JoL Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 It seems to be a really common thing- ex's having sex or kissing well after they have broken up..do you think this is because of a continuing attraction, comfort and chemistry? I have never (up and until recently) slept with or kissed someone once we broke up. But my (nice) ex from over a year ago and i have had sex twice now in the space of about 3 months. We broke up and i started seeing someone else soon after, i was with that guy for a year, after we broke up (he was an abusive nutcase) me and the nice ex then got back in touch and hung out and well...things happened. Has this happened to others out there? Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Just for convenience I believe. Link to post Share on other sites
clynn Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Yep. But only in the early days just after the break up when still "weaning" ourselves off of each other. Yours is a different case. Is it just sex? Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 I have, but not while I was in another relationship. Sometimes it is about trying to recapture the feeling you once had with that person, if only for a day. Sometimes, it is just about two people who still care about each other but for whatever reason can't really be togehter, just being close for a moment in time when they can. Link to post Share on other sites
tegteg Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 *rasies hand* Not sex tho, but close enough... haha... I belive it was all the above, but not just that... For most ppl i think they like having the closeness. I know i do wether its just hanging out together or more... Im not a big fan of just sex just cause, soo i dont do it... Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Nope, I didn't sleep with my ex. Didn't kiss him either after we broke up. We did meet, had dinner, hang out together, but that was it. His ego got bruised, but then... that's his problem! Link to post Share on other sites
Author JoL Posted April 2, 2005 Author Share Posted April 2, 2005 Well we hadn't had much contact after the break up and i think both of us still have a soft spot for eachother...but it's just sex. We are both single, so it isnt like we are hurting anyone in the process. I guess in a way it's just enjoying eachothers company and the physical closeness we once shared. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 ME! Dumbest thing I ever did with the most recent ex. Why? The sex was good and I missed him. Once we got back together, sex fell by the wayside again and the relationship slipped back into old bad patterns. I also got back together with an ex years after the first time we hung out. That was good for a while, then he screwed it up by being a dumba$$. Oh well. Saw him again 2 years ago and wanted to fool around again. No thanx. Good luck with your new thing, Jol. Just be careful. Someone usually ends up getting hurt... Link to post Share on other sites
debs Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Kiss? or worse sex with my exH? Nawwwwwwwww! He doesn't even get into the front door if he happens this way! I don't like the man nor do I have feelings of love for him as I once had! I am not about to be another statistic on his belt ty! I do wonder why one would subject themselves to much emotional turmoil to see if the "feelings" are still there? WHY? Have any of you thought that is why it is over, why muddy the waters? Why put yourself through such a mess? *shaking my head!" Link to post Share on other sites
tegteg Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Well lots has to do with the ol relationship its self to... And every situation is diff... My 1 ex and i had a wonderful relationship, but long dis. one never work out, so we broke it off mutally and i belive it was for the best but those couple times when in town it worked and we were both single... Shes a great person and will go far in life, as for me eh i cant say much hahaha... But for example, my ex that i have posted bout in this forum, i would not mide kissing her one bit cause i am comfertable with her andwe had a good RS. Now with my ex H or T no way, just cause of things that had happend wether it was there prob. or not, it affected me, and those things make the diff... Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by debs Kiss? or worse sex with my exH? Nawwwwwwwww! I do wonder why one would subject themselves to much emotional turmoil to see if the "feelings" are still there? WHY? Have any of you thought that is why it is over, why muddy the waters? Why put yourself through such a mess? Wish that I had had your strength, Debs! Of course I've wondered why I was so stupid. As I stated in my post, I realized later how dumb it was. Don't think that I will repeat the same mistake again after trying it with two different guys! It wasn't about the feelings so much for me as it was about being lonely and me feeling bad for myself... Link to post Share on other sites
debs Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Exactly shamen! Your feeling as low as an ant during the breakup! My heart goes out to those who don't develop the no contact and practice it when their are no kids involved! I was hurt enough so I made sure he had no contact with me in person! I allowed him to go live his life and somehow found the strength to go on! I suffered every immaginable feeling after it was over...but fact remained it was over! I couldn't fight a 21 yr old girl who could give him youth and children! I am a better person having gone down the path of the younger man but not with out a lesson learned! But to have sex with him again.....ah so unsatisfying to say the least Link to post Share on other sites
Shey Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 I have had sex with an ex of mine, and quite to my surprise, I did not regret it one bit! We had dated for over a year and a half about 5 years earlier, and had what I thought was a wonderful relationship. We were together every day, and were the best of friends, not to mention lovers...and then pretty out of the blue he started growing distant from me, not seeing me more than 3 or 4 days out of the week. I finally got him to admit that he had in fact met somebody else, and that he didn't know how to tell me and that he still cared about me but that he was really "confused" about his life and that he thought it best if we stopped seeing eachother. I was VERY heart broken by this and had NC with him after that conversation for about a month. Then, out of the blue, he showed up at my doorstep and I went outside and we sat on my porch and he told me that he was extremely sorry for the way he had ended things between us, and that when he had talked to his father about us (his dad had always been fond of me), he had asked his dad why he felt like he had just lost his best friend...his dad told him it was because he had... After that, I didn't really hear from him at all, and I didn't try to make contact with him...all I felt was an overwhelming sadness because I missed him so much, and also a sickness when thinking about him with the "other" woman...but I moved on with my life. I ended up moving away about six months later, and after about 2 years I ended up getting married to somebody I thought I would be with for the rest of my life....well that was not to be the case, and after another 2 years we seperated, and I moved back home to be close to my family. The last I had heard about my ex bf, he had moved away as well not long after me, and had gotten married to the girl he left me for, and so I never really gave him another thought. By chance, I heard through the grapevine that he was actually now divorced, and was living back in the same town I was in...I didn't know why, but I felt the urge to contact him...after all, we had ended our last conversation on good terms. I didn't want to contact him to have a serious relationship with him again...I sincerely missed his friendship...and so I called him... After that initial contact, in which he was shocked and surprisingly happy to hear from me, we got together and hung out quite a bit...and then after about a month, we did end up sleeping together again...the sex was great, better than it was during our relationship, and afterwards we talked about everything, and agreed that while neither of us were in a position to be in a relationship, we mutually consented to being "friends w/ benefits" while it suited us....I think the only reason we were able to do this and not have it end up totally blowing up in our face is because we had been such close friends previously...we knew eachother well enough to know what would be "crossing the line".... I do have to admit that it did become difficult for me after a time (about 3 months) to continue w/o having serious feelings for him...after all, he had been the one to break up with me before...and I still had feelings for him, even after my marriage...I let him know this and he was very understanding and said perhaps we should "back off" for a time...and then I ended up moving away again...we still chat via email, and are still very close friends...I feel fortunate to be able to have a friendship with this person, since so many relationships just end with hatred...and the "friends w/ benefits" thing, regardless of how many people would disagree, actually CAN work if there is total understanding on both sides...oh and sorry this is sooo long!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Yeah, I slept with my ex two years later. Sex was good, a relationship started again, and the whole thing went downhill quick the same way it did the first time. Link to post Share on other sites
Teag Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Yeah, with 2 of my ex's. The first one we became FWB for a few months after we broke up. Then the other ex. we were serious for 2 years broke up (due to his cheating) & a few months later we had sex. I had no other feelings for him (they had long died) but he was really good in bed so I said hey why not one more time. & thats all it was. Link to post Share on other sites
blackendangel13 Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Had sex with my ex for about a month and a half after the break-up. But thats because I was so in love with him and he was giving me mixed signals about getting back together and using me. I did it because it was comfortable and during it he made me feel loved. It was a huge mistake though and after everytime we had sex I rolled over and cried because I felt so empty inside. There are some exes, depending on the circumstance, that you can just have sex with. I have found though that the ones you truly love blindly and unconditionally are not well suited for "just sex" relationships. One side will eventually get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 IMO its OK to hook up ONE MORE TIME after the break up. DO it more than once then your back together. Informally called "Bonus Night" If you will. Where you hook up and never see eachother again. But I say give it 6 months before bonus night can occur. Link to post Share on other sites
BigB Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 I started a friends w/ benefits thing with an ex once. We dated for about a year in 8th grade. Then in 12 grade we ended up in some classes together at school and she told me the reason she broke it off was because I never tried to sleep with her back in 8th grade. (I still kick my self for that, I didn't know I was supposed to try at that age) So, we decided to make up for lost time. I didn't get back together with her because I was still hoping to get back with my other ex, and was moving out of that state. It lasted about a month then I moved. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 I have never slept with or had any kind of intimate contact with one of my EX's... My EXH just makes me LOL so I never had any temptation there... My most recent EXBF... now that would be a different story. I think sometimes the reason we stayed together so long was because the Sex was so amazing... We had incredible chemistry even after 2 years together.. just couldn't keep our hands off one another... BUT Thankfully I have no temptation to hook back up with him again for a few reasons... ONE he's in the USMC so he doesn't live here (Yay!) SECOND I have a new BF that I'm happy with AND the sex once again is outstanding! Funny though... when me and my currant BF got into a fight while on Vacation (WTF!) We were sitting in a bar talking... discussing if we could remain friends if we broke up... I looked at him and said "You're going to really miss having sex with me" He got a look on his face like this>> I was like yeaaaaahhh didn't think about that did you!? He replied with an evil grin "You would miss having sex with me too" LOL Can't deny it, I would've... so I guess if we ever break up (I hope not) then I will be put to the test of resisting temptation to hook up with an EX.... Link to post Share on other sites
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