Marriage with verbal & emotional abuse...is it ok to leave

[BeatsByDirk]

Actually, I do know exactly what it is to have rage issues.....and saying that someone else triggers it is NOT taking responsibility. No one can MAKE you lose control. Period.

 

Yeah, I think you are confusing rage, which is the emotion, and the actions that follow.

Rage is an emotion and emotions can be triggered, typically emotions are triggered.

Now, what I do after the emotion of rage is triggered, that has to do with emotional control and awareness, this is what I do have control and I must take responsibility for.

I'm really ashamed of hitting a wall and braking a chair, kicking the garage door wasn't a bright moment either.

I regret calling my wife a bit** and an a** h*l* but it's never sexual degradation, still... it is not appropriate, not a tenant of a healthy marriage!

I usually yell things like: "I've gotten up with the kids ever morning for the last six weeks and swiftly left the house to let you sleep, I get no sleep when's the last time you've done something so kind for me... NOT ONCE... NOOOT OOOONCCCE!"

Losing control is the person's responsibility but yes Rage can be triggered.

I think you will look at this way more black and white than me, I'm not gonna take responsibility for rage insighted by my mother at 10, nor my actions afterwards because I didn't have the tools to deal with it.

I believe admitting you have a problem, seeking out help, and changing behavior patterns is taking responsibility!

Anything else Nit Picky?!?!(I'm niether a good person nor a bad person, I'm me!)

Your last response and this one are heading toward off-topic-land!

Thanks for your response OP, I'll take a look at the literature's summary at the very least.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Yeah, I think you are confusing rage, which is the emotion, and the actions that follow.

Rage is an emotion and emotions can be triggered, typically emotions are triggered.

Now, what I do after the emotion of rage is triggered, that has to do with emotional control and awareness, this is what I do have control and I must take responsibility for.

I'm really ashamed of hitting a wall and braking a chair, kicking the garage door wasn't a bright moment either.

I regret calling my wife a bit** and an a** h*l* but it's never sexual degradation, still... it is not appropriate, not a tenant of a healthy marriage!

I usually yell things like: "I've gotten up with the kids ever morning for the last six weeks and swiftly left the house to let you sleep, I get no sleep when's the last time you've done something so kind for me... NOT ONCE... NOOOT OOOONCCCE!"

Losing control is the person's responsibility but yes Rage can be triggered.

I think you will look at this way more black and white than me, I'm not gonna take responsibility for rage insighted by my mother at 10, nor my actions afterwards because I didn't have the tools to deal with it.

I believe admitting you have a problem, seeking out help, and changing behavior patterns is taking responsibility!

Anything else Nit Picky?!?!(I'm niether a good person nor a bad person, I'm me!)

Your last response and this one are heading toward off-topic-land!

Thanks for your response OP, I'll take a look at the literature's summary at the very least.

 

You coming here with such a post feels like a rapist coming to a meeting of rape victims. Totally inappropriate.

 

Your anger is your responsibility. If you think your relationship creates too much anger, leave it instead of terrorising the people you live with.

You have kids, you should be ashamed of yourself.