Cfldave Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) My girlfriend and I are both divorced and we have been dating for right at two years. We have been discussing the possibility of getting engaged.when I got engaged to my first wife, I gave her the same engagement ring that had belonged to my grandmother. It is a really nice diamond. I'm wondering if it is taboo to use the same diamond for this engagement, would it be acceptable if I change the settings or the diamond slightly, or if this is acceptable when talking about a family heirloom.it would probably cost me over $10,000 to replace the diamond alone on the ring that belonged to my grandmother and even if I did that, I still have something that means a lot to my family collecting dust in a drawer while I am busting my ass to buy something similar. I can see how using the same ring could potentially make my current girlfriend uncomfortable but I have no idea what protocol is for issues such as these. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Edited February 3, 2015 by Cfldave Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I love antique rings! Personally though, I would want a different ring and a fresh start. The ring is a symbol of your promise to spend your life with your bride. Your first marriage failed, yes? As your new bride, I would prefer not to wear a failed promise as our symbol of our hopefully lifetime commitment to each other. No tangible symbols of my predecessor and her sorry history sitting on that particular finger as I start my life with you. Now, your girlfriend may feel differently. Ask her. Even if she doesn't want to use it as her engagement ring, you can use the ring in other ways. Reset the diamond in a necklace and use a semi-precious stone in the old ring that she then wears on a different finger. Alternatively gift the ring to your daughter when she's ready to get engaged. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) I don't think it is. I personally wouldn't want a stone that another woman wore for 10 years on her finger as your wife. Bad energy. I understand your line of thinking though, and can appreciate it. Do you have a daughter who you could pass the ring down to someday? I would speak to your girlfriend about this. She may be okay with accepting the stone in a new setting, especially if it is family heirloom. But I would make it clear that you will happily buy her a new ring. This isn't a time to put money first, unless you decide to buy wedding bands only. Some brides like myself only want a wedding ring and not an engagement ring. Communication is the basis of any good marriage so start now and talk to her. Really, whatever you decide together is what you should do. Kudos to your ex-wife for returning the ring to you. Edited February 3, 2015 by blueskyday Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 In the sense that your grandmother wore it & then you gave it to your 1st wife, that is a lovely way to use the ring twice. To give it to your 2nd wife seems in poor taste. I would talk to your GF about it. If she is OK with it, I see no harm but I agree with the person who said it's got bad energy. Save it for your children or give it to a sibling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Princess Diana's engagement ring is on the finger of the Duchess of Cambridge If its acceptable for the Royal Family then why not? Just a thought... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 i would be ok with it, because it shows the person is thinking about money and savings more than anything else. that, to me (money handling), is huge. saving money means more to me than giving me an old ring. BUT, i would want this disclosed to me and discussed with me first - it would be a very unwelcome surprise. a discussion beforehand would be the best thing, so that if she says "no way" you have the answer. but, yes, changing the setting or even adding stones to the side would make it different enough. i guess you asked for it back in the divorce??? since when do first wives give back engagement rings?? Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Princess Diana's engagement ring is on the finger of the Duchess of Cambridge If its acceptable for the Royal Family then why not? Just a thought... Notice: it went to Kate, the daughter-in-law, not to Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall and Charles' second wife! Big difference. You don't generally recycle gifts from one wife to the next, especially something that symbolizes such a major commitment. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 since when do first wives give back engagement rings?? It's a family heirloom...his family's heirloom, not the ex-wife's. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I would talk to her about it. For me, I think because it was your grandmother's, that it went back to being your grandmother's after the other engagement broke up and would find no harm in that. Plus this is also not the wedding set, which will be new. Another option is to use this antique ring's stone and gold and have it reset, but I doubt your family would be for that. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 yep, i used mine three times. first time for my marriage and latter two for a coupla broads i wanted to string along. i left all three of them. i finally pawned the ring for around $2,000 and bought a HD TV 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 yep, i used mine three times. first time for my marriage and latter two for a coupla broads i wanted to string along. i left all three of them. i finally pawned the ring for around $2,000 and bought a HD TV Lol...sorry. Your whole post is funny but the bolded gave me the first laugh of the 4th of Feb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 If it's a family heirloom then I don't think it's a good idea to change the setting or alter it. Also if you want to keep this ring in your family you should probably stop giving it away to women. You're lucky your ex wife gave it back to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 My girlfriend and I are both divorced and we have been dating for right at two years. We have been discussing the possibility of getting engaged.when I got engaged to my first wife, I gave her the same engagement ring that had belonged to my grandmother. It is a really nice diamond. I'm wondering if it is taboo to use the same diamond for this engagement, would it be acceptable if I change the settings or the diamond slightly, or if this is acceptable when talking about a family heirloom.it would probably cost me over $10,000 to replace the diamond alone on the ring that belonged to my grandmother and even if I did that, I still have something that means a lot to my family collecting dust in a drawer while I am busting my ass to buy something similar. I can see how using the same ring could potentially make my current girlfriend uncomfortable but I have no idea what protocol is for issues such as these. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Why don't you give it to your son/daughter ? Actually it would be safer with your daughter ... as she is less likely to give it to someone only for marriage to later break down. Also ... why do you feel the need to give out such a valuable engagement ring [in terms of money]. Get one with a synthetic diamond ... a good looking one can be had for 1k. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Princess Diana's engagement ring is on the finger of the Duchess of Cambridge If its acceptable for the Royal Family then why not? Just a thought... In that case ... it's an omen of things to come. They both married dommes. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 In that case ... it's an omen of things to come. They both married dommes. Normally this would refer to the females but in this case, I must ask who exactly you are referring to as dommes? The Princes or the Princesses? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Get one with a synthetic diamond ... a good looking one can be had for 1k. Unless you know the recipient is aware that it's a fake diamond & is OK with that do not use a CZ. It's like starting your marriage with a lie. To me such a ring would scream "you're not good enough for the real thing." Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 It may be an heirloom but that doesn't mean you give it as an engagement ring to more than one person, you gave it and give it to your children from your first wife. It would be in poor taste to use the heirloom tag to give it to your new future wife, it would also make you look cheap.. If you don't have children you could have it remade into something later on if your new wife would like to wear the diamond.. like a necklace basket or whatever.. Would you wear another man's watch/ring that was given as a token of the bond between the 2 people if your new wife said.. here.. my ex husband wore this.. I gave it as a token of my everlasting love for him.. now it is yours.. no..you wouldn't.. Time to go shopping... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I would not want a ring you gave to your ex wife. If I found out after the fact I would be really really REALLY piddled. I doubt that it would get as far as the alter as to me this is saying you'll do rather than you are an upgrade. Give your Grandmothers ring to your daughter. That is the rightful person for it to pass to. If you don't have a daughter yet make one with your new bride. I don't give a damn how much an engagement ring costs as long as it was given with love and is not gaudy that I can wear it. Go make a budget, save some pennies and go shopping. Do not insult your new bride like this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 That is a really great question. Have you thought about talking to one of her really good friends about it? Maybe they could give you some insight as to how she would feel about you proposing with the same ring. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 It's one thing if you bought this ring specifically for your ex, but since it's a family heirloom, I don't see the harm in using it for your engagement. But I would find her a nice wedding set that she likes. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Have you even talked to your gf about her dream engagement ring. Every woman has one. Maybe she doesn't even like diamonds and dreams of a big sapphire. You could talk to her sister or her best friend to find out more about how to handle this. It may be a non-issue if she isn't interested in the diamond or ring you have. I like the idea of keeping your grandmother's ring for your own children. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Maybe she doesn't even like diamonds and dreams of a big sapphire. and pigs fly in this fantasy world of yours 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 That is a really great question. Have you thought about talking to one of her really good friends about it? Maybe they could give you some insight as to how she would feel about you proposing with the same ring. Wow if guy asked me this question referring to the woman he is going to ask to marry him, I'd ask him if he hit his head. No way would (most) women be okay with wearing a ring that another woman wore previously (engagement ring) even if it is a family heirloom. It's just wrong. AC is right, if he has a child/children that ring should be put aside for one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cfldave Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 Diamonds seem like such a marketing scam. I can't think of anything that depreciates faster. You spend $5,000+ dollars on them and if you wanted to sell it the very next day, the best you are going get for it is $500 from a pawn store or local jeweler. I don't really trust most of the chain jewelry stores and I feel like the more boutique jewelry stores want you to pay a fortune to cover their overhead.....she is very practical with money but not when it comes to this. The way I hear girls talk about wedding rings sounds like a bunch of guys sitting around comparing the size of their schlongs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Unless you know the recipient is aware that it's a fake diamond & is OK with that do not use a CZ. It's like starting your marriage with a lie. To me such a ring would scream "you're not good enough for the real thing." It's not a fakey ... those are cubic zirconium ... or glass. It is a real diamond ... same hardness ... same general process of manufacture. Difference is the fact that it's man made. Reasons for doing it : - diamonds are a controlled source [read up on it ... who and what controls it]. They are worse than cars ... the moment you exit the store it has already lost most of it's value because they are artificially pumped up. You are not paying the actual value for it. An example would be paying 60k $ for a car worth below 10k ... would you do it ? - diamonds come from conflict areas and the companies that sell them do so by exploiting the locals ... directly or indirectly. - a ring is supposed to signify commitment; if she loves you she should be more happy that you actually spent time choosing one that will look good on her and decided to save that money for better reasons [to help the two of you starting off in life]. Link to post Share on other sites
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