na49 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I got back together with my ex, and it was after I had her blocked for 3 months. If they want to come back, I'm pretty sure they will. If they don't, I'm pretty sure they won't. but go ahead and do it man. Let me know if it works, you may have figured something out that no one else knows about getting back with an ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I'm a true believer in doing what you can to see if reconciliation is possible but I'm also a big believer that you have to make sure you are ready for whatever response you get whether good or bad or no response what so ever. I think the OP is just asking if anyone has gone through this and what the outcome was obviously he is still thinking over the idea but OP please make sure you can handle the worst response you my get before sending her anything. If you do send her a text make sure it is not relating to anything about the relationship that is OVER. Just say long time no talk how is everything? Keep it short and neutral. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Well, then let's look at the flip side of the coin. I've dumped girls who I know would have liked another shot (in fact, just last year) and if they reached out to me at the right time, in the right way, I would have explored it. At the very least I would have talked and cleared the air, laying down the foundations for something in the future. I didn't reach out to her as the dumper, because I thought she hated me and wanted to move on. I felt I had done enough damage and didn't want to hurt her more. I'll admit, if you can wait it out, and get the girl to reach out to you, it is ideal. But sometimes people need a nudge. -Some encouragement. Strict NC just sounds like game-playing to me. Like some kind of mexican-standoff, to see who blinks first. A means to re-establish a power position. Personally, if I really love someone, then I will only be content with how things went when I'm old and gray, if I knew I did everything in my power to make it work. If they dumped me because I was being foolish, then shame on me. But if I try to earnestly to make it work and they don't appreciate it, then shame on them. I should also mention, that when I reached out, for about a day I heard nothing back. It hurt, but there was a sense of satisfaction. I had done my best and extended the olive branch. Ironically, just when I felt okay that I was dead in the water, she hit me up. It's not game-playing at all if you are using it for the right reason, which is to move forward. No Contact isn't a technique to manipulate your ex into missing you. But every successful reconciliation story I know of (two of which have ended in marriages), came from the dumper coming to the dumpee. The fact that you are doing all of these mental gymnastics to justify this approach is why I think it's a bad idea. If you truly couldn't care less, then I have no problems with people ending their NC. I mean, I ended my NC, so I get it. But I never got any satisfaction from sending communication or getting communication, at least no more than I would get from a friend of mine. It doesn't sound like that's where you are, though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 @ L0nleyDude - Sleep on it for a couple more days and if you still feel like reaching out to her then go for it. Keep it light and casual but like Mi7522 said make sure you are ready for whatever response you get whether good or bad. I personally find that girls are more stubborn and rarely reach out when it comes to this, usually it's the guys who do it regardless of who dumped who. Most of my male friends have done it except for the extremely stubborn ones so really does depend on who you're up against. Link to post Share on other sites
Author L0nleyDude Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 @ L0nleyDude - Sleep on it for a couple more days and if you still feel like reaching out to her then go for it. Keep it light and casual but like Mi7522 said make sure you are ready for whatever response you get whether good or bad. I personally find that girls are more stubborn and rarely reach out when it comes to this, usually it's the guys who do it regardless of who dumped who. Most of my male friends have done it except for the extremely stubborn ones so really does depend on who you're up against. Thx Ieris I haven't sent anything yet, I decided to sleep on a bit for a couple of days like you advised. She is a very stubborn woman and the fact she has two small children has also made me a bit weary of doing it as I was very close to them and heard they took it hard when we did break up but I think a short text asking how they are all doing is not that bad of a thing. If she responds she does if not oh well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kacper Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 So as I mentioned in the beginning of this thread, I reached out to my ex two weeks ago, after 3 months of breakup, and have been in contact ever since. Phone calls, emails, IM, texts. All of it. And here's the outcome, which NONE of the relationship gurus on this forum predicted.... All the banter led to me running into my ex at the dog park. We chatted, I made her laugh. Our dogs played. We hugged and walked away. And you know what? Butterflies did not fly out of her ass, and sunbeams did not shoot from her eyes. I saw her as just a normal, brown-eyed girl. Since then, my compulsion to speak with her has dropped way down. Had I not reached out, I would have carried this rosy, idealized notion in my head of what she's like for at least a few more weeks. I would have worried about running into her at some point, making me uncomfortable in my own neighborhood. Instead I reached out, tested the waters, realized that there was nothing left between us, and put things to rest. With NC, I would not have arrived at this peace of mind for at least another month or two. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
