Why don't I like my mother?

[Aguardiente83]

I'm 21 and my mom's 56. She raised me by herself and couldn't have been a better mother. This lady stopped living her life so she could take care of mine, the only thing my mother has in her life is me. For the past couple of years I've had really messed up feelings about her and I know there not right but I can't help feeling that way. Ok, when she trys to start a conversation with me I get annoyed and just want her to be quiet and go to her room and when she comes into my room I'm like "when is she going to leave". I know you guys must thing I'm an As* for acting this way and I even know its wrong. I kow that all she wants is someone to talk to when she comes home, especially her son. I hate myself for feeling like this and I try to change my mindset. She's never done anything wrong, why do I feel like this?

[sweetpea01]

I'm sure you love your mother - but you certainly do not seem to appreciate her... This is the same woman who welcomes you into her home, and never sits there wondering when you are going to leave. She doens't cook you dinner wondering when you're going to stop eating all of her food..

 

Being annoyed with a parent is normal, it's absolutely normal. But, to knowingly close her off or shut her out is hurtful to her, and that IMHO, is very wrong.

 

Try to be more patient and more understanding of her. Show her you care! You say she is 56, and has nobody else, so try harder to be there for her a little bit more.

 

 

SP

[ww]

Lucky you!

You just don`t like one parent.

I don`t like both of them.

+ They left me with my grandma when I was a year old and they picked me back ( like I was some sort of object ) when I was almost seven.

Not to mention that I was raised in another country with another culture and language.

They just took me to live with them ( 2 perfect strangers ) and my 2 sisters. Can you imagine the shock they`ve put me through?

I don`t like them, I don`t like the way they live...but still I love them ( cuz they are my parents)

[Elmo]

Originally posted by Aguardiente83

I'm 21 and my mom's 56. She raised me by herself and couldn't have been a better mother. This lady stopped living her life so she could take care of mine, the only thing my mother has in her life is me. For the past couple of years I've had really messed up feelings about her and I know there not right but I can't help feeling that way. Ok, when she trys to start a conversation with me I get annoyed and just want her to be quiet and go to her room and when she comes into my room I'm like "when is she going to leave". I know you guys must thing I'm an As* for acting this way and I even know its wrong. I kow that all she wants is someone to talk to when she comes home, especially her son. I hate myself for feeling like this and I try to change my mindset. She's never done anything wrong, why do I feel like this?

 

 

You get annoyed when "she trys to start a conversation...I get annoyed...just want her to be quiet and go to her room"

 

Uh...is this HER house you are living in?

 

If so, here is a great big clue...get your own house, pay your own bills and yer Mammy won't be so interested.

 

If it is your house, tell us why your Mammy is living with you and you are putting up with her annoying ass.

 

Enquiring minds want to know.

[Pocky]

While you may recognize the sacrifices your mother has made for you in this life it doesn't appear that you respect or like her very much. Talking to your mother shouldn't be so hard for you to do. Talking to someone you dislike and don't think is your equal is hard to do. Maybe you need to reconsider your opinion of your mother? Do you disapprove of her choices in life? Do you dislike that you're the only person she has? Do you dislike the responsibility you have to care for your mother now that she's getting older? Do you dislike that your mother is attached and dependent on you?

[magda]

Well she might be pretty needy and needy people can certainly get annoying. There might be a tremendous amount of pressure on you to be her main outlet. Maybe she annoys you because she's trying to bring you out and you just don't feel like talking to her. In that situation she has to kind of yammer on about herself and a one-sided conversation is bound to get dull.

 

Whenever you feel the slightest urge, chat with her about whatever is going on in your life. Steer the conversation towards something you're interested in, if at all possible. Tell her more about yourself if you don't, to help her stay abreast with what type of stuff you actually care about.. Maybe if you came to her more often, she'd come to you a lot less. She probably just really wants to be involved or be aware of what's going on in your life. Just try and remain sympathetic and treat her like a friend.

[Lil Honey]

Sorry. I don't think she's needy. She wouldn't have put her life on hold for A83, if she were needy.

 

Soooo . . . A83 . . . how would you feel if she died tomorrow or next week? I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, but to see your life without her.

 

Could it be that she is old enough to have aches and pains and you don't want to see her get old?

 

When I was 21 I had far less patience with "older" people than I do now. Now that I'm 44, I am more understanding of someone who is elderly.

[Pocky]

It just seems like the general after school special about growing up.

 

1) Single parent sacrifices for kid.

2) Single parent stops living and forgets dreams for kid.

3) Single parent depends on kid for emotional support.

4) Single parent depends on kid for fulfillment of dreams.

5) Kid resents parent for not allowing them to "fly the nest."

6) Kid resents parent for being dependent on them.

7) Kid resents parent for not fulfilling their own dreams.

9) Kid resents parent for not allowing them to be independent.

10) Kid sees parent as weak, submissive and inferior.

[bebegal]

[color=indigo]

I'm sure you love your mother - but you certainly do not seem to appreciate her... This is the same woman who welcomes you into her home, and never sits there wondering when you are going to leave. She doens't cook you dinner wondering when you're going to stop eating all of her food..

