Is she really serious?

[HurtOfGlass]

If everyone here wants me to admit, yes I admit it.

 

I have it in me to sink into depravity as does Alka.

 

We are both flawed.

 

But that doesn't mean we didn't love each other and our relationship was toxic. I don't know what happened during the 3.5 years we were face to face but I do know she cheated in last 1.5 years. I don't know if she cheated in those 3.5 years but we were too sweet with each other. We always went out together, held each others hand, talked everyday and always encouraged each other to do well in studies and careers.

 

Our relationship had very little fights and never any violence. Even those fight were about small things like I arrived late, she didn't call, I forgot to wish her "best of luck" for her exam or she was creating a scene with a shopkeeper regarding price bargain.

 

Thats why it hit me so hard when I found out.

[HurtOfGlass]

As for STD, I am sure I am clean.

 

I always used condoms and prostitutes don't kiss on the mouth (professional modus operandi).

 

As much as I was hurt, I had no desire to get killed by getting infected with HIV.

 

I would have rather cut off my penis than penetrate those women bareback.

 

But still I would do a check.

[fellini]

ah so we are to read your "story" about why you went to bed with "whores" - even that word speaks volumes about your attitudes - and we are supposed to get from this story some acceptable explanation about why you did it.

 

Fine, fair game.

 

Now tell me why your WS doesn't get to explain to you - or to anyone - why she did what she did, but has to accept that it comes down to nothing but choices.

 

 

 

I suggest you read my earlier thread to understand why I went so many times.

 

And since I last posted here, I have not went there anymore. I stopped. Its in the past.

[HurtOfGlass]

Do I anger everyone here because I don't fit into the mould of a crying, begging betrayed who finally accepts it all over and then go on a journey of self discovery in a EAT,PRAY,LOVE kind of way?

[cgiles]

So I read your both posts.

 

I have some advice for you :

 

First for learn to control yourself, use your less dominant hand, instead of your dominant one the most often. It will help you to devellop a stronger self control.

 

You said you didn't been to brothel since you posted here, but did you felt the need to go to ?

If yes , simply wear an elastic band at your wrist, and everytime you feel the need to go to brothel, pull on it, and snap your skin with it. In sometimes your brain will associate the pain with the need to go to brothel.

 

You should read "no more mr nice guy" by robert glover. It's a great book for improve yourself. Follow the exercices.

 

You should avoid dating and intimate women company, even against money, until you feel you have forgave your ex.

 

You will feel it,when you will stop to feel anger and need to revenge or to hurt her because she betrayed you.

 

Then you will be able to move on sanely.

[HurtOfGlass]

@Fellini....

 

She has explained herself in March-April 2014 and then again on Feb 4, 2015...

 

And I listened to her without intercepting at any point.

[Spectre]

I'm not going to touch on him getting with hookers, this isn't the hooker forum, but infidelity forum so...to answer your question YES she is serious, because cheaters can be mind bogglingly selfish and ignorant, it kind of comes with the territory. She expected you to sit around and twiddle your thumbs while she went out and rode some dude until your situation changed enough where you could see each other more and THEN she would stop riding other dudes. Sorry, this girl is trash. Even you, lover of hookers that you are, look like a pristine saint compared to her so..meh.

 

I wouldn't of handled the situation you did(I find hookers as skeevy as cheaters) but meh, I think you telling her these details in the long run did you a favor. Yes, some will say you did it purely to punish, and I can't say whether I believe you did or didn't do it with that intent, but I don't care because either way you got something very valuable out of this: her reaction. Her reaction says it all, it confirms the craziness, the selfishness, and the all around obliviousness. I wouldn't of expected her to do a little dance after finding out you were with hookers, but her pulling this "oh I was waiting for you, I would of stopped once you relocated!" shows you her true colors. That is the talk of a crazy person, so you dodged a bullet..and if you needed hookers in order to dodge that bullet then..well, I guess that is what you needed.

 

So I think people should lay off the hooker thing, it's not perfect, but at least his telling her showed him how utterly f*cking nuts this woman is.

[Spectre]

You cheating GF is a "whore"

 

You visited sex workers

 

The difference is with sex workers you know they are whores up front, they don't hide it. His girlfriend..hid that fact. So I guess what I am saying is, if you were implying the word isn't not an apt description of her? You would be totally wrong about that.

[autumnnight]

I'm not going to touch on him getting with hookers, this isn't the hooker forum, but infidelity forum so...to answer your question YES she is serious, because cheaters can be mind bogglingly selfish and ignorant, it kind of comes with the territory. She expected you to sit around and twiddle your thumbs while she went out and rode some dude until your situation changed enough where you could see each other more and THEN she would stop riding other dudes. Sorry, this girl is trash. Even you, lover of hookers that you are, look like a pristine saint compared to her so..meh.

 

I wouldn't of handled the situation you did(I find hookers as skeevy as cheaters) but meh, I think you telling her these details in the long run did you a favor. Yes, some will say you did it purely to punish, and I can't say whether I believe you did or didn't do it with that intent, but I don't care because either way you got something very valuable out of this: her reaction. Her reaction says it all, it confirms the craziness, the selfishness, and the all around obliviousness. I wouldn't of expected her to do a little dance after finding out you were with hookers, but her pulling this "oh I was waiting for you, I would of stopped once you relocated!" shows you her true colors. That is the talk of a crazy person, so you dodged a bullet..and if you needed hookers in order to dodge that bullet then..well, I guess that is what you needed.

 

So I think people should lay off the hooker thing, it's not perfect, but at least his telling her showed him how utterly f*cking nuts this woman is.

 

Thanks for the chuckle.

 

This is easy: woman bad, man good

[HurtOfGlass]

I just could not ignore her anymore.

 

She sent a msg: "Please call me. I need to talk to you desperately. Please"

 

After that I couldn't hold back. I called. I was businesslike "what do you want to say?" She again started crying and saying sorry. She know what a bad thing she did. She knew when she was first time having sex, it was totally wrong. But she couldn't stop. Infact she was blabbering and bawling on the whole conversation.

 

Then she went on to say she was surprised I would act this way. She hoped we will get back. Thats why she cut off the guy and didn't enter into a relationship when I didn't talk to her for 10 months. Infact, that guy had threatened to expose their relationship in the office and shame her to her colleagues. But she rethreatened him by saying if he did any such thing, she would go to the HR department and report him for sexual harassment. And then file a police complaimt for defamation of character. Naturally the guy backed off.

 

Now I know people will say she could have stopped if she felt wrong. But who am I to judge who has went to the brothel 22 times? I could have also stopped.

 

And God help me for ever saying this to her......

 

I said I was sorry for sleeping with prostitutes.

 

Then we talked some more and finally ended the conversation with she asking me to keep in touch and that she still loves me.

 

I don't know where this is going....

[MJJean]

"But yes people are responsible for their behavior and if he cheated on her as well, then he is no better than her. Happy?"

 

"We don't know since we weren't with him to witness his demeanor during the moments he told her about his cheating with prostitutes."

 

These comments are really mind boggling!

Does people here do not read what was written before or do they only come here to bash people?

 

I CHEATED?!

I was loyal as a puppy dog as ever there was.

 

OK. I think you didn't read my whole story.

For your clarification, Stickyfinger

 

I found out in March 2014.

 

I confronted her in March 2014.

 

I broke up with her in March 2014.

 

Our last contact by phone was April 2014.

 

I first went to the brothel in May 2014.

 

I last went to the brothel in Jan 14, 2015.

 

 

Now do the maths if I cheated or not.

 

Which takes us back to.. who cares?

 

She cheated on you. The relationship ended. You did something that you aren't proud of, you sunk to a new low. So, why bother telling her at all?

 

It happened AFTER you were single again and is none of your ex's business. There was no reason to contact her, no reason to talk to her, and no reason to tell her about anything you have done since the break-up.

 

Grow up. Man up. Move on now.

[MJJean]

As for STD, I am sure I am clean.

 

I always used condoms and prostitutes don't kiss on the mouth (professional modus operandi).

 

As much as I was hurt, I had no desire to get killed by getting infected with HIV.

 

I would have rather cut off my penis than penetrate those women bareback.

 

But still I would do a check.

 

You are aware that condoms, when used in real world conditions, have approximately an 86% success rate?

 

You are also aware that condoms do NOT protect against genital warts or genital herpes as the condom only sheaths the penis and not the surrounding area? And that those infected with genital warts or genital herpes can still transmit the infection when not having an obvious outbreak?

 

You are also aware that STD's can be transmitted orally, so if you were giving or receiving oral sex without a condom you are still at risk?

 

Go get tested.

[HurtOfGlass]

You are also aware that STD's can be transmitted orally, so if you were giving or receiving oral sex without a condom you are still at risk?

 

Go get tested.

 

No orals. Neither prostitutes here give or allow orals on them. Another professional modus operandi.

 

And most importantly, I didn't want to receive or give oral because saliva contains AIDS virus. I don't want to die.

 

Other things I am not aware of. As I said I will do a test regardless. But still I am sure I am clean because no warts and all as you mention.

[autumnnight]

And God help me for ever saying this to her......

 

I said I was sorry for sleeping with prostitutes.

 

Don't apologize for saying this. A man of character knows that wrong is wrong even if someone else did something wrong first. I admire a man who can take responsibility for HIS wrong without doing the whole "well if SHE hadn't, I wouldn't have..." dance.

