Zoe Lilith Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Looking back on my breakup 3 and a half months ago I am completely embarrassed and ashamed of most of the texts calls and emails .I would go 2 or 3 weeks then for 2 or 3 days do it again. Most of them were directed at trying to find out what I did wrong or Listing everything I thought I may have done wrong in the relationship. Allmost all of it come across as needy pathetic and borderline stalker. I'm sure I was on the verge of a restraining order. Going back over it now just makes me cringe. I can't believe some of the stupid **** that come from me and I remember it seemed perfectly logical at the time. I can't believe how many times I repeated myself. I doubt she ever speaks to me again. I must need therapy. Has Any body else ever done this to themselves? Yep, sounds too familiar! Not only did I beg for a simple answer and so called "closure" but after being ignored message after message, email after email, I still didn't get the point..angry for being ignored I started to verbally abuse him sending the nastiest messages a woman at certain age should not never, ever do! Now, that's pathetic! I still can't believe that I did that! Disgusting! I will never forgive myself for acting like a real psychopath..but hey, as pathetic as it is, there is also a positive side to it, I got to know myself a bit better. I never knew that I could or would react the way I did...I guess, it took another psycho to wake up the psycho in me! Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I thankfully wasn't too bad with this, i got drunk one night and seen her and insisted on speaking to her...to which she told me "it's over". Other than that i sent the odd text but nothing too bad, after about three weeks of LC I went NC. I do regret the drunken moment and it makes me cringe when I think about it but I guess it's something to learn from. I think when someone breaks up with you the natural reaction is to fight it and try and save it, in some ways it makes you human as it shows how much you care. It's just one of those things you don't realise is a waste of time until a month or so later. Link to post Share on other sites
JonjMie Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Makes me feel quite good that I started NC on 6th January the night of the BU and still not spoken or text to her since, likewise she hasnt me although I did stalk her for a week, occasionally driving past her house, once I found out through a 3rd party she wasnt seeing anybody and was looking a little desperate I stopped driving past, **** her, not really bothered her anymnore. Been dating a fair bit, had a couple of mercy shags and now in the process of getting more friendly with one girl but taking my time. Its my ex's loss, Im a good decent bloke, she didnt want me anymore, but I like to think I can hold my head reasonably high, no late night texts, no drunken phone calls. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Ha!! This was a LIFETIME ago, but yeah, I once made a fool of myself with an ex. He broke up with me and we were trying to remain friends (what a stupid mistake that was at the time! But we still talk from time to time now and are on friendly terms). I called and texted and begged and he would give me false hope, because he would indulge a lot of my calls and even pick me up from work and we'd get together once a week for coffee... and eventually to have sex. It was the worst sex ever, but I couldn't break free of it. Took me a few months, in that cycle, but once my life outside of HIM gained some direction, I realised I was being ridiculous and stopped seeing him. Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 (edited) Fun thread. Yeah I'm guilty of this. Technically she was trickle breaking up with me over the course of two months--I was in denial. But on the phone call that sealed the deal I did all the classic mistakes. Namely: -Said I was so so so so sorry. -How things would be different. -How I can change. -Asked her twice if she was completely sure about her decision. Then afterward I tried to convince her and explain away the reasons for which she was breaking up with me. This was during LC for about 2 weeks. Then when she started ignoring me. I wrote a letter apologizing for the main things I did wrong through the course of the relationship, and explaining my side. When she ignored that, I asked her why she as punishing me. This guilt tripped her into some more LC. I was going mad from her coldness and indifference. I was desperate to impress her (shudder) and show her the changes I had made. If she was impressed she showed nothing at all. After some really painful conversations, and even one good one where I thought she was coming around, things fell apart and I initiated full NC. And that's how it will stay. On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say I was a 6 on losing my dignity. At 33 years old I should know better, but this was by far my most serious and longest relationship. I did not do any drunk phone calls, or any phone calls period to my credit. No pleading or begging or stalking after the first breakup phone call. She did string me along with vague statements of possibly getting back together 'if the stars align'. After I asked her what that meant and she says we may get back together in X number of years depending on how we feel, it was clear that it was a whole load of crap. Enforced strict NC since then. Some of us are slow learners. Everyone should get dumped from a serious relationship at least once in their life. It's a serious catalyst for introspection and character building. Edited February 7, 2015 by ManyDissapoint 1 Link to post Share on other sites
unforgotten Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I did everything and more that one would say I shouldn't do. But I didn't feel embarrassed then and I don't feel embarrassed now. I was honest and those were my honest reactions to a person who I loved with all my heart and she broke it without any remorse. I'd probably be embarrassed if I didn't do the stuff I did and just go my own way without the fight. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I donno if we need therapy....but i begged and sent like 20 lengthy letter....stating every possible reason and making promises and giving her reasons to come back and giving her all the power to set rules...i even apologized for things i believe now was right .....and the funny thing is that i never got a word back....after all of that i stayed no contact for 2 weeks and i couldn't help it ....i now send her a letter every Thursday :/ I think you do need therapy because what you're saying sounds way overboard and especially because you still to this day send her a letter every Thursday. That needs to stop. Get some therapy right away. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetescape910 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Looking back on my breakup 3 and a half months ago I am completely embarrassed and ashamed of most of the texts calls and emails .I would go 2 or 3 weeks then for 2 or 3 days do it again. Most of them were directed at trying to find out what I did wrong or Listing everything I thought I may have done wrong in the relationship. Allmost all of it come across as needy pathetic and borderline stalker. I'm sure I was on the verge of a restraining order. Going back over it now just makes me cringe. I can't believe some of the stupid **** that come from me and I remember it seemed perfectly logical at the time. I can't believe how many times I repeated myself. I doubt she ever speaks to me again. I must need therapy. Has Any body else ever done this to themselves? PLENTLY of people on this board have. You act all needy and psycho, but at the end of the day, you'll eventually not care how you looked because you won't care about that person anymore. As long as you learned from it and vouch to never do something like that again. And trust me, I've acted needy and psycho with more than one ex. It happens but you live and you learn. You at the time thought it was the right thing to do, so don't regret, just learn. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Never. I look back at all 6 of my significant dumpings, and I have never done that. I'm not 100% sure why. Some, it was easy not to do that. Others, I really wanted to, but easy or difficult, I never did. I think I just never wanted to hear it twice. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I did it once in college. Girl broke up with me because I was way too clingy (and she was right) and I did everything possible to try to woo her back. I wrote love notes on the dry-erase board outside her dorm room, I wrote love notes on e-mails, I'd go down for dinner at the exact time I knew she'd be there so she could see me, in class together I always talked up her points during discussion times. All of it backfired tremendously and just made her hate me. Finally, I found out through the grapevine that she had cheated on me at the end. At that point I was like "wow, I'm a dumbass", and I went from 100 to 0 immediately. With my head finally clear of "I have to get her back" mode, I looked back on how I chased her and realized how ridiculous I was acting and vowed "never again". And I haven't, outside of the normal reaction in the immediate aftermath. Link to post Share on other sites
daytripper88 Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 I can't begin to tell y'all how bad I made myself look over my most recent ex. And I also can't begin to tell y'all how normal it is for us to do so. After a break up I think it's really quite standard to want to/reach out to an ex. People really champion NC and to an extent it really does work in certain situations for certain people, but for others NC conflicts with who the dumpee is or what their relationship was like with the ex. I've always been pretty honest about my feelings and am definitely the type that hates loose ends and irresolution, but I'd done just fine with break ups in my life until I met my most recent ex. After the break up I would go for two or three weeks NC and then crack and tell him how much I missed him. Repeat for about two months. Although at times I felt pretty embarrassed about sending the texts because I didn't want to come across as needy, I don't actually regret sending them. In fact, they really helped me gauge where he was at and realize that he didn't at all care about me. A painful realization, but when you pour your heart out into a text with no response, you really start to feel empowered. I felt angry that my feelings weren't at all being acknowledged by someone who proclaimed he cared so much about me. And that's how I started to move on. It was incredibly painful and still is very painful at times, but without sending those texts or trying to reach out to him, I would have had doubts and hopes for reconciliation. Just my thoughts. The YOLO approach and the chasing worked for me, albeit in a much different way than I had intended it to. Link to post Share on other sites