 

I relate to her. I moved across the country and have been home only once. All through high school and college my mother always got on my nerves. we are just two different people. She never abused me or anything like that but I am optomistic and she is sooo pessimistic. My brother brought home this awesome girl my mom called to tell m e all the negatives ( one being that at the restaurant my mothers order was messed up and the gf asked the waitress to come over--my mother thought that was very innapropriate). I mean if someone only looks at negative things you dont want to be around them or bring anyone around them so they can get critiqued.

 

She sends out mixed signals such as you should have a bf at your age.. then I get one and she makes my life so miserable as she is jealous. I was 20 and always at his house( well I only saw him 1/2 of the weekend cause I was at college--and she said If I didnt spend the other half ALONE WITH NO BF with her she wouldnt pay for my college..... yea really makes you want to spend time with them.

 

so I came to her house we had the lights off at midnight and were holding hands.. she walks downstairs and calls me into the other room telling me this was making her feel uncomfotable in her house... So then I told her fine, Ill go back to his house then.

 

Now I am single she is asking me daily why I dont have abf. If im eating her food-even in highschool years--she watches me like ahawk making sure I take small proportions and If i take bigger ones makes a huge deal. SHe bought my brother grape juice and watched that bottle like a hawk making comments that he drank it to fast. BY the way my parents have a stable income..no need to worry about money. Anythign she says to me gets on my nerves and pisses me off.

 

SO basically not all mothers are giving giving giving. My mother has driven me straight across the country as I cant deal with her BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOrry so long but this topic is a sore spot for me![/color]

[9Lives]

Originally posted by Aguardiente83

I'm 21 and my mom's 56. She raised me by herself and couldn't have been a better mother. This lady stopped living her life so she could take care of mine, the only thing my mother has in her life is me. For the past couple of years I've had really messed up feelings about her and I know there not right but I can't help feeling that way. Ok, when she trys to start a conversation with me I get annoyed and just want her to be quiet and go to her room and when she comes into my room I'm like "when is she going to leave". I know you guys must thing I'm an As* for acting this way and I even know its wrong. I kow that all she wants is someone to talk to when she comes home, especially her son. I hate myself for feeling like this and I try to change my mindset. She's never done anything wrong, why do I feel like this?

 

 

It sounds like you are so into yourself that you just dont care about alllllll of the sacrifices that your mom has made for you. I dont mean to be mean to you but you need to work on this because that woman has given up everything for you. You dont owe her your life but you do owe her respect and love. I am very sad that you are cold like that with your mother. She could die tomorrow. You dont know what the future holds.

 

My mom is dead. She did drugs, had many many men, hardly cooked, and had a whole lot of flaws. BUT I LOVED HER WITH ALL MY HEART. She was nothing like your mom. I wished my mom helped me like your mom did. I had to grow up with out a mom because she was murdered by one of her dump boyfriend.

 

I think you should be a shamed of yourself for real

[CurlyIam]

I think you're doing that to protect yourself because you're feeling guilty. Every time you see her, she reminds you of your failure.

 

Remember that she's not the problem, the problem is in your head. Deal with it, solve it, prove your mom you're a worthy son and then you'll be able to look her in the eye.

 

That's my take on it,

 

Curly

[friend182]

I am 25 and my mother is 58. My mother also gave up work and her life to raise me. In the process she has driven me nuts!!!

 

We finally went to counseling and here is the deal. If you feel like your mother lives for you and her life revolves around you, that is bad and unhealthy. (on her part)

 

Of course she loves you - that is the hard part, but she loves you in a dependent way. She needs you more than you need her.

 

It is hard to talk about this with her because you don't want to hurt her feelings. My mother and I went through about 2 years of me fighting to get my independence and my own life. It only happened after I got married and got the courage to tell her off. She is not a bad mother, she is just over protective and I am grown.

 

My mother pulled the old "Children honor your father and mother" on me. I explained that it is directed at CHILDREN. You are grown and get to choose your own choices for your life. You also get the consquences. That is hard for them because they want to protect your.

 

Good Luck. relationships with mothers and daughters are often complicated, but with love and patience you can work it out.

[RecordProducer]

Because you're too much attached to her and you need some space. It's hard for you to tell her that, because she seems so emotionally dependent on you and you're trying to get rid of her hoping that she will get the message.

The solution is: start acting like a grown man (which will be hard for you given that you're so tied to your mom plus you're so very young). Don't take your mom so seriously. Don't tell her everything. Start preparing your own meals and doing your laundry by yourself. You got the picture. Just don't fight with her!

(Look who's telling you! )

[XNemesisX]

I think this is really sad how you feel about your mother. You are lucky to have a mother as nice as yours, who actually wants to talk to you. My mother acts like she is annoyed at ME when I try to talk to her, so I can probably relate more to how your mother probably feels.

 

You are 21. Maybe the problem is you are sick of still living at home? I moved out of my house at 18 and haven't moved back since. Maybe it is just time for you to leave the nest so to speak? It could be that you are just sick of living at home and possibly being treated like you are still a child. I bet if you moved out and lived away from your mother for a little while, you would get a new appreciation for her.