Is she really serious?

[HurtOfGlass]

You are not a grown man, unfortunately you are a little boy and thank god she got out when she did!

 

Just because you r so mean to me I will say u this, my ex-GF totally wants this "vile, nasty, loser" back.

[HurtOfGlass]

I think she will have the harder job forgiving him.

 

She doesn't know the real number of times I went there, or the horrible things I did inside the room. And I am never telling her. Unless I happen to mutter in my sleep or she finds this website and my profile.

 

I mean giving her chocolates and complimenting her on bed was our thing. She'd be devastated to know that I did those same things with these women and adding the parting nastiness with it.

[Ralph79]

And lest we forget, prostitutes are human beings to.

 

And I never said they weren't. My real problem with prostitutes is this:

 

Cheaters will be the catalyst or an accessory to ruining 3 lives at the very least. Whores ruin countless lives. They're not at fault for the choices the men or women who sleep with them make, but they are enablers. And they do that for a living. I'm pretty sure they don't ask or care if their customer is single or married. All they care about is money.

[Spectre]

There was nothing saintly about me and the prostitutes. I wasn't doing it with the intention of providing them a means to get a roof. I was doing it for my own selfish desires.

I would take chocolates for them. I would tell them the most cheesy cheesy lines I could find on Google searches to make them all giggly with me in bed. But as soon as I was done I would throw the money on their faces and sarcastically say "Thank you madam for your services". I went there solely with one motto: GET THEM HIGH, LEAVE THEM DOWN

 

Okay first off, I never said you were saintly. I said you seemed saintly in comparison, there is a difference. Also I hate to break this to you, but you realize these hookers have probably seen and done it all, right? I think you overestimate the amount of "damage" you did to the hookers. You really think you are leaving a hooker feeling "down" because you tossed some money and a sarcastic quip at her?

 

He's still a loser either way!

 

I find cheating to be far worse then going to hookers while single. Thus, if he is still a loser, you then have to wonder what that makes the ex gf(something a lot worse).

 

Please don't phrase this in a sense that it makes it seem OK to be with prostitutes just because he's single. It's going to hurt him.

 

He had sex with WHORES. Weather it's a worse offense than Cheating is irrelevant here. The OP should have enough self worth to not have to resort to procuring the services of prostitutes to relief sexual tension. Had he done the right thing and courted a girl he would've not been aching for the loins of the cheater today.

 

First, this is strange. Look, I do find hookers skeevy as I have said, however, prostitution has the potential to be a victimless crime. Assuming the woman is not forced into it and does it of her own accord. It's neither good nor bad, it just is. But that is only true as long as nobody is getting hurt. Is that the case with this guy and hookers I don't know. I know he thinks he put them down, but really it seems tame.

 

Also I don't think if you are upset over a breakup and being cheated on...that "doing the right thing" is courting some girl. The term "courting" to me implies something more then just sex. Thus you are telling someone that the right thing to do in a highly emotional and vulnerable state is to get into another relationship.

 

Also the fact that brothels and whores have existed since the dawn of man doesn't make them acceptable. Spousal abuse has existed as well, that doesn't mean we should all practice it.

 

I never said it was or was not acceptable. Though you realize that one thing you are talking about is a service and the other is not. Spousal abuse isn't something people seek out and pay to be a part of.

Edited February 7, 2015 by Spectre

[elaine567]

Wait a minute, prostitution is filled with women who are coerced into it.

You may want to shut your eyes to that abuse, in order to further your argument, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

 

You really believe that the women in an Indian whorehouse are all just doing a job...

 

Read Caged until 'broken': life for Mumbai's prostitutes - Channel 4 News

[Spectre]

I specifically said I was talking about the women out there who just choose to be a prostitute as opposed to being forced. I am well aware that women are forced into it in some places.

 

Since..the OP has not said he was visiting some whorehouse in India.

[elaine567]

I specifically said I was talking about the women out there who just choose to be a prostitute as opposed to being forced. I am well aware that women are forced into it in some places.

 

Since..the OP has not said he was visiting some whorehouse in India.

 

The OP lives in India.

[Spectre]

The OP lives in India.

 

I see..okay, well...yeah. If these women were forced then it was bad, but I still think they have probably been exposed to a lot worse then getting money thrown at them. I'm not saying it makes it okay what he did, mind you.

[Ralph79]

first, this is strange. Look, i do find hookers skeevy as i have said, however, prostitution has the potential to be a victimless crime. Assuming the woman is not forced into it and does it of her own accord. It's neither good nor bad, it just is. But that is only true as long as nobody is getting hurt. Is that the case with this guy and hookers i don't know. I know he thinks he put them down, but really it seems tame.

 

I personally don't care how he treated them. I agree with you completely that hookers have seen and done it all. Although his attitude was less than desirable to say the least, I'm pretty sure the women he paid have had it worse.

 

Prostitution as a whole is bad. One act might, as you say turn out to be a victimless crime, but the whole structure needed for that One act to even be possible is just a lowpoint in society. Prostitution is illegal in every state outside of Nevada for a reason. But that's my culture and my opinion, the guy's from India, I dunno how they 'roll over there.

