Is it possible for a man sincerely fall for you fast and stay in love? Infactuation?

[nyny123]

I met a guy on okcupid recently that is my age, he's 27 and I'm 26 two weeks ago. We talked on line for awhile on and off. I really like him and he feels the same about me and we been on 2 dates and going on a 3rd date. He admitted he's really starting to love me and admits that he knows it's fast. I'm scared because I been hurt a couple times before but something is telling me not to stop seeing this guy. I wonder if he's infactuated?

[Jessie1231]

I've had two guys in my adult life who have decided they were in love with me quickly. I jumped right into these relationships because I was, well, stupid. The first one lasted maybe six months. I realized that the more I was around him the more every little thing he did irked me. Just little habits that you of course cannot see at first and only pick up by spending time with the person.

 

The second one jumped right in, took me on awesome vacations, discussed marriage and possible kids, etc. For some reason I was all for this. And we only lasted two months. He told me when breaking up with me that he never loved me, it was the excitement of the new relationship that made him think he did. I was heartbroken at the time, but I realize now he was right and I never loved him either.

 

Those are just my experiences. I'm sure it works out sometimes. If you ask Nicholas Sparks or someone like that he would definitely say it is a good idea.

[CrystalShine2011]

Hi nyny,

 

I'm newer on this site but wanted to chime in on what you posted!

 

I met my boyfriend of 2 years on the same site, and we fell for each other FAST. I think it was date number 4 or 5 where we expressed our love for each other! I will say this - finding someone online scared me at first...but once I saw that I truly found someone I love (then and today) I knew I had made the right choice in taking a chance.

 

In your situation, I know it's a bit scary...but go with your gut. If you feel any insecurity or that he is not in it for the right reasons, get out fast! It sounds like you both are realistic in that, yes, perhaps you are moving fast. BUT, that does not mean it won't work out for the best. Trust me on this.

[nyny123]

Hi nyny,

 

I'm newer on this site but wanted to chime in on what you posted!

 

I met my boyfriend of 2 years on the same site, and we fell for each other FAST. I think it was date number 4 or 5 where we expressed our love for each other! I will say this - finding someone online scared me at first...but once I saw that I truly found someone I love (then and today) I knew I had made the right choice in taking a chance.

 

In your situation, I know it's a bit scary...but go with your gut. If you feel any insecurity or that he is not in it for the right reasons, get out fast! It sounds like you both are realistic in that, yes, perhaps you are moving fast. BUT, that does not mean it won't work out for the best. Trust me on this.

 

 

I think it's good that I'm trusting my instincts and I feel that he is really geniune and overall good person. I'm feeling something I never felt with a guy before. He knows I want to take things slow and he understands. I want to see if my feelings will change in a month.

[travelbug1996]

I would say take things very very slow. Protect your heart especially since 9 times out of 10 he's only infatuated and doesn't have a clue as to what he really wants.

 

He could potentially meet another girl tomorrow in the grocery store that he's attracted to and poof, you're history.

 

Move slow and make sure his words match his actions.

[d0nnivain]

I tend not to trust people who "fall in love" quickly. I know instantly if I'm attracted to someone -- that's physical / chemical / hormonal but it has little bearing on long term potential.

 

 

I had a guy tell me he loved me on our 2nd date. I told him that if after barely knowing me he thought he was in love with me, he didn't know what love was. We were together for over 2 years.

 

 

I still don't trust it. I met DH at the end of July. We said ILY in November & even then I thought it was bit fast.

[Snaggletooth]

I met a guy on okcupid recently that is my age, he's 27 and I'm 26 two weeks ago. We talked on line for awhile on and off. I really like him and he feels the same about me and we been on 2 dates and going on a 3rd date. He admitted he's really starting to love me and admits that he knows it's fast. I'm scared because I been hurt a couple times before but something is telling me not to stop seeing this guy. I wonder if he's infactuated?

 

I'm a man but currently in a similar situation. She initially came on so strong and fast that it spooked the hell out of me. The way I felt about her spooked me too. This was within five days of knowing each other. I said no and tried to walk away but she was persistent/patient, whichever way you want to look at it. I said no again and it still didn't put her off. She said she knew this was right. Something about her meant I had to take the risk and find out. A few weeks on and the more we know each other the better it gets. We're not kids either, both in our forties and normally very sensible, rational, cautious people. It's crazy. A "madness from the gods" but at least we will know and not spend our lives wondering about what might have been had we never tried.