 

Those kind of men are getting more and more rare.

[HurtOfGlass]

Sorry, this girl is trash. Even you, lover of hookers that you are, look like a pristine saint compared to her so..meh.

 

There was nothing saintly about me and the prostitutes. I wasn't doing it with the intention of providing them a means to get a roof. I was doing it for my own selfish desires.

I would take chocolates for them. I would tell them the most cheesy cheesy lines I could find on Google searches to make them all giggly with me in bed. But as soon as I was done I would throw the money on their faces and sarcastically say "Thank you madam for your services". I went there solely with one motto: GET THEM HIGH, LEAVE THEM DOWN

 

Her reaction says it all, it confirms the craziness, the selfishness, and the all around obliviousness. I wouldn't of expected her to do a little dance after finding out you were with hookers, but her pulling this "oh I was waiting for you, I would of stopped once you relocated!" shows you her true colors. That is the talk of a crazy person, so you dodged a bullet..and if you needed hookers in order to dodge that bullet then..well, I guess that is what you needed/

 

If you want to know what kind of a relationship we had, read my response in post #51

[LifesontheUp]

I really have no idea what the issue about a single man visiting prostitutes is all about. Those places have been around for decades and he was single not cheating on anyone.

 

I'm not sure what your motive was when you told her but it does look like you have unresolved issues from what happened with her.

 

You should consider counseling as it'll help you sort through it all.

 

Wish you luck going forward

[HurtOfGlass]

I really have no idea what the issue about a single man visiting prostitutes is all about. Those places have been around for decades and he was single not cheating on anyone.

 

I'm not sure what your motive was when you told her but it does look like you have unresolved issues from what happened with her.

 

You should consider counseling as it'll help you sort through it all.

 

Wish you luck going forward

 

Thank you sir but you are a bit late with the cavalry. Much has happened since my initial post.

[MJJean]

If you want to know what kind of a relationship we had, read my response in post #51

 

No, that's the relationship you THOUGHT you had with your ex. The actual relationship involved her getting what she wanted/needed from another man, lies, and deceit. If the relationship you thought you had existed you'd still be together and maybe married by now.

[MJJean]

No orals. Neither prostitutes here give or allow orals on them. Another professional modus operandi.

 

And most importantly, I didn't want to receive or give oral because saliva contains AIDS virus. I don't want to die.

 

Other things I am not aware of. As I said I will do a test regardless. But still I am sure I am clean because no warts and all as you mention.

 

Genital warts and genital herpes can take years to make themselves known. Some people are asymptomatic. Some have very rare outbreaks they mistake for something else like a pimple or a random sore.

 

One of the reasons those STD's are so common is that most people don't know what to look for or they show so few symptoms and it happens so rarely they don't think anything is wrong.

 

I believe you said you are in India? I don't know how your medical system works, but you should be tested specifically for those STD's at least every year, but really you should go every 6 months. Especially if you are still sexually active.

 

Good luck. Waiting for the results of STD testing can be nerve wracking.

[HurtOfGlass]

No, that's the relationship you THOUGHT you had with your ex. The actual relationship involved her getting what she wanted/needed from another man, lies, and deceit. If the relationship you thought you had existed you'd still be together and maybe married by now.

 

Are you trying to say that she found a passion that was missing in our relationship? Its is possible that theirs was a very lusty affair. Why? Because she was in a new city living on her own, outside the purview of her parents. She felt liberated to engage with him more sexually.

At the same time its also possible there were few sexual encounters (I haven't asked number of times and times and personally I don't want to ask) where she felt the same attraction to him as she would feel with a cow.

 

Either way it doesn't concern me. Why?

 

Lets think it from her point - I am in a new city. No one knows me here and no one can report my activities back to my GF and my parents. It so happens a girl is showing interest in me and is ready to take me to her bed. What would I do?

 

Knowing myself, I am almost sure I would jump in bed with this girl. But that doesn't mean I will break up with my real GF for this girl. GF is my primary relationship.

 

All I am saying is what my GF did hurt me but I understand lust can be a very deep influencing factor. And there is no evidence that she was not physically attracted to me. She would jump on me at every chance. But when she couldn't get her hands on me, she jumped on someone else.

 

But the most important thing is her reaction now. 10 months is a very long time for a beautiful woman as her to get into a new relationship with the other guy or any new guy. But whenever we are talking now she is always crying and telling how much mistake it was, what a bad thing she did and ending every conversation with she loves me still (I haven't reciprocated the feeling). Do you think this is a sign of someone who has moved on? After these 10 months she could have told me to **** off. But she isn't doing that.

And I cannot deny my attraction for this woman. Thats why I keep going back too....

[Ralph79]

Are you trying to say that she found a passion that was missing in our relationship? Its is possible that theirs was a very lusty affair. Why? Because she was in a new city living on her own, outside the purview of her parents. She felt liberated to engage with him more sexually.

At the same time its also possible there were few sexual encounters (I haven't asked number of times and times and personally I don't want to ask) where she felt the same attraction to him as she would feel with a cow.

 

Either way it doesn't concern me. Why?

 

Lets think it from her point - I am in a new city. No one knows me here and no one can report my activities back to my GF and my parents. It so happens a girl is showing interest in me and is ready to take me to her bed. What would I do?

 

Knowing myself, I am almost sure I would jump in bed with this girl. But that doesn't mean I will break up with my real GF for this girl. GF is my primary relationship.

 

All I am saying is what my GF did hurt me but I understand lust can be a very deep influencing factor. And there is no evidence that she was not physically attracted to me. She would jump on me at every chance. But when she couldn't get her hands on me, she jumped on someone else.

 

But the most important thing is her reaction now. 10 months is a very long time for a beautiful woman as her to get into a new relationship with the other guy or any new guy. But whenever we are talking now she is always crying and telling how much mistake it was, what a bad thing she did and ending every conversation with she loves me still (I haven't reciprocated the feeling). Do you think this is a sign of someone who has moved on? After these 10 months she could have told me to **** off. But she isn't doing that.

And I cannot deny my attraction for this woman. Thats why I keep going back too....

 

Well, I guess you're trying to say you've pretty much forgiven her (I think).

 

You want to renew your relationship with her.

 

She apparently wants to renew the relationship with you.

 

What's there to discuss?

 

Go get her.

 

Or did I miss something?

[HurtOfGlass]

No. LOL

 

But its all preliminary. I don't trust her. There are many things we need to talk before I can agree to restart. First and foremost I have to see he face-to-face. Talking on the phone is all very fine. But I need to see her body language when she is saying the same things to me on my face.

 

I am not a chump you know. It takes more than words to fool me.

 

And she has agreed. She has some casual leaves accumulated. She is told me she will take them next month. 5 days in total I think. Thats when I will really SEE her.

[Ralph79]

No. LOL

 

But its all preliminary. I don't trust her. There are many things we need to talk before I can agree to restart. First and foremost I have to see he face-to-face. Talking on the phone is all very fine. But I need to see her body language when she is saying the same things to me on my face.

 

I am not a chump you know. It takes more than words to fool me.

 

And she has agreed. She has some casual leaves accumulated. She is told me she will take them next month. 5 days in total I think. Thats when I will really SEE her.

 

"No. LOL

 

But its all pre.... I'm going to go have sex with her ... really SEE her"

 

This is kinda what I'm reading between the lines.

 

I apologize for jumping to conclusions, but I hope you make smart choices from now on.

[HurtOfGlass]

Well thats one way to put it...

 

But if I am honest, there is also my need to guage her reaction when I tell her to put certain measures so that I am on a more solid ground with. I don't want to be played for a fool again. So there's that fear.

 

But I truly believe she is not an inherent liar. Why?

 

The friend that informed me only saw her with that guy in a movie hall. She could have easily gaslighted me. But after denial for the first time, she immediately admitted that she was going out with him few time when I threatened I will not talk to her again. She didn't do the "You don't trust me?" charade....

Again this was necessary but not sufficient condition to accuse her of sleeping with him. But I went with my hunch and pressed her and she confessed to the sexual aspect of her relationship with him. She could have easily lied to me and I would never have known....

[Ralph79]

Well thats one way to put it...

 

But if I am honest, there is also my need to guage her reaction when I tell her to put certain measures so that I am on a more solid ground with. I don't want to be played for a fool again. So there's that fear.

 

But I truly believe she is not an inherent liar. Why?

 

The friend that informed me only saw her with that guy in a movie hall. She could have easily gaslighted me. But after denial for the first time, she immediately admitted that she was going out with him few time when I threatened I will not talk to her again. She didn't do the "You don't trust me?" charade....

Again this was necessary but not sufficient condition to accuse her of sleeping with him. But I went with my hunch and pressed her and she confessed to the sexual aspect of her relationship with him. She could have easily lied to me and I would never have known....

 

Lie #1. She was cheating on you. She was being dishonest about everything.

Lie #2. But after denial for the first time

Lie #3. she immediately admitted that she was going out with him few time

"She could have easily lied to me and I would never have known"

She did. Several times. You are just trying to justify her actions out what I will assume to be lust.

 

You are putting too much stock in the fact that she didn't gaslight you. If you truly hope to make this relationship work, I would suggest not having sex with her. But I have "a hunch" you will, regardless of what anyone here tells you.

 

I'll be honest, I find your sudden change of heart regarding her betrayal somewhat dubious. I hope you know what you're doing and that this isn't the troubled you acting out.