Why iam felling like this , im so stupid

[Vinnyboy1979]

Hi ,

 

Im first time on this forum and maybe I can get some help or just writing will help.

 

I started to talk to a girl online and phone, we really got on and had a laugh, we now have been chating since October 2014 and we haven't met. In the past i would the meet the girls quickly like within 2 weeks or so. Once reason or another we never met then coming upto xmas it just wasn't possible. We plan to meet up in the new year, we had a misunderstanding and we sorted had a break at this point I felt really bad as it was my fault etc. we made up and so on. We started to talk again and it was great and I really missed chatting to her and we got back on track. Last few weeks we been getting on so well , she told me she been worrying about smear tests , and last week she told she would cut me off if the news were bad. At this point I was really upset told her it was her i was interested in not because she could have children etc. we finally got over this point. Since then we have got really close and she has told me more about her past few days ago, she told me she lost her virginity at 16 few days after her birthday to someone who was 15 years older, which lasted few months , this really does my head in and makes me sick even tho she wanted to have sex with him . She told me they did stuff before together she was 16. She did say now thinking about it seem wrong. She then was in a relationship with someone for year which didn't last because he wanted to marry her. Third relationship she was with this person for 10 years who become a drug addict and just lied to her so much she just broke off with him. She told me she been single last 5 years and just dated people here and there but nothing serious. She only ever slept with 3 people in her life and she 30 now. We plan to met end of the month as she will going through test and stuff and she wants to meet me with a clear head. This girl is amazing, she is so caring , always concerned about me when I'm having bad day , good looking, and we just get on so well. The problem I have is getting over her past , her first relationship really bothers me for some reason even tho it happen 15 years , also the people she went out with here and there also bothers me I'm thinking has she done more than just dated and kissed and did things like oral. This girl is really honest and hate lies so I trust that she slept with 3 guys. I don't have a problem with the 2 guys which were serious relationships. Last few days I have been having heart palpitations and feeling stress picturing all sorts of things. I can't wait to meet this girl , think it's everything I want in a girl and we haven't meet. I don't want to spoil things if we do get into relationship which is most likely. I just know this person is the most honest I ever talked to she don't even like telling white lies. Last night she was concern about me having heart palpitations and I just couldn't tell her because it's my problem and she has done nothing wrong. Why i am feeling like this about a person I never met , we prob spoke over 200 hours since October. I know im wrong to think this way but for some reason I can't stop thinking in this way. Was thinking about have counselling to help me through this. I don't really write essays. Anyone have any suggestions on what I can do? Just writing this sort of helped me.

[Satu]

Her past belongs to her.

 

It's not your business.

 

You would be best to get some therapy, because this problem is only in your head, and your feelings belong to you.

 

This won't just go away, and you won't be able to 'talk it better' with her.

 

Here is a motto of mine:

 

"I only give the best of myself to others. The 'less than best, I work on in my own time."

 

Think about that.

 

Solve this in your own time.

 

At the moment this issue is safely encapsulated in your head. I strongly advise you to keep it there, and resolve it in counselling.