Photos

[Steen719]

That can actually be the hardest part of coming to this site. Forgiveness and understanding are actually frowned upon by a lot of hurt people here if you can believe that.

 

Yeah, Trustedthenbusted. So true. It is also difficult to watch so many people come back and say they should have listened and they are devastated by the betrayal. But when you are in survival mode, I think it is easier to manage to go on and not lose your ever-loving mind if you minimize the betrayal and damage. We don't want to believe it; it is too hurtful. I know; I was there, too, and eventually saw the light. I think if we are truthful about his situation, most of us think there is more to it, but he has to get there himself and most of the time, if you don't ask, you don't get. There are only so many ways to warn him of that, but he has to see it.

 

UGH...why can't people find it in themselves to be honest with their spouses instead of lying and cheating. It is distressing to see the number of people involved in this crap.

 

Good luck, Was_strong.

[SJS]

Considering how disgusted you were in your initial post just regarding pictures, I can see why she would not want to share these desires and fantasies with you. Not saying what she did was right or wrong, just that I can see why she didn't share.

[jm2013]

I apologize for the break. I run my own company and I'm in the middle of this life changing ordeal. I'll try to be less dramatic. Perhaps bullet point will work.

 

1. She admitted to having strong fantasies of having sex with other men , them being in VERY dominant positions. I really would rather not share the explicit details.

 

2. She unequivocally denies ever having sex with anyone else other than me.

 

3. She considered cheating on me.

 

4. She is an exhibitionist. This completely floors me. There is not even a chance in a thousand years that anybody who knows my wife would ever guess this.

 

5. She has very strong feelings of being submissive.

 

6. We both decided that we had talked enough and have decided to continue our conversation on her desires in a few days.

 

7. Yes, of course I said how could you do this to me.

 

8. Yes, I am extremely jealous that she was actually considering/planning on cheating on me.

 

9. Yes, I am extremely upset that she did not share this part of her with me. This is perhaps the most painful part. That she would rather have had somebody else explore this with her rather than me.

 

10. I don't know where this leaves us. She tells me that she can not even imagine life without me. She tells me that she fantasizes about me being extremely dominant with her.

 

11. When I say that she has been weeping nonstop since she returned I am not exaggerating.

 

12. Could she be holding back? Yes. She clearly is. Do I believe her when she tells me that she did not cheat on me? Yes I do.

 

13. This woman loves me. Somehow we have found ourselves in a very traumatic situation.

 

14. Do I see the phone records or credit card bills. No, I haven't paid a bill or looked at mail ever in my life. I have always been the money maker and my wife has always handled the domestic duties.

 

15. Do I want to snoop through the bills? No. I really don't.

 

16. We don't have kids at home. We have enough money that if we split up and split the assets 50/50 we will both be extremely comfortable. I have never been the type that is too concerned about money. We both are pretty conservative spenders.

 

17. I'm typing this in a stream of consciousness so if it appears that I have emphasized one thing over another please don't read too much into it.

 

18. I'm hurt. And I'm still very confused. And I feel betrayed. And I know she could be lying to me when she tells me that she has not cheated.

 

19. I asked her to see her phone. She gave it too me. I checked all through it and read her chats. Ironically one of the photos that I saw was one of her girlfriends spanking her, clothed, in a very silly way. She admitted that she has told her girlfriends about her desires, but did not tell them about the photos.

 

20. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I love her. And I know that she loves me.

I believe that she made a terrible mistake. For her to admit that she considered meeting people on line to hook up with kills me.

 

 

Listen man, I hate to cause so much uncertainty in your environment and you can sure take this with a grain of salt if that's what you wish. I'm going to give you my honest opinion here and you're not going to believe a word I say because I'm some random guy on the internet who you do not know. I get it. From what you said my BS sensor is going off on it. If I could bet on this I'd bet your wife has been cheating on your for awhile now. This is why you should have just kept quiet about it for a little bit at least so you could expand your investigation.

 

This is the initial reaction of just about any BS on here to come and defend their spouse. This is a natural reaction. I'm guilty of this as well. You simply cannot believe your wife your love was able to do this to you and are taking her words at face value and placing the trust she still think she has from you and are still investing it into her. She knows you know absolutely nothing about this and she's probably ecstatic that you did not have photos, audio or video of her doing the actual deed with other men. This would have been crushing.

