Is she really serious?

[TexasMan68]

Stick with the whores, less drama. And stop calling your ex GF!!!

[autumnnight]

No sir, I did not punish her. I only wanted to let her know what her actions have done to me.

 

This is what is known as a wayward mindset. The idea that someone else's actions "made" you do something or become something. Her cheating absolutely hurt you. It did NOT "make" you go to prostitutes 22 times. That was your choice and is 100% on you.

 

Basically, the phrase above illustrates that your thinking is just like your gf's was.

 

Congratulations, you think like a wayward.

[autumnnight]

As if cheaters are any better?

 

Again...."what they did was bad too!" Playground wayward thinking. No one said cheating is better. But you can't have it both ways. Are people responsible for their choices or aren't they?

[road]

I suggest you read my earlier thread to understand why I went so many times.

 

And since I last posted here, I have not went there anymore. I stopped. Its in the past.

 

 

 

Problem is that is in your past.

 

 

It can never be remove from your past. Let along you should of never gone there in the first place.

 

 

That was not the way to self medicate.

[Sassy Girl]

You seem to really hate women... awful toxic hate. Get help for that.

[whichwayisup]

No I did not punish her. Punishing her would have been to tell her parents about what she did.

Both of our parents thought we were about to marry. And then suddenly we broke off. Neither know the reason why. I am a villain in the eyes of her parents. Even my parents are somewhat angry though they have not stated that explicitly. Because she was/is such a sweet girl.

 

Why do you think I continue to be the villain for this break up?

 

Also I did not tell how many times I went to whorehouse. She thinks its only a few times. She doesn't know I went 22 times! She doesn't know I used to take chocolates for these women to whom I had no emotional connection.

 

No sir, I did not punish her. I only wanted to let her know what her actions have done to me.

 

And now she will tell EVERYBODY that the marriage broke up because you went to a whore house. Yes, she will do this, just watch.

 

She didn't force you to go to the whore house just like you didn't force her to cheat on you.

 

You chose to handle your pain that way, she didn't make you do that.

[HurtOfGlass]

And now she will tell EVERYBODY that the marriage broke up because you went to a whore house. Yes, she will do this, just watch.

 

She didn't force you to go to the whore house just like you didn't force her to cheat on you.

 

You chose to handle your pain that way, she didn't make you do that.

 

I dont think thats the case. If she wanted to tell she would have done that already. She would have told her parents. And her parents are so angry at me for the break up, if they heard any such news they would have called my house to let my parents know.

And then my parents would have lambasted me and probably throw me out of the house.

Since that did not happen, I am sure she is not going to tell.

[Ralph79]

Two things that I think are worth noting:

 

1.

And now she will tell EVERYBODY that the marriage broke up because you went to a whore house. Yes, she will do this, just watch.

 

I believe they were just BF/GF. I never read anywhere that they were married. Not that it excuses either behavior but no marriage was broken.

 

2.

She would have told her parents. And her parents are so angry at me for the break up, if they heard any such news they would have called my house to let my parents know.

 

Or more than likely her parents don't think you're worth the trouble to make that call, for their daughter's sake. You weren't even married.

[Standard-Fare]

I don't understand this obsession with telling your ex-GF's parents about her cheating, but maybe there are cultural reasons for that. To me it's none of their business and it sounds like an absolutely terrible idea -- yet I'm curious why you think that would be the ultimate revenge, and why you haven't done it yet when you've been so tempted.

 

At this point, though, your ex-GF would have an easy way to get back at you for that: She would certainly make it known to everybody that you've been sleeping with prostitutes. Which sounds like information you don't want to be public.

 

As far as telling your ex-GF about the prostitutes, it sounds like you want her to pity you. Well congratulations, I'm sure you succeeded there. But she's probably not viewing it in the way you'd like, which is "Look at the degradation I drove him toward." Instead I'm sure she's thinking how sad it is that you have no better ways to process your pain.

[HurtOfGlass]

Or more than likely her parents don't think you're worth the trouble to make that call, for their daughter's sake. You weren't even married.

 

Then you don't know the whole situation. After the break up, her parents came to my house to know the reason. I said we were fighting all the time and two of us being in different city was not helping. Hence break up. They then offered to get us married as quickly as possible and resettle in the city she was. I declined. They then had some choice words for me and family. Thats when 5hIt hit the fan. My parents also accused her parents of various things. It was a davastation between the two families.

 

Now do you think if her parents came to know about my activities they would hold back? They would love this chance to smear it on my parents face....

[Sticky Fingers]

Again...."what they did was bad too!" Playground wayward thinking. No one said cheating is better. But you can't have it both ways. Are people responsible for their choices or aren't they?

 

Agreed but isn't telling the truth, no matter how hurtful, one of the requirements for being an honest person? His motives may not have been pure as he claims but didn't she deserve to know the truth about what he did as well?

[autumnnight]

Agreed but isn't telling the truth, no matter how hurtful, one of the requirements for being an honest person? His motives may not have been pure as he claims but didn't she deserve to know the truth about what he did as well?

 

Why? Were they married? Were they even still dating?

 

Anyway, the central question was: are people responsible for their actions or aren't they?

