995011505 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 My bf and i broke up mutually on a friday. then 6 days later, we talked and i said i wanted to get back together but he kept saying no. Finally he said he would think about it over the weekend. I was hurt, and thought that he'd never come around. So after 1 week of being single i slept with another guy. Then about 3 days later my ex and i talked again and before i went to his house i told myself i was going to tell him what i did, if we actually were going to get back together. i figured he deserved to know. so when i got there i tried to tell him first thing and he said "i dont want to know what you did this weekend". So we talked for a few hours, had sex again, then after we were talking and i brought up that i needed to be honest with him. so i told him and he got super pissed off. told me to get out of his house and that i was a gross slut. after 10 minutes he calmed down and we talked it over and i spent the night. in the morning he kissed me goodbye before he went to work and i thought all was fine. I tried texting him while at work today and he keeps telling me to **** off. or only giving one word responses. What can i do? what can i tell him? He says "i said i'd think about us getting back together over the weekend, but you couldnt even wait 2 days without sleeping with someone. youre gross" etc i get his side, but i honestly thought we were not going to get back together and i was single. help Link to post Share on other sites
boznich Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 You did absolutely nothing wrong. Go back to NC with him, if you really want him back, you'll probably get him. He's just upset that you were able sleep with someone, whereas he hasn't been able to. You were broken up, it's your prerogative to do as you please. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Kinetica84 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 My bf and i broke up mutually on a friday. then 6 days later, we talked and i said i wanted to get back together but he kept saying no. Finally he said he would think about it over the weekend. I was hurt, and thought that he'd never come around. So after 1 week of being single i slept with another guy. Then about 3 days later my ex and i talked again and before i went to his house i told myself i was going to tell him what i did, if we actually were going to get back together. i figured he deserved to know. so when i got there i tried to tell him first thing and he said "i dont want to know what you did this weekend". So we talked for a few hours, had sex again, then after we were talking and i brought up that i needed to be honest with him. so i told him and he got super pissed off. told me to get out of his house and that i was a gross slut. after 10 minutes he calmed down and we talked it over and i spent the night. in the morning he kissed me goodbye before he went to work and i thought all was fine. I tried texting him while at work today and he keeps telling me to **** off. or only giving one word responses. What can i do? what can i tell him? He says "i said i'd think about us getting back together over the weekend, but you couldnt even wait 2 days without sleeping with someone. youre gross" etc i get his side, but i honestly thought we were not going to get back together and i was single. help Firstly. You did nothing wrong. you were single and you asked for him back before sleeping with another guy. Secondly. Whos to say he didn't sleep with a girl? Thirdly don't allow him to play games with you. He either wants you or he doesn't. Fourthly dont be scared to walk away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
batt Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Broken up or not, the fact that you were able to sleep with another person so soon says a lot. 14 Link to post Share on other sites
Seeker12 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Although its not his right to judge you as you were independent of him, or what you as a couple do in the future, the fact that you did jump into bed with someone just like that, does actually say a lot, either about how angry you were, how emotionally unstable you were, or how you wanted to hurt your ex, ultimately, you allowed yourself to be used for sex by another guy, whilst wanting your ex back, and you jumped into a very intimate situation from being just single. Others may not see it as a big thing, but its very understandable, most guys are taken aback when their ex gets a new guy straight away, so imagine how your ex feels knowing you were so forward and had sex with another guy. Itll make him doubt your persona and character. I please hope that you choose not to do that again in the future regardless. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Have you no self control. He told you he would let you know after the weekend, whether you believed he wouldn't get back to you or not is irrelevant. If I were him today would the last time you ever heard from me again 7 Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 It's more of the fact that you were able to just sleep with some other guy right away. Yes "technically" you were single, but the way your bf sees it is, the moment you were free, you just went off and did it with some other dude and now you are back with him. That would give me the impression that whatever we did have, it really didn't mean much if it was so easy for you to just go sleep with another person, why are you even trying to get back with me? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kinetica84 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Hold up guys you are being very unfair here. No one here knows the full story or where she was emotionally. She was single, no ifs, no buts she was a free woman. why should she wait around for a guy who couldn't give a definite answer? No one here has the right to judge, get off your high horses. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 995011505 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 I like to have sex, and the oppurtonity arose. I don't think theres anything wrong with THAT. Theres nothing wrong with having sex. Some people view it as a very intimate thing, and some dont. neither is right or wrong. I never had sex with anyone else but my bf while we were together. But i do see your point of view 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Kinetica84 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I like to have sex, and the oppurtonity arose. I don't think theres anything wrong with THAT. Theres nothing wrong with having sex. Some people view it as a very intimate thing, and some dont. neither is right or wrong. I never had sex with anyone else but my bf while we were together. But i do see your point of view Good for you. You were free and single, you did nothing. There is no set rule on how long you have to wait before having sex again. I slept with another girl 1 week after splitting from my ex and I felt guilty. Then I found she was cheating on me. I at least waited for her to move out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Hold up guys you are being very unfair here. No one here knows the full story or where she was emotionally. She was single, no ifs, no buts she was a free woman. why should she wait around for a guy who couldn't give a definite answer? No one here has the right to judge, get off your high horses. If she really wanted her boyfriend back, having slept with another man while he was considering getting back together over the weekend was a stupid move. No one here is saying it was wrong for her to sleep with someone while single, but if you are trying to get back with someone, getting your kicks while waiting is just a slap in the face to the other person, it shows what type of person you are. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
