cinque423 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I am new to this site but it seems like you have people here who are older than teenagers and have a little experience in life. I am a 37 year old widower ( wife passed away from breast cancer ) and is involved with a 38 year old woman with two kids. Actually, she was the best friend of my beloved wife. When my wife was alive, never even dreamed of being with her. My wife and I had a very happy marriage and it seemed like her and her husband Jim had a good one also. It all started after my wife died. I was going through a rough time and Betty would stop by sometimes to see how I was doing. It was always just small talk and she would leave to be with her family. One day she came by and I had all the lights turned off and was just sitting on the couch grieving. She decided she was going to cheer me up so we went out to dinner and had a few drinks. I must admit, I did have a nice time. When we got home she kissed me softly on the cheek but I was missing my wife so I gave her a full hug and started kissing her like me and my wife use to. I grabbed her by the hair and pulled her head back and when I kissed her, I stuck my tongue in her mouth. When she turned her head side ways and started sucking on my tongue, right then and there I should have known I was in trouble. My wife and I were sexual soul mates. When I zigged, she zagged and would always be right on cue. We only involved each other in our sex life but we were both sexually uninhibited. She would be on top sometimes and I would smack he butt, reach up and squeeze her breasts, grab her by the hair and start thrusting harder. I'd grit my teeth and would growl at her ( grrrr ) and on cue, she would move her hips, slap my face and growl back ( grrrr ). I was like DAMN !!! I've got myself one hell of a wife. So as you can see, our sex life was like that. When I got with Betty, I was just being my normal self. Ended up having sex with Betty four different times that night. I thought we would both realize it was a accident because my wife had just pass and let it go. Not Betty, she wasn't going for that. When it comes to sex, I like the WHOLE package, feel her body against mine, her voice when she moans out loud, etc. Over some time, I found out what Betty's erogenous zone's were, the places or things you can do to a woman during sex to make her climax or have those muscles spasms where her body does things uncontrollable. For example, when you "hit that spot" over and over again and she just can't help herself. She screams out on ever stroke, starts crying and be begging you to keep going and don't stop ... pllleease don't stop baby, please don't!! Its been 3 years since my wife died and me and Betty are going at it stronger than ever. We have tried to stop a couple of times but we can't help ourselves. Both times that we stopped, she'd call me up and get into that "sweet" sounding voice of hers and the next thing you know, we're in a hotel somewhere. We had only stopped for a month but our urge to be together was so strong that we never even made it to the hotel bed, we started having sex a few feet from the door on the floor. She had her legs spread wide to the side the way I like it in that position. She feels too good for me to stop. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Cool story... Is there a question? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Cool story... Is there a question? You forgot 'bro'. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Penthouse forum letter or loveshack? Hard to tell from OP. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cinque423 Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 My question is this, do you start to stress out or feel guilty being with another man's wife??? This is new territory for me because I used to ALWAYS respect the marriage vows and would NEVER even think of sleeping with another man's wife. Hell, I was married for 10 years myself yet for some reason I'm ok with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 My question is this, do you start to stress out or feel guilty being with another man's wife??? This is new territory for me because I used to ALWAYS respect the marriage vows and would NEVER even think of sleeping with another man's wife. Hell, I was married for 10 years myself yet for some reason I'm ok with this. I think you'll be okay with it until her husband finds out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cinque423 Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 I think you'll be okay with it until her husband finds out. True I know what I would have done if I caught my wife cheating. Point made. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 True I know what I would have done if I caught my wife cheating. Point made. No excuses, but I can only imagine the pain of losing your spouse and how you needed to feel the human connection again after such loss. But now what? You got to let her go. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cinque423 Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 No excuses, but I can only imagine the pain of losing your spouse and how you needed to feel the human connection again after such loss. But now what? You got to let her go. My mind has been telling me that for 3 years but I'm being controlled by lust, I'll admit to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 My mind has been telling me that for 3 years but I'm being controlled by lust, I'll admit to it. Is that what you plan to tell her husband? Are you looking for advice on how to end it or do you just want to keep making excuses for what you are doing? I'm not clear on what support your actually looking for. I'm not trying to be rude or harsh. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cinque423 Posted February 6, 2015 Author Share Posted February 6, 2015 Is that what you plan to tell her husband? Are you looking for advice on how to end it or do you just want to keep making excuses for what you are doing? I'm not clear on what support your actually looking for. I'm not trying to be rude or harsh. You're not being rude or harsh, you're telling it like it is. As humans we can be selfish sometimes and never look at the big picture, we only look out for our own selfish needs. Looking at the big picture, there are some innocent people involved but because I don't have any close relationship with the husband or kids, they do become an after thought. I know I wouldn't have wanted someone coming into my marriage. Looking at the big picture do makes you see things different. Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Stick around here for a while, you are bound to see how the big picture plays out for many. It isn't pretty. Her family is innocent. Betty stands to lose it all. Will you take her in when her husband kicks her arse out? Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Are you in love with her? Have any feelings for her? Or is it just sex? Do you know how she feels about you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Perhaps you need to look at things from a different angle... If your wife could see you now, would she see the Man she married? So you think you honour her ? Alternatively, if it had been you that died do you think, knowing your wife character that she would have begun a long term affair with your married best friend. I'm sorry r these exercises seem cruel, but you completely lack any empathy. I'm guessing putting yourself in te husbands shoes has not helped. Perhaps look at the man you once were, the man who had a proud wife, and compare that with the man you've become? I'm a MOW, so I'm not going to tell you you are bad and wrong. What i find most sad about your situation is how much of your own integrity you've blown. How little feling and empathy you have for others and how much yove really lost. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 So you like having sex with her and her with you. Is there more to it? Is that all she wants? What's the problem or are you just bragging 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I also think you are using Betty asa. Distraction from your own grief... Hence the addiction ... It's a poor coping mechanism which is preventing you frome properly grieving, healing and rebuilding your own life. Like an alcoholic who masks their pain with booze. You're in limbo in a relationship that cant go anywhere so you can't lose what you lost when your wife died. I strongly suggest counsellig 1 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 What seems to be the problem? Are you starting to feel guilty? Or are you starting to have real feelings for her and worry about her family? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Sorry for your loss, losing a loved one is awful. It all started after my wife died. I was going through a rough time and Betty would stop by sometimes to see how I was doing. So this all happened weeks/months after your wife passed away? Seems you were very vulnerable and in a place where you could get easily emotionally attached and the 'friend' allowed herself to become too close to you, you too close to her. One could say she should have known better due to your state of mind and your grieving process.... Do you have children to consider in all this? I doubt you're in love, if anything you've just got yourself very attached emotionally and now sexually too. You're still grieving the loss of your wife and this woman has actually prevented you from going through the whole process. I hope you can find the strength to end it, seek counseling and stay away from her. Her marriage WILL fall apart when her husband finds out... I am surprised he hasn't caught on. He probably is suspicious but trusts his wife and dismisses any thought of you two having an affair. is he your friend as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 My question is this, do you start to stress out or feel guilty being with another man's wife??? This is new territory for me because I used to ALWAYS respect the marriage vows and would NEVER even think of sleeping with another man's wife. Hell, I was married for 10 years myself yet for some reason I'm ok with this. You are having sex with the fantasy of your wife. Who better to fulfill that then the only other person who knows your wife as much or better than you. To you it doesn't matter that you are sleeping with another man's wife because you lost yours completely. You need counciling to sort this out. Your lover/wife's best friend might feel obligated to you and that is not a fair position for her either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cinque423 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Share Posted February 7, 2015 Stick around here for a while, you are bound to see how the big picture plays out for many. It isn't pretty. Her family is innocent. Betty stands to lose it all. Will you take her in when her husband kicks her arse out? To be honest, no. Even though I'm having a good time, she doesn't seem to respect her marriage at all. Whose to say she won't do that to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cinque423 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Share Posted February 7, 2015 Are you in love with her? Have any feelings for her? Or is it just sex? Do you know how she feels about you? I was grieving the lost of my wife so I was using her as a replacement. My wife hadn't been buried a week when she came along. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 "I was grieving the lost of my wife so I was using her as a replacement." You need to find a healthier way to cope. This A could/ will hurt innocent people if continued. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cinque423 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Share Posted February 7, 2015 I also think you are using Betty asa. Distraction from your own grief... Hence the addiction ... It's a poor coping mechanism which is preventing you frome properly grieving, healing and rebuilding your own life. Like an alcoholic who masks their pain with booze. You're in limbo in a relationship that cant go anywhere so you can't lose what you lost when your wife died. I strongly suggest counsellig COUNSELING definitely seems to be the solution to this. I was 24 when I married my wife, 34 when she passed away. Her and I were both at our sexual peak. We were both sexually uninhibited with each other and I was missing that. We were young and crazy, I would chase her around the bedroom naked and she would be laughing hysterically. When I caught her, I'd pick her up and throw her on the bed. She would be kicking and hitting me, trying to resist and be laughing the whole time. Or she would sometimes straddle my face, telling me to show her how much I wanted it. I would lick and suck so tough that when she climaxed, she would fall over on the bed and her body would be jerking and she would start speaking in another language ... duh, dit, mmm, sksksknos. Would settle down, then would jump up for some more. Our sex life was like that and I was missing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cinque423 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Share Posted February 7, 2015 What seems to be the problem? Are you starting to feel guilty? Or are you starting to have real feelings for her and worry about her family? For 3 years there wasn't a problem. I love the feeling of a good woman, the whole package, and she was it. Recently I guess I started thinking about what we've been doing and started feeling guilty. There are other's involved besides us and our lust for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cinque423 Posted February 7, 2015 Author Share Posted February 7, 2015 Sorry for your loss, losing a loved one is awful. So this all happened weeks/months after your wife passed away? Seems you were very vulnerable and in a place where you could get easily emotionally attached and the 'friend' allowed herself to become too close to you, you too close to her. One could say she should have known better due to your state of mind and your grieving process.... Do you have children to consider in all this? I doubt you're in love, if anything you've just got yourself very attached emotionally and now sexually too. You're still grieving the loss of your wife and this woman has actually prevented you from going through the whole process. I hope you can find the strength to end it, seek counseling and stay away from her. Her marriage WILL fall apart when her husband finds out... I am surprised he hasn't caught on. He probably is suspicious but trusts his wife and dismisses any thought of you two having an affair. is he your friend as well? It began within a few weeks after my wife passed. I was told by our pastor to at least grieve for a year, only time can heal some wounds. My wife couldn't have kids, I knew that before I married her. We decided if we wanted to have kids we would adopt a boy and a girl. She was my wife's best friend, I only knew of her husband and kids through her. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts