Contemplating if I will/could try

[Itspointless]

Hi sober and dry, it reads like she is just missing you comforting her. Perhaps you should read whatdoido123 his thread if you are not familiar with his story. Somehow that thread popped in my mind while reading this. Do not let her do that to you.

[sober and dry]

I guess this is just going to be another hard reading from me, but I have to put this out there.

 

I don't know what is talking inside of me in this thoughts. Maybe it's just frustration, rage and selfishness or something else but I think that maybe I need this for the time being.

I think that I did all I could and even what I shouldn't to help her and give her all I could, sadly.

I tried my best not to burn all the bridges, to have some faith on her and in her supposed love for me, see what that got me?

 

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm all messed up after this last meeting... I can't even tell my hands from my feet and I'm the only one I can blame for it...

I have some moments where I even think that I'm hallucinating all of what she done.

This is just a bad dream and I would wake up to find that everything is good, but it just isn't.

That it must not be the truth.

I must have taken a pill straight to 50 shades of pain somewhere down the road.

 

I'm baffled with all of this:

Why does she wants this limbo for me? Maybe even for her and the other guy?

What was she trying to get from me with all she did at this meeting?

Why did she said all that to me if she didn't had any intentions to act on it?

Supposedly she sees and have all the signs in front of her that she had made a terrible mistake and doesn't seem to want to try to do the right thing?

Why the hell would someone do all she had done to anybody that they supposedly love more then anything?

Can she even be sincere to herself? To her though, feelings and/or actions?

Supposedly she misses me that much and is hurting that much, so why doesn't she try to change that?

 

This doesn't make any sense to me.

I can't see any good in her actions.

There are three possibilities, she is a cruel liar, she is a very bad person or she is just mind screwed in such a way I had though that was impossible. I know how this sounds but I can't see anything else. Yes I'm not a perfect person, not even close but I'm sure that I couldn't do any of this to anyone.

 

Funny enough, there are somethings I know now for sure. I cannot trust one single word from her. Maybe I shouldn't even listen or see her anymore.

I had really loved this girl more than anything in this world, even myself and were willing to give everything for her. Yeah big mistakes in there, I know now.

 

Because of all of this I cannot believe in love anymore, I cannot trust anyone enough to love as I would like to. I must wake up to how ****ed up our world is and live with that. I guess I spent this last 25 years of my life living in a pink world of my imagination. Well not anymore.

 

 

Just some hours ago, I had to tell the new girl that I'm not available to even keep talking to her even though she is a good, interesting person. I didn't want to drag her in to this. Sadly it was another train wreck... She even admitted to have feelings for me. But I think it was for the best.

 

 

 

OST after reading this before posting over and over again: I see the desperation for answers, anger, blame and denial, so I guess I'm at the start of the healing process all over again. I just hope I have the strength inside of my to not fall over again.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me three times I'm not a victim I'm a volunteer.

Edited March 24, 2015 by sober and dry

[NopeNah]

I guess this is just going to be another hard reading from me, but I have to put this out there.

 

I don't know what is talking inside of me in this thoughts. Maybe it's just frustration, rage and selfishness or something else but I think that maybe I need this for the time being.

I think that I did all I could and even what I shouldn't to help her and give her all I could, sadly.

I tried my best not to burn all the bridges, to have some faith on her and in her supposed love for me, see what that got me?

 

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm all messed up after this last meeting... I can't even tell my hands from my feet and I'm the only one I can blame for it...

I have some moments where I even think that I'm hallucinating all of what she done.

This is just a bad dream and I would wake up to find that everything is good, but it just isn't.

That it must not be the truth.

I must have taken a pill straight to 50 shades of pain somewhere down the road.

 

I'm baffled with all of this:

Why does she wants this limbo for me? Maybe even for her and the other guy?

What was she trying to get from me with all she did at this meeting?

Why did she said all that to me if she didn't had any intentions to act on it?

