Oh no, accidentally discovered I'm not my boyfriend's type

[madgirl1991]

I met my boyfriend 8 months ago. I saw him on a dating site, looked at his profile and he looked at mine but didn't message me. I ended up messaging him a day or so later since he didn't initiate anything

 

Anyway, he was friendly enough but I had to make more effort than usual. When you message a guy first its never the same is it? He eventually flirted a bit, after we got talking one fri night we were both home. I told him i was seeing another guy and complained about how awkward it was...then he stopped flirting with me. Next day we found out we lived very close by, i asked to meet up as friends..he agreed, but was hungover when he arrived, didnt' flirt at all and later rejected my invite to hang out more (saying he was tired but still would like to be friends).

 

I got the hint and left him alone after that. A few months later he started talking to me again, he was a good listener online..and we complained to each other about how much online dating sucks..we both had had no success. One day i was lonely and complaining about my friend sbeing out of town, he said he would hang out with me. Things got kind of flirty and the hangout extended to the entire night (kind of my idea). Within one month we were dating (i had to cry in order to get him to sleep with me though..his lack of sexual interest was very weird). I remember my birhtday he showed up with no present. Later on we moved in together (my lease ran out, i asked to move in and he was alone in a big house so said yes).

 

It all seemed great but lately i am realising my boyfriend doesn't seem as interested in me like other boyfriends i've had in the past, they really tried to impress me and make me feel special. Also, i logged onto his dating profile...and found out that he 'liked' all these other girl profiles but never mine. THose girls were a different race to me (probably the more common race). He even messaged them first telling them how great their profile was, how similar their interests seemed and heavily flirted in a friendly way I have never seen.

 

I feel like I was the consoldation prize after none of those girls worked out. He didn't woo me or have to try. I feel cheated of the experience. And now, I feel really insecure, we don't even have sex much..maybe once a week? After that he says his penis is sore and refuses...so i have to watch porn and get myself off. We are planning a trip overseas, but he shows very little interest in it. Yet, he has spent some effortr on valentines day, finding a restaurant, even though he said he doesnt want to spend too much and that after this one, i shouldnt expect such a fancy big deal.

 

WE've talked about getting married, buying a house together etc. He seems happy to do that. But he is a people please. I wish i knew if he was that interested in me. I'm sick of pushing things along. I just want to be chased!!!!

Edited February 6, 2015 by madgirl1991

[Lernaean_Hydra]

(i had to cry in order to get him to sleep with me though..his lack of sexual interest was very weird). I remember my birthday he showed up with no present. Later on we moved in together (my lease ran out, i asked to move in and he was alone in a big house so said yes).

 

 

It all seemed great but lately i am realising my boyfriend doesn't seem as interested in me like other boyfriends i've had in the past, they really tried to impress me and make me feel special. Also, i logged onto his dating profile...and found out that he 'liked' all these other girl profiles but never mine. He even messaged them first telling them how great their profile was, how similar their interests seemed and heavily flirted in a friendly way I have never seen.

 

I'm sorry but, honestly the signs of minimum level interest were there from the beginning. And having to cry in order to get him to sleep with you? That's...well, a lot weirder than his lack of sexual interest tbh. I'm also really unsure how things "seemed great" when since early on, it's been you pushing things forward and him doing little more than going with the flow.

 

You don't say how long the two of you have actually been a couple but if you only met 8 months ago and there were months of NC/LC in between that, you can't have been together very long. Yet you're already living with him? From the sound of it, he got fed up with OLD and you were "there" so he "settled". You barely have sex and he shows little interest in you.... is this really where you want to be? Is this the kind of relationship you can honestly say you'd like to have for the rest of your life?

[madgirl1991]

We met one year ago. We have been dating 8 months and living together 6 months.

 

I don't know. I thought that everyone's relationship loses passion and becomes more like room mates after living together. I've never lived with a guy and been so intermingled in his life before..visiting family together, going to social activities together, buying xmas presents together etc.

 

How do i know what is normal and acceptable, and what is not acceptable? And dont say, whatever you think is acceptable - because I don't know?!

[elaine567]

I think this relationship appears to have been almost entirely constructed by you and he is just going along with what you say, because his options for anything else are limited and he probably doesn't want to rock the boat.

His heart, (from what you say) isn't in this relationship, hence his lack lustre approach. I guess YOU talk about getting married, going travelling, buying a house and I guess he just nods and agrees.

 

You are obviously a go-getter, so my advice to you is to go-get someone else who will want you for you and not someone who is happy to be a passenger, whilst you drive the car everywhere.

A one sided relationship may work long term, but it is clearly not what you want, is it?

 

I think as time goes on this will get more and more frustrating for you, and I am sure underneath he will be questioning himself as to why he ended up in this situation too.

[d0nnivain]

I like tall. dark & handsome men . . . the classic cliche.

 

Years back I dated a plump blonde guy. He was a great BF but not my physical type at all. However as a person he was awesome. We really clicked etc.

 

I doubt I would have approached him 1st. Yet we got along great.

 

Forget what you saw on the dating website. He picked you. He may have "liked" those other girls for their superficial looks on a website (pictures) but he's dating you. He's spending time with you. He's talking about a future with you.

 

I suspect his "type" evolved: to YOU. Celebrate that instead of looking for reasons to blow up what you have.

[kendahke]

If you want to be chased, then you have to end this, move out and find someone who is into you and what you are. He is not and basically has been showing you for a long, long time, but you seem hellbent on having what you want, damb the consequences. Well, knock knock--the consequences are at your door beating it down.

 

He isn't interested in you and from what you've written, never has been and never will be. You kind of forced this fit instead waiting for a better fit. Being by yourself until the right man comes along won't kill you. It's sure better than being made to feel as if you're not good enough, which is what this guy is doing.

 

And please, make sure you stay on top of your BC.

[kendahke]

We met one year ago. We have been dating 8 months and living together 6 months.

 

I don't know. I thought that everyone's relationship loses passion and becomes more like room mates after living together.

 

not at the 8 month mark.

 

I've never lived with a guy and been so intermingled in his life before..visiting family together, going to social activities together, buying xmas presents together etc.

 

How do i know what is normal and acceptable, and what is not acceptable? And dont say, whatever you think is acceptable - because I don't know?!

 

To me, what is acceptable is him showing interest and initiative in getting to know me, saying that he finds me attractive, that he likes spending time with me, having a flirtatious thread running through our conversations, letting me know he finds me sexually attractive, wanting to spend time with me. That is acceptable because that is what I allow. I don't allow a guy to treat me as if "I'll do in a rush". I have a better consideration of myself than to allow that. Also, we both do equal amounts of the putting effort into the relationship, not just me.

 

You need to move out and get your own place. Doesn't matter that he's got enough room for you to live there: this behavior is saying he really doesn't want you there. You engineered this whole thing and it's falling apart in front of you. You can't make someone want you if they really don't want you. It's a painful road to travel when you force your will onto someone who isn't already on board.

[veggirl]

We met one year ago. We have been dating 8 months and living together 6 months.

 

I don't know. I thought that everyone's relationship loses passion and becomes more like room mates after living together. I've never lived with a guy and been so intermingled in his life before..visiting family together, going to social activities together, buying xmas presents together etc.

 

How do i know what is normal and acceptable, and what is not acceptable? And dont say, whatever you think is acceptable - because I don't know?!

 

Sure the honeymoon passion may fade but you never even HAD the initial passion. WHY would you ask a guy who is so meh about you if you can move in?! And discussing marriage?? Why?!?!?!

[Zahara]

- I ended up messaging him a day or so later since he didn't initiate anything

 

- i asked to meet up as friends..he agreed, but was hungover when he arrived, didnt' flirt at all and later rejected my invite to hang out more (saying he was tired but still would like to be friends).

 

- Things got kind of flirty and the hangout extended to the entire night (kind of my idea).

 

- Within one month we were dating (i had to cry in order to get him to sleep with me though..his lack of sexual interest was very weird).

 

- Later on we moved in together (my lease ran out, i asked to move in and he was alone in a big house so said yes).

 

How can a man chase you when you keep chasing him? The statement in bold made me cringe. What in the world are you doing? It is no wonder he has no interest in you. You sound insecure and needy. Men find nothing challenging or intriguing about a woman that behaves this way.

 

I feel like I was the consoldation prize after none of those girls worked out. He didn't woo me or have to try.

 

How did he ever have a chance to woo you when you were right there begging to be seen and heard? It's not attractive.

 

We've talked about getting married, buying a house together etc. He seems happy to do that. But he is a people please. I wish i knew if he was that interested in me. I'm sick of pushing things along. I just want to be chased!!!!

 

Discussing marriage?

Edited February 6, 2015 by Zahara

[smackie9]

I stopped reading at "had to cry to get him to have sex...."

 

The relationship is OVER.