busymummy Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I just need some advice, im feeling so lost right now. I have three children of my own, also have permanent custody of my of my partners sisters kids because she lost them due to abuse neglect and domestic violence and drug abuse. Ive had the three kids for a year...my partner barely helps in taking care of the six kids, the foster kids have their own set of issues and i try my absolute best to keep everyone happy. Im in my 20's and pretty much have no life outside of kids. I love them all but recently been feeling very overwhelmed not getting any help and my own children becoming unhappy, i expressed to my partner that he needed to get his act together or id need to talk to the state about moving the extra three kids to another foster family (i know that seems cruel but im struggling) but he basically told me i was horrible and continues to do nothing, not even work. So today our neice (foster child) come to me with money and said the school gave it to her (she is 6) i said "r u sure?" she insisted three times she was given it and it was hers...i told her it was the same amount her uncle put on the bench and id go check then she goes " oh ok here you go i was giving it to you" so i said rightio, thats not yours you need to give it to me! She threw a huge tantrum right when her mother had a Contact call and the little girl cried to her mum (as kids do) and said we were picking on her...he mother hung up on child and starts messaging me calling me a dog a C*nt a mole said all these horrible things, said im lucky she doesn't come and jump on my head and all this abuse, called me every name under the sun, im already warn down because out of the three foster kids age 6,4,2 the six yr old scream and kicks walls until she gets her own way, the 4 yr old spits food all over the floor and craps on the floor and in bed, the two yr old thinks im his mummy, its so full on, i try to show the kids love and respect without getting much back, no real support off my partner and now this crap off his sister, part of me wants to pack my kids in the car and drive away and never look back, i feel sorry for the foster kids but my partner insists on having them live here but does nothing to help me take care of anything...what the hell do i do? Please no judgement, dont kick me while im down ? Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I'm also in my 20's and your messed up life has made mine seem like a dream. Thanks for your post OP Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Busymummy, it sounds like you need help and a break. You have already tried talking to your partner and it didn't help. Call the children's case worker and talk to them. Tell them exactly what you told us. Ask if they can be transferred either temporarily so you can have a break or permanently. They may offer putting them in daycare during the day. And/or therapy sessions for the kids (sounds like they need it) You cannot keep doing this until you break. You have done so much. But without a break or support, you are going to burn out. If your partner throws a fit, tell him calmly that you asked for help and he did not step up. Don't take this all on yourself. Make him take responsibility for his actions/inactions. I am so sad for these children. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Wow I could not have handled that situation when I was still in my twenties. It sounds completely overwhelming. I second eye of the storm's advice. Let social services know that you simply cannot continue to handle this situation all on your own. Perhaps instead of placing the kids somewhere else they will offer you some kind of help. I feel so bad for you and your foster kids. Their mother sounds like a train wreck and they all have issues due to her poor parenting. Your partner is another problem. Why doesn't he work? Is he living off of the money he receives for taking his sister's kids in? Sorry but he sounds like a jerk and it appears that you have got yourself involved in a very messed up family. I think you have no choice but to stand up to him and tell him you are simply not going to shoulder all of the responsibility by yourself anymore. Either he steps up and does his job or you will walk. Don't let his manipulative insults get to you. Stand by what you say. I hope you get it this figured out. You need to do something for your sake and for the sake of all of the kids. Good luck 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 If I were you, I would pack my kids in the car and take them away for a week or two. Have a break for yourself and your kids, if you do this then your partner has no choice but to step up and do his part. By the time you come back, you'll be appreciated all the more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Are your kids your partner's kids? And why are you doing this for someone who is your partner and not your husband? He and his sister were raised by the same mother. Or in this case...maybe not... Where is the grandmother? She should take those kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Relinquish your Foster parents rights. Its in the contract to do so. Unknown what to say about this BF. Your main responsibility is for your blood kin ( your children). Make a life worth writing about. Best to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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