Is it cheating if he slept with someone else when we were sort of broken up?

[Louboutinista]

Then be crystal clear with him on what your "I will end this" boundaries are. Make sure he understands where you're saying. Don't assume you're back on--that's why this thread is here. Both of you need to declare to one another that you are in a committed, exclusive relationship.

 

Good luck.

 

Thank you for being so helpful, Kendahke. I know how easy it is to tell someone you've never met to just walk away from a relationship that is significant to them. Although, some of them have raised a good point, a guy can't be all that in love with you if he would keep shagging another woman when trying to work things out with you, right? I won't lie but I felt so betrayed, and... replaceable.

[elaine567]

Thank you for being so helpful, Kendahke. I know how easy it is to tell someone you've never met to just walk away from a relationship that is significant to them. Although, some of them have raised a good point, a guy can't be all that in love with you if he would keep shagging another woman when trying to work things out with you, right? I won't lie but I felt so betrayed, and... replaceable.

 

I almost get the walk away, distraught, upset, get very drunk, shag someone else.

BUT but still keeping her on tap, whilst you were trying to sort your relationship out, needs a cool calculating head, and that doesn't sit well with me.

[SunnySide0418]

Of course he's now on his best behavior! I don't know him but he seems to have a lot of issues. I personally wouldn't be able to get past the sleeping with someone else while trying to get me back. That is very telling. And I'm sorry but you do lack self respect because why would you tolerate that behavior? Is it because you haven't known him that long so he gets a free pass? I assume he was telling you he loved you while he did this? I say move on.

[smackie9]

I think this was all a set up. He starts a fight, you breakup, shags some chick (which probably had preplanned to weeks ahead of time), started to venture back, (there is a chance he was still shaggin her in the process).

 

He got some on the side, now he plays you like a violin, making himself the wonderful BF. Wow it's just like taking candy from a baby.

[elaine567]

I think this was all a set up. He starts a fight, you breakup, shags some chick (which probably had preplanned to weeks ahead of time), started to venture back, (there is a chance he was still shaggin her in the process).

 

He got some on the side, now he plays you like a violin, making himself the wonderful BF. Wow it's just like taking candy from a baby.

 

That is my fear as well here.

Seemed awfully convenient she was there for him, AND she was still hanging around after the hook up too...

#14

[smackie9]

That is my fear as well here.

Seemed awfully convenient she was there for him, AND she was still hanging around after the hook up too...

#14

 

 

And your post #7, I agree he knew what he was doing.....

[Rfunn11]

I don't think he was cheating per se but it was a bold move on his part. I would soo jealous by this obvious breach of trust and him taking control of the relationship. I would be very angry yet oddly turned on by this. My ex gf would do this to me every once in a while. I hated her but loved her so much than ever and it was very intense.. It was hard to work out. We did though, have great sex during this time! I loved how controlling she was and how weak I felt. Her obvious power and feminist had won me over and I felt like her little bitch but I loved it! She had me in every way good luck babe!

 

 

 

Hi everyone, I've been on this site reading people's posts and their problems for a long time and this is my first time posting. Anyway, it is finally time for me to share mine

 

After my boyfriend of a month (aged 53) and I (aged 33) broke up early January, he went to a bar to pick up some random chick to have some no-strings-attached sex with. This happened the VERY NEXT DAY after we broke up (which I wasn't happy about of course but hey, we were broken up). After they had sex he felt even emptier and decided I'm the girl for him so he pleaded and begged me to take him back. I told him I'd think about it and he would get in touch with me every day by phone, text or email.

 

We did not have sex when we saw each other during this period (two weeks) but eventually I agreed to work on our relationship. However, little did I know that all this time he was working things out with me he was still in contact with that woman. They slept together for another two times until I saw her photo in his phone. He tried to deny at first but I wouldn't have it. So in the end he came clean and told me everything (everything about that woman I mentioned earlier I didn't find out until now). While I loved him, I decided it was too much for me and I wanted out. He pleaded and apologized over and over. Long story short, I have given him one last chance because he lets me have full access to his phone, email and computer. Everything. He's also made an appointment with his therapist. I looked through all the texts he exchanged with that woman and evidently she was nothing but just an easy lay for him. There was no affection or romantic conversation between them. He wasn't trying to date her.

 

I have to say, though, since we got back together he has been nothing but wonderful to me and we are a lot more honest and open with each other. He lets me look through his phone whenever and I offered to let him look through mine. I decided to not punish him and treat him like a criminal by withholding affection or constantly bringing up the past because honestly no one put a gun to my head and forced me to forgive him -- I made that decision myself. I want us to start afresh although he does need to earn my trust again. I have to say, though, there is such a fine line between punishing the person and making him earn your trust again. But I decided I will start by being affectionate and caring (it can be hard!). And he reciprocates by being extra caring, attentive and honest, which is probably the good thing that comes out of this whole ordeal.

 

But still, at times I still wonder if I have made the right decision to move forward with him? I would have had a much easier time forgiving him if it was just post-breakup sex. After all, after breakups, people are single and they should be free to do whatever they want. But the line got a lot blurrier when he continued to sleep with her when we were still trying to work things out. Is it cheating? He didn't consider it cheating because at the time he and I were not in an established relationship -- to him a couple isn't exclusive until they slept together, though I disagree. He said he was confused about where we stood (cos I refused to be intimate with him and a couple of times I turned my face away when he tried to kiss me).

 

I guess my question is, can he be trusted? Did I make the right decision by getting back with him? Is what he did considered cheating? Thanks everyone

[smackie9]

I don't think he was cheating per se but it was a bold move on his part. I would soo jealous by this obvious breach of trust and him taking control of the relationship. I would be very angry yet oddly turned on by this. My ex gf would do this to me every once in a while. I hated her but loved her so much than ever and it was very intense.. It was hard to work out. We did though, have great sex during this time! I loved how controlling she was and how weak I felt. Her obvious power and feminist had won me over and I felt like her little bitch but I loved it! She had me in every way good luck babe!

 

 

 

 

 

It's called "femdom"......Your fetish isn't helping the OP here.

[Spectre]

I know what you mean. Trust me I thought the same too. But at the same time, he is now doing everything he can to show his love. So I guess the jury's still out on this one and only time will tell.

 

The problem is, if he was doing everything he could to show his 'love' that would include not banging other people.

[CrystalShine2011]

I agree with above. After reading your post, I didn't get a positive feeling about it.

 

Good luck, sorry you're going through that!