Unhappily married men and NOT leaving wives?

[Got it]

Prenups should be made mandatory and they should be iron clad so a couple can work out what will happen in case of divorce. That way there are no nasty surprises if the marriage goes south since it is all agreed upon before you tie the knot. Nobody should be financially ruined because a marriage didn't work out and no adult should have to support another able bodied adult because one of them is no longer in love.

 

But this line is a very complex and varied statement. A person can be "able bodied" but since they have been out of the workforce for a number of years their earning potential is significantly less than what it could have been. So support is mandated to help them try and get up to speed as much as possible.

 

When two people decide that one will stay home and one will work it is not fair to then penalize the person who stayed home to to a major lifestyle hit because they are in a more vulnerable position. This is something both parties agreed to and both have to own it.

 

If someone wants to avoid paying support do not agree or stay in a relationship where there is a major disparity between earning potentials and do not have someone stop working. If both are making the same, then this nullifies the argument.

 

But it is unfair and ridiculous to cry foul when everyone was happy having a 1950's little house spouse but now that divorce is being discussed not happy about having to support their earning ability.

 

And this goes to the person staying home. You are accepting and owning that you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position by not continuing the development of your resume and earnings. You are much more likely to take a drop in lifestyle and studies show are less likely to be able to come back to your married earnings after divorce. So this is the gamble taken when staying home.

 

There are very good arguments on why it is beneficial, and I am not disagreeing with them, but the financial reality exists.

[cocorico]

Cocorico 67#

 

You are misinformed re divorce in uk ;

 

 

 

It's quite simple really ;-

 

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/grounds-for-divorce

 

I'm not at all misinformed. My H went through a D (from his XBW) in the UK several years ago. I'm extremely familiar with he process as a result. Even "quicky" D takes at least a year. No fault D can take around five.

 

Sometimes it's easier to let Nature take its course, and become a widower.

[truncated]

I'm not at all misinformed. My H went through a D (from his XBW) in the UK several years ago. I'm extremely familiar with he process as a result. Even "quicky" D takes at least a year. No fault D can take around five.

 

Sometimes it's easier to let Nature take its course, and become a widower.

 

 

Hmmm...

 

the question iof why there might be such a discrepancy interested me, so I looked around a bit online and found the gov.uk site related to the subject.

 

It seems there are sevral reasons why a divorce might be granted quickly ( adultery, dessertion ( living apart for two years for uncontested, five years for contested) and "unreasonable behavior."

 

You indicate that your husband's wife was hell on wheels, so she would probably have fallen under one of these categories:

 

"Your husband or wife behaved so badly that you can no longer bear to live with them.

This could include:

 

• physical violence
  
• verbal abuse, eg insults or threats
  
• drunkenness or drug-taking
  
• refusing to pay for housekeeping"
  

 

 

from what the site says, if he had invoked that, he could have applied for his decree nisi and gotten it within just a few weeks, and then applied for his decree absolute that would have ended his marraige just six weeks later.

 

 

 

 

Mind you, his wife could well ahve invoked the " adultery" clause, and if she named you, you wuld have receieved copies of the documents. Of course, if she hadn't used that grounds for divorce when she first found out about it, then she couldn't use it to drag things out later on.

 

 

https://www.gov.uk/divorce/file-for-divorce ( source)

 

 

Of course, it could be that he simply took the easy way out and follwed the five year desertion clause, but why would he have done that when it would, given how horrible you say she was to him, he not have invoked the unreasonable behavior clause. It covers a lot of areas, including:

 

 

"You can get a divorce if your spouse has behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to live with them. This can include such things as violence, threats, verbal abuse, alcohol or drug related behavior, and gambling and other financial irresponsibility. But less dramatic issues can also be valid grounds, such as disrespectful or undermining behaviour, or lack of a sex life, lack of emotional support or lack of interest in your career. It is common to list five grounds of unreasonable behavior, with one or two examples of each."

 

 

Divorce and separation FAQs | Law Donut

 

 

Seems divorce, in case where things are really bad, is not that difficult.

[carhill]

Since the thread is about men remaining in unhappy marriages, as opposed to filing for divorce and leaving, leaving under such circumstances would place the man as petitioner and woman as respondent. Unless she stipulated to his grounds, the case would then go to proof of whatever the chosen grounds were, e.g. unreasonable behavior, adultery, desertion, etc. The burden would be on the petitioner to prove the grounds as legal and valid.

 

While in my jurisdiction we don't have fault grounds anymore, the respondent can certainly contest any of the aspects of the petition in their response to it, as well as make motions of their own to the court, and then the games begin.

 

One MW I knew well, like over 20 years, took nearly a decade to settle out a hotly contested divorce that she herself filed. Between custody of two children and a couple large farming operations, it was quite complex and anything but amicable. It wouldn't have mattered who filed, IMO, because the M was 20 years at the point of filing for D and had been dramatic throughout. The last contact I had with her was during a post-D period where H wasn't paying out the settlement as agreed and we found a clause in the decree that allowed for legal fees to enforce the decree to be billed to the party out of compliance. I hope that worked out for her since the amount was well into six, nearly seven figures.

 

That brings up a continuing reason for staying in an unhappy M. Money. The H in my anecdote had his life tied up in his ranches and forcing a sale in a D went to the very core of his manhood. I can't imagine he'd voluntarily piss away his life's work to break up a partnership on purpose though I'm sure some men wouldn't mind. Men like him tie up a lot of self-worth in their business success and having a court arbitrarily strip them of it is a real and exigent fear and the seeds of a lot of anger too. Hence, if possible, they'll seek to avoid that showdown if possible and stay in an unhappy M.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I've done a lot of thought about your post and you have a point. Guys who marry make the decision with mental competence that can stand up in a court of law. No one is twisting their arm.

 

Many of them marry the fatties, manipulators, slugs, golddigers, etc for various reasons (fear of being alone, low self-esteem, etc.). They don't have the cojones and/or desire to seek out anything better. So, they enter the marriage knowing it is what it is.

 

So, when she gets fatter, kids come along and she disses him, she's boinking guys behind his back - whatever - I could care less cuz he's not "suffering in silence", he signed up for the marriage knowing how it was gonna de-volve.

 

I think you're right. I think my ex-MM knew very well that there were better women out there but he also knew that with these women he would not get away with the things he got away with at home. If he would mess up with some financially independent woman she would tell him to go to hell. Whereas his chubby wife has not worked for years and is a lot more dependent on him. Since he is a guy who likes to be in control that suited him. I also noticed that he ultimately liked that fact that there was a woman at home waiting for him with dinner. He liked to pretend he was emancipated but I think it was only a pose.

 

Of course divorcing his SAHM after more than 20 years would also mean that he would lose half his assets in case of a divorce. Not that there would nothing be left, he was well enough off. But it would have been considerabley less and since the guy liked his money I'm sure that part did not appeal to him.

 

My personal experience is that some guys deliberately marry the woman with less qualities: the one that is less beautiful, less accomplished, less smart. I think it's because they need to feel that they are superior in their marriage. I can't think of anything else. It honestly escapes me why you would not try to marry the best person there is out there.

[autumnnight]

I think you're right. I think my ex-MM knew very well that there were better women out there but he also knew that with these women he would not get away with the things he got away with at home. If he would mess up with some financially independent woman she would tell him to go to hell. Whereas his chubby wife has not worked for years and is a lot more dependent on him. Since he is a guy who likes to be in control that suited him. I also noticed that he ultimately liked that fact that there was a woman at home waiting for him with dinner. He liked to pretend he was emancipated but I think it was only a pose.

 

Of course divorcing his SAHM after more than 20 years would also mean that he would lose half his assets in case of a divorce. Not that there would nothing be left, he was well enough off. But it would have been considerabley less and since the guy liked his money I'm sure that part did not appeal to him.

 

My personal experience is that some guys deliberately marry the woman with less qualities: the one that is less beautiful, less accomplished, less smart. I think it's because they need to feel that they are superior in their marriage. I can't think of anything else. It honestly escapes me why you would not try to marry the best person there is out there.

 

This has got to be one of the most deluded, arrogant, and insulting posts I've ever read lol

[Gloria25]

I think you're right. I think my ex-MM knew very well that there were better women out there but he also knew that with these women he would not get away with the things he got away with at home. If he would mess up with some financially independent woman she would tell him to go to hell. Whereas his chubby wife has not worked for years and is a lot more dependent on him. Since he is a guy who likes to be in control that suited him. I also noticed that he ultimately liked that fact that there was a woman at home waiting for him with dinner. He liked to pretend he was emancipated but I think it was only a pose.

 

Of course divorcing his SAHM after more than 20 years would also mean that he would lose half his assets in case of a divorce. Not that there would nothing be left, he was well enough off. But it would have been considerabley less and since the guy liked his money I'm sure that part did not appeal to him.

 

My personal experience is that some guys deliberately marry the woman with less qualities: the one that is less beautiful, less accomplished, less smart. I think it's because they need to feel that they are superior in their marriage. I can't think of anything else. It honestly escapes me why you would not try to marry the best person there is out there.

 

Where do I begin?

 

I agree with you...cuz like I said, guys who we "think" are in bad marriages are there cuz they wanna be. No matter how perplexing it is to us.

 

This thread, and my recent experience actually "watching" someone enter into something that I perceived as a bad marriage (or one that is already de-volving) opened my eyes - as I usually meet guys after years into the "bad" marriage and/or divorce and I ended up boo-hooing on how bad I felt for them.

 

-Look, for these "controlling" guys. I sorta agree with you. But, in the end these guys are not in control. The wifey is still playing them. And, IMO, they still get the poopy end of the deal cuz while they got a "slug" (BTW, a guy who I knew used this term of "slug" to define one of his ex wives - who gave up on her military career as an officer once she nabbed him) and/or lazy fatty w/o sex, and/or stuff you'd think a woman should do in a marriage.

 

How is the wifey playing them? Cuz, most women give up on sex and/or their appearance after marriage too - so, if he's content without getting any and/or her having to look good for him...more power to her. Also, she's got someone to pay half/all her bills. So, who's winning here? Him or her?

 

Now, I'm not saying that these women have "zero" interest in their husbands - but they have a bigger motive for seeking out some guy who we "think" is controlling them. Like Scarlett Johansen's character in Don Jon. She liked him, but she also wanted a guy she could control.

 

In the current situation I'm watching "de-volve", as soon as Petunia is done with school, that degree will go into a folder cuz she can lay back and "coast" if you will. No wonder why she put her hooks into him so early on. So, while he thinks he's in control cuz he got someone that is dependent on him financially and who has no plans/goals to do with herself - "she" is the one in control here.

 

Cuz, again, think about it. She doesn't doll up for him (unless its an event for her benefit), she doesn't cook, and she is lazy. But, she gets half or all of her bills paid, and his time/attention. Just wait till they have kids.

 

I'm all for women putting education and/or a career on the back-burner to tend to their marriage - but tend to your marriage already. If you don't take care of your body, appearance, the home (i.e. cooking, cleaning, sexing) and/or the kids. Then are you a wife or a roommate?

 

-Now, your point about an independent woman not letting this "poor married guy" get away with stuff he could get away with his "comfortable" wifey? I also agree to an extent.

 

Again, using my recent observations. Dude wants someone he can fart around. Well, I'm not down for that. We can't control our bodily movements - but to just sit around and be vulgar/common around your spouse is being a "roommate" not a lover. I'm not gonna sit around and fart all day around my mate. If I feel one coming on, I'll get up, excuse myself and without him even knowing "why" I left the room, I'd fart out of his AO. Or if one comes out. I get up and light a candle/spray febreeze and say "excuse me". But to just sit around and rip around each other all day is not a guy I want. I don't wanna date a frat-boy/roommate. I'm dating a lover.

 

Also, I'm active. Yes, I veg sometimes - but the guy I was crushing on and his "ideal mate" don't do anything outside of work. They don't even walk their pets. I would like a guy to take care of his body (and if you're thin doesn't mean you're healthy, plus exercising is good for mood, circulation, bone density). So, I can see where some married guys want a woman who is overweight, cuz they don't wanna do anything either. They'll sit around farting, lazy and getting fat.

 

I also like great sex...I like turning on some good music and picking up my guy and dancing/moving around. I can tell him and her don't do that. That house is as boring as it's gonna get. So, they sit around and fart all day and pick toe-nails in front of each other.

 

I also see how lazy they are. They don't give back to the community. Shoot, they don't even give out candies on Halloween. So, I can see where he is with someone on the same level of "slug" and selfishness as he is.

 

No thanks, That's not for me. So, again, I agree with you that some guys stay in marriages that we think are "bad" when fact is - they are with someone who will let them be fat, lazy, and farty with them, cuz that's what they want. If they try that with some other chick, they'd be toast.

 

-And about him feeling "superior" eh. Maybe. But maybe more of a "damsel in distress" type thing. While, IMO, men naturally want to provide/protect - they misplace that desire and seek out "distressed damsels".

 

I'll, again, use my current observations as an example. Dude also contemplated taking on his ex and her kids - but, that chick is no better than Petunia, just a different version. Both Petunia and the ex want someone to pay half/all their bills. They just go a different way about it.

 

So, he thinks if he picks up Petunia and/or his ex - they aren't going anywhere cuz they'll need him...not that he's superior to them. But, like I said he's not gonna be in "control" the wifey's are. Petunia is just gonna sit back and get fat/comfortable/more lazy and ex is gonna have him babysitting while she runs the streets and gets nailed by some hot stud.

 

-Now, I sometimes feel bad for Petunia cuz while some people from the outside think he's settling and/or she's in control - he's also using her too. There's days I think he's using her to show off to his ex and the world that he's got someone too. And, that's sad. I would not use someone to make myself look better. I also think it's childish to make decisions in your dating life to "one-up" others...that's so highschoolish.

 

Maybe my theories here on my current observations are wrong about this dude and Petunia - but I think I'm spot on. Maybe he is just a guy who like most naive guys, just goes into relationships based on a lack of worldly knowledge/experiences and in a couple of years will wake up and be like "OMG" when he realizes what he missed out on. But then again, maybe I'm wrong and who cares at this point. The water is so tainted I'm just tired of trying to figure out why guys do what they do and how they got where they got.

 

In sum, I'm learning even more to stay out of married people's business. They are like a salt/pepper shaker pair. They are "peas in a pod" and these guys are where they wanna be and aren't leaving cuz they are satisfied with what they signed up for and while we may think the guy is suffering - he's not - hence, his reluctance to leave.

Edited February 15, 2015 by Gloria25

[contact1]

My personal experience is that some guys deliberately marry the woman with less qualities: the one that is less beautiful, less accomplished, less smart. I think it's because they need to feel that they are superior in their marriage. I can't think of anything else. It honestly escapes me why you would not try to marry the best person there is out there.

 

Oh I'm sure if I really wanted to, I could find myself a nice, hot, dumb wife

[elaine567]

My personal experience is that some guys deliberately marry the woman with less qualities: the one that is less beautiful, less accomplished, less smart. I think it's because they need to feel that they are superior in their marriage. I can't think of anything else. It honestly escapes me why you would not try to marry the best person there is out there.

 

When a person interviews another person for a job, then they tend to choose the "best" person for that job.

So whilst you may think the wife is dowdy, less accomplished and less smart, that is not to say the husband thinks so.

Some also diss husbands for being "betas" for being less accomplished and less smart than he "should" be too.

BUT

Being married and bringing up kids successfully is not about being accomplished or beautiful, or academically smart, it is about commitment to the marriage and it is about doing the best for their kids and themselves. Making a little nest and girding the family up for the fight against a tough world.

These are qualities needed, it is therefore not often about, 4 hours per day down at the gym and preening, it is not often about college degree after college degree, it is not often about parading the trophy wife or about showing off the rich husband.

Bringing up kids for most is hard work.

It seems it is very easy for those whose world revolves around superficial stuff and who are outside a marriage, to criticise SAHMs or "beta" dads, but a lot of effort goes into rearing kids, it is not an easy job.

[purplesorrow]

Many cheaters need an ego boost because they are insecure. It is not unheard of that these same men do not want head turners as wives. They are comfortable with the dowdy wives because it ensures them that the possibilities are less slim that their wives will cheat and that they can be more easily conned into staying. Less options at least in their mind. In the end everyone loses. It is best to find a self assured non insecure single man who enjoys all of you and has no agenda to marry you and cheat. Finding true love is the key. Do not settle.

 

And what to make of these women who give the ego boost to these men by cheating with them?

[Gloria25]

When a person interviews another person for a job, then they tend to choose the "best" person for that job.

 

Not necessarily. If you have an insecure boss, they will pick someone that can minimally do the job - but won't be a "threat" to their position. While I've known that for years I actually heard this loser saying it in real time on train. He said he was interviewing people with degrees from X, Y, and Z and he wasn't gonna hire them cuz they could have his job some day.

 

So, like we've discussed here. Lots of insecure guys who will get a "beta" wifey cuz they want someone that won't leave and/or they think that's the best they can do. Akin to the insecure boss who won't hire someone who will out do them.

 

So whilst you may think the wife is dowdy, less accomplished and less smart, that is not to say the husband thinks so.

Some also diss husbands for being "betas" for being less accomplished and less smart than he "should" be too.

BUT

Being married and bringing up kids successfully is not about being accomplished or beautiful, or academically smart, it is about commitment to the marriage and it is about doing the best for their kids and themselves. Making a little nest and girding the family up for the fight against a tough world.

These are qualities needed, it is therefore not often about, 4 hours per day down at the gym and preening, it is not often about college degree after college degree, it is not often about parading the trophy wife or about showing off the rich husband.

Bringing up kids for most is hard work.

It seems it is very easy for those whose world revolves around superficial stuff and who are outside a marriage, to criticise SAHMs or "beta" dads, but a lot of effort goes into rearing kids, it is not an easy job.

 

My answers are in "bold" above and here below:

 

Sorry, I don't agree. A lazy SO (either husband or wife) is not gonna result in more time to raising the kids. Again, I've seen this in real life and heard the stories on the podcast.

 

The house will remain unkept, the kids not properly fed and/or tended to. So, the time they're not spending at the gym will not be spent to the kid's well being. Lazy is lazy. There's mommies with more than one kid who find time to work out and maintain their looks. They are not lazy. They make a time to be organized and make certain things a priority. No, the house will not be sparkling clean, but it won't be a pig sty with a fatty either.

 

Also, the lazy husband will just come home and plop in front of the TV with a beer instead of taking the kids outside to the park, shoot hoops. I mean, if a couple doesn't even walk their pets - when they have kids, all of a sudden they are gonna make time to take the kids to the park?

 

So, the kids will end up also obese (like a lot of American kids now a days) and will lack exercise and proper attention (probably where this generation of people who don't know what to look for in a spouse is coming from).

 

So, if your point is that guys we "think" are in bad marriages made good choices cuz they wanted someone more oriented in child rearing rather than maintaining their appearance, I don't agree.

[Gloria25]

And what to make of these women who give the ego boost to these men by cheating with them?

 

Well, I think women are naturally competitive. Shoot, even when I was looking at getting a 2nd pet, the animal control people told me not to get two females because they can become very competitive.

 

Pretty much most women think "I can love you better than she can". Couple that with the sob story that a lot of MM give, then you've got these OW out there.

 

I've heard several women argue why they don't get him not leaving the wifey cuz the OW is better in bed and stuff than she is. So the OWs work even harder to "prove" that OW is better than the BS.

[Gloria25]

My answers are in "bold" above and here below:

 

Sorry, I don't agree. A lazy SO (either husband or wife) is not gonna result in more time to raising the kids. Again, I've seen this in real life and heard the stories on the podcast.

 

The house will remain unkept, the kids not properly fed and/or tended to. So, the time they're not spending at the gym will not be spent to the kid's well being. Lazy is lazy. There's mommies with more than one kid who find time to work out and maintain their looks. They are not lazy. They make a time to be organized and make certain things a priority. No, the house will not be sparkling clean, but it won't be a pig sty with a fatty either.

 

Also, the lazy husband will just come home and plop in front of the TV with a beer instead of taking the kids outside to the park, shoot hoops. I mean, if a couple doesn't even walk their pets - when they have kids, all of a sudden they are gonna make time to take the kids to the park?

 

So, the kids will end up also obese (like a lot of American kids now a days) and will lack exercise and proper attention (probably where this generation of people who don't know what to look for in a spouse is coming from).

 

So, if your point is that guys we "think" are in bad marriages made good choices cuz they wanted someone more oriented in child rearing rather than maintaining their appearance, I don't agree.

 

And, I got a few more stories of "lazy" SOs.

 

Two chicks I met in the military. Both kept their places nasty. Both wore no make up.

 

One, her bf (who then married her) used to come and clean up her barracks room. She was lazy with a capital "L". She barely passed the PT test. She would leave the office and go back to her room and sleep. She even cut off the pager she was given to be called on for collateral duties. But, he still married her. She also chopped off her hair once he got serious about her.

 

They divorced after having a couple of kids. I remember her calling me one day telling me how she wished she was still in the military cuz she was "bored". Well, you got kids to raise. Go join the PTA. Go help military wives who have deployed husbands. But, you see a "slug" is a "slug". But, her guy married her knowing that and I guess he eventually got tired of it.

 

Two, the other chick. Her car was messy. She barely did her toe nails. I mean, one guy took her out to a military ball and she even wore strappy shoes and did not do her toe nails and/or make up. They were always chippy and unkept. One time I went to visit her in her one-bedroom condo and it was smelly and unkept. All she had to do was take out the trash cuz it was smelling and she didn't. She had no toilet paper, no napkins, no paper towels. So, I sat on that toilet and had nothing to wipe myself.

 

I have lived in three-bedroom apts, homes, condos. I kept them clean inside/out...All this while I had big, smelly pets. So what was her excuse for not maintaining a clean and well stocked one-bedroom condo?

 

She is also divorced.

 

So, again, IMO, marrying a "slug" cuz you think she'll be better at rearing kids isn't a reason to get into a bad marriage and/or stay there. Lazy is lazy and usually if someone is lazy in one or more aspects of their life, it will crawl into other aspects. But again, some guys probably want a lazy SO cuz they are lazy too and live off of eating on paper-plates.

Edited February 15, 2015 by Gloria25

[purplesorrow]

Well, I think women are naturally competitive. Shoot, even when I was looking at getting a 2nd pet, the animal control people told me not to get two females because they can become very competitive.

 

Pretty much most women think "I can love you better than she can". Couple that with the sob story that a lot of MM give, then you've got these OW out there.

 

I've heard several women argue why they don't get him not leaving the wifey cuz the OW is better in bed and stuff than she is. So the OWs work even harder to "prove" that OW is better than the BS.

 

How is it a competition? The wife doesn't even know. And how sad for the other woman who feels it is and he still doesn't leave his wife? So all that ow hard work was for what? I kicked my WH out. Told him he could have her. He never contacted her again. We've lived apart almost two years now.

[elaine567]

Not necessarily. If you have an insecure boss, they will pick someone that can minimally do the job - but won't be a "threat" to their position. While I've known that for years I actually heard this loser saying it in real time on train. He said he was interviewing people with degrees from X, Y, and Z and he wasn't gonna hire them cuz they could have his job some day.

 

 

That is why a put "best" in italics, because the person who gets the job is not necessarily the "best" it we were to look at it objectively.

They are the "best" fit and that may be a different thing completely.

I guess many men choose the "best fit" too, and that was my point.

YOU may not rate the wife, I may not rate the wife, but we are not in that marriage, we do not know what HE wants.

I think we all know dirty, slobby, lazy people, but PinktheLimo was not really talking specifically about them, just wives that she considers are below what would be expected of that guy.

[purplesorrow]

And, I got a few more stories of "lazy" SOs.

 

Two chicks I met in the military. Both kept their places nasty. Both wore no make up.

 

One, her bf (who then married her) used to come and clean up her barracks room. She was lazy with a capital "L". She barely passed the PT test. She would leave the office and go back to her room and sleep. She even cut off the pager she was given to be called on for collateral duties. But, he still married her. She also chopped off her hair once he got serious about her.