[Sticky Fingers]

You seem to really hate women... awful toxic hate. Get help for that.

 

People who issue these kinds of statements are ofteb guilty of the same sin they accuse others.

[DbleBetrayal]

I know you are being berated here about telling your ex about what messed up things you did after DDay. I'm not sure why, maybe it's because you won't admit that you told her to hurt her as well as to let her know how far you sank after DDay.

 

But anyways, I'm guessing you aren't the only one that did stupid crazy crap upon discovery on here. It's a mind-f$&* finding out about betrayal and can really change the way you think and behave. I know I did stupid crap after DDay either out of vengeance or to numb the pain. Now you have regrets, you have stopped doing it- that's a good start. Self reflection time. You need to heal yourself before going back into anther relationship or considering R.

 

You're question is, what do you do now that she is the one calling and hounding you? That is entirely up to you. Do you think you can work passed what she did ever? Do you think even if you did get passed it, now she won't be able to work passed what you did? The best decision now is to cut your losses. But I am guessing that's what neither of you really want to do now for whatever reason.

 

If you do both get back together, R is going to be a extremely long bumpy road. You're not even married yet or have children, so that's a really good thing to consider. Would you really want to take her back after what she did and the affect it had on you? Can you really, at the bottom of your heart, get passed what happened?

[Ralph79]

Then you don't know the whole situation. After the break up, her parents came to my house to know the reason. I said we were fighting all the time and two of us being in different city was not helping. Hence break up. They then offered to get us married as quickly as possible and resettle in the city she was. I declined. They then had some choice words for me and family. Thats when 5hIt hit the fan. My parents also accused her parents of various things. It was a davastation between the two families.

 

Now do you think if her parents came to know about my activities they would hold back? They would love this chance to smear it on my parents face....

 

I can only know what you share with us.

 

If I were her parents I wouldnt bother because you are not the man they thought you to be anymore. But I am not them. And I dont know your customs very well so I guess I will take your word for it.

[autumnnight]

I can only know what you share with us.

 

If I were her parents I wouldn't bother because you are not the man they thought you to be anymore. But I am not them. And I don't know your customs very well so I guess I will take your word for it.

 

The true measure of someone's character is not what they do when life is rosy, but when it sucks. The OP's response to the suck was....crappy.

[Sticky Fingers]

Why? Were they married? Were they even still dating?

 

It does matter because she had a false image of him like he had a false image of her. Better that she sees who he truly is so she can then move on with her life.

 

Anyway, the central question was: are people responsible for their actions or aren't they?

 

No it wasn't but it was the red herring question you came up with. The real question was why did he punish her by revealing the truth of his cheating when they had already broken up?

 

But yes people are responsible for their behavior and if he cheated on her as well, then he is no better than her. Happy?

[autumnnight]

It does matter because she had a false image of him like he had a false image of her. Better that she sees who he truly is so she can then move on with her life.

 

 

 

No it wasn't but it was the red herring question you came up with. The real question was why did he punish her by revealing the truth of his cheating when they had already broken up?

 

But yes people are responsible for their behavior and if he cheated on her as well, then he is no better than her. Happy?

 

I misspoke. I meant the central question of my post that you quoted.

 

However, it is very illuminating to find that discussion of personal responsibility is a red herring.

[Sticky Fingers]

I misspoke. I meant the central question of my post that you quoted.

 

However, it is very illuminating to find that discussion of personal responsibility is a red herring.

 

Because that was never the issue to begin with. The issue was that he had been dishonest and hid the truth about of his own cheating from her.

 

Did he take sadistic pleasure from it? We don't know since we weren't with him to witness his demeanor during the moments he told her about his cheating with prostitutes.

 

But be that as it may, she can be thankful (like he is) that she dodged a bullet and did not marry him and had kids with him.

[devilish innocent]

I don't know what you expected to happen when you got back in contact with your ex to tell her your feelings. There's no point in talking to an ex. Especially if you're trying to work through your feelings. It's just going to reopen old wounds. Hopefully you've learned why it's a bad idea, and you won't try to contact her again. Move on with your life and put her behind you.

[HurtOfGlass]

"But yes people are responsible for their behavior and if he cheated on her as well, then he is no better than her. Happy?"

 

"We don't know since we weren't with him to witness his demeanor during the moments he told her about his cheating with prostitutes."

 

These comments are really mind boggling!

Does people here do not read what was written before or do they only come here to bash people?

 

I CHEATED?!

I was loyal as a puppy dog as ever there was.

 

OK. I think you didn't read my whole story.

For your clarification, Stickyfinger

 

I found out in March 2014.

 

I confronted her in March 2014.

 

I broke up with her in March 2014.

 

Our last contact by phone was April 2014.

 

I first went to the brothel in May 2014.

 

I last went to the brothel in Jan 14, 2015.

 

 

Now do the maths if I cheated or not.

[whichwayisup]

Cut her out of your life now, don't engage in any more conversations.

[HurtOfGlass]

I know you are being berated here about telling your ex about what messed up things you did after DDay. I'm not sure why, maybe it's because you won't admit that you told her to hurt her as well as to let her know how far you sank after DDay.

 

But anyways, I'm guessing you aren't the only one that did stupid crazy crap upon discovery on here. It's a mind-f$&* finding out about betrayal and can really change the way you think and behave. I know I did stupid crap after DDay either out of vengeance or to numb the pain. Now you have regrets, you have stopped doing it- that's a good start. Self reflection time. You need to heal yourself before going back into anther relationship or considering R.

 

You're question is, what do you do now that she is the one calling and hounding you? That is entirely up to you. Do you think you can work passed what she did ever? Do you think even if you did get passed it, now she won't be able to work passed what you did? The best decision now is to cut your losses. But I am guessing that's what neither of you really want to do now for whatever reason.

 

You were the last person that commented on my previous thread and I really liked your reply. You, Rainbowlove, BetrayedH, DKT3 are really good people who want to help. You understood what I went through last year.

 

But others here, my God!

 

Some have even called me rapist, killer and a toxic to her life!

 

Its a good thing that I know social media are full of people with mischievious mentality who only want to get people worked up.

 

And you are absolutely right. It was easy in the last 10 months after breakup not to contact her anymore when I was going to the brothels and letting lose on people in confrontations. But since I contacted her again on Feb 1, 2015, its like a box of emotions had been opened for me. I am thinking about her all day and night.

 

Only I know and God know how much strength it is taking me to restraint myself to not press that green button and answering her call.

The only thing I want to do right now is tell her I am coming to her city, get on the earliest flight, reach there and fly straight into her arms!

[BeholdtheMan]

You cheating GF is a "whore"

 

You visited sex workers

[Ralph79]

You were the last person that commented on my previous thread and I really liked your reply. You, Rainbowlove, BetrayedH, DKT3 are really good people who want to help. You understood what I went through last year.

 

But others here, my God!

 

Some have even called me rapist, killer and a toxic to her life!

 

Its a good thing that I know social media are full of people with mischievious mentality who only want to get people worked up.

 

And you are absolutely right. It was easy in the last 10 months after breakup not to contact her anymore when I was going to the brothels and letting lose on people in confrontations. But since I contacted her again on Feb 1, 2015, its like a box of emotions had been opened for me. I am thinking about her all day and night.

 

Only I know and God know how much strength it is taking me to restraint myself to not press that green button and answering her call.

The only thing I want to do right now is tell her I am coming to her city, get on the earliest flight, reach there and fly straight into her arms!

 

Dude... WHY are you not clear from the start ... seriously lol

 

Ok. Here's how it looks from an outsider's perspective based on what limited information SO FAR you have given us:

 

a) She last heard of you on April 2014 a month after you broke up with her.

b) You spent the last 9 months sleeping with hookers.

c) You contact her for GOD knows what reason ... to get some sense of vindication for your actions or something after not speaking to her for TEN months.

d) You brought her to tears shaming her for her actions by asking "WHY ALKA WHY?" You go and re-open that wound. She cheated and you dumped her. She deserved to be dumped but that doesn't mean she couldn't have regretted her actions since she did beg you to forgive her after all. She was hurting too.

e) After you're done hearing her, you tell her you've been with hookers, thinking you are entitled to get a free pass since she hurt you first. You didn't cheat on her and you don't feel guilt, but are ashamed and scared of people finding out what you did.

 

I'm sorry but the fact that she cheated on you , does not obligate her to find your behavior acceptable. Specially when you don't want anyone else to know: "word will spread in my social circle and you know the embarrassment for me."

 

I'll ask you again, what kind of answer did you expect? Did you expect an apology from her for making you end up in a whorehouse? Because brother, you are not getting one from her. You spent the last 9 months with hookers on your own accord.

 

Now, I'll give you some advice, again from your own words:

 

"It may surprise you but going to a counselor is a very big stigma. If I tell my parents, they will think I have psychological problems"

Newsflash friend: You have Psychological problems. Stop caring about what you think your parents think. Tell them you have problems. They are your parents. They are smarter and more experienced than you. They can help you. They love you, and if you can't trust them , who can you trust? One day they'll be gone, and to be honest you desperately need their help. Stop being scared of them. Your problem is psychopath-level serious, believe me, you need their help.

 

"I am not feeling any pangs of guilt regarding both my whoring activities and my violent behaviour. And I feel like I can't control both. So if I don't feel any guilt or be able to control them"

Read this. 10 times. Read this. You have allowed yourself to delve into depravity after your breakup. I'm honestly afraid of what you might do to a girl who cheated on you and in all likelihood will cheat on you again.

 

Lastly I'll give you a "Guy" tip.

 

Get tested. Make sure you are disease free.

 

If you start a new relationship, DO NOT tell them you spent 9 months sleeping with hookers. EVER. There are things better left unsaid.

 

You broke up with your GF. You were free to be in any other relationship after that. But if you want to run back into her arms the stupidest thing you could have done was mention the hooker thing. It was a brand new start for the two of you, and any SANE girl would avoid you knowing what you told her. Next time, keep it to yourself.

 

And that whole "we got to be open to have an honest relationship thing"... there is such a thing as being too open just so you know.