Photos

[anika99]

Seriously... we are all voices in the wind here... you don't know us and we don't know you. You reached out to us and asked us to listen now you don't care to share? Sounds Trollish...

 

I doubt its your pride stopping you. It's your EGO.

 

Don't pride and ego go hand in hand?

 

 

I think he has a right to take a break from posting if that's what he feels he needs. He doesn't have an obligation to entertain posters on Loveshack with updates. Maybe he's a troll or maybe he just really doesn't feel up to posting everything right now. That's his right.

[autumnnight]

Don't pride and ego go hand in hand?

 

 

I think he has a right to take a break from posting if that's what he feels he needs. He doesn't have an obligation to entertain posters on Loveshack with updates. Maybe he's a troll or maybe he just really doesn't feel up to posting everything right now. That's his right.

 

I agree. I think we tend to forget that posters do not owe us information, nor do they owe it to us to take our particular advice.

[Mr. Lucky]

Yeah, I'm beginning to think we've been had...

 

Honestly, I never know. As someone who believes in the general goodness of human nature, I find half the things posted on the site to be unbelievable...

 

Mr. Lucky

[autumnnight]

Because I do not have a crystal ball, I post as if it IS real. Even if it is not, it may help someone else who IS in a similar situation who might read one day.

[Lion Heart]

I still can't seem to gather my thoughts. I've never been so unsure of what to do. It's as if a meteor has hurtled through space on a mission just to find me and crush me. And the whole time I was unaware of the fate that was assigned to me.

 

Thank you for your advice.

 

The problem is that I am viewed as the strong one amongst my friends. I don't know if I have anywhere to turn.

 

I am too ashamed to tell anybody. I think God must love irony. Create a man with an iron will and give him a fine woman. Then destroy him. Is that it then? Am I to ask for mercy? If so, God have mercy on me.

 

GOD IS HAVING MERCY. You found this evidence and it's to LIVE IN THE TRUTH!!!! Thank God for the truth because you didn't get it from your wife and NEVER EVER WILL.

 

From now on it's up to you. Yes I know you can't do anything at all for yourself right now. But you can. Tell a friend. Get him over to yours. Tell a relative. Tell them you need to follow advice from LS NOW. But you can't do it on your own.

 

Remember this is not about you. This was all her CHOICE.

here is no punishment of YOU!! You haven't done ANYTHING to be punished for!

 

I'm 8w and 1d since my D Day and I'm INCREDIBLY BETTER because of LS, LS was the critical element that made me a survivor. BUT I DID FOLLOW EVERYTHING I COULD.

DO IT. Pacing & crying won't do it.

 

Do this (get help):

Move money NOW into an account only in your name or your children's names if you have access.

Take all equity out of any property you own.

Move it now! !!

 

Find out everything you can. Take notes. Copy photos and keep copies on a hard drive or anywhere safe. YOU WILL NEED EVIDENCE BECAUSE SHE'S A LIAR. You'll need it for yourself and others and to confront her.

 

Pride and a chance of getting her back is preventing you from telling anyone. Tell everyone you can after or before you confront her. YOU NEED THEIR SUPPORT for any road you choose to take. Who cares what they think of her and her reputation. She's a thing!

 

Not your fault and she's gonna blame you. Just watch her and laugh. Don't cry. She's an idiot if she does it but you already know she's an idiot for doing this to a faithful husband like you. NEVER DO THE "PICK ME DANCE" being all blubbery and begging her to stay DOES NOT GET HER BACK, DOES NOT HEAL YOU. Don't do it. I did it once and never again. You see the arrogance come out in full force. I did NC immediately after and 3 days he was begging but I did it for 3 weeks to look after myself. Protect yourself. NC protects you. She's no longer your faithful wife, she's your enemy. NC.

 

The arguments or even "calm" discussions may create a state within you that you didn't know existed before. You may want to hurt her & really badly. Have these discussions seated and imagine your arms are glued to the chair. This state will pass. Imagine her as a clown in a clown costume. She is and wants you in the circus. You're no clown. You're a strong man. Lion tamer even.

 

Keep up your physical appearance. If you're drudging around in your PJs crying she knows she's got you where she wants you.

Shower, wash, dress nicely. Get away by going for long walks when she's there. Heck buy a complete new wardrobe underwear and all! I did! And that shocked WH.

Start throwing out all old stuff. When she asks why tell her, well the house is being rented because I'm not living with a liar.

 

Pack her stuff quickly. Shove it don't fold it. Clear out all her stuff from your bedroom. I did. It's yours now. Put her stuff in the garage. This works too. My WH slept in the garage for 3 weeks. His stuff is still there 2 months later. I don't care. My new clothes have filled his spaces!

She can make up a the spare room but not change anything because you're getting boarders when she goes. It works. WH is still in the spare room. If he's faithful I get to visit him when I want. Sickening isn't it. Yep if you've got this far, welcome to reconciliation. It's sh** but until the house is in my name, that's the rub.

 

I'll be back after work.

Lion Heart.

[beach]

I'm interested to know what your wife thinks she can do to set this right...?

[beach]

This is actually a good thing. Her reaction shows she loves you and feels remorse. She is willing to be honest with you now. There is hope, if you want to try to save the marriage.

 

These are big assumptions.

 

We don't know if she is really remorseful... And certainly don't know if she's even capable of honesty.

 

None of what has happened shows any hope - yet.

 

For now it just looks like his wife has been pretty crappy.

[thummper]

It must have been a terrible shock for her to discover that her little sordid secret had been discovered. It will be interesting for you to see how she plans on "making it up to you."

[autumnnight]

Here are things she needs to do for a START:

 

1. Do whatever she can to remove/delete ALL photos. Maybe she can't control who might have saved what, but she can at least delete them from that site.

 

2. She needs to make an open statement ON THE SITES bout what she did, why it was wrong, and that she is committed to her marriage. THEN and only then, with your observation and permission, she needs to close ALL memberships.

 

3. Every password needs to be given to you, as does her phone

 

4. She needs to answer every question you have truthfully, and if you cannot feel safe or comfortable believing her, considering there are so many unknowns, she needs to consent to a lie detector test. I do not think every WS everywhere needs to do this, but this was big and it was public, and you really have no way of verifying things any other way. A few basic and clear yes or no questions will tell you whether she actually touched or met with or chatted with anyone.

 

5. She needs to be accountable for her actions, her movements, and her time

[MJJean]

Seriously... we are all voices in the wind here... you don't know us and we don't know you. You reached out to us and asked us to listen now you don't care to share? Sounds Trollish...

 

I doubt its your pride stopping you. It's your EGO.

 

Or hurt.

 

Not to mention if you say something out loud or see it in type on a screen it becomes real. He might not be ready for it to be real yet.

[autumnnight]

Or hurt.

 

Not to mention if you say something out loud or see it in type on a screen it becomes real. He might not be ready for it to be real yet.

 

And that once it is typed on a screen on the internet, it is out there forever.

[Was_strong]

I apologize for the break. I run my own company and I'm in the middle of this life changing ordeal. I'll try to be less dramatic. Perhaps bullet point will work.

 

1. She admitted to having strong fantasies of having sex with other men , them being in VERY dominant positions. I really would rather not share the explicit details.

 

2. She unequivocally denies ever having sex with anyone else other than me.

 

3. She considered cheating on me.

 

4. She is an exhibitionist. This completely floors me. There is not even a chance in a thousand years that anybody who knows my wife would ever guess this.

 

5. She has very strong feelings of being submissive.

 

6. We both decided that we had talked enough and have decided to continue our conversation on her desires in a few days.

 

7. Yes, of course I said how could you do this to me.

 

8. Yes, I am extremely jealous that she was actually considering/planning on cheating on me.

 

9. Yes, I am extremely upset that she did not share this part of her with me. This is perhaps the most painful part. That she would rather have had somebody else explore this with her rather than me.

 

10. I don't know where this leaves us. She tells me that she can not even imagine life without me. She tells me that she fantasizes about me being extremely dominant with her.

 

11. When I say that she has been weeping nonstop since she returned I am not exaggerating.

 

12. Could she be holding back? Yes. She clearly is. Do I believe her when she tells me that she did not cheat on me? Yes I do.

 

13. This woman loves me. Somehow we have found ourselves in a very traumatic situation.

 

14. Do I see the phone records or credit card bills. No, I haven't paid a bill or looked at mail ever in my life. I have always been the money maker and my wife has always handled the domestic duties.

 

15. Do I want to snoop through the bills? No. I really don't.

 

16. We don't have kids at home. We have enough money that if we split up and split the assets 50/50 we will both be extremely comfortable. I have never been the type that is too concerned about money. We both are pretty conservative spenders.

 

17. I'm typing this in a stream of consciousness so if it appears that I have emphasized one thing over another please don't read too much into it.

 

18. I'm hurt. And I'm still very confused. And I feel betrayed. And I know she could be lying to me when she tells me that she has not cheated.

 

19. I asked her to see her phone. She gave it too me. I checked all through it and read her chats. Ironically one of the photos that I saw was one of her girlfriends spanking her, clothed, in a very silly way. She admitted that she has told her girlfriends about her desires, but did not tell them about the photos.

 

20. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I love her. And I know that she loves me.

I believe that she made a terrible mistake. For her to admit that she considered meeting people on line to hook up with kills me.

[Was_strong]

Continued:

 

1. We took the photos down.

 

2. I am still completely confused. My wife is so sharp and so strong. Most people that would meet her would immediately assume that she would be dominant if she was into Sand M. Oh sorry, she tells me it is BDSM.

 

3. She did tell me that I made snarky comments about people who are into that. I don't really remember but it sounded like stuff I would say.

 

4. Yes, she did read those absurd novels. Amongst many others. There were dozens of bondage type female novels on her kindle.

 

5. She told me that her friends would bet their lives that I have cheated on her. That really makes me angry. It's almost as if they were egging her on to cheat on me. This makes me unspeakably angry. I have lost all faith in her friends. I can't imagine that things will ever be the same with them.

 

I have a lot more to say but it's after midnight and I have to sleep.

[HereNorThere]

In other words............. "You bought it"

 

 

Dude, so you caught her in this monumental lie. Found out your wife is a COMPLETELY different person, but you aren't going to go looking for the truth?

 

Trust me, there is SO much more to be uncovered here. I get it, you don't want to know, but eventually, I think you'll want to know the truth.

 

Look around this forum. Almost no one gets the truth on the first try. This is her first revision of the story. Once you start seeing the blatant inconsistencies, you'll go searching for the real story.

 

Trust me, there is SO much more to this.

Edited February 9, 2015 by HereNorThere

[Was_strong]

Wow. Many of you are way too suspicious. I had an appointment with my trainer and a friend. We went out to dinner afterwards and talked about business. Writing all of the stuff which I wrote above makes me ashamed, angry and even more confused.

 

I'm not sure that it helped.

 

But I have a feeling I'm being too trusting and making some bad mistakes in handling this situation.

 

I'm fierce but I don't get angry. I'm too quick to forgive. I'm not a details person and would rather assume that she is telling the truth.

 

The truth will come out in time.

[beach]

Well - have her take a Polygraph test - that ought to let you know.

 

Trust is broken - it's up to her to repair it. Counseling might help her get honest/closer to you.

[neowulf]

In other words............. "You bought it"

 

You know, people talk a lot of trust, but it's easy to trust until it's tested.

 

Trust is easy when everything seems above board and honest.

Trust gets much harder when there's an actual chance you could be wrong.

 

We don't know these people. It's easy to project personal experience onto the situation and assume the worst.

 

This woman could simply be confused. Confused about a new aspect of herself, something she wants to explore. True, she screwed up in the application of it. But she has yet to go outside of the marriage.

 

Is she lying about that? Maybe. But that's the nature of trust. Shy of tagging her with a GPS tracking chip, you can't watch her every second of the day.

 

It's out of the bag now. She's shocked and ashamed, he's had his vision of his marriage and his wife altered. But assuming the correct answer is to immediately burn the thing down is, I believe, premature.

 

OP, talk to your wife. If you still love each other, there could be a way forward out of this.

Edited February 10, 2015 by neowulf

[TexasMan68]

From the sounds of this you can have some real fun with this new side of your wife. Tie her up tonight and tell her she needs a good spanking for what she did and let it go from there!! Probably be the best sex you ever had with her.

[velvette]

Wow. Many of you are way too suspicious. I had an appointment with my trainer and a friend. We went out to dinner afterwards and talked about business. Writing all of the stuff which I wrote above makes me ashamed, angry and even more confused.

 

I'm not sure that it helped.

 

But I have a feeling I'm being too trusting and making some bad mistakes in handling this situation.

 

I'm fierce but I don't get angry. I'm too quick to forgive. I'm not a details person and would rather assume that she is telling the truth.

 

The truth will come out in time.

 

 

I get that details are tiresome when you are a big picture person, but you need to pay attention to the details now. Writing everything down either here or in your own private journal will be helpful. If she is lying, she will eventually trip over the details but not before she uses your tendency to ignore details against you.

 

 

If she's not lying, you still need to pay attention to the details in order to better understand what is going on with her.

 

 

You need to watch her body language. Know her tells. Google if you don't understand. Is she touching her face, covering her mouth, etc when certain questions come up. If you pay attention, you will see this.

 

 

Take your time. There is no need to make a decision on anything today.

[drifter777]

The truth will start trickling out over the next few weeks IF you ask a few logical questions. Maybe start with "your girlfriend was spanking you and someone took a picture and it was just a joke?" And maybe "who took the other pictures?" Might be a good place to start.

 

I'm not saying this to rub it in but you should know that her pictures are going to circulate on the internet pretty much forever. On Twitter along the naughty pictures are recycled continually because there's always someone for whom they are brand new. And there are at least 4 more HUGE sites where this same thing is true. This isn't to add to your problems but rather to warn you that friends and family will likely see them at some point.

[TrustedthenBusted]

Wow. Many of you are way too suspicious.

 

Welcome to the pub. It would do you well to understand that damn near EVERYONE on this site has been lied to, right into their eyeballs, by the person they love, trust, and respect the most of all. We've had our D-Days, and it's amazing to see how similar they have all been.

 

And story after story after story turns out the same way in this pub. Point of fact is you can never be TOO suspicious. At least not right now when the world is still crashing down.

 

Hopefully you caught it early, and maybe you married the 1 in a billion that is going to fess up to the truth 100% from go.

 

But if it seems like nobody here automatically trusts your wife as much as you'd like them to, it's because all we know about her in this world is she's a liar who apparently likes to get tied up.

 

That can actually be the hardest part of coming to this site. Forgiveness and understanding are actually frowned upon by a lot of hurt people here if you can believe that.

[happyman64]

I agree. The truth will come out in time.

 

Her friends are not allies of your marriage.

 

And their weekends away should be suspect.

 

And please start looking into your finances covertly.

 

Make sure she has not been playing with the $$$ and hiding assets or money that se has set aside for her "playtime".

[drifter777]

...

 

That can actually be the hardest part of coming to this site. Forgiveness and understanding are actually frowned upon by a lot of hurt people here if you can believe that.

Well, kind of. I frown on false forgiveness, which is forgiveness in word only, in an attempt to just put the whole ugly mess behind you. That might work for a few months or even a year but at some point reality must be faced head on. And,by the way, what BS ever understands just what the betrayal was all about?

[MJJean]

I apologize for the break. I run my own company and I'm in the middle of this life changing ordeal. I'll try to be less dramatic. Perhaps bullet point will work.

 

1. She admitted to having strong fantasies of having sex with other men , them being in VERY dominant positions. I really would rather not share the explicit details.

 

Many happily married people have such fantasies. it doesn't mean she has acted on them or that she really wants to act on them. I'd bet that the reason for those fantasies was more about having her submissive needs met and a lot less about sex with other men.

 

2. She unequivocally denies ever having sex with anyone else other than me.

 

There are a lot of people who will tell you she has probably cheated. Having been in her position and remaining faithful, I say give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

3. She considered cheating on me.

 

Again, I bet this is a lot more about being desperate to have her needs met and a lot less about actually wanting to cheat.

 

4. She is an exhibitionist. This completely floors me. There is not even a chance in a thousand years that anybody who knows my wife would ever guess this.

 

You say she is a strong, powerful, personality. Exhibitionism has power in it. And submission. Most people have a hard time understanding this.

 

A lot of submissives are that way because they need a break from being in power and in control. They need that mental vacation. They need to not be in charge, not worry about pleasing, not think. Just be. It's heaven. Freedom. Trust.

 

Do you think you could learn about her desires in particular and D/s in general and fulfill her needs?

 

5. She has very strong feelings of being submissive.

 

This really shouldn't be too much of a surprise. You've said you're at least somehwhat dominant sexually. She likes that about you. She may have known about her submissive side for a long time or she may have recently come to accept it, but I'd bet that one of the reasons she was attracted to you and has been happy with you is because you have it in you to be dominant.

 

6. We both decided that we had talked enough and have decided to continue our conversation on her desires in a few days.

 

Cooling off a bit is good. Digest. Be there for her. Love her. Reassure her. She is likely feeling very scared and very vulnerable.

 

7. Yes, of course I said how could you do this to me.

 

8. Yes, I am extremely jealous that she was actually considering/planning on cheating on me.

 

I considered it myself and I really am happily married to a man I deeply love and deeply desire. Those thoughts were spawned by the need inside me and fear that if I told my husband he would reject me and lose respect for me. Definitely not because my husband was lacking or I didn't love him.

 

9. Yes, I am extremely upset that she did not share this part of her with me. This is perhaps the most painful part. That she would rather have had somebody else explore this with her rather than me.