bigtrouble Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 I regret chasing after her... Back then it felt right chasing after her, but as the weeks passed... Thinking back, now I feel stupid... Good thing I only chased after her for 2 weeks... But I was pathetic and did all the wrong things... Beg, Plead, Reason, Drunk Text, "I can't live without you... stuff" Link to post Share on other sites
batt Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 I did the same thing sent the bitch texts, apologized profusely for whatever it was I THOUGHT I did wrong, sent flowers, only to get shut out again so coldly. If it wasn't for this site I would have sent her my letter. Glad I didn't and wont, **** that bitch. Link to post Share on other sites
Eighty_nine Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 I've done it. By the end of a couple weeks of that I was more miserable than I was right after he dumped me. Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 I was more angry the first time she broke up with me. I called her a lot asking when she would apologize for what she did. I'd glare at her in the class we had together. I felt like she was cheating, and was later told by two people close to her that she did cheat. This time feels different though. I still don't know what exactly made her leave. Does she really need "space" again? Sure, I wasn't perfect. I always admitted when I was wrong though, and she had plenty of issues too. We weren't perfect. I'm hanging by a thread right now. I'm so close to texting her again, begging her for things to go back to the way they were. I want to promise to change whatever it is that she didn't like about me. I just want to be with her! This forum is the only thing stopping me right now lol. Reading about other people's misfortunes doesn't make me feel better. but I realize that I can learn from others mistakes. It helps me remember that begging rarely ever brings them back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gnick Posted February 8, 2015 Author Share Posted February 8, 2015 The best apology is just to leave her alone. She'd appreciate that a lot more than any letter. Common Simon your allways busting me lol Link to post Share on other sites
lovesickgirl Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 I was tired if my ex lying to me about his relations he had with other woman. Always claiming they are "friends" (classic) I finally saw him at the club with another girl he compulsively lied about to me that I followed him in hopes he just dropped her home and went to bed. Turns out they were making out on the balcony and I shouted "I caught you! You ****ing liar! Tell her how you're still with me" He wouldn't come down and talk to me like a man that he called the cops. When they showed up, they laughed at him for not being man enough to deal with his own problems that he sicked the cops on me. We had a good hard laugh in his lawn and they let me go. He tried apologizing the next day and I said forget it, you're dead to me. Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 Alcohol and breakups don't mix very well. Yup. Molotov cocktail to the self dignity. Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 See I look at it as calling my ex out on his ****. The whole sneaky, hooking up with another guy while still with me deserves a verbal beat down. I've found out that he's always done this and I believe he's always gotten away with it. It's nice to know that I let him know what I knew. However at the very start I did the whole clingy, I need you crap and that makes me cringe. I just saw a picture of him one year later and he looks chubby and still smokes. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 Oh yeah! I have a story for you! So I am .. 17 or so.. my boyfriend breaks up with me.. thing is, I know where he hangs out, at the beach. So I have a BRILLIANT plan! I show up at the beach. Brilliant plan, right? I walked on him, with his friends, and his new girlfriend. Woot! Live and learn. Thank God my mom was waiting for me in the car (she probably knew what I was setting myself up for!) Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 Common Simon your allways busting me lol Just trying to keep you from backsliding, and that letter would be backsliding. Trust me, I wanted to write a letter or e-mail to the girl in college I relentlessly and stupidly pursued after she broke up with me. But every time I had that urge, I slept on it and the next day realized how dumb that'd be. So thankfully I never did that. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts