Is she really serious?

[HurtOfGlass]

For those who know my story (from earlier thread)....

 

I took some of the advises that were given to me. I started getting up early and going for cycling, running and free hand excercises to the nearest park. I made a habit of writing my days events and thoughts in a diary before sleep. Added with measures I have put for myself not to get involved in situation that can snap me, things have been going good for quite a while.

 

I thought I was going good and thought it was best to take the next step - talk to my ex again.

Only to let her know how I felt regarding her actions and how I have been since then. It was for myself.

This was only because when I broke up I was totally dry. No tears from me. Only "So you were cheating? Goodbye w****. Never call me again. Or I will tell your parents what you did."

 

I started with "Hi hw r u? Long time". The she asked how I was and what I have been doing. We talked in briefs over 3 days about our lives since the break up (till then I didn't tell about the prostitute thing)...

 

Yesterday was the 4th day. Before calling her, I decided today was the day to let her know. So I directly started by asking her "Why did you do it Alka?" First came the silence. Then came the sobs. Then how she made a mistake, this dude was hitting on her. She fell for it. Long distance and not seeing me for months was stressful to her. She never wanted to marry him. She only wanted me. She would have stopped as soon as I was able to relocate to her city, etc etc....

 

I know its all bull****. She would never have stopped. But still I wanted to hear what she had to say.

 

The I told her how I became. I told her all the things I have said here. But I omitted the part about how many times I went to the whorehouse and what I did with the whores after the sex. And yes, I told her how violent I had become since.

 

 

But as soon as the sentence of me going to the whorehouse ended, she was saying "What? You are sleeping with whores? You bastard, I was waiting for you. I knew you'd would call me one day. And I waited. I broke off with other guy and you were sleeping with whores?"

"You are DIRTY. You are CHARACTERLESS. And I thought you were the perfect man. Don't ever contact me."

 

I blew up on her. I told her, how could she call me characterless when she is a cheating, lying whore? How dare she? I loved her and I was faithful. Long distance was also stressful for me but I didn't run to the arms of another girlfriend.

 

And yes, I told her that I thought it was bull**** that she would have broken up with him as soon as I was able to move to her city.

 

Then I cut the call.

Now comes the funny part. As you see she told me not to contact her again. But within five minutes of the call she started calling me. I didn't take them. Then she started messaging. They were not I am sorry messages but how I could I sleep with whores knowing she loved me, waiting for me for almost a year, etc etc. I didn't reply to one. She is still texting me today that "please reply", "I am a hypocrite". Her reason if I can be angry about her cheating, then she also has a right to be angry for me sleeping with whores.....

 

 

What the **** is this 5hIt?

Edited February 4, 2015 by HurtOfGlass

[Chi townD]

Why did you even tell her any of that? You weren't together, so your sex life was no longer any of her business.

[TrustedthenBusted]

You told her, in order to punish her. And it worked. Done, and done, no?

[HurtOfGlass]

No I did not punish her. Punishing her would have been to tell her parents about what she did.

Both of our parents thought we were about to marry. And then suddenly we broke off. Neither know the reason why. I am a villain in the eyes of her parents. Even my parents are somewhat angry though they have not stated that explicitly. Because she was/is such a sweet girl.

 

Why do you think I continue to be the villain for this break up?

 

Also I did not tell how many times I went to whorehouse. She thinks its only a few times. She doesn't know I went 22 times! She doesn't know I used to take chocolates for these women to whom I had no emotional connection.

 

No sir, I did not punish her. I only wanted to let her know what her actions have done to me.

[Satu]

You have a streak of sadism in you a mile wide, and little or no conscience.

 

I pity any woman who falls within your orbit.

[HurtOfGlass]

You have a streak of sadism in you a mile wide, and little or no conscience.

 

I pity any woman who falls within your orbit.

 

 

What? Are you mad?

[Sticky Fingers]

You have a streak of sadism in you a mile wide, and little or no conscience.

 

I pity any woman who falls within your orbit.

 

As if cheaters are any better?

[Chi townD]

 

 

 

 

Also I did not tell how many times I went to whorehouse. She thinks its only a few times. She doesn't know I went 22 times! She doesn't know I used to take chocolates for these women to whom I had no emotional connection.

 

 

 

Do you really think that's something to brag about? Dude, that's kinda gross. Hell, you could have told her you went ONCE and that would have been enough to get the same reaction you got.

 

 

Now, she's looking at you as some disease infested scumbag.

[HurtOfGlass]

I suggest you read my earlier thread to understand why I went so many times.

 

And since I last posted here, I have not went there anymore. I stopped. Its in the past.

[TrustedthenBusted]

No I did not punish her.

.... I only wanted to let her know what her actions have done to me.

 

I other words, to punish her. You want to make her feel bad for choices YOU have made of your own volition, that on every level, you knew would bring her distress as they were, in fact, intended to do.

