Cheating with her Boss...

[persevere]

Nah, it wasn't done to make you jealous. A lot of times, girls don't even realize they're doing it. It all stems back from when they were young girls when they didn't have a problem telling everyone who they liked. Even going as far as writing the guys name in their notebooks or schoolbooks. That kind of crap in hopes that the boy of their interest will hear about it and start showing interest himself.

Definitely an infatuation with him. Sexual or not, her emotions seemed with him quite unusually for a normal boss/subordinate situation.

Edited February 9, 2015 by persevere

[Chi townD]

I got the sense I was planned to be there at the time. The way it was presented to me was mysterious. "Frank and I talked and think it would be ok if you went to the party". Not, "I'd like you to go to the party with me". I sort of blew it off that since it was a company xmas party for a small company, but my gut told me I was a smoke screen. What a horrible, immoral and sinister thing to do.

She sent me a text 5 days later " I hope you are okay ". This was the first day of her going back to work after the holidays. Nothing since. I thought that maybe people at work were asking about me and she felt guilty or perhaps she thought I was mad and, again, her boss told her to contact me.

 

 

 

Nah, that was guilt. She knows she did you wrong. She cheated on you (even if she thinks you don't know any better) and was putting out feeler's to she if you hated her. I hope you didn't respond with anything.

[persevere]

Folks. A bit of a follow up. I'm pretty much over this. Basically, I got mad. Thinking of the disrespect. The probable cheating right under my nose (perhaps even at the Xmas party as I reflect back on a 30 minute disappearance around the time her boss left), in the very least the emotional cheating. Too many unanswered questions. Is her boss her Current boyfriend in her mind? She seeks online dating as a way to fill in on the gaps in attention, wanting her cake and to eat it to? Mad at her and mad at myself for not openly communicating my concerns and confronting them with her. Ending it far earlier, on my own, instead of allowing her to essentially push me around and betray me at her whim and allowing my pride to hurt. I'm better than that. You cannot change people. This woman had severe issues. A total lack of conscious, remorse or empathy, perhaps from childhood trauma. I did some research on sociopaths and she fit many of the criteria. I've learned. Thinking sociopath just means crazy but seeing the light as I read into and the associative conditions symptoms, such as antisocial personality disorder....Charming and Excessively warm at first, then displaying baffling behavior by withdrawing. Quick to jump into a relationship, leaving me an almost too good to be true feeling about her. Total exuberance in seeing me. Sappy talk. Then, just as quick to exit it for dubious reasons. Almost if she punishes people in the present for past wrongs committed upon her. When we get into relationships, sometimes out of our own goodness we fail to see the evil in others. We go into denial. Be careful out there. Not all women are nuts, but this one obviously was...it only would have gotten worse. Much worse. She was realizing I was figuring her out, made up reasons and bailed.

Edited February 11, 2015 by persevere

[Realist3]

I know this is far too late, but I see nothing that would suggest the need to break up from the behaviors you have described. I'm also going to guess you have never had a personal assistant. I have had four, and they know a lot about you, because YOU are their job. Of course she is going to mention the person she is working with closely. Of course she is going to get texts at odd hours, that is part of the job. Christmas party? We had a strict policy of spouses only at our parties. You are not her spouse, so asking permission is proper protocol.

 

For the future, re-read your posts and take notice of how quickly you jump to conclusions all based on rank speculation.

[Chi townD]

I know this is far too late, but I see nothing that would suggest the need to break up from the behaviors you have described. I'm also going to guess you have never had a personal assistant. I have had four, and they know a lot about you, because YOU are their job. Of course she is going to mention the person she is working with closely. Of course she is going to get texts at odd hours, that is part of the job. Christmas party? We had a strict policy of spouses only at our parties. You are not her spouse, so asking permission is proper protocol.

 

For the future, re-read your posts and take notice of how quickly you jump to conclusions all based on rank speculation.

 

I've had 2 secretaries and a couple of TA's. Did I know if they were married or dating? Sure. Did I ever go to their homes or they come to mine? Nope. Did I ever contact them at odd hours? Nope! Did they assist me or did they work for me? They assisted me, they didn't work for me. I didn't pay them, the organization did. Did they ever travel with me? Nope. Did they assist in getting me ready for these trips with powerpoints and handouts and what not? Sure.

 

 

Every situation is different.