 

There's no rule book, NYNY. It's all about whether you want to take the risk to find out. A true connection is rare. So rare it can be scary when it comes to you. It can make no sense at all in the beginning. The only way you will ever know if it is genuine is to throw your hat in the ring and see what happens.

[nyny123]

I would say take things very very slow. Protect your heart especially since 9 times out of 10 he's only infatuated and doesn't have a clue as to what he really wants.

 

He could potentially meet another girl tomorrow in the grocery store that he's attracted to and poof, you're history.

 

Move slow and make sure his words match his actions.

 

I know you're right about this.

[nyny123]

I tend not to trust people who "fall in love" quickly. I know instantly if I'm attracted to someone -- that's physical / chemical / hormonal but it has little bearing on long term potential.

 

 

I had a guy tell me he loved me on our 2nd date. I told him that if after barely knowing me he thought he was in love with me, he didn't know what love was. We were together for over 2 years.

 

 

I still don't trust it. I met DH at the end of July. We said ILY in November & even then I thought it was bit fast.

 

I am pretty much going to take things slow to think about what I want to do.

[nyny123]

I'm a man but currently in a similar situation. She initially came on so strong and fast that it spooked the hell out of me. The way I felt about her spooked me too. This was within five days of knowing each other. I said no and tried to walk away but she was persistent/patient, whichever way you want to look at it. I said no again and it still didn't put her off. She said she knew this was right. Something about her meant I had to take the risk and find out. A few weeks on and the more we know each other the better it gets. We're not kids either, both in our forties and normally very sensible, rational, cautious people. It's crazy. A "madness from the gods" but at least we will know and not spend our lives wondering about what might have been had we never tried.

 

There's no rule book, NYNY. It's all about whether you want to take the risk to find out. A true connection is rare. So rare it can be scary when it comes to you. It can make no sense at all in the beginning. The only way you will ever know if it is genuine is to throw your hat in the ring and see what happens.

 

That's true. I don't want to miss out on an opportunity with someone who could be the right person for me. So far I feel he's got what I'm looking for in a guy. I'm trying to not let my past failed relationships get in the way of being happy.

[Snaggletooth]

That's true. I don't want to miss out on an opportunity with someone who could be the right person for me. So far I feel he's got what I'm looking for in a guy. I'm trying to not let my past failed relationships get in the way of being happy.

 

You've mentioned going slow yourself. It's the thing to do. Just because feelings are mentioned early it doesn't mean anything has to be rushed. There's nothing wrong with two people being completely honest and open with each other from the start. I think that can often be forgotten in this modern world of dating. Communication is king. It eradicates doubt and assumption. Talk to each other. Tell each other how you feel. Tell each other your concerns and worries. Ease each others concerns and worries. Work together. Decide the speed between yourselves. No expectations, no games, no dishonesty, no hidden truths, no b*llsh*t. Just two people going from one moment to the next and doing so together.

[writergal]

If there was a 100% way to predict human behavior where love and relationships are concerned, then we'd all walk around with a love-o-meter pin that can detect and verify 1) how well the relationship will go and 2) how long it will last.

 

Snaggletooth is right. Just because someone mentions their feelings for you early on, doesn't necessarily mean those feelings are real. Many times people get caught up in the mix of pheremones and hormones involved in strong physical attraction and say things they later regret. It's happened to me. It happens to everyone at some point, until they meet the one person who means what they say, and all is well.

 

When all else fails go with your gut feeling. People discount their own intuition's accuracy when self-doubt creeps in and takes over, and a bad outcome ensues. I think self-doubt is the quickest trap we fall into, where relationships are concerned. But it's also hard to ignore self-doubt, when you have a relationship history dotted with failed relationships, that were especially awful.

 

You wrote in your first post, OP, that something is telling you to stop seeing the guy. DON'T IGNORE THAT GUT FEELING because it's never wrong. Whatever it was that set your intuition's red alarm bells off about this guy being the real deal, is now clouded by your own self-doubt. Once you regain your footing, clear your head, think about what it was that caused you to doubt his words. Remember that actions speak louder than words, especially when those actions aren't aligned with the words.

[smackie9]

You have to watch out for the "I love you" so soon. They could have an obsessive personality and are falling for you for the wrong reasons, like always being rejected bringing on neediness, many failed relationships, very little to no experience, or just plain weird-o. It can lead to an unhealthy relationship where they become possessive and controlling.....keep your radar up.

[smackie9]

Just keep in mind about the "honeymoon stage" where we tend to ignore the red flags,and the talk of a future together comes out.....it's just talk and should never be taken as a promise.

[writergal]

I just thought of a few more things why it's always wrong to say 'I love you' before you really know each other:

 

1. It takes all the mystery away of getting to know that person.

 

It's better to take your time with someone before you say those 3 words.

 

2. You love being 'in love' even when you're not really in love.

 

Don't rush into the relationship. It's better to spend your dates getting to know each other instead of trying to convince yourself that this person is 'the one.'

 

3. Don't mistake infatuation for love.

 

Don't say 'I love you' or accept an 'I love you' from someone you barely know, especially when the person comes on really strong at the very beginning. That's always a red flag, most of the time that the relationship will end as quickly as it started. Plus, physical chemistry doesn't = love. It just means there's a strong physical attraction. Let the mental attraction and fill in all the blanks first, before you utter those 3 words.

 

4. Are you a relationship hopper?

 

Some people jump from relationship to relationship and have no problem saying those 3 words to someone they barely know, just to secure the other person's place in their life, until they figure out if they really do love that person or not. Most of the time they don't love the other person. They just hate being alone.

[nyny123]

I just thought of a few more things why it's always wrong to say 'I love you' before you really know each other:

 

1. It takes all the mystery away of getting to know that person.

 

It's better to take your time with someone before you say those 3 words.

 

2. You love being 'in love' even when you're not really in love.

 

Don't rush into the relationship. It's better to spend your dates getting to know each other instead of trying to convince yourself that this person is 'the one.'

 

3. Don't mistake infatuation for love.

 

Don't say 'I love you' or accept an 'I love you' from someone you barely know, especially when the person comes on really strong at the very beginning. That's always a red flag, most of the time that the relationship will end as quickly as it started. Plus, physical chemistry doesn't = love. It just means there's a strong physical attraction. Let the mental attraction and fill in all the blanks first, before you utter those 3 words.

 

4. Are you a relationship hopper?

 

Some people jump from relationship to relationship and have no problem saying those 3 words to someone they barely know, just to secure the other person's place in their life, until they figure out if they really do love that person or not. Most of the time they don't love the other person. They just hate being alone.

 

 

I feel in my gut that he's a good guy possible someone who falls for a girl too fast. I have a good vibe about him and I think that's why I don't want to stop seeing him. I'll just be cautious.

[writergal]

I feel in my gut that he's a good guy possible someone who falls for a girl too fast. I have a good vibe about him and I think that's why I don't want to stop seeing him. I'll just be cautious.

 

So what was your gut feeling that set off the alarm bells in your head that you should stop seeing him? You wrote that in your first post. There had to have been something.

[Leigh 87]

Out of all of the couples I know, just one both fell " hard and fast" and have remained together long term.

 

Most couples aren't infatuated and are not that into each other to begin with - they find a like minded individual who they grow to lust after slowly, the attraction usually isn't instantly strong.

 

I was in that situation 1 month and a half ago. We both fell hard and became infatuated on night one. Turns out, we weren't compatible despite out instant connection and infatuation.

 

The thing about falling hard and fast is - it rarely lasts - in fact, MOST people we date will not last long term, so this is nothing new. I prefer intense attraction and I don't like to "grow" to have to feel excited about someone. For me, I need me AND them - to be really excited from date one. I prefer to fall faster and harder, as opposed to a slow burn, where you aren't that into each other initially and the chemistry isn't off the charts - it is called a compassionate love, versus a passionate love.

 

There is nothing wrong with enjoying this "falling hard and fast" style of romance, AS LONG as you realise it likely wont last since MOST people we date don't last - this is NO different. Falling hard and fast is NO Indicator that it will last - it is the same was any guy you date - it usually does NOT last long term, it takes years to find "the one" we want to marry and all that jazz. I have learnt that there is nothing wrong about waiting for a person who falls fast for you, and who is just really into you from the get go. You just have to be realistic and logical - it likely wont last so just keep them at arms length until you actually get to know them over a period of MONTHS.

 

And also - most men that seem to fall so fast for you, are like that with every woman and they are usually desperate for a relationship and the perks that come along with it. They are hyper romantic types who will drop you the next time they see a woman they are really attracted to and who takes an interest in them back. The man I had this passionate type of affair with - we fell hard and fast - he wasn't the type to care for women much and it enabled him to get too carried away and ignore his true nature - which was to keep women at arms length since he was leaving the country soon.