 

I know when you read what I'm saying it is going to piss you off. Your wife told you she had a strong desire to cheat on your and she probably did man. Let's cut through the BS here. Now you made it extremely difficult to get access to information your perhaps could have been granted a little easier. She's going to make you seem like an untrusting partner and act like she's pissed at you for accusing her of cheating. Believe me man, this is all going to be turned on to you now on "her terms". Your worst nightmare is probably true. Stuff that you couldn't even imagine your wife would be capable of doing has probably been done. If I were you I'd threaten a polly. It sounds like your wife has enjoyed privacy and freedoms away from you which to me would be alarming now that you know what her strong desires were. It's like putting a crackhead in a room with crack sitting on a dresser with a crack stem and lighter right by it. You know what is going to happen. I'm sorry you're going through this but don't get complacent. I think deep down you want to know the truth. Fight for it and don't give up. Otherwise you're going to be walked all over.

[MJJean]

Continued:

 

1. We took the photos down.

 

That is good. But you did say she is an exhibitionist. Photos online are a very safe outlet for that provided they are not identifying. Another safe outlet is something simple like making out in a crowded bar and/or sexual touching in a discreet way under the table at a restaurant you aren't known at, for example. Would you be willing to entertain the idea of pics being posted with your knowledge and/or going out with her?

 

2. I am still completely confused. My wife is so sharp and so strong. Most people that would meet her would immediately assume that she would be dominant if she was into Sand M. Oh sorry, she tells me it is BDSM.

 

Yes, I understand this well. I'm a dominant personality. I'm a strong woman who has been severely tested and come out the other side standing with my head held high. And that is precisely why I need to be completely submissive occasionally. I need that relief. I need to totally trust and just let go.

 

There is a difference between S and M and D/s. Being submissive doesn't need to include sadism or masochism.

 

3. She did tell me that I made snarky comments about people who are into that. I don't really remember but it sounded like stuff I would say.

 

Which is very likely a big part of why she concealed her desires from you. Every time she heard an offhand comment you made you were unknowingly hurting her and increasing her fear of losing your love and good opinion.

 

4. Yes, she did read those absurd novels. Amongst many others. There were dozens of bondage type female novels on her kindle.

 

Yup, sounds familiar.

 

5. She told me that her friends would bet their lives that I have cheated on her. That really makes me angry. It's almost as if they were egging her on to cheat on me. This makes me unspeakably angry. I have lost all faith in her friends. I can't imagine that things will ever be the same with them.

 

Nor should they be! Part of this process should include speaking to your wife about her "friends". A true friend would have encouraged her to talk to you.

 

I have a lot more to say but it's after midnight and I have to sleep.

 

Good night.

[Ralph79]

@Was_strong:

 

I took the time to analyze your posts. Once again I'm sorry you are going through this. I've posted several times proposing a proactive and careful approach towards a resolution of this. I think marriage shouldn't be discarded on mere assumptions. But due to the fact that you've already made your choice, weather I think it's good or bad is now irrelevant. Thus I will limit my observations to things that might help you on your way towards your current goal.

 

That being said... I have some suggestions. I was so moved by what you are going through that I disregarded a lot of your comments. Such as your own description of yourself:

 

- I have been successful in everything I have done

- I'm the guy that women throw themselves at.

- I get stares anytime I'm out.

- Create a man with an iron will and give him a fine woman.

- I always thought I was open minded and easy to talk to.

 

Maybe this is an assertive attitude all men should aspire to. But I never saw any semblance of humility in your posts. You are perfect.

 

I have no problem with your perception of yourself, but then this is how you describe your wife:

 

- My wife is thin, tall with a very powerful personality.

- I fell in love with her for her strength, character and intellect.

- She is truly a brilliant strong woman.

 

You never once said she was beautiful or implied she was physically attractive. It was always her personality and her intellect. Don't you think you might have neglected to tell her that in person throughout your marriage? I don't know. I'm not you. You might have, and the fact that you didn't mention it in any of your posts might have been mere oversight. But I find it odd.

 

Because the word beautiful is in your vocabulary.

 

-She travels three to four times per year with her friends. They are really great women and seem very loyal to their husbands. They are beautiful, but not flirts.

 

I completely understand what MJJean was saying about trust and insecurity issues now. However, I only point this out because you have opted to believe her. This doesn't mean you are at fault. This doesn't mean she's innocent of anything. Just keep an open mind, both ways.

 

If you find that she actually cheated then disregard this post of mine completely.

[velvette]

In other words............. "You bought it"

 

 

Dude, so you caught her in this monumental lie. Found out your wife is a COMPLETELY different person, but you aren't going to go looking for the truth?

 

Trust me, there is SO much more to be uncovered here. I get it, you don't want to know, but eventually, I think you'll want to know the truth.

 

Look around this forum. Almost no one gets the truth on the first try. This is her first revision of the story. Once you start seeing the blatant inconsistencies, you'll go searching for the real story.

 

Trust me, there is SO much more to this.

 

 

She is not a completely different person. She has a side to her personality that heretofore was unknown to the OP. Although, I suspect he knows more about it than he realizes when all is said and done.

 

 

I agree there will be more. But my guess is it will be more about her own desires.

 

 

I think most people are ignoring what a huge leap it would be for a woman to join a bdsm site and then go on to meet a man who wants to tie her up. She's shown poor judgement with posting pics if they included her face, which OP never explained. But, actually meeting someone from this site would be extremely foolish on her part.

[autumnnight]

MJ Jean, again, your posts are very well written and well thought out by someone who has actually been through this. To bad they will be drowned out by those who are basically reliving their own stories.

 

OP, I still say verify, versify, versify. But don't just assume every still-angry poster is right. Or every hearts and rainbows poster is right. This is your life and your marriage.

[Mr. Lucky]

What I saw has ended the life that I thought I had-- explicit photos of her that she has posted to some kind of fetish site. I'll spare you the details.

 

Still haven't seen the answer to a simple question - who took the pictures? You said her GF took one, who else was involved?

 

Mr. Lucky

[BlueIris]

Reread MJJean’s posts.

 

My ears pricked up on this bit, and I commend you for mentioning it:

 

…

Our marriage seemed so strong to me. Maybe she has just been bored. She doesn't work and our children are grown and done with college. She is truly a brilliant strong woman. This just doesn't seem like the woman that I know.

 

This might be one of the keys. My husband and I met in a similar setting so we were both driven, intellectual and ambitious and knew that challenge was integral to who we were. But I stayed home as corporate wife and cheerleader as we moved to meet his career goals. Well before the kids were grown, I was going out of mind bored. While I didn’t do what your wife did, I needed, craved, more. I wanted to launch a career but was scared after years out of the market. I wanted my husband be my cheerleader and support person, and to make room in the marriage and family for it. (Unfortunately, he said “no” and we got divorced.) Sex and exhibitionism might be an easy thrill for a frustrated mind. She might be afraid and insecure after years out of the market. Her hiding who she is in many ways might include this. I'd definitely delve deeper into this possibility.

[HelenaHandbasket]

Your wife is simply bored. Pointing out she was posting a photo of a friend of hers spanking her and laughing about it just proves she is just bored and doing these things for attention. She might have a submissive personality, but she is not a real s in the true sense of the realms of BDSM. No cheesy book makes one automatically discover a different side of them sexually. Especially something like the D/s life. It was so annoying on Facebook when these books came out, 90% of my friends were all of a sudden subs. It's mommy porn, bored suburban housewife porn. My Mom and I laughed daily at the stupid meme's with all the YESSIR!'s Even before I lost my virginity, I asked boyfriends to tie me up, though having a hard time with love-sex vs pleausure-sex has landed me in several abusive relationships, unfortunately. Sorry, these books just piss me off, because a theme was the jealous, possessive, spying boyfriend.

 

If she wants to experiment with you, give it a try. Sounds like you have a natural Dom personality, carrying it out in the bedroom is a different story though. Good luck.

[jnel921]

Don't pride and ego go hand in hand?

 

 

I think he has a right to take a break from posting if that's what he feels he needs. He doesn't have an obligation to entertain posters on Loveshack with updates. Maybe he's a troll or maybe he just really doesn't feel up to posting everything right now. That's his right.

 

He is so impressed with himself and his accomplishments he cannot believe his W did this...that is his ego and whatever she said to him I am sure he feels like a fool.

 

We have all been there.

 

We are all here sharing our lives and experiences. At least I have over the past 11 years and I don't ever recall leaving this group hanging.

 

He said he didn't want to share anything else. So with that said...Good Luck.

[velvette]

Your wife is simply bored. Pointing out she was posting a photo of a friend of hers spanking her and laughing about it just proves she is just bored and doing these things for attention. She might have a submissive personality, but she is not a real s in the true sense of the realms of BDSM. No cheesy book makes one automatically discover a different side of them sexually. Especially something like the D/s life. It was so annoying on Facebook when these books came out, 90% of my friends were all of a sudden subs. It's mommy porn, bored suburban housewife porn. My Mom and I laughed daily at the stupid meme's with all the YESSIR!'s Even before I lost my virginity, I asked boyfriends to tie me up, though having a hard time with love-sex vs pleausure-sex has landed me in several abusive relationships, unfortunately. Sorry, these books just piss me off, because a theme was the jealous, possessive, spying boyfriend.

 

 

If she wants to experiment with you, give it a try. Sounds like you have a natural Dom personality, carrying it out in the bedroom is a different story though. Good luck.

 

 

There's really no basis for assuming she is just bored. The OP didn't say whether her desires or the books came first.

[spanz1]

Continued:

 

1. We took the photos down.

 

2. I am still completely confused. My wife is so sharp and so strong. Most people that would meet her would immediately assume that she would be dominant if she was into Sand M. Oh sorry, she tells me it is BDSM.

 

3. She did tell me that I made snarky comments about people who are into that. I don't really remember but it sounded like stuff I would say.

 

4. Yes, she did read those absurd novels. Amongst many others. There were dozens of bondage type female novels on her kindle.

 

5. She told me that her friends would bet their lives that I have cheated on her. That really makes me angry. It's almost as if they were egging her on to cheat on me. This makes me unspeakably angry. I have lost all faith in her friends. I can't imagine that things will ever be the same with them.

 

I have a lot more to say but it's after midnight and I have to sleep.

 

 

 

well, you are finally getting closer to the truth. she does have a very kinky streak, has bee feeding it with erotic novels, and proceeded to websites that feed that fetish.

 

 

what you do NOT seem to know is if she had physical bdsm sessions with male masters, or if she had sex with male doms she found online.

 

 

She certainly THOUGHT about it, but that is the definition of fantasy. lots of women have these fantasies....just look at all the trashy books at the checkout line in the supermarket!

 

 

so, somehow, you need to find out how far it all went. If you are lucky, and it is all fantasy (except for a couple of spankings with a girlfriend)....then you can nip this in the bud thru good communications and trying to need her sexual needs too.

 

 

the problem you have asking for advice here, is this is a cheating website. story after stoy are posted here where the spouse says "I did x, y, and z and that is all I did". and then many painful months/yeats later, the BS finds out it was only the tip of the iceberg revealed to them. the dreaded trickle truth. so most people here are NOT going to believe a word she says to you.

 

 

so snoop, spy, read all her chat messages and PMs from those kinky sites. read other member's comments to her. try to ferret out the truth. good luck.

 

 

btw, if you find she is being truthful, and you want to try to meet her sexual needs, yeah it is going to take some time for you to come around. it is a big change for you! like I said before, take her to that 50 shades of grey movie. maybe have her read her favorite bondage novel to you, see how reading it affects her, and you. try role playing it out.

 

 

I also wonder if your wife was jealous. You say you were the attractive guy, the one that people assumed would be with other women. maybe she was lashing out, trying to get some confirmation of her own sexiness, and found it in member comments on her profiles on these kinky websites?

Edited February 10, 2015 by spanz1

[bubbaganoosh]

I apologize for the break. I run my own company and I'm in the middle of this life changing ordeal. I'll try to be less dramatic. Perhaps bullet point will work.

 

1. She admitted to having strong fantasies of having sex with other men , them being in VERY dominant positions. I really would rather not share the explicit details.

 

2. She unequivocally denies ever having sex with anyone else other than me.

 

3. She considered cheating on me.

 

4. She is an exhibitionist. This completely floors me. There is not even a chance in a thousand years that anybody who knows my wife would ever guess this.

 

5. She has very strong feelings of being submissive.

 

6. We both decided that we had talked enough and have decided to continue our conversation on her desires in a few days.

 

7. Yes, of course I said how could you do this to me.

 

8. Yes, I am extremely jealous that she was actually considering/planning on cheating on me.

 

9. Yes, I am extremely upset that she did not share this part of her with me. This is perhaps the most painful part. That she would rather have had somebody else explore this with her rather than me.

 

10. I don't know where this leaves us. She tells me that she can not even imagine life without me. She tells me that she fantasizes about me being extremely dominant with her.

 

11. When I say that she has been weeping nonstop since she returned I am not exaggerating.

 

12. Could she be holding back? Yes. She clearly is. Do I believe her when she tells me that she did not cheat on me? Yes I do.

 

13. This woman loves me. Somehow we have found ourselves in a very traumatic situation.

 

14. Do I see the phone records or credit card bills. No, I haven't paid a bill or looked at mail ever in my life. I have always been the money maker and my wife has always handled the domestic duties.

 

15. Do I want to snoop through the bills? No. I really don't.

 

16. We don't have kids at home. We have enough money that if we split up and split the assets 50/50 we will both be extremely comfortable. I have never been the type that is too concerned about money. We both are pretty conservative spenders.

 

17. I'm typing this in a stream of consciousness so if it appears that I have emphasized one thing over another please don't read too much into it.

 

18. I'm hurt. And I'm still very confused. And I feel betrayed. And I know she could be lying to me when she tells me that she has not cheated.

 

19. I asked her to see her phone. She gave it too me. I checked all through it and read her chats. Ironically one of the photos that I saw was one of her girlfriends spanking her, clothed, in a very silly way. She admitted that she has told her girlfriends about her desires, but did not tell them about the photos.

 

20. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I love her. And I know that she loves me.

I believe that she made a terrible mistake. For her to admit that she considered meeting people on line to hook up with kills me.

 

Number 1 through 4 should tell you that if you believe what she says, your in deep $h!t.

 

She said she considered cheating on you. Well friend she already did IMO when she posted those pictures. That's cheating. She's had strong fantasies about having sex with other men. If I were a betting man, I would probably bet some good money on that she already did.

 

She says she can imagine living with out you. That's nice because so far she's showing you that isn't a real priority since she parading herself around with photos on line where anyone can see.

 

She's a exhibitionist. Yeah and when you combine all those 4 things up, then anything coming out of her mouth is a load of crap. You need to take her to get a polygraph yesterday.

 

Another thing. Your losing. Your playing nice guy and nice guys finish last in your situation. Gather up your stones, backbone and guts and let her know that she has one foot on the banana peel and the other in the grave.

 

One more thing. Her circle of friends is more like a den full of snakes. If the one lady takes a picture of her smacking her ass and she know your wife's hang up with her fantasy, then you better have her unload them right now even if you have to call and let them know that you now know and maybe her friends husband might not like the idea of his wife helping her friend cheat.

 

All in all, use your big head and not your little one in this situation. If not you lose.

[aliveagain]

Give her one chance to tell you the truth. Explain that you will require her to pass a polygraph as a requirement of reconciliation, if she fails reconciliation is off the table and she will be required to move out. If she refuses you have her answer, if she can't do it in front of you she shouldn't be doing it.

[beach]

I suggest consequences for her since she lied and intended to cheat.

 

You need time to think with clarity and for her to feel some pain. Have her move today! Let her be on her own so she can see what it's like to live without your immediate sympathy and support.

 

As a precaution - move money now! Or you will find that she already has it all in her name only.

 

 

And stop sympathizing with her (and those fake tears)! They are designed to manipulate you (and it's working). She's sorry she got caught - that's a big difference than someone who is sorry they did it!

Edited February 10, 2015 by beach

[whichwayisup]

If you hadn't caught her, she would have gone along with this much longer and possibly acted upon her urges.

 

The thing is, right now you really don't know if she has followed through! She's hidden this from you, lied to you as well.

 

My suggestion is, tell her that you BOTH (together) will get tested for STD's and then you watch her reaction, tell her that if there's something else you need to know, now is the time to come clean, now is the time ALL the truth has to come out if she wants a real chance of fixing things with you. Even if it hurts to hear, better for all of it to come out rather than a month or two from now.

 

For your own benefit, reach out to a trusted friend. Lower your ego and pride and open up to someone you can talk to. Also counseling could help you cope with this so you don't lose it.

[Babs22]

I suggest consequences for her since she lied and intended to cheat.

 

You need time to think with clarity and for her to feel some pain. Have her move today! Let her be on her own so she can see what it's like to live without your immediate sympathy and support.

 

As a precaution - move money now! Or you will find that she already has it all in her name only.

 

 

And stop sympathizing with her (and those fake tears)! They are designed to manipulate you (and it's working). She's sorry she got caught - that's a big difference than someone who is sorry they did it!

 

Beach, Someone obviously really did a number on you for you to be so angry and bitter. I am sorry that happened to you, but your story is not his story. Making her pay? Feel the pain? Move out today? WHAT??? I really hope you are still in IC for what happened to you. Your pain runs deep.

 

Was Strong, I hope you are reading and re-reading what MJJean has said. She is the only one here with real experience of what your wife is going through. It sounds like your wife has been honest and open so far and I believe her tears are real. You know your wife, you know if this is true.

 

I appreciate you sharing your story and the details you have provided. I hope it helps you process what is happening. I believe that you and your wife can move beyond this and develop an even closer relationship. She was obviously afraid to share this side of her with you. If you are supportive and non-judgmental, she will continue to be open and honest about her needs and feelings.

 

I really hope you go to counseling together. Just because she has these needs, desires and thoughts of fulfilling them is not a deal breaker. She did say she fantasized about YOU being dominant with her. I think it is fortunate that you found this out so she can be open with you and together you can find out what that means for both of you. It is an opportunity to be even closer than you were before.

 

I only came to the "scene" of the Dom/Sub in the past two years. I was not horrified when my guy suggested this and because I was open and willing to trust, it has been interesting and fun. I am sure we are on the mild end of the spectrum, but I think it could open up a whole new intimacy between the two of you. It is not perverse or freaky at all. I never thought of it before, but my guy says it is definitely something that he thinks about and has had thoughts about for a long time. I am happy to be his partner in this.

 

As you can see, there are many angry, bitter people here who believe the downright worst of your wife. You can certainly trust but verify, but I really hope you also take the time and patience to talk with your wife, get counseling with your wife and forgive your wife for posting the pictures. I am really rooting for you two.

[DbleBetrayal]

The part which sounds really dodgy to me (apart from the more obvious) is that she told you that her friends are telling her "he's probably cheated on you anyway...". I mean... why would they be saying things like that if not to make her feel better about something that has happened.

[DKT3]

Hmm, the irony is heavy on this thread. People who make no effort in their marriage being harsh to others suggesting OP leave. Interesting.

 

Was strong, I think your being slightly unfair. I would expect that you've allowed cheating to cross your mind a time or two during your marriage. Your wife is a sexual being who has told you she wasn't comfortable sharing this with you for fear of judgement. Believe me I know how much that sucks, as my wife shared things with the OM that she felt she could or feared sharing with me. Nothing sexual, just things that I had called silly throughout our marriage.

 

Its all about communication, if you make her feel safe she will share those thing.

 

Judging from what you've said, I also don't think your wife has cheated YET, she was working her way towards it.

 

That whole bondage thing isn't my cup of tea, but if she was into it would be also, for her.

 

I too think leaving the marriage or looking to punish her is not the road to take yet. I think trying to understand her and finding common ground is the place to put your efforts right now. If there is more to the story (which let's be honest, is more often then not the case) then you may need to adjust accordingly.

[DKT3]

The part which sounds really dodgy to me (apart from the more obvious) is that she told you that her friends are telling her "he's probably cheated on you anyway...". I mean... why would they be saying things like that if not to make her feel better about something that has happened.

 

Or they could be pushing her to fulfill her desires that she doesn't feel OP would be open to. If she is as smart as OP says she is, she would never make the mistake of adding evidence or making him believe cheating was more likely.

[velvette]

Or they could be pushing her to fulfill her desires that she doesn't feel OP would be open to. If she is as smart as OP says she is, she would never make the mistake of adding evidence or making him believe cheating was more likely.

 

 

Context is missing. How did this convo even come up? She said she didn't tell them she was on the site where she posted her pic. Just that she had these fantasies/desires. Is she blame shifting to her friends or were they all just sitting around discussing whether or not they thought their H had ever cheated? OP didn't say she told them she was thinking about cheating. He did say women throw themselves at him all the time, so why wouldn't they think that? Anyway, was it idle girl talk or something more.