 

They divorced after having a couple of kids. I remember her calling me one day telling me how she wished she was still in the military cuz she was "bored". Well, you got kids to raise. Go join the PTA. Go help military wives who have deployed husbands. But, you see a "slug" is a "slug". But, her guy married her knowing that and I guess he eventually got tired of it.

 

Two, the other chick. Her car was messy. She barely did her toe nails. I mean, one guy took her out to a military ball and she even wore strappy shoes and did not do her toe nails and/or make up. They were always chippy and unkept. One time I went to visit her in her one-bedroom condo and it was smelly and unkept. All she had to do was take out the trash cuz it was smelling and she didn't. She had no toilet paper, no napkins, no paper towels. So, I sat on that toilet and had nothing to wipe myself.

 

I have lived in three-bedroom apts, homes, condos. I kept them clean inside/out...All this while I had big, smelly pets. So what was her excuse for not maintaining a clean and well stocked one-bedroom condo?

 

She is also divorced.

 

So, again, IMO, marrying a "slug" cuz you think she'll be better at rearing kids isn't a reason to get into a bad marriage and/or stay there. Lazy is lazy and usually if someone is lazy in one or more aspects of their life, it will crawl into other aspects. But again, some guys probably want a lazy SO cuz they are lazy too and live off of eating on paper-plates.

 

What would someone analyzing your life in this way say? She is beautiful. Her house could be on the cover of homes and gardens. But she is mean and angry. Maybe she should spend less time cleaning and use her time to become a more like able person. I don't get why you are ripping these people apart. I am sure these post do not define who you are not what you are really like. But neither does a woman's unpolished toes.

[Got it]

How did a thread about men become all about women? Why are we responsible for men's actions or inaction.

 

It is shocking how some of the most misogynistic posts are written by women.

[elaine567]

How did a thread about men become all about women? Why are we responsible for men's actions or inaction.

 

It is shocking how some of the most misogynistic posts are written by women.

 

I don't have any first hand experience of this but, I am assured it is true:-

Supposedly, two entire male dogs in a household will fight over food and toys, things in other words; the fight may be scary but remove the "thing" and they will co exist happily.

Two entire female dogs if so inclined, do not fight over toys and food they fight for space; they are never happy till the space is theirs and theirs alone and the other offending bitch is driven off. The fights can be to the death.

[truncated]

From my experince, people are often a sum total of their life's experince, and they all have different wants and needs.

 

An outsider looking in can look at a relationship and wonder what it is that brings and keeps two people together. many times, it's that they fit each other's needs. these are he relationships that last, convoluted though they may seem.

 

Needs tend to be static, and are a fundamntal part of what makes someone who they are. They are the same biological needs we all have, plus others that are based on an individuals life expeirnces.

 

Then there are the wants. Wnats can be very fluid and dynamic, changing over time. What a perosn wants can vary, based upon what is going on in a person's life.

 

Reationships based on wants are often the ones that don't last, because as the wants change, the relationship often isn't able to keep up. What a person wants at a certain period in their life may ot be what they wnat a year later. Needs tend to be different, and tend to be life long.

 

An ideal relationship will be able to meet both needs and wants.

[Got it]

I don't have any first hand experience of this but, I am assured it is true:-

Supposedly, two entire male dogs in a household will fight over food and toys, things in other words; the fight may be scary but remove the "thing" and they will co exist happily.

Two entire female dogs if so inclined, do not fight over toys and food they fight for space; they are never happy till the space is theirs and theirs alone and the other offending bitch is driven off. The fights can be to the death.

 

I am sorry I don't agree. If we use the dog reference, mixed gender dogs will fight if in a household that has a coveted item and a lack of confirmed boundaries and training. And yes, females will fight over food, toys, etc. All dogs will if there is not established training in the household and in the pack.

 

I have also known intact animals that DIDN't fight. It comes down to training and the pack leader (so in a house a human hopefully, in the wild/feral, another canine).

 

And really, how is the posting on here remotely equivalent to canines? Really apples and oranges.

[Gloria25]

What would someone analyzing your life in this way say? She is beautiful. Her house could be on the cover of homes and gardens. But she is mean and angry. Maybe she should spend less time cleaning and use her time to become a more like able person. I don't get why you are ripping these people apart. I am sure these post do not define who you are not what you are really like. But neither does a woman's unpolished toes.

 

So, your point is that a wife who keeps her appearances up, the house clean, the kids/husband well fed and tends to her husband's needs means she's miserable?

 

Again, there are women there who balance it all and are as sweet as pie. One of my commanding officers was like that. She was literally a brunette June Cleaver. And, it was surprising cuz my commanding officer was a very quiet person, but you could tell he chose well.

 

She was attractive, in shape, kids grown properly. The first time invited to their home, it was clean and humble (a lot of the officers lived like an hour from the base in these overly expensive pads, but not them. They were living in a quiet, humble, small home near the base - even though they could afford more. And, that's what I did to. I got a house closer to the base so I could be closer to the base and get to/from work quicker). And her husband was in charge of everyone. The other officer's wives? Pleeze, they wore their husband's rank on their sleeves - even the Chaplain's wife. They were snotty and mean. Now yes, they were attractive and trim (well, one was overweight and her husband said some stupid remarks in formation about not "getting any" one time), but nasty people...and, their husband's didn't make half of what my commanding officer made and they definitely did not have the command and control he had either.

 

Also, my commanding officer's wife. She really "did" lead the wives' teams and stuff to support other families. She always brought fresh baked cookies and sweets to the meetings. Good woman.

 

Again, there "are" wives who can balance it all and are not miserable, mean, people.

Edited February 15, 2015 by Gloria25

[purplesorrow]

So, your point is that a wife who keeps her appearances up, the house clean, the kids/husband well fed and tends to her husband's needs means she's miserable?

 

Again, there are women there who balance it all and are as sweet as pie. One of my commanding officers was like that. She was literally a brunette June Cleaver. And, it was surprising cuz my commanding officer was a very quiet person, but you could tell he chose well.

 

She was attractive, in shape, kids grown properly. The first time invited to their home, it was clean and humble (a lot of the officers lived like an hour from the base in these overly expensive pads, but not them. They were living in a quiet, humble, small home near the base - even though they could afford more). And her husband was in charge of everyone. The other officer's wives? Pleeze, they wore their husband's rank on their sleeves - even the Chaplain's wife. They were snotty and mean. Now yes, they were attractive and trim (well, one was overweight and her husband sad some stupid remarks in formation about not "getting any" one time), but nasty people...and, their husband's didn't make half of what my commanding officer made and they definitely did not have the command and control he had either.

 

Also, my commanding officer's wife. She really "did" lead the wives' teams and stuff to support other families. She always brought fresh baked cookies and sweets to the meetings. Good woman.

 

Again, there "are" wives who can balance it all and are not miserable, mean, people.

 

Nope, not my point at all. Just that you can't judge by what you see. The ladt with the unpolished toes could be an angel on earth. I'm not a slob, I'm not lazy. Successful and attractive but my husband still cheated.

[Gloria25]

Nope, not my point at all. Just that you can't judge by what you see. The ladt with the unpolished toes could be an angel on earth. I'm not a slob, I'm not lazy. Successful and attractive but my husband still cheated.

 

And, like I said...Usually there's two types of cheaters.

 

One of them is a "dog". You could be the best thing that happened to him, but his insecurities are gonna push him to keep on "proving" something and he'll cheat.

 

Maybe you had a bow-wow.

[purplesorrow]

And, like I said...Usually there's two types of cheaters.

 

One of them is a "dog". You could be the best thing that happened to him, but his insecurities are gonna push him to keep on "proving" something and he'll cheat.

 

Maybe you had a bow-wow.

 

No, just a man with issues. Question, if you dislike cheaters so much, why mess with married men? I mean you know they lie and cheat from day one of their involvement with you.

[William]

Since the OP hasn't returned to this thread since starting it, and since things have moved far from the original topic, this thread is now closed. If the OP would like to continue the discussion, please contact moderation by alerting on this post. ~Thank you.