 

I'm not saying you are the villian in this breakup. I'm just suggesting you own up to what you're doing.

 

We all want to make our WS's feel some pain. Just own it.

[Zahara]

No I did not punish her. Punishing her would have been to tell her parents about what she did.

 

Yes, you were trying to hurt her. You were punishing her. Let's just be honest.

 

Both of our parents thought we were about to marry. And then suddenly we broke off. Neither know the reason why. I am a villain in the eyes of her parents. Even my parents are somewhat angry though they have not stated that explicitly. Because she was/is such a sweet girl.

 

Now she can go tell everyone that you slept with prostitutes. And everyone is going to look at you sideways.

 

I only wanted to let her know what her actions have done to me.

 

She's not responsible for your actions. You are. You chose a destructive way to deal with your hurt. She's not accountable for that. It was your choice. And if you wanted her to know what her actions made you do, then your need to divulge was to make her feel guilty. No different from trying to punish her.

[No Limit]

In her cheater-mind, you should have prayed at an altar with her picture on it the whole time. Didn't matter that it were whores, if it had been other women she would still freak out like this. (Frankly, I don't understand why it's considered low to be sleeping with prostitutes while the person is SINGLE.)

 

Dude, if this isn't proof that she's not material for a relationship I don't know what is. Cut your losses, and block her.

[oldshirt]

This is why in all the threads about prostitution, I always advise people to keep their activities strictly to themselves and go to their graves never discussing it.

 

 

IMHO the only reason for you to tell her was to inflict pain and suffering on her. Sounds like you did a good job of disgusting her. Now maybe she will see you for the hurtful, vengeful person you are and stay clear of you for good so she doesn't end up getting beaten or raped or killed or something.

 

Please consider getting professional help before you really harm someone.

[HurtOfGlass]

To those that saying I wanted to punish her:

 

If I wanted to punish her I would have called her up the first time I went to the whorehouse and bragged about how good the sex was, how I enjoyed it.

 

No I did not do it.

 

I truly thought it was all over. I did not talk to her in the last 10 months.

 

I only did it 5 days ago because a person here suggested I should let my feelings out. Because I bottle things up. Otherwise I wouldn't have called.

 

Now that I called a Pandora's Box has been opened.

[Chi townD]

I suggest you read my earlier thread to understand why I went so many times.

 

And since I last posted here, I have not went there anymore. I stopped. Its in the past.

 

 

Well, I did as you suggested and read your other thread. Dude, you have some issues. Let me see if I'm tracking and have everything correct.

 

 

1. You found out your girlfriend cheated on you and broke it off with her.

 

 

2. Other posters suggested that you seek counseling to help you through the tough times. But, you stated you're in India and seeking counseling has a certain stigma to it and your parents would view you has having deep psychological issues. So, instead of getting help, your answer was to visit Brothels.

 

 

3. The first time you went was on the most holy days of your Hindu religion.

 

 

4. You treated those women like garbage and when you were done, you threw money in their faces saying, "thanks" and walked off.

 

 

5. You used and took out your frustrations on these girls because you couldn't take it out on your Ex.

 

 

That sound about right? And now you told her that you visited the brothels to show your Ex what SHE turned you into. Here's the rub, after you broke up, she didn't do anything. You made a CHOICE. And the choice you made was to degrade women to get back at your Ex for what she did to you.

 

 

Dude, getting cheated on sucks. Hell, I was cheated on! Your situation isn't exclusive. How you handled everything was way off base.

 

 

I strongly encourage you to go see a doctor and get cleared for possible STD's and then the money you would have been spending at the brothel, save it up and get into some counseling sessions.

[A.Moscote]

Some people do go to prostitutes and escorts after breakups, separation, etc., for whatever reasons. Maybe that is what work for them, and for you, but what is a bit distasteful here is that you keep calling them whores. The very people you indulge yourself with. The only people that ironically, based on your story, seems to be your allies.

 

Don't you see how deep you have plunged into your emotions? Be careful and control your desires HurtOfGlass, think of how those saints from your land had struggled before. You too can get through this without being wretched and violent.

 

Now back to your R issue, I think she will, if not already aware of your changes, and thus realizing her role in it. Just how much it will affects her, makes her regret or remorse is up to speculation.

How much it is relevant to you then will depend on what do you want now. Start leaving it all behind and move on, or find a clarification by engaging her again. Which one you sincerely and hopefully want?

 

Again, be conscience, and be careful. Good luck.

[HurtOfGlass]

And people telling me I shouldn't have told her because my intention is to punish, tell me honestly didn't you talk about your feelings when you found out to your SO?

Everyone here suggests not to rugsweep an affair but to discuss it honestly. Now that I do it, I am punishing her.

 

My God, you guys are so full of contradictions!

 

And thanks everyone, now I am a villain too in your eyes. And here I thought everyone will give me a safe environment to discuss how hurt the last year I have been.

[Zahara]

To those that saying I wanted to punish her:

 

If I wanted to punish her I would have called her up the first time I went to the whorehouse and bragged about how good the sex was, how I enjoyed it.

 

No I did not do it.

 

I truly thought it was all over. I did not talk to her in the last 10 months.

 

I only did it 5 days ago because a person here suggested I should let my feelings out. Because I bottle things up. Otherwise I wouldn't have called.

 

Now that I called a Pandora's Box has been opened.

 

You can twist it whichever way you like but the bottom line is that you knew it would hurt her and you chose to let it be known. Letting your feelings out about how she treated you is one thing. You could have stayed on that path. But you sank to her level.

 

You didn't have to bring up your prostitutes. The only motive for that is to inflict hurt. Plus, blaming her for your need to self-destruct? It's very blatant and apparent.

 

Now you look like the bad guy.

[DKT3]

First I'll say her reaction is pretty typical and common for cheaters. The thought that you may actually have someone else, no matter the timing is usually more then they can handle. Its in the selfish playbook, its ok for me to do to you, but how dare you do it to me.

 

Secondly, who you were with wouldn't have mattered. Whores or virgins she would have had the same reaction.

 

Lastly, you 100% told her to get back at her. To be honest, what you did after was none of her business and you had no reason to tell her unless you planned on getting back together.

 

On the flipside, I don't understand why some are outright attacking you. In the future I would say, its over there is no need to really talk with her. She isn't going to be honest and your relationship with her is toxic. Let it go, try to move on.

[Chi townD]

And people telling me I shouldn't have told her because my intention is to punish, tell me honestly didn't you talk about your feelings when you found out to your SO?

Everyone here suggests not to rugsweep an affair but to discuss it honestly. Now that I do it, I am punishing her.

 

My God, you guys are so full of contradictions!

 

And thanks everyone, now I am a villain too in your eyes. And here I thought everyone will give me a safe environment to discuss how hurt the last year I have been.

 

 

 

OPEN YOUR EYES DUDE!!! You have to see that the way you went about things after your break up was wrong!

 

 

So, are you saying that the way you treated those girls wasn't out of anger and frustration and you distaste of women at that time? Because your Ex hurt you, you wanted to hurt back? And you couldn't hurt her so you hurt other women in general?

 

 

We're not trying to make you out to be a villain or to demonize you. We just want you to see that you went about things the wrong way.

[HurtOfGlass]

Now maybe she will see you for the hurtful, vengeful person you are and stay clear of you for good so she doesn't end up getting beaten or raped or killed or something.

 

 

I am a RAPIST AND KILLER? My God, I don't even know what to say!

[lolablue17]

I think you had all the rights to tell her about your sex with the prostitutes even if it was in order to hurt her.

 

I think your visits at the whorehouse show the severity of how much she hurt you. It shows that you've been in a great pain and you tried to heal your pain by paid sex. But it didn't work out for you, it didn't help, otherwise you would have stopped.

 

So after the "healing" wasn't going so well, you now found a new way to heal - to tell her. And it worked. You feel better now, you feel the one with the upper hand and she feels cheated and in a great pain. Her pain was needed as a cure to heal yours.

 

I wouldn't call it "to punish". I would call it a closure. You don't have to apologize to anyone for being selfish in that matter. Now you had your closure - You can move on and forget her.

[HurtOfGlass]

@lolablue17.....I have stopped. I have not gone there since the last time I posted here. That part of my life is past.

[Ralph79]

@HurtOfGlass

 

How we deal with our setbacks shows our true character.

 

Some people deal with loss or betrayal by hitting the bottle, the needle or brothels. Some people seek God. Others vengeance.

 

She is not to blame for how you chose to cope with her betrayal. Despite what everyone here might say (In my humble opinion at least). She is responsible for you being depressed but that's it. What you chose to do to deal with your depression is entirely up to you and your beliefs.

 

Yes she cheated, but I think her reaction is understandable to be honest. She lied to you. She betrayed you. And she probably felt like crap for it and had to deal with the guilt of hurting the person she thought you were.

 

You owed her no explanations, yet you decided to tell her because you either wanted to hurt her as some have implied or in my opinion you couldn't deal with the guilt of what you did, so you told her to get it off your chest.

 

Either way you both messed up and you both deserve each other's reaction. You broke up with her and got pissed off. So you tell her about your ordeals and expect her to have no reaction? Or worse feel empathy? Really?

[lolablue17]

@lolablue17.....I have stopped. I have not gone there since the last time I posted here. That part of my life is past.

 

Great!

 

You set yourself to a good position. You dodged that girl.

 

Did you notice her double standards? You broke up with her and she has decided to wait for you. It was her private decision to her self. Now she's blaming you for HER taking the wrong decision. that means she will always blame everyone else for her flaws. That's the type you have dodge from.