leia1028 Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Have you as the dumpee reached out to the dumper if you have been NC for more than 4 months? How did it end up? I came across your thread and felt like this definitely relates to my situation. I did read all the comments on this thread and I deal with the same situation where my ex is also very stubborn. I've gone NC for months as well, and I definitely feel better and more confident about myself. NC definitely helped in the long run because my thoughts have cleared up and I'm prepared for whatever my ex may respond with. Even if they don't reply or respond like they don't care, then I'm perfectly fine with that. Personally for me, I would take the risks of testing the waters and be able to admit you tried (only if you're okay with ANY response, especially if it's a angry backfire response). Because if things don't work out, I'm able to just keep moving. Idk if this quote is of any help either but I just wanted to throw it out there "Sometimes we fail in order to know." Lastly, I personally would do it through text rather than call so they aren't put on the spot. Like what Kacper said, you can get a peace of mind and it can help you figure out what's best for you. Out of curiosity, have you reached out to your ex already to see how she is? Wishing you the best of luck in your decisions! Link to post Share on other sites
Author L0nleyDude Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 I came across your thread and felt like this definitely relates to my situation. I did read all the comments on this thread and I deal with the same situation where my ex is also very stubborn. I've gone NC for months as well, and I definitely feel better and more confident about myself. NC definitely helped in the long run because my thoughts have cleared up and I'm prepared for whatever my ex may respond with. Even if they don't reply or respond like they don't care, then I'm perfectly fine with that. Personally for me, I would take the risks of testing the waters and be able to admit you tried (only if you're okay with ANY response, especially if it's a angry backfire response). Because if things don't work out, I'm able to just keep moving. Idk if this quote is of any help either but I just wanted to throw it out there "Sometimes we fail in order to know." Lastly, I personally would do it through text rather than call so they aren't put on the spot. Like what Kacper said, you can get a peace of mind and it can help you figure out what's best for you. Out of curiosity, have you reached out to your ex already to see how she is? Wishing you the best of luck in your decisions! No I haven't as of yet, still struggling with With the decision to do it, I mean it been 4 months since we last had any correspondence if she wanted to hear from me, whether she is stubborn or not, you would think she would have tried something by now. I genuinely would like to reach out but I'm not sure if it would be a good idea. Maybe it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Link to post Share on other sites
Regretsandpromises Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 No I haven't as of yet, still struggling with With the decision to do it, I mean it been 4 months since we last had any correspondence if she wanted to hear from me, whether she is stubborn or not, you would think she would have tried something by now. I genuinely would like to reach out but I'm not sure if it would be a good idea. Maybe it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. I think you should reach out if you are still thinking about her after 4 months she is probably a pretty good girl. In general girls don't initiate contact anyhow and after 4 months things should be pretty calm by now? If you really think you wouldn't feel bad about getting no response I would hope you would send her a light hearted message and see what happens. She might just think you aren't being serious, so after a few weeks try one more time and then if it doesn't work out you are still Good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author L0nleyDude Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 I think you should reach out if you are still thinking about her after 4 months she is probably a pretty good girl. In general girls don't initiate contact anyhow and after 4 months things should be pretty calm by now? If you really think you wouldn't feel bad about getting no response I would hope you would send her a light hearted message and see what happens. She might just think you aren't being serious, so after a few weeks try one more time and then if it doesn't work out you are still Good. That's what I'm struggling with, what exactly are you supposed to say to someone when you haven't had any contact with them for over 4 months. I think it is kind of silly to just send something like" Hey how are you and the kids? Hope all is well". Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author L0nleyDude Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Why wouldn't a girl initiate the contact? Is it a pride thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 If the girl really wants to, she will. I don't buy any of this "she's too stubborn" stuff if she really wants to reconcile. Any dumper who would put their own personal pride over any desire to reconnect with someone they "loved" isn't overly serious about reconnecting in the first place. Plenty of women dumpers come sniffing around again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 Something is really fishy about this thread. Lonelydude, per a previous thread of yours, you did reach out to your ex with a letter and you left her a vm, after 4 months of nc: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/514501-i-think-i-will-call-her What is the current status? Did she ever respond to your vm? I don't get why you created a new thread acting as though you are contemplating reaching out when you specifically stated you did 2x in the aforementioned thread. Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 No I haven't as of yet, still struggling with With the decision to do it, I mean it been 4 months since we last had any correspondence if she wanted to hear from me This is a lie. Refer to previous thread. Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I just broke out the popcorn... Link to post Share on other sites
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