 

Not because she doesn't love you, but because she does. I cannot tell you how terrifying it is to come out to a beloved spouse. I cannot express how deep the fear and confusion can go. When the need is strong and you feel you cannot tell your spouse without losing him/her crazy thoughts cross your mind.

 

She likely wanted to explore this with you very much, but was too afraid of your reaction to say so. Not to mention she was probably convinced that you'd never want to be dominant to her submissive.

 

10. I don't know where this leaves us. She tells me that she can not even imagine life without me. She tells me that she fantasizes about me being extremely dominant with her.

 

Having been where she is I totally believe this to be true. It's not just a sexual need. It is also emotional and psychological. It's natural that she would want that with you. Lord knows I want that very, very, much with my DH.

 

11. When I say that she has been weeping nonstop since she returned I am not exaggerating.

 

She's feeling a lot of shame, guilt, fear, and relief to finally have this out.

 

12. Could she be holding back? Yes. She clearly is. Do I believe her when she tells me that she did not cheat on me? Yes I do.

 

I suspect what she is holding back is mostly about her feelings and her needs. It takes time to sort it all out and find a way to explain it to yourself, much less your spouse. And, frankly, it's embarrassing to openly talk about a kink seen as beyond the pale by a lot of society.

 

13. This woman loves me. Somehow we have found ourselves in a very traumatic situation.

 

The question is do you love her enough to try to fulfill her needs in a sincere way? As in, by finding enjoyment in participating in her submission as her dominant.

 

14. Do I see the phone records or credit card bills. No, I haven't paid a bill or looked at mail ever in my life. I have always been the money maker and my wife has always handled the domestic duties.

 

15. Do I want to snoop through the bills? No. I really don't.

 

16. We don't have kids at home. We have enough money that if we split up and split the assets 50/50 we will both be extremely comfortable. I have never been the type that is too concerned about money. We both are pretty conservative spenders.

 

17. I'm typing this in a stream of consciousness so if it appears that I have emphasized one thing over another please don't read too much into it.

 

18. I'm hurt. And I'm still very confused. And I feel betrayed. And I know she could be lying to me when she tells me that she has not cheated.

 

These feelings are normal. I am sorry you are hurt and confused and that you feel betrayed. Please take into careful consideration what she has done, what she has not done, and her reasons.

 

19. I asked her to see her phone. She gave it too me. I checked all through it and read her chats. Ironically one of the photos that I saw was one of her girlfriends spanking her, clothed, in a very silly way. She admitted that she has told her girlfriends about her desires, but did not tell them about the photos.

 

She was probably gauging their reactions. Seeing if she was "normal". Using them as a safe place to test out coming out.

 

20. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I love her. And I know that she loves me.

 

Love her and explore the possibility of being her D?

 

I believe that she made a terrible mistake. For her to admit that she considered meeting people on line to hook up with kills me.

 

Again, it's normal for people to consider doing a lot of things over years, but I don't believe she has actually crossed the line and met anyone.

 

I truly hope you and your wife can work through this and come out the other side stronger and with everyone's needs being met.

[velvette]

Continued:

 

1. We took the photos down.

 

2. I am still completely confused. My wife is so sharp and so strong. Most people that would meet her would immediately assume that she would be dominant if she was into Sand M. Oh sorry, she tells me it is BDSM.

 

3. She did tell me that I made snarky comments about people who are into that. I don't really remember but it sounded like stuff I would say.

 

4. Yes, she did read those absurd novels. Amongst many others. There were dozens of bondage type female novels on her kindle.

 

5. She told me that her friends would bet their lives that I have cheated on her. That really makes me angry. It's almost as if they were egging her on to cheat on me. This makes me unspeakably angry. I have lost all faith in her friends. I can't imagine that things will ever be the same with them.

 

I have a lot more to say but it's after midnight and I have to sleep.

 

 

Your wife is just as strong and smart as she ever was. BDSM at its core is about power and control.

 

 

Submissive women are highly attuned to who is in power/control or charge of any situation and they abhor a power vacuum. In the absence of a leader, they will take over and dominate.

 

 

Also, many adopt a more dominant façade to protect themselves from people who would take advantage of them if they operated from their natural submissive tendencies.

 

 

There are also many different kind of submissives. Its one thing to read a book especially fluff like 50 shades which has little real resemblance to actual BDSM as practiced in real life or to believe certain things about yourself from your own fantasy world. Quite another to bring all that to life with a partner.