CripplingMe Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 To cut a long story short, I found myself back with my ex after much pleading and 'I love you so much' from his part. It did my ego the world of good after being in horrendous emotional pain for two weeks. His mum was pleased he chased after me to get me back, but, I suppose she would say that seeing I was more than good to her son. I spent the last week staying with him and his family - it was like old times. He went above and beyond to make me feel happy and to prove he can be a better boyfriend (early days obviously). We played board games, painted, went for walks on the beach with him and his family - it was perfect. Nonetheless, a few days after I had been there, something was said and happened which changed things. I found a text from a girl on his phone. He had his phone turned upside down. It instinctively I wanted to look. I asked who it was and he got on the defensive. Turns out she was some random girl he picked up in a bar one night whilst we were broken up, and she stayed at his for 3 nights. She was only 18 and admitted to being a sex addict (why the feck he told me that I don't know). He said he wanted to be honest with me if we are to make a clean start. She continued to pester him after he told her he was no longer interested because I was getting back with me. Appears she had some childhood abuse issues and sees sex as a means to get love. Anyhow, it was purely for sex and had no other interest with her. He was on a drinking binge for days and saw her purely for sexual gratification. I asked him why didn't he block her number and he thought she would leave him alone when he told her straight he didn't want to hear from her again. I said 'well you bloody well better block her now'. It devastated me, because I was so shocked as to how quickly (after a week NC from me) he (forgive me) screwed someone else. Not just a one night stand but invited her back 3 consecutive nights. It changed my perception of him. I know people cope differently with break ups, but that shocked me. To add insult to injury, he proceeds to tell me (whilst drunk), that someone recently told him that they were always in love with him. I'm like 'who the hell would say this?!'. Turns out it is his best friends sister. They have known each other since they were 10 (over 16 years), and he has slept with her a few times between 19 and 22. He said he doesn't see her as someone he can love, or be in love with, more like a sister (whom he can subsequently screw which I don't get). I know who she is and have met her twice. I don't know why he told me all this, and he said he's just being honest and doesn't want to lie to me. He has no tact in my eyes but just sees it as being blatantly honest about everything. So all this information together completely messed my head up. I was angry at him for chasing after me to get me back. I was trying to move on, albeit with a lot of difficulty. Hes bending over backwards to try and please me but that info made me feel sick. The grass isn't always greener for the dumpee either, if they decide to go back to the dumper. Maybe if I had never have found out about that young girl and his best friends sister, I wouldn't be feeling as bad as I am now. Ignorance is truly bliss, but he felt compelled (with the help of alcohol) to tell me everything. Even his mum knew about this young girl and I'm like 'WTF, why are you telling your mum stuff like that?'. It's sad because it's tainted my view of him and now I feel as though I've lost some respect for him despite him making concerted efforts to please me exponentially. I think once you've been dumped and reconcile, you will always have this innate intermittent feeling of fear that you may get hurt again. I know nothing is infinite in relationships, but when someone decides they no longer want you in their life, it breaks the trust massively. I was deeply and madly in love with him and him dumping me has changed the depth of that love detrimentally. Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 How long were you apart? Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I think once you've been dumped and reconcile, you will always have this innate intermittent feeling of fear that you may get hurt again. I know nothing is infinite in relationships, but when someone decides they no longer want you in their life, it breaks the trust massively. I was deeply and madly in love with him and him dumping me has changed the depth of that love detrimentally. +1 Trust is so fragile and once broken it can be impossible to fix. This quote comes to mind: "Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than hurt yourself trying to put it back together." Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Wait. You were dumped by this guy, apart for 2 weeks in which time he invited some random young girl to his place for 3 nights of crazy sex during his begging and pleading of getting you back all while in a drunken haze that is seemingly the only time he is really, painfully honest? I am confused... OP, I think YOU should re-read what you wrote and give yourself some advice as if you were talking to a dear friend having this same issue. What would your advice be? CiH* Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Ha! An 18-year-old sex addict?! How self-aware this tot is, that she made that diagnosis! Or did your boyfriend do that for her? I think all 18-year-olds are sex addicts! What a load of shyte. Look, OP, this guy is not relationship material. He's going to continue to mess with your head and hurt you. Your only choice is to walk away from this. The guy has some oats he needs to sow before getting serious about someone. And two weeks ain't gonna' cut it. Link to post Share on other sites
universalangel Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Yep, i agree with you..i would feel turned off by that..but i really think hes insecure at this point and the fact that he had to beg for you back, took away some of his self esteem..hes feeling like he needs to make himself feel wanted and like girls want him...but hes digging a big hole for himself right now..u should tell him that you have lost respect for him and you need to think about the relationship ( assuming you still feel the way you do) Link to post Share on other sites
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