[Spectre]

I know this is far too late, but I see nothing that would suggest the need to break up from the behaviors you have described. I'm also going to guess you have never had a personal assistant. I have had four, and they know a lot about you, because YOU are their job. Of course she is going to mention the person she is working with closely. Of course she is going to get texts at odd hours, that is part of the job. Christmas party? We had a strict policy of spouses only at our parties. You are not her spouse, so asking permission is proper protocol.

 

For the future, re-read your posts and take notice of how quickly you jump to conclusions all based on rank speculation.

 

I'm sorry, but no. Did you read the entire thread? With the whole "sleep study" thing and her saying "oh yeah frank is over right now in the late afternoon so we can discuss work for this week". All that sounds shady. Why is she hanging out with the boss, outside of work hours..just to "plan" for the work of next week?

[Chi townD]

I agree with Spectre, Discussing work related issues needs to be discussed at work! That's what work is for! If I could help it, I never took work home with me.

[Realist3]

I'm sorry, but no. Did you read the entire thread? With the whole "sleep study" thing and her saying "oh yeah frank is over right now in the late afternoon so we can discuss work for this week". All that sounds shady. Why is she hanging out with the boss, outside of work hours..just to "plan" for the work of next week?

 

It sounds shady if you are someone that looks for the worst case in every scenario. Are they having an affair, I have no idea, but from what has been posted thus far I don't see how anyone could say she yes definitively.

[beach]

Be glad she's your ex.

[Chi townD]

It sounds shady if you are someone that looks for the worst case in every scenario. Are they having an affair, I have no idea, but from what has been posted thus far I don't see how anyone could say she yes definitively.

 

 

You can't definitely say no either.

[persevere]

True. ..My Ex.

My analysis of all this would not hold up in a court of law. Rank speculation? Perhaps. However, when the red flags are going up like a flak barrage, there is an obvious serious issue. Where there smoke there is usually fire.

I have never had a PA or a TA, however strict professionalism at work does not involve meeting in her hotel room to discuss work and texting fairly frequently over the weekend. She would always immediately erase texts from him. I did check. A text from him the day after Christmas, when he was with his family in another state and they were off work until several days after new years,..probably has nothing to do with work.

She did not need to travel with him, since she was not a PA in the classic sense but more of a representative for her company. Doing her own thing in the cities they visited.

- The Mysterious absence for 30-45 minutes from the Christmas party was the worst of all them. She went..somewhere. Then started acting weird when I finally saw her again after looking all over and asked her where she'd been. I should have checked the parked cars down the way...but am glad I didn't.

Constant mentionitis. Constant talk about how her boss tells here what a good job she's doing, etc. He is using her and she is not smart enough to figure it out. Perhaps as I was used by her. She thinks her partnership with her boss has substance and a future. This rarely ever works.

I posted all this to get it out and to help heal. I was starting to have feelings for her and had hoped. It has been a learning experience and given similar situations again, god forbid, will know what to do. Ask direct questions early on when something is suspected and you may save yourself a lot of pain later on.

An Ex. yes. I'm glad I figured it out before years had gone by and I had wasted all that time, when I could have focused on meeting someone far far better. Sometimes the devil is right in front of our face. She did me a favor.

Edited February 13, 2015 by persevere

[Chi townD]

Has she tried to contact you since the break up?

[persevere]

Has she tried to contact you since the break up?

Yes. A text about a week after the breakup and one earlier this week. I still have some of her belongings and owe her money (right!)

Edited February 14, 2015 by persevere

[Realist3]

True. ..My Ex.

My analysis of all this would not hold up in a court of law. Rank speculation? Perhaps. However, when the red flags are going up like a flak barrage, there is an obvious serious issue. Where there smoke there is usually fire.

I have never had a PA or a TA, however strict professionalism at work does not involve meeting in her hotel room to discuss work and texting fairly frequently over the weekend. She would always immediately erase texts from him. I did check. A text from him the day after Christmas, when he was with his family in another state and they were off work until several days after new years,..probably has nothing to do with work.

She did not need to travel with him, since she was not a PA in the classic sense but more of a representative for her company. Doing her own thing in the cities they visited.

- The Mysterious absence for 30-45 minutes from the Christmas party was the worst of all them. She went..somewhere. Then started acting weird when I finally saw her again after looking all over and asked her where she'd been. I should have checked the parked cars down the way...but am glad I didn't.

Constant mentionitis. Constant talk about how her boss tells here what a good job she's doing, etc. He is using her and she is not smart enough to figure it out. Perhaps as I was used by her. She thinks her partnership with her boss has substance and a future. This rarely ever works.

I posted all this to get it out and to help heal. I was starting to have feelings for her and had hoped. It has been a learning experience and given similar situations again, god forbid, will know what to do. Ask direct questions early on when something is suspected and you may save yourself a lot of pain later on.

An Ex. yes. I'm glad I figured it out before years had gone by and I had wasted all that time, when I could have focused on meeting someone far far better. Sometimes the devil is right in front of our face. She did me a favor.

 

You are trickle truthing the issue. That is why I said what I said. You just unloaded more information that was vital to a suggestion about your situation.

[Spectre]

It sounds shady if you are someone that looks for the worst case in every scenario. Are they having an affair, I have no idea, but from what has been posted thus far I don't see how anyone could say she yes definitively.

 

Okay, you sort of just didn't address a single issue I pointed out. Why do you feel she should be hanging out with her boss, after work hours, to "plan" for the next weeks work? That right there is highly dubious. But no, you see nothing at all that raises a red flag there?

[persevere]

You are trickle truthing the issue. That is why I said what I said. You just unloaded more information that was vital to a suggestion about your situation.

I do apologize for that. I appreciate your candor.

[Spectre]

Er yeah mysteriously disappearing at a Christmas party for over a half hour? Yep, that's highly suspicious in itself. There really isn't much doubt that something shady was going on here, so yeah. That right there would of been an issue worthy of potentially breaking up unless she had a damn good explanation.

 

What DID she say she was doing for 45 minutes at the party?

[NJ123]

Well, you definitely dodged a bullet with this girl. She sounds like pure trash. Now you can move on & have the chance of finding a good woman.

[persevere]

Well, you definitely dodged a bullet with this girl. She sounds like pure trash. Now you can move on & have the chance of finding a good woman.

Thanks, man. I appreciate it. I didn't see it coming. She same on so strong, hard and fast.. Going out of her way to be extremely friendly and seemingly loving. We had a very torrid relationship over many months. Then, she started withdrawing for no apparent reason (as her boss reeled her in, no doubt), leaving me with questions as to what I may be doing wrong.

 

Too good to be true. "She really likes me..awesome!". Pretty, energetic.. Met my family. Christmas was great. Lots of gifts. She actually went way overboard. Others told me later she seemed she was trying way too hard to be likeable. Mom adored her. She had high hopes for me. That is what really pisses me off.

The fact that I allowed her in so quickly.. She was Gooood. Damn good at the deception. She's been there before. I am no mental health expert, but the reading I did shows she met most every sign of being a sociopath as I believe I mentioned before. Absolutely no remorse and no accounting for feelings of others. That is alien to them. Even to the point where she saw no problem in doing what she did at a Christmas party, ironically proclaiming herself to be a devout Christian and cutting on me because some Sundays I didn't want to go to church.

Yes, she is pure trash. **** her...

The 45 minute disappearance... I didn't check her on that as I should and I sorely regret not being far more assertive. I'll not do that again with any other relationship, ever. She just said she was in the bathroom as I glared at her, not wanting to cause a scene. I should have left the party without her once I realized she was gone. Broken up then and there. Her loss. She'll wander through life like a Zombie sucking at men's souls. A home wrecker opportunist... As she has probably always done. It her lonely soul that will pay the price as age creeps up. Not mine. I will have long since been with a real, loving woman...

Edited February 14, 2015 by persevere

[beach]

Ok good for you - it's over.

 

Now quit handing her all of YOUR power. No need to waste any more time or energy focused on her.

 

Get busy living. Go have fun! Forget about her!

[wb1988]

OP do you live in London?

Lol it seems this scenario happens so often, I think also people do it because the media make it seem so normal.

[NJ123]

OP do you live in London?

Lol it seems this scenario happens so often, I think also people do it because the media make it seem so normal.

 

Says his location is Texas.

[persevere]

Says his location is Texas.

Yep.

I suppose perhaps if one were very acclimated to prime time shows that always glorify "naughty", they would be more inclined to act that way. However, it does take a special kind of ruthless animal to do to me what she did. It simply must be something fairly normal people cannot understand. Kind of like trying to communicate with a rattlesnake. I have my own life to lead and it's feeling much better everyday I am away from her...