 

also i don't think if you are upset over a breakup and being cheated on...that "doing the right thing" is courting some girl. The term "courting" to me implies something more then just sex. Thus you are telling someone that the right thing to do in a highly emotional and vulnerable state is to get into another relationship.

 

God I hate not expressing myself properly lol. I apologize for that. I never intended to state he should have sex or anything more than that with a girl. By courting I meant he should have tried to go on dates with another girl and see where his heart leads him. You know, what most people do. Not immediately. Maybe a month or two after. He has no idea what's out there other than whores. He thinks the world of the cheater because he's limited his options to basically nothing.

 

i never said it was or was not acceptable. Though you realize that one thing you are talking about is a service and the other is not. Spousal abuse isn't something people seek out and pay to be a part of.

 

I'm sorry , you didn't even make the statement I was alluding to. Someone else did. I just included it in my post. The point of I was trying to get across was that, just because something has been there forever, doesn't make it right. But yeah I agree I chose a poor comparing to prove my point.

[HurtOfGlass]

He has no idea what's out there other than whores. He thinks the world of the cheater because he's limited his options to basically nothing.

 

Please! I do not think the world of her. I don't trust her. Perhaps did, but not now.

 

Just as you didn't express urself properly about courting, I did not express myself properly.

 

If you read my first thread, you will know that my parents are asking me to get married. Ever since news got out that I was out of the loop, family members are bringing matches for me. And beautiful girls they are. But if I choose any of them, my heart won't be in it. Disaster both for me and the new girl.

 

I realized only way to get over my anger and this fascination for my ex is to follow through. Thats why I am willing to restart. It can succeed or fail - either way I will be at peace and finally able to open a new chapter to my life.

[Ralph79]

Please! I do not think the world of her. I don't trust her. Perhaps did, but not now.

 

Just as you didn't express urself properly about courting, I did not express myself properly.

 

If you read my first thread, you will know that my parents are asking me to get married. Ever since news got out that I was out of the loop, family members are bringing matches for me. And beautiful girls they are. But if I choose any of them, my heart won't be in it. Disaster both for me and the new girl.

 

I realized only way to get over my anger and this fascination for my ex is to follow through. Thats why I am willing to restart. It can succeed or fail - either way I will be at peace and finally able to open a new chapter to my life.

 

The women your parents kept "bringing" you werent your only options. Or else you wouldnt have met someone like your ex.

 

You didnt give yourself a real chance. And now all you can think about is how you cant wait to be in her arms again.

 

Im sorry. I shouldnt have said you think the world of her. It was merely a matter of expression that you care deeply about her.

 

She cheated on you. And you have allowed 10 months and a few phonecalls to let that fact go unaddressed properly. She will also keep berating you for your whore eoisode and you are not going to like it. You will feel that she has no right to be upset as you stated in your OP.

 

That is a really bad way to start a new chapter in my opinion.

[HelenaHandbasket]

Boyfriend and girlfriend, not even married. Why would you take a cheater back?? It's so easy for you to walk away and start with a new slate. Do you realize the years of mistrust, anger, insecurity and detective work that is ahead of you? Do yourself a favor, walk away now. It's not worth it. And you visiting 22 prostitutes as a way to get even, even though you were broken up at that time, is just so childish. Neither of you love each other. What is the point again? Are you still chasing after her as a way to somehow prove to yourself that you can win? You both need help. And HIV testing. Isn't India the country where 2 out of 5 prostitutes have HIV (40%?) Please do not sleep with any of these women your family is trying to set you up with until you are TESTED.

[HurtOfGlass]

Just wanted to let everyone know you feedback has not gone unheard. Here are some of the actions I have taken -

1) I consulted a doctor who is expert in male sexual health and told him my history. I said I feared contacting an STD. He gave me a list of tests including ELIZA (test for HIV). I will be giving my blood sample tomorrow to a clinic.

 

2) Since everyone here is recommending some therapy, I have decided to talk to my parents about it (without revealing the renewed contact with my ex). Yesterday was a bit late for such discussion so I will do it today. I will duly let you know what they said.

 

3) I searched for books on psychological effect post breakup in Google. Some results came up. I will buy one and start reading.

 

4) I asked my ex if she will be forever angry with me because of my past? Because I cannot remain in a forever angry state because of her past. She said if she is always angry with me, she know we will not move forward. She remains angry mean I remain angry. Ultimately, we will fail. And she doesn't want that.

 

5) Then I said to her that I will need her to do STD check up. She was shocked a bit because she was careful not to get pregnant. Just like me, she thinks condoms make everything STD proof. But I explained that since she kissed him, saliva can also carry virus. And said that I will also do check ups. We both agreed to mail each other scanned copies of our results.

 

6) I have not asked her to do counseling. But once I setup one for my own, I will suggest it to her.

Edited February 8, 2015 by HurtOfGlass

[Josmatjes]

Yes I did and found it disgusting and sickening, but there is absolutely NO EXCUSE for cheating on a person you have professed love and faithfulness. And potentially risking his life through an STD by having sex with him after she had sex with her lover.