 

So blind lust can direct you down a path that is wrong for you... This man knew he would never settle down anytime soon, but due to these pesky "feelings", the falling fast part, he overlooked the reality because he wanted to just go with what he was feelings, in the hope it would magically supersede the reality; he was not relationship minded and yet he wanted us to be "together" and he felt the need to have to be my boyfriend even though he is very set in his ways and admitted that he never thinks he will settle down.

 

I have witnessed first hand how a non committal guy can let the infatuation that comes on early, dictate his actions temporarily but he will ALWAYS show his true colours if this man is anything like my ex.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In short: blind lust and falling hard and fast:

 

- rarely lasts (due to MOST early dating not lasting in general and falling harder and faster makes takes NO exception to this

 

- can cloud a non committal mans judgment albeit briefly but he will then leave the fledging relationship like he did with every other girl he dint fall hard for

 

- many men who purport to fall hard for you are hopeless romantics and are addicted to the novelty of a new fledging relationship and will likely drop you as quickly as they tried to woo you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have dated a lot and this has been my experience with your type of romantic predicament.

 

Be extra careful - some people will simply evoke strong "feelings" early on because of your chemistry and natural " draw" to one another - you will only be MORE upset than usual when it fails, so treat it like any OTHER dating scenario, where you keep a person at arms length until you get to know them properly.

Edited February 9, 2015 by Leigh 87

[nyny123]

So what was your gut feeling that set off the alarm bells in your head that you should stop seeing him? You wrote that in your first post. There had to have been something.

 

I made a typo sorry about that lol

[nyny123]

Out of all of the couples I know, just one both fell " hard and fast" and have remained together long term.

 

Most couples aren't infatuated and are not that into each other to begin with - they find a like minded individual who they grow to lust after slowly, the attraction usually isn't instantly strong.

 

I was in that situation 1 month and a half ago. We both fell hard and became infatuated on night one. Turns out, we weren't compatible despite out instant connection and infatuation.

 

The thing about falling hard and fast is - it rarely lasts - in fact, MOST people we date will not last long term, so this is nothing new. I prefer intense attraction and I don't like to "grow" to have to feel excited about someone. For me, I need me AND them - to be really excited from date one. I prefer to fall faster and harder, as opposed to a slow burn, where you aren't that into each other initially and the chemistry isn't off the charts - it is called a compassionate love, versus a passionate love.

 

There is nothing wrong with enjoying this "falling hard and fast" style of romance, AS LONG as you realise it likely wont last since MOST people we date don't last - this is NO different. Falling hard and fast is NO Indicator that it will last - it is the same was any guy you date - it usually does NOT last long term, it takes years to find "the one" we want to marry and all that jazz. I have learnt that there is nothing wrong about waiting for a person who falls fast for you, and who is just really into you from the get go. You just have to be realistic and logical - it likely wont last so just keep them at arms length until you actually get to know them over a period of MONTHS.

 

And also - most men that seem to fall so fast for you, are like that with every woman and they are usually desperate for a relationship and the perks that come along with it. They are hyper romantic types who will drop you the next time they see a woman they are really attracted to and who takes an interest in them back. The man I had this passionate type of affair with - we fell hard and fast - he wasn't the type to care for women much and it enabled him to get too carried away and ignore his true nature - which was to keep women at arms length since he was leaving the country soon.

 

So blind lust can direct you down a path that is wrong for you... This man knew he would never settle down anytime soon, but due to these pesky "feelings", the falling fast part, he overlooked the reality because he wanted to just go with what he was feelings, in the hope it would magically supersede the reality; he was not relationship minded and yet he wanted us to be "together" and he felt the need to have to be my boyfriend even though he is very set in his ways and admitted that he never thinks he will settle down.

 

I have witnessed first hand how a non committal guy can let the infatuation that comes on early, dictate his actions temporarily but he will ALWAYS show his true colours if this man is anything like my ex.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In short: blind lust and falling hard and fast:

 

- rarely lasts (due to MOST early dating not lasting in general and falling harder and faster makes takes NO exception to this

 

- can cloud a non committal mans judgment albeit briefly but he will then leave the fledging relationship like he did with every other girl he dint fall hard for

 

- many men who purport to fall hard for you are hopeless romantics and are addicted to the novelty of a new fledging relationship and will likely drop you as quickly as they tried to woo you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have dated a lot and this has been my experience with your type of romantic predicament.

 

Be extra careful - some people will simply evoke strong "feelings" early on because of your chemistry and natural " draw" to one another - you will only be MORE upset than usual when it fails, so treat it like any OTHER dating scenario, where you keep a person at arms length until you get to know them properly.

 

Wow this is interesting!