I don't want to cheat but I regret not being more promiscuous

[CarrieT]

I've had my share of experiences, and the truth is MOST of the sex out there isn't so great. There are smelly people, strange pervy people, people that can't perform, people who don't "fit" you well, people who finish too quickly, or can't finish at all. Not to mention the clingers, the stalkers, the hurters, and the risks of disease. It's a big mess out there!

 

You need to quit assuming the grass is greener, because I can tell you there are some big ol' piles of dog poop hiding in that grass.

I can't help re-emphasizing Pteromom's brilliant points.

 

OP, I am one of those middle-aged women who has had hundreds of sexual partners (we are talking 300+). I won't even call them "lovers" because that would be a stretch.

 

And I just recently got married for a second time after being single and f*cking around for most of my 20s, 30s, and 40s. I am *VERY* fortunate that I met a man who did not judge me for my excessive sexual past but I can also attest to the fact that the most of my experiences were beyond mediocre. I sort of kept looking for "the one" in all these escapades.

 

Ultimately, the guy I found is not the most handsome, he doesn't have the biggest dick, he doesn't have six-pack abs, and he can't last the longest. But he is exceptional and for that, I am extremely lucky.

 

In the Big Picture, it is not about the quantity at all - it is about the QUALITY.

[pteromom]

One thing I noticed about myself is I'm constantly comparing myself to other people.

 

This is the root of your problem, and this is something that if you can resolve, will make your entire life so much happier.

 

You have to realize that every person - every life - has pros and cons. The guy who is out there sleeping with different women every night looks like he is living the high life, but there are nights when he lies in his bed wishing he just had someone to hold him and talk to him. The rich guy who is showing off his new car has a bum heart and doctors have told him that he will probably only live 5 more years. The woman who is gorgeous and seems perfect goes home and stares at herself in the mirror picking at "flaws" and the confidence is just an act. The man in the happy family laughing together is having an affair with his secretary. There is NO PERFECT PERSON and NO PERFECT LIFE in this world. None.

 

The key to happiness truly is learning to appreciate what you have. Because chasing what you don't have just leads to a hamster wheel life, where you are always scrambling to get to the next thing.

 

And appreciate who you are. You aren't perfect. Nobody is. There will always be people who are better looking, more experienced sexually, richer, more successful, more charismatic. Even if you push yourself to excel at these, there will always be someone higher than you.

 

So accept that you are flawed. There are parts of you that aren't what you wish they would be. But also look at what you have. I don't know you, but I can see that you are articulate, eager for personal growth, and you have an awesome girlfriend. These are already things you have that other people don't.

 

If you aren't ready for counseling, I would recommend going onto Amazon and searching for books about self-confidence, personal success, and happiness, and choosing a few that are very well rated with good reviews. Buy them. Read them. Do the exercises. You may be able to get to a better place without counseling, if you are able to counsel yourself.

 

I want things to work between us. We don't live together and currently are only able to see each other on the weekends. I think the five days of being alone are what's killing me.

 

You have to change your language too. It's not KILLING YOU, which sounds overly dramatic. The situation just isn't yet optimal for you. Take the drama out of it. Take a deep breath. Control what is within your control. Let go of what isn't.

 

Also I'm temporarily unemployed due to my job being seasonal so I literally have nothing to do during the week except dwell on it.

 

THIS is within your control. Find something to do - something that gives you purpose. A temporary job. Volunteer somewhere. Tutor a child in a subject you are good at. Take a class. Read self-help books.

[elaine567]

Everyone here has made good points. I guess I'm just emotionally immature. I actually told her I was jealous that some guy got to have a threesome with her. She just laughed and told me I was stupid which is true I suppose. She asked me if I wanted to have a threesome to which I said no because I felt like it was a trap. Besides I don't want her to watch me have sex with another woman. I sure as hell wouldn't want to watch her with another man.

 

 

One thing I noticed about myself is I'm constantly comparing myself to other people. It's one reason why I can't watch reality shows about rich people. They make me feel bad about not being rich. Just like on this forum some people complain about not having sex in a month. I went ****ing YEARS between partners. So I feel like something's wrong with me for not having been around the block several dozen times.

 

 

I want things to work between us. We don't live together and currently are only able to see each other on the weekends. I think the five days of being alone are what's killing me. It gives my mind too much time to think. Also I'm temporarily unemployed due to my job being seasonal so I literally have nothing to do during the week except dwell on it.

 

 

When I am actually with her I hardly ever think about it.

 

So you want a threesome but you don't want to watch her having sex with anyone else and you don't want to have sex with anyone else, so perhaps you just want a twosome. Wait a minute is that not what you already have?

 

Also what about you two make more of a commitment, get somewhere to live and move in together.

[pteromom]

Also what about you two make more of a commitment, get somewhere to live and move in together.

 

This has to be done for the right reasons though, not as a bandaid for OP's insecurity.

 

Whether they live together or not, OP has some major work to do on himself if he is going to be a strong boyfriend and a successful human.