marcelo.santos Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 you did nothing wrong. I understand he is pissed with the situation - go NC and give him some time to heal. If you met again, avoid the matter - if he talk about it use always the same argument: "I'm very sorry for this", "I've not cheated you", "I was single - we were not togheter when I did it", "The important is that it will never happen again" - repeat the same words every time. just give him some time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cedar27 Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Broken up or not, the fact that you were able to sleep with another person so soon says a lot. I view this differently. Sometimes when a person is recently broken up with a lover, they exercise extremely poor impulse control as a way to cope with their feelings of helplessness and pain. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, excessive eating, self harm, or sex with other people, these are behaviors that are not always indicative of a character flaw. In many cases, it is simply a vulnerable and hopeless person that is reaching for something, anything, to cope with their overwhelming feelings. As a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, I can empathize. Have some sympathy. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Uhhh this was an episode of "Friends." (Remember "We were on a break"?) OP, you made a mistake. But I think it's clear that sleeping with this guy was your own flawed way of dealing with the overwhelming emotions of the breakup. It was a meaningless one-night stand at a time when you were seriously vulnerable. A vain attempt to feel in control. If your boyfriend allows you another chance to speak to him, you have to be 100 percent honest and explain the emotions and flawed motivations behind your action. He needs to see that this wasn't about "getting back at him" or moving past him. You could compare it to a drinking binge or drug binge... just an unhealthy way of coping with the pain. Hopefully he will understand that. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I'd find it hard to believe the sincerity of someone who slept around while he was thinking things through. Wrong or right are relative. He may or may not have trust issues with you now. It's important to realize that from a Man's point of view you're not likely a prize in his eyes right now. I'd move on because despite his feelings for you he is probably done with you now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ducktape Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I really don't understand how people claim she made a mistake and taking the guy's side. HE broke up with her and then said "Well I'll think it over the week end" after she begged for him to come back? What the hell? She's being held hostage by this guy, and she's the bad person here? Her vagina, her life, her choices. If he cared so much, he wouldn't have dumped her. He wouldn't have said "I need to think about it over the week end" while he probably attempts to go after another girl, sees it won't work and then attempts to come back. If he can't deal with his own choices, that's his own problem. Not hers. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cedar27 Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 (edited) Again, this shows what little regard you have for your relationship. What relationship? What regard did the ex boyfriend have for the relationship when he not only wanted to break up with her, but then refused to reconcile when she came running back for him? The guy couldn't even make his mind up if he wanted to take her back. What a committed knight in shining armor he was that OP should stay monogamous for while single. Perhaps if OP's boyfriend didn't want her to have sex with other people, he wouldn't have agreed to break up with her in the first place. I agree with you to a certain extent that as guys, we would be bothered by this. I know I would be. I also know though that once broken up, people are free to do as they wish with the opposite sex. To tarnish someone for exercising her right to have sex while single because you think they should have waited longer is ridiculous. If their monogamy was that important to you, you would have taken them back. The girl no longer belongs to you and do not have to answer to you. This is the consequence of breaking up, and some people pull the trigger before realizing the repercussions. If you can't handle the heat stay out of the kitchen. I'd like to think OP did something this drastic as a result of the pain she was going through. As men we would almost rather our ex's did heroin than sleep with another guy, but they are all coping tools. That's why I always say, don't break up with someone unless you are ready to handle the consequences. Edited February 4, 2015 by Cedar27 4 Link to post Share on other sites
HowWillICope Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I'm a girl and I actually agree with the men. I'm sorry, but I think you should have some respect for your relationship and self control. My ex broke up with me after a 2 year relationship and honestly, if he came begging me back but THEN slept with another girl two days later...I would be like ARE YOU FOR REAL?! She asked Her boyfriend back and he asked for some time to think about it. Instead of her respecting this period she slept with another guy a few days later. It's not WRONG technically...BUT it's wrong on so many other levels. If you wanted him back THAT BADLY I don't know how you could only last a week before jumping into bed with another guy. It just doesn't make sense. Personally if it was me, it would cheapen my opinion of you and if my ex did that I'd think he was a dog and let him go. Moral of the story: don't hold your breath. It's NOT the fact that she should have waited longer that bothers me the most. It's the fact that she had sex with the guy WHILST begging him back. Bloody cheek! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 What relationship? What regard did the ex boyfriend have for the relationship when he not only wanted to break up with her, but then refused to reconcile when she came running back for him? The guy couldn't even make his mind up if he wanted to take her back. What a committed knight in shining armor he was that OP should stay monogamous for while single. Perhaps if OP's boyfriend didn't want her to have sex with other people, he wouldn't have agreed to break up with her in the first place. I agree with you to a certain extent that as guys, we would be bothered by this. I know I would be. I also know though that once broken up, people are free to do as they wish with the opposite sex. To tarnish someone for exercising her right to have sex while single because you think they should have waited longer is ridiculous. If their monogamy was that important to you, you would have taken them back. The girl no longer belongs to you and do not have to answer to you. This is the consequence of breaking up, and some people pull the trigger before realizing the repercussions. If you can't handle the heat stay out of the kitchen. I'd like to think OP did something this drastic as a result of the pain she was going through. As men we would almost rather our ex's did heroin than sleep with another guy, but they are all coping tools. That's why I always say, don't break up with someone unless you are ready to handle the consequences. The OP pointed out that the BU was mutual, she had a change of heart and asked for him back. He said give me the weekend to think about it. If you decide that having sex with some random b/c you didn't think he would get back to you after the weekend then unfortunately you have to deal with your decisions. IMO you have made a huge mistake. If he has any self respect you will never hear from him again 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cedar27 Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 The OP pointed out that the BU was mutual, she had a change of heart and asked for him back. He said give me the weekend to think about it. If you decide that having sex with some random b/c you didn't think he would get back to you after the weekend then unfortunately you have to deal with your decisions. IMO you have made a huge mistake. If he has any self respect you will never hear from him again I don't always change my mind, but I have to agree with you now. I think if she would have had sex with someone else a few days after the INITIAL break up, most of us would be taking her side. However, the fact that her ex wanted just a few days to rethink it….and she THEN went out and had sex. Whole different ballgame. I retract my other posts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 OP, you should stay single. You posted about how you cheated on this bf recently. Then you came here and lied about how you'd never cheat on him over your crush, when you actually did. You should stay single, sleep with as many men as you want and get it out of your system. You even noted in your past thread that you can't help but cheat. Avoid all the this drama and just go have no strings attached fun. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 I like to have sex, and the oppurtonity arose. I don't think theres anything wrong with THAT. Theres nothing wrong with having sex. Some people view it as a very intimate thing, and some dont. neither is right or wrong. I never had sex with anyone else but my bf while we were together. But i do see your point of view Yeah, you can like sex. And technically, you were single. But, here's the rub and probably how he see's things. He needed a weekend to think and you slept with someone else. Now, you can say that you didn't think that he was coming back, then why did you even bother seeing him after the weekend? You were over, right? The way he may view it is that you didn't even mourn the lose of the relationship and didn't even mourn the lose of him. Less than 48 hours, you were intimate with someone else. Doesn't surprise me that he might feel that he really didn't mean anything to you. I'm not saying that's what happened. I'm just saying that it might be the way he feels. In my opinion, just leave him alone and move on. Don't bother him anymore. It was good of you to be honest, but I think by the way you described his reaction, I don't think he'll be able to get past it and you'd be wasting your time. He seems like the kind of guy that would never let you forget what happened. Just move on and start refresh. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 The way he may view it is that you didn't even mourn the lose of the relationship and didn't even mourn the lose of him. She cheated on him only weeks ago. There was nothing to mourn. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
tory1012 Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Heartbreak has to be one of the most painful things we have to endure and move on from. During this time EVERYBODY! seeks solace in some way or another! We will do anything that makes us feel better. This person has hurt you and told you no that they do not want to get back together. You essentially were single so "technically" you can do what you want. If anything he should blame himself - He caused this situation to occur. He shouldn't play the victim here! Like others said do not be scared to walk away because I am pretty confident he will be coming back. By that time it may be too late? That part is up to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cedar27 Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 The one she was asking to renew. The boyfriend is also not the one who contacted her trying to work things out. It's not a matter of staying monogamous while single. It's a matter of telling someone you just broke up with that you want to work things out, all the while banging someone else. Very bad form. All of this is made irrelevant by the fact that she contacted him trying to work things out. I don't care who my ex is banging, because she isn't also knocking on my door trying to get back together. If she was, then I'm gonna want to know she was sleeping with random dudes while she was trying to work things out with me. Yeah, I read over what I wrote….put myself in the guys shoes and thought about the situation with a bit more clarity. I now realize the ex bf was just asking for a few day window, and then his mind would be made up whether or not they would get back to better. For her to be this impatient is a red flag. It may have been done out of pain, heartbreak, etc but then was not the time to do it. She had hope, she had a shot, she should have been on her best. So i'm on your side now buddy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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