BF has checked out of our relationship

[Lovelylonelyone]

To give you a little background here. We've been together for almost 2 years. Lived together 1 of those 2 years. Communication has always been an issue in our relationship. Whenever we get into an argument he just ignores me and pretends to be busy doing something else. Up until a few weeks ago he was out of work for almost 6 months. He works now, but only 30 hours a week and comes home tired and hardly says one word to me. Needless to say, I try to initiate conversation with him and he just shrugs his shoulders, mutters a one to two word response and goes back to playing video games or browsing facebook.

 

I feel like I'm the only one trying here. I try to talk to him about his communication problems, but he just shuts me out. I'll shrug it off and we'll go days at a time with hardly any conversation or exchange of emotions at all. It just feels like he's checked out of this relationship. He'll work a 6 hour shift and come home and stay on his phone all night and ignore his family. He does this every day including days off. The romance has all but disappeared in the past few months.

 

I just don't know what to do here. I'm about at my wits end. We have a son together and he doesn't do much in the way of helping with him. I guess what I'm asking is for some insight on what to do when your SO has checked out of the relationship. Is it salvageable or a lost cause?

[Quiet Storm]

You have to let him know that this is unacceptable to you. Tell him that you love him, and you love your little family, and you are telling him this because you want to save what you love the most in this world. Not just for you, but for your son.

 

Tell him if he's depressed, he needs to go see a doctor or a counselor. If he has a problem with your relationship, he needs to voice those concerns so that you can work together to resolve them. If he's smoking weed all the time, he needs cut back to once a week. It could be that he wants out and is just too weak to tell you. But he could also just be depressed, or in a rut and needs help getting back on track. You have to make it clear that something has to change because you can't tolerate this anymore. You need him present and engaged.

 

Two years and you already have a kid. The way you two interact now sets the stage for your entire relationship. And the seeds of dysfunction are already growing. If you don't change this pattern now, it will only get worse.

 

If you are going to leave him, it's better to do it now when your kid is a baby. The older he gets, the more the spilt will affect him. It will feel like a big loss to him in a few years. Now he is young enough to not take it personally or feel that dad leaving was somehow his fault.

 

You and your son both deserve better. (((Hugs))

[Lovelylonelyone]

I've suggested counseling to him and he just says he can't afford to go. I've told him countless times how the way he's acting is affecting our relationship and his response is "I don't know what to do." I think you may be right that he wants out. If he really cared about the relationship he'd be willing to try anything to make it work. Maybe I should just cut my losses and leave him. He just doesn't seem to care. He avoids serious conversations that I try to have with him. How can you resolve things when the other person doesn't even listen?

 

I told him earlier today that I wanted to sit down and talk about things once he got home from work. He came home and completely ignored me and went straight to playing a video game. I asked him if we were going to talk and he was like "I don't really know what to say."

[Leigh 87]

Why is your self esteem so low?

 

Why would you put up with a guy who doesn't really like you very much?

 

I know you have a son but that is no reason to stay with a man who treats you this way.

 

Plenty of parents divorce and maintain a healthy relationship with one another whereby their child have good role model..