 

 

I don't think she has physically cheated simply because it would be insane to meet a stranger from on line and let them tie you up. I would want to know where she was planning on taking this.

 

 

From the evidence OP found she wasn't even talking to anyone on the site. Why? I would ask for the phone bills as if there's more other than her own desires, it will likely be that she talked with or had phone/computer sex/bdsm with someone from these sites. If that's the case better to find out now than later.

[Mr. Lucky]

As you can see, there are many angry, bitter people here who believe the downright worst of your wife.

 

Here's what most of those angry, bitter people have said:

 

1). For her own reasons, his wife has deceived him.

 

2). She has inappropriately posted explicit sexual pictures of herself on the Internet.

 

3). There is at least a possibility that, given the sexual nature of what has occurred, she may have engaged in a physical affair or other damaging extramarital behavior.

 

4). Since she's lied by omission about her activities to this point, she may lie by commission to protect herself going forward.

 

5). Given all the the above, the OP should proceed cautiously and take steps to protect himself emotionally and maritally.

 

How do these statements represent some unreasonable and angry BS agenda ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[sandylee1]

Continued:

 

1. We took the photos down.

 

2. I am still completely confused. My wife is so sharp and so strong. Most people that would meet her would immediately assume that she would be dominant if she was into Sand M. Oh sorry, she tells me it is BDSM.

 

3. She did tell me that I made snarky comments about people who are into that. I don't really remember but it sounded like stuff I would say.

 

4. Yes, she did read those absurd novels. Amongst many others. There were dozens of bondage type female novels on her kindle.

 

5. She told me that her friends would bet their lives that I have cheated on her. That really makes me angry. It's almost as if they were egging her on to cheat on me. This makes me unspeakably angry. I have lost all faith in her friends. I can't imagine that things will ever be the same with them.

 

I have a lot more to say but it's after midnight and I have to sleep.

 

 

I must admit I have read a lot of BDSM on my kindle as well. I find it really erotic, but never thought I would. I've never mentioned it to my husband, I'm not sure how he'd react.

 

Like you I think it's very wrong her friends would bet you have cheated with no justification. Is it because of your character or something? are you a flirty kind of person?

 

i would want to get the whole truth now. There may not be anymore but i would like to be sure. Finding out later would just cause so much more hurt. I wouldn't say for a fact she has cheated.

[Bootsie]

I can only give you my experiences and since coming to L/S realise they are not unique.

 

 

1 In 1998(!) a speeding ticket arrived for somewhere my husband was not supposed to be. He had lied that he was somewhere else. When confronted he admitted the lie and gave an explanation that at least partly blamed me for the lie, in that I would be upset if I knew the truth. To this day he still maintains this second explanation was the truth.

 

 

2. In 2005 I caught him out in another lie about where he was in the car. Oddly he used a similar explanation (but I had forgotten the earlier incident) but this explanation clearly could not have been true. When I persisted that this was still a lie, he came up with yet another explanation which I eventually accepted, and funnily enough this blamed me too.

 

 

3. In about 2003 I found an odd key which was a key to a post office box (which I didn't realise at the time). He lied and said it was a key to his work.

 

 

4. In 2006 I found a necklace at the back of a drawer of his. He lied again and again I accepted the explanation.

 

 

5. In 2008 I caught him on a dating website and he did the same sort of thing as your wife did. Claimed he was lonely, was curious and had never been unfaithful to me. This was actually the first time I even asked.

 

 

6. This time at last I did a bit more digging for details and a few days later discovered that he had been unfaithful to me for much of my marriage with several women.

 

 

There are many times I wish I had explored further 16 or more years ago, but it was in the days before the internet was in common usage, emails were not much used at home and there was no such thing as mobile phones and texting. In 2008 it was easy to follow the trail in the computer, but I couldn't have done it 16 years ago because I wasn't all that computer savvy, but in any case he wasn't using modern technology; he was using a post office box, an ordinary fixed telephone and a secret bank account.

 

 

For the last 6 years we have been in reconciliation. It has been difficult.

 

 

I agree with those who are suggesting you are probably only getting an edited version of the story, and that she will insist she has been faithful when she hasn't. I am really sorry as the utter devastation at facing the truth is horrendous and I know how much I wanted to believe my husband. But I paid for this trust in the end, with even more pain.