Supposedly she sees and have all the signs in front of her that she had made a terrible mistake and doesn't seem to want to try to do the right thing?

Why the hell would someone do all she had done to anybody that they supposedly love more then anything?

Can she even be sincere to herself? To her though, feelings and/or actions?

Supposedly she misses me that much and is hurting that much, so why doesn't she try to change that?

 

This doesn't make any sense to me.

I can't see any good in her actions.

There are three possibilities, she is a cruel liar, she is a very bad person or she is just mind screwed in such a way I had though that was impossible. I know how this sounds but I can't see anything else. Yes I'm not a perfect person, not even close but I'm sure that I couldn't do any of this to anyone.

 

Funny enough, there are somethings I know now for sure. I cannot trust one single word from her. Maybe I shouldn't even listen or see her anymore.

I had really loved this girl more than anything in this world, even myself and were willing to give everything for her. Yeah big mistakes in there, I know now.

 

Because of all of this I cannot believe in love anymore, I cannot trust anyone enough to love as I would like to. I must wake up to how ****ed up our world is and live with that. I guess I spent this last 25 years of my life living in a pink world of my imagination. Well not anymore.

 

 

Just some hours ago, I had to tell the new girl that I'm not available to even keep talking to her even though she is a good, interesting person. I didn't want to drag her in to this. Sadly it was another train wreck... She even admitted to have feelings for me. But I think it was for the best.

 

 

 

OST after reading this before posting over and over again: I see the desperation for answers, anger, blame and denial, so I guess I'm at the start of the healing process all over again. I just hope I have the strength inside of my to not fall over again.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me three times I'm not a victim I'm a volunteer.

 

One question...WHY? she is using you for whatever she needs....minus sex,intimacy and commitment...Really?

Edited March 24, 2015 by Praying4Daylight

[lolablue17]

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me three times I'm not a victim I'm a volunteer.

 

Well said!

 

Mr sober and dry - You have well served the community with your volunteerism, you also learned some lessons, now start making a future for yourself.

 

your services to the "agony community" are over! You are dismissed! Good luck!

[Itspointless]

I am sorry man, be strong.

[sober and dry]

Thank you all!

Now the messaging started again... She started talking about the new singles of one of our favorite bands...

What the hell... I always thought I did not have to block her but apparently I will need to do that.

She is like an heavy drug for me!

Edited March 25, 2015 by sober and dry

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Sober and dry, I hope you remain true to your name,

You have firsthand experience I presume about how addiction is the same,

You've eluded to that fact even in the metaphor you present

About how this ...connection, is at best, a drug addiction you resent.

 

Your whole purpose with meeting her, from what I can tell,

Was to put yourself in front of the problem with the ability to dispel,

Except, that backfired as you forgot the main logic in your original explanation.

You were supposed to meet up and be happy when you leave with your salutation!

 

Now as I read, you've only dug yourself deeper into a hole,

You're literally back where you started, except this time you have no pole.

Getting out of this hole once will require a bit of resilience on your part,

Blocking her immediately and voluntarily is probably a great start.

 

Before you had been happy, and you wanted to "test" yourself you said,

Now after the meeting, your life is back to being in chaos instead,

You've completely forgotten the original intent you had for your own plan,

I repeat this once again, because it's important to understand.

 

I know you'll come out of this, probably better than before,

You have the added knowledge of why you lost the first half score,

So, alter your playbook, and don't run that play again,

In this second half, you will be victorious if you stay the course til the end.

 

My attempt at a few metaphors was a disaster to say the least,

But the point remains the same, once again turn over the leaf.

Get back to where you were, maybe even rekindle the connection to this new one,

With the understanding that you are still shot, even if it was your own gun.

Edited March 27, 2015 by DrReplyInRhymes

[LifeWasted]

Well, aren't you a trip.

 

Asking women out only to act like you don't like them.

 

Just leave her alone and move on with your life.

 

She deserved it.

 

She cheated on him then just expected to waltz right back into his life like nothing ever happened? Are you for real? Grow up.