can walk away with my dignity intact. I would be lying if I said that it didn't hurt like hell though :/. I'm in the process of getting ready to move across the country, and being that I have to go through all of my belongings I'm naturally coming across every little significant (or insignificant) item that reminded me of my relationship with her, and the good times. Just looking through those items made my heart feel like it was going through a blender, but I guess it's important to remember the good times and to embrace the not-so-good times too. Link to post Share on other sites
dookie7 Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 Thank you for sharing your story. LDRs are scary and so so hard and it's so easy to over analyse everything. I'm notoriously bad at it as any lapse in communication (because that's all we have when we are in LDRs) can mean so many things and you don't get to see the body language to gauge if something is wrong, like you don't know if it's because they are just busy or they are upset with you ect. I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out and I hope you meet someone even better soon Link to post Share on other sites
Rainoflight Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 She is not ready for a committed relationship? After 4 years? But what was that then? Geez, good ridance. I am sorry to say, but she sounds out of her mind. Link to post Share on other sites
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