 

If he's a loser, what does that make her?

 

What she did is wrong also! But he says oh if I wanted to hurt her I'd go to her parents!! Omg! Really! Is he 5 and she isn't sharing? Grow up and be an adult!

 

Secondly, you want to go to a whorehouse that's fine, but to belittle those woman who have probably been forced into it or something is awful! I work with children and it's funny, I've NEVER had a little girl come up to me and say she wants to be a prostitute when she grows up! Can you believe it??? So he treats them awful then he gets what he deserves, I don't care how angry you are. You don't take it out on strangers....

[MJJean]

Just wanted to let everyone know you feedback has not gone unheard. Here are some of the actions I have taken -

1) I consulted a doctor who is expert in male sexual health and told him my history. I said I feared contacting an STD. He gave me a list of tests including ELIZA (test for HIV). I will be giving my blood sample tomorrow to a clinic.

 

2) Since everyone here is recommending some therapy, I have decided to talk to my parents about it (without revealing the renewed contact with my ex). Yesterday was a bit late for such discussion so I will do it today. I will duly let you know what they said.

 

3) I searched for books on psychological effect post breakup in Google. Some results came up. I will buy one and start reading.

 

4) I asked my ex if she will be forever angry with me because of my past? Because I cannot remain in a forever angry state because of her past. She said if she is always angry with me, she know we will not move forward. She remains angry mean I remain angry. Ultimately, we will fail. And she doesn't want that.

 

5) Then I said to her that I will need her to do STD check up. She was shocked a bit because she was careful not to get pregnant. Just like me, she thinks condoms make everything STD proof. But I explained that since she kissed him, saliva can also carry virus. And said that I will also do check ups. We both agreed to mail each other scanned copies of our results.

 

6) I have not asked her to do counseling. But once I setup one for my own, I will suggest it to her.

 

Good for you! I truly wish you both luck and good health.

 

The person(s) who have suggested dating do have a point.

 

When I was a young woman my father was forever trying to fix me up with gentlemen he worked with. He meant well and the gentleman were wonderful men, but there was no spark beyond possible friendship.

 

There was one man I did take a fancy to and dated for a while. I had feelings for him and he for me, but I realized that we were not a good match in other ways and I ended the relationship.

 

I met my husband by chance. I fell in love at first sight. He thought i was a tad bit annoying, but he was attracted to me. We started dating and got to know each other. Within a few months he admitted he was madly in love, too.

 

You really should consider dating other women and getting to really know them. Maybe this woman is right for you and you'll work through your problems and have a glorious life together. Maybe there is a spectacular woman you haven't met yet that is destined to be your wife. You'll never know unless you give dating a sincere try.

 

Honestly, I think the best time to do that would be now. You're trying to work through your issues, but you're not in a committed relationship right now. It is a good time to explore all of your options.

[HurtOfGlass]

What she did is wrong also! But he says oh if I wanted to hurt her I'd go to her parents!! Omg! Really! Is he 5 and she isn't sharing? Grow up and be an adult!

 

Secondly, you want to go to a whorehouse that's fine, but to belittle those woman who have probably been forced into it or something is awful! I work with children and it's funny, I've NEVER had a little girl come up to me and say she wants to be a prostitute when she grows up! Can you believe it??? So he treats them awful then he gets what he deserves, I don't care how angry you are. You don't take it out on strangers....

 

you may just have as much anger issue as me.

[Josmatjes]

you may just have as much anger issue as me.

 

Actually I don't, but I do stand up for what I believe in. What's the matter? Are you pissed that a woman is calling you out?

 

She cheated, who knows why...it was wrong on her part. And I'm sure you felt awful.

But you had sex with multiple strangers, treated them poorly, which is uncalled for, and you apparently beat some people up for cutting you in line and stepping on your shoe. I gotta be honest here, you are scary!

You need to calm down and go to some counciling, get some help!I'm guessing you are fairly young and don't yet know how to control your emotions better. That comes with life experiences that you don't have just yet.

Do you want to get married? Why? Cause your parents are telling you to? I don't know your religion or upbringing but I do believe that people should experience life before marriage. Can you talk to them? Maybe her cheating is also a sign that she isn't ready either...... Just a thought....

[MJJean]

you may just have as much anger issue as me.

 

I don't think Josmatjes comment was based on anger. I think it's just a cultural difference.

 

Here in the US once a man or woman reaches adulthood we, for the most part, begin to live independent and private lives. We move into our own houses or apartments. We work and date and live our lives without parental interference. Our parents go from being authority figures to advisers. When we're children, we will tell a parent about the bad behavior of their child. Once we become adults, we deal directly with the adult child and leave the parents out of it unless the situation somehow involves them.

 

So, telling a parent about an adult child's lifestyle and decisions is seen as immature behavior.

 

As far as I understand, in Indian culture adult children and parents typically live in the same house unless/until the adult child marries and the parents are still seen as authority figures for their entire lives. It's a big difference.

[William]

Due to a report and some information discovered by moderation while responding to it, I'll close this up temporarily while we figure things out. Thanks for your participation!