ArtIsMyThing Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I keep initiating convo and he happily replies - i am sick of it - i dont want to text him - its been a year now - i am fed up with all of this - is it because i am so isolated alone and bored - that ends in 7 days with a move - i am sick of it - i cant stop it though - i keep saying i am not going to text - i am not going to give hm the satisfaction of being friends - but i keep doing it - he is the father to my girls - my step kids - eventually i want a good relationship with them - he was my only real life friend - and he put me out of the house when i was so sick - why do i keep texting him - he has supplied me with ample money - more then enough to start a new life - i have filed for divorce - yet i still every few days have to send him some text aghhhh Someone slap me around the head please Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArtIsMyThing Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 this is me ---Do you have any idea how crazy you sound? In fact,insanity is often defined as repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome each time. Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I keep initiating convo and he happily replies - i am sick of it - i dont want to text him - its been a year now - i am fed up with all of this - is it because i am so isolated alone and bored - that ends in 7 days with a move - i am sick of it - i cant stop it though - i keep saying i am not going to text - i am not going to give hm the satisfaction of being friends - but i keep doing it - he is the father to my girls - my step kids - eventually i want a good relationship with them - he was my only real life friend - and he put me out of the house when i was so sick - why do i keep texting him - he has supplied me with ample money - more then enough to start a new life - i have filed for divorce - yet i still every few days have to send him some text aghhhh Someone slap me around the head please Don't feel ashamed for texting him for the moment. I don't see anything wrong with that. In regards to not wanting to give him the satisfaction of being friends, would you rather give him the satisfaction of being miserable? However, I would eventually stop the habit of texting him in your shoes mainly because you will eventually get hurt. You already know why. What do you text him about anyways? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArtIsMyThing Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 Ralph i find anything to text him about. My specialist is about to make a world breakthrough on our family disease. I share. I do a piece of art. I share. I ask him how he is? I find any stupid excuse to every 3 or 4 days text him. Anything In one year this man that was totally devoted to me right up to the moment he ended our marriage - was texting me 15 to 20 times a day while away at work - then came the day he ended it and his texts stopped. We have still been doing 15 to 20 texts a day but he never initiates it - i do - i have managed to get it down to once or twice every 3 or 4 days. As hard arse as i try and say i am - im lost without him. I just want it to stop - i know i would not take him back - i couldnt do it to myself I am trapped behind 4 walls packing to leave - i am slow to pack because my back is broken - i feel isolated from him and my kids - they were my family - i have been one year totaly isolated - no friends and never leaving the house. All i have had is his texts. I hate this. I am better then this - i am stronger then this. I wouldnt take him back so i dont know why i keep doing this - wishing life was the old way Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Do his texts really relieve the solitude you feel? How would they be different than the posts you exchange with the people in these forums? If you miss your step-kids, write them... THEM, not him. To answer your question about why you keep doing this: You haven't let go. Even though you realize he's rotten as a piece of 5 year old fruit, you still have it in the fridge and are unwilling to throw it away. Let it go, your fridge (and your life) will smell (and be) much better. You can't know that until you do it. Here's an exercise if you wish to train yourself to stop texting him: Tell yourself his next reply is going to be "I've met someone". And that there's no point in seeing that. Thus stop risking getting hurt by playing with fire. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArtIsMyThing Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 hes been seeing his ex who didnt want to raise his kids The minute he put me out the door he went to her house and he visits all the time there n gives me the proverbial we are friends - yeah im not that stupid - im stupid in not throwing out that rotten old bit of fruit. Ralph he was the most amasing husband - we worked side by side in our business - he was awesome - until the day i got sick - i have to really question narcissist - was any of my marraige real. Ive never been one to be so clingy as in needing to text etc - ive never been on to isolate in a house - but ive been so sick and i think its all just kicked me down knowing i only have 7 more days in this house is driving me insane - i just want to go back to my people and start living - every second drags out here too eternity getting a text in reply from him makes me feel for just a moment like i have my old life but its all gone and i know that within minutes of the text as the loneliness swamps me At this moment i dont even have art to do - everything is packed I have nothing left to say to him - its all been said I am going to have a symbolic funeral on sunday and put it all in a matchbox and bury it Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Sorry, I had a brain lapse there. I guess I mean you should envision him replying the last thing you would want to read. When my exwife made up her mind about separating and leaving me the first time to go back to her xBF, she was 1 month away from finishing a semester in a community college in my town. She refused to work, cook, clean, or go to school throughout my near 5 years of marriage but near the end I had finally convinced her to at least attend college. I was devastated by her decision and I pleaded with her to stay with me until she finished her semester. She agreed. That turned out to be the worst month of my life. She disrespected me in a way that would make you want to hit me for taking her abuse. That bad. As I kept relying on friends and family to overcome what she was doing to me, their advice and pleas were really simple: "Why is she still staying with you?!! Why don't you just let her leave, she doesn't even care about college anyway, just let her go home, and stop getting hurt by her!!". Once she left I was utterly dead. She kept calling me at 2am to "check up on me" and to reinforce the fact that she was happier than ever now that she was by herself. I kept answering the calls because I was a fool. There was no reason to do so. Just more pain. Ultimately she came back begging for another chance. And I gave it to her, and she hurt me again. The point I'm trying to make is, I kept getting hurt because I chose to get hurt. I knew better, but I was willing to pay the price just to hear her voice, even if what that voice had to say was tearing me apart inside. it's been over a year since I last saw her or heard her voice, and although the bad memories will never really go away, they don't seem as tragic as they used to. And it was all thanks to my resolve to not get hurt anymore. Give yourself time to heal from this. You have to detach from this person now or else you will keep texting him from afar even after you move. Let this be the turning point of your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArtIsMyThing Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 Thankyou Ralph and much love to you for all you have endured. Thankyou for caring enough to help someone else out. She lost a good man. I get so much comfort coming here. I stay strong for 3 days swearing enough and then i slowly sink into this neediness spawned from isolation and love i guess - i still do love him - i shall always do i guess - but i am crippling myself. I am so looking forward to my new life. I have a gallery waiting to take my art once i am there. I have about 16 nieces and great nieces and nephews waiting for me. I am to be retrained for work that i can do with my back. I am such a go getter - ive worked hard all my life - i am slim fit and healthy now - as my mum says - you have everything going for you - she cant even remotely see why i am putting myself thru this. I went insane Ralph - i couldnt get off the bed - my mind was crazy - the two things that hit me at once both took out my reasoning capabilities along with my physical abilities. I was meant to die. My GP and specialist find it incredible that i lived and not only survived that but the loss of everyone as well. When i landed here in this dingy hell hole - i closed the doors and never surface again - i couldnt even get out the front door. My health has now recovered and i stepped out of this as an incredible artist. I wonder sometimes if i am trying to prove to him i am not crazy - it wasnt my fault - you should have stood by the woman who stood by you. But i make myself look crazy with the texting. I copied and pasted your words to a word doc - so when i feel that urge to text in the next 7 days - i will reread your words and know i am only hurting myself. I feel like a whole new world is about to open its wonderful doors to me and i am not taking this with me. Thankyou Ralph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 You're welcome, as a last piece of advice , whenever your resolve starts wavering, come to these boards not only to get things off your chest, but to get your mind off things by helping others with your knowledge. I find it helpful to make at least half the post about myself and half about genuine desire to help others I could relate to that could learn from my experience. Eat well, Sleep & Keep yourself busy enjoying life with people who won't hurt you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArtIsMyThing Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 haaaaaa i need this app 7. Ex Lover Blocker: They made you promise not to call him back and this handy little app is the perfect hack to keep you honest. If you try to phone your ex, the Portuguese app alerts three of your friends (who should then rush to your side or at least bombard you with "don't do it!" texts and calls). Keep at it and the app publicly shames you over Facebook. Harsh Yes, but effective? You bet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 lol no kidding. Install it if you must but believe in yourself. The price of his texts is not worth the cost of your pain. Let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I got the parental block from ATT put on my phone, so it wasn't possible to dial or text his number. The only to undo the block us to go into ATT's website, with 2 passwords, and unblock yhe number. It is a three step process - which forces, at least, 2-3 minutes to think about what you are doing. That was sucessful for me. Another more dramatic approach would be to give the ATT passwords to a trusted friend. There is no reason to sign into their site. Other carries likely have similar programs. Another option is to get rid of the text feature. We lived without just fine before. It is rather instant, and you cannot take it back once you press send. I have been mis-using it, and am considering getting rid of text all together, due to my anger management problem, and detail oriented writing style. I have a smart sailor mouth when I get mad. Text is an instant method for me to tear up a person with words. Also, people can easily "mis-communicate" or misunderstand on text. It is good for things like, "I'll be home in 30 minutes." OR, "please pick up some milk...." But for convo - not so great. It's actually a way to avoid a personal contact. Well, I'm using my smartphone text right now to write this. It is addicting, also. Those are just some options. Yas 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArtIsMyThing Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Thanks Yas - im ok - just need to do as ralph said and chuck out the rotten fruit Its bordering on pathetic I just had some awesome news i wanted to share with him and thought bugger that - ill keep my good news to myself Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 You win the lottery? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArtIsMyThing Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Yeah Ralph sort of - just found out i'm aloud to cash out my superannuation because i can never return to fulltime work - it is way a financial bonus I kept my news to myself After a year of hell - life is turning for me Everything is booked for me to get out of this dingy sauna hot box - truck - i have a really nice apartment waiting for me monday I am so excited - got myself down to the post office with the forms to claim superannuation. Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Wow that's great news. I'm glad your finances won't be a problem in the near future. That is such a relief. You'll be able to fully focus on your passion. I'm even excited for you. You're going to have an amazing place next Monday. I can picture your post already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArtIsMyThing Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 hahaha Ralph omg i can't even begin to say how excited i am - I won't have to be frightened all night - my new place is fully security screened - its surrounded by lush rainforest - and it has air conditioning - never again will i have to sit here literally melting. I now have plans to extend my small business - and my passion - wow - i wish i could private message here and show you Thankyou Ralph - you're analogy of the rotten fruit was enough to make me realise how pathetic i have become. I am not embarrassed for it - i loved the guy - he was my family - but he is not anymore. I have two massive canvases all wrapped ready for the truck. They are huge and one of them is going to have a portrait painted on it that i am hopeing will fetch me good money. I just finished of another huge portrait which once i get where i am going - it will be hung in a gallery. A whole new incredible world. I opted also to go do some volunteer with a group once a week - they do crafts and painting with the elderly in nursing homes and i am planning to be retrained and get a small part time job. I will have vast expanse of ocean and greenery all at my leisure to paint. Gosh i could just burst like a kid in a candy store hahahaha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jimmy1968 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I've been following you posts, I am so happy for you. You have been given a second chance at happiness. Wow congrats. No more texting, I get caught up in it also. Wish it was the old day where someone would have to leave a message on your machine. Texting get right to the person so quickly, we are always staring at our phone and it creates a fight or flight response. For me with someone who has created alot of trauma for me, its like she is bullying me. I actually changed her contact name today "Crazy, I want to use you". She called today and it was funny seeing the name come up. Felt alittle healing. Maybe you could change his name in your contacts to, "Why the hell am I call this jerk." Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArtIsMyThing Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 LOL good on ya Jimmy and thankyou. I am so frightened where i currently live - i was awake all night till 7am and i slept till 10 am - i do this most nights. In 5 more days after today i am gone from here - i watch that truck pull up and men will load my stuff and put me in a safer environment. I was so blessed to get this place - as a business owner and a home owner - i had not one reference when he put me out of the house. I was so far gone emotionally and mentally my pupils on my eyes were just dots. I talked to that many real estates - i had no income and no references - no one would give me a home - one real estate woman took compassion on me and gave me somewhere to live while i went about securing income etc. I look back on all that and a tear rolls down my cheeks. In one fowl swoop i lost everything. Within 24 hours of being told that i had the potential to die - i was homeless. Now life has turned for me - new home - and im healthy and sane again. I don't hate him - i will always love him for what we shared and built together - i think his acts were very cruel but i like to think he didn't really understand what was happening to me. I don't respect his acts. I don't respect the state i was left in. He was my family but the truth is - i can't be friends and rely on him for my emotional needs when i can't respect him. A wonderful man has lost value in my eyes and i have finally come to recognise that. Maybe i lost value in his eyes and that's why he did as he did. It was all so senseless. Truth is - none of it matters anymore. I have no desire to text him - something in me changed when i saw the rotten fruit comment that Ralph made. Not that he is rotten - he was a very good man. His acts were rotten and i needed to see that and really absorb it. There is no point to texting - i do not want him back in my life. I would rather be alone then to be with somene who i do not value nor respect. Its time to only concentrate on the moment - the wonderful moment of packing a house to go create a new life. To think of the future and all the art that i will create. Everything is just a story - mine is a story - we all have a story - i can't stay forever telling that story or that is what i will forever be. I am not forcing no contact - i just genuinely don't want any - theres no purpose to it. Sorry for the rave - just expressing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 There is no point to texting - i do not want him back in my life. I would rather be alone then to be with somene who i do not value nor respect. It's better to be alone than being or interacting with someone that makes you feel lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ArtIsMyThing Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 I am pleased to say my move went beautifully and I love my new place. I feel so safe here and I sleep peacefully at night. I still have no internet for another 24 hours. I shouted myself some new furniture and it all gets delivered tomorrow. I am very happy. I have a wonderful neighbour and so much family I couldn't be lonely again. Ive also had no contact for about 12 days and its heaps better. Im happy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts