I don't want to cheat but I regret not being more promiscuous

[SOB86]

I posted a week ago about how I was jealous of my gf's sexual past. Envious is more like it. She's had a friends with benefits type relationship, a threesome, and based on her behavior probably a fair share of boyfriends. She's had her fun and after running from an abusive relationship she's ready for a nice guy to settle down with.

 

 

I'm 28 and my back story is like that of the ugly duckling. Most of my life I've been a fat unconfident social mess. Over the last couple years I vowed to change and got in shape, dressed nicely, and improved my social skills. I've only been with a few women who were not very attractive and the sex was not very enjoyable. Now that I've broken out of my shell I want to sleep around. I want to have crazy sex.

 

 

The trouble is I'm actually in love with my gf. The sex is great. We have a lot in common and I genuinely like spending time with her. But I feel inferior sexually because she has all of this experience while I have next to none. I hope we have a bright future ahead of us but at the same time I keep looking over my shoulder at the past.

 

 

Instead of playing video games and eating junk I should have been chasing women. I feel starved for sexual attention. I'm not used to women flirting with me and now when it happens I wish I could take it further.

 

 

To sum it up I feel like I got to the party late.

[smackie9]

Sex is not a competition. Enjoy what you have, because good sex with someone who loves you for who you are is hard to find.

[Diezel]

I'd rather have one delicious cut of filet mignon than 100 baked beans.

[SOB86]

Sex is not a competition. Enjoy what you have, because good sex with someone who loves you for who you are is hard to find.

 

That makes a lot of sense.

[ascendotum]

I know of a guy with a similar story to you. He had a health condition that was not diagnosed till he was 27. Instead of fat though he was scrawny. With proper diagnosis and treatment and special diet he started to put on weight and had more energy and confidence. He soon got a gf. He really liked her but like you had the same feelings of missing out. In the meantime he was making the most of his rejuvenated health and was doing bodybuilding intensely. He got real big, and started to get a lot more attention from women. He had been with his gf for a few years and she was now wanting to get married by 30. He loved her but he couldn't marry the only woman he had been with and broke up with her, and wanted to make up for the drought in his younger yrs + also maybe finding someone who was a better match now that he had more options He slept with lots over the next 3-4 yrs, then found a nice one and got engaged at 34.

Why can't you do this?

 

Cheating on your gf is not good. Its up to you but no one here is going to give you any support in that. Doing what skinny-huge guy did is an okay outcome if its was not done with premeditation to breakup in x yrs time, otherwise its wasting her chances of finding a great guy to marry in her 20s. I don't think (like some women) that a relationship that does not result in happy ever after is a waste of time if it had lots of good times & memories. She still might find a great guy or better guy than you to marry in a couple of yrs time..who knows, but really its not fair to lead her on for too long if she is already talking of marriage.

 

If you think you struck gold with your current gf, then its a tough dilemma. I think you should at some stage discuss this issue with her, and see what her attitude is to maybe opening up the relationship for a little while. My guess is she will not be too thrilled. There is the risk she might break up with you after your confession if she thinks these feelings are so strong in you that you will cheat if an opportunity presents itself down the line. If she is not a 'I've hit the jackpot' type girl for you, then I think you should break up with her. You are not too old to do what the other guy above did.

[Spectre]

You are falling for the age old cliche of "you are missing out on something unless you screw a bunch of different people". One wonders how many good relationships ended merely because of this silly notion.

 

Here is what I usually think when I hear this issue..I think it actually just highlights problems in the relationship. Since I don't think it matters if you haven't had a chance to be "promiscuous" if a relationship is truly working out. Reason being...yeah sometimes couples do get bored with their sex lives..but the ones that truly love each other decide to remedy that situation via..spicing up their sex life via trying new things..as opposed to trying new *people*. I guess what I am saying is..if you loved your gf..there is nothing wrong with wanting to experience something different sexually, but you should be trying to find ways to experience different things with her..instead of wishing you had screwed more strangers.

[central]

Ask her if she wants to get into swinging - you get to keep her and you both get to have more sexual experiences with others.

[SOB86]

I think she is the right match for me, I just didn't think I'd meet her so soon. The angst I feel are over the years I won't get back from before we met.

[mrs rubble]

I'd prefer my man hadn't had too many sexual partners. I tend to pre judge on this issue and feel that these type of men (who sleep with loads of woman) are completely incapable of fidelity...not true I know, but just how I tend to think.

[Chi townD]

I think she is the right match for me, I just didn't think I'd meet her so soon. The angst I feel are over the years I won't get back from before we met.

 

 

But, that's the past. You have to look to the future. I can tell you that sex with someone you just met is good and can be enjoyable. But, sex with someone you truly love and care about is AMAZING!! Dude, you're not missing out.

[Noproblem]

I don't think you love her

 

you just enjoy her company

 

You better now

 

leave her

 

start your own journey

 

 

Better than cheating on this girl!

 

She shouldn't have settled from Mr.NICE GUY

Coz

 

there are no nice guys!

 

It's a myth!

 

 

Most guys are more like wolves

 

they either are confident enough to show their true color

 

or disguise as nice creatures until there come the time when they want to show their true color

 

 

Apologies for the wolves of course, I love them so much <3

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I think she is the right match for me, I just didn't think I'd meet her so soon. The angst I feel are over the years I won't get back from before we met.

 

How many additional partners do you think you'd like to have before you consider yourself "satisfied" and feeling less angst? And how do you see those scenarios playing out? More FWBs? More one night stands and random encounters? Threesomes? Orgies? Sure all that is "out there" for you to explore if you wish but I think you might be in for a major surprise as to how those kinds of things play out in real world scenarios.

 

It sounds like you have this idea that you're missing out on all this great, wild sex with tons of attractive women when the reality is probably far less impressive. Lots of hit and miss, awkwardness, and mediocre encounters lie in wait for you. Now of course I'm not saying hookups are all bad or that you won't have your share of fun but the extent of which is probably not nearly as good or enjoyable as your imagination. But I mean, if you're goal is to just get more notches on your belt, break up with your GF and happy hunting.

 

However, many people who have had a lot of casual sex (of both sexes) report wishing they'd had fewer partners in favor of more long term relationships and stability. Meanwhile here you have stability and are wishing for the opposite. I actually find it kind of depressing that you're willing to let something like not having had a satisfactory amount of (casual??) partners cloud your judgement and diminish your appreciation for what you do have.

[Spectre]

You aren't going to unlock the mysteries of the universe or the secrets to happiness by screwing a bunch of random women.

[PegNosePete]

I think she is the right match for me, I just didn't think I'd meet her so soon. The angst I feel are over the years I won't get back from before we met.

So you're going to let regrets from your past, ruin your future? That makes no sense. If you lose this relationship due to jealousy then you'll have even more regrets.

[todreaminblue]

all that happens when you have a whole load of sexual partners ...is that sex becomes boring.......tedious..... mechanical.....you figure out that to really express yourself sexually you need an intimate connection with someone special or it become rather pointless.much of the sameness.no substance just movement..with different faces...or it becomes a point where they becoem faceless nobodies just bodies you got off with.or who got off on you.....you coudl pass one in the street and you would not remember.....all a blur........

 

 

herein lies the problem.....because when you go to tell the love of your possible life you have slept with more than 200 partners or 500 or fifty...... most likely turns them off......so take that risk..i guess you could get that sex up and then lie about it till you get found out.........have sex with many partners and maybe lose the one woman...who truly means something to you before you even explore how far you can be intimate and open with her..........your choice...i wish you well ...deb

[No Limit]

If you feel like wanting to have sex with other girls, why do you need a GF to hold your hand while doing it? Be a man and break up with her before you do.

[central]

But, that's the past. You have to look to the future. I can tell you that sex with someone you just met is good and can be enjoyable. But, sex with someone you truly love and care about is AMAZING!! Dude, you're not missing out.

 

Maybe. Sex can be bland, dull, and unfulfilling with someone you truly love and care about, if they're not into it or you, or poor at sex. Sometimes a stranger or someone fairly new can be AWESOME. It all depends, really.

[Chi townD]

Maybe. Sex can be bland, dull, and unfulfilling with someone you truly love and care about, if they're not into it or you, or poor at sex. Sometimes a stranger or someone fairly new can be AWESOME. It all depends, really.

 

 

I never said sex would be bland and dull. I said sex can be good and enjoyable. The point I was trying to make is sex is a hell of a lot better with someone you love or have a deep emotional connection too. There's a big difference. Or maybe it's just me. IDK...

[PaperCrane]

I never said sex would be bland and dull. I said sex can be good and enjoyable. The point I was trying to make is sex is a hell of a lot better with someone you love or have a deep emotional connection too. There's a big difference. Or maybe it's just me. IDK...

 

No you're right. I've had the slew and honestly, the best sex is with someone you care about.

 

 

To the OP: Urges come and go, and honestly is it worth giving up what you have? The old saying of a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush comes to mind. What you have will always be worth more than what you don't. However people disregard what they have because they have it. It's just sex.

[smackie9]

The urges are there with everyone regardless of experience.

[pteromom]

I've had my share of experiences, and the truth is MOST of the sex out there isn't so great. There are smelly people, strange pervy people, people that can't perform, people who don't "fit" you well, people who finish too quickly, or can't finish at all. Not to mention the clingers, the stalkers, the hurters, and the risks of disease. It's a big mess out there!

 

Is it worth throwing away sex you KNOW is good for the possibility of MAYBE getting some other good sex out there somewhere? That makes no sense to me.

 

You can have a threesome, but that doesn't mean it is going to go like it does in your fantasy.

 

You have built up this idea in your head about what it would be like for you if you had more partners and more experiences, but the truth is that isn't real.

 

Meanwhile, you have a girl in front of you who is willing to give you a lot of experiences AND offers friendship, companionship, and intimacy too. You can't get better than that.

 

You need to quit assuming the grass is greener, because I can tell you there are some big ol' piles of dog poop hiding in that grass.

[SOB86]

Everyone here has made good points. I guess I'm just emotionally immature. I actually told her I was jealous that some guy got to have a threesome with her. She just laughed and told me I was stupid which is true I suppose. She asked me if I wanted to have a threesome to which I said no because I felt like it was a trap. Besides I don't want her to watch me have sex with another woman. I sure as hell wouldn't want to watch her with another man.

 

 

One thing I noticed about myself is I'm constantly comparing myself to other people. It's one reason why I can't watch reality shows about rich people. They make me feel bad about not being rich. Just like on this forum some people complain about not having sex in a month. I went ****ing YEARS between partners. So I feel like something's wrong with me for not having been around the block several dozen times.

 

 

I want things to work between us. We don't live together and currently are only able to see each other on the weekends. I think the five days of being alone are what's killing me. It gives my mind too much time to think. Also I'm temporarily unemployed due to my job being seasonal so I literally have nothing to do during the week except dwell on it.

 

 

When I am actually with her I hardly ever think about it.

[smackie9]

People who grow up with self-conscious/ low self esteem issues will constantly compare themselves to others. It's like putting yourself down all the time because you are so unsatisfied with yourself. This is something you need to address.

[mightycpa]

If by regret you mean you wish you could go back and do something better, you are out of luck.

 

Regrets are like a poison in life. You cannot change the past. Why fight it?

 

So now, your choices are to jeopardize your relationship with your own personal porn star, fret over not having the past that she did, or to count your lucky stars and enjoy it.

 

Some people just can't be happy, I guess.

[SOB86]

I probably do and should get some counseling, not just on this issue, but a number of other issues I have.