SusieQ Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I am really confused by the way I feel sometimes. I seem to still get these fierce "crushes" that have me obsessing about someone. I always thought that as I got older I would change and be more "mature" about love and no longer get these obsessive crushes. Are there other women over 35 out there who still fall hard in love and fantasize and think obsessively about a guy? A male friend overheard me talking about a guy with a female friend, and he was all like "Good grief, how old are you, fifteen?" I felt really embarrased and said "that's how women talk, don't you know anything?" But I actually felt really dumb and insecure. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
debs Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 SuzieQ! No your not abnormal, we ladies over 40 still get giggly googled eyed over some men we see or meet! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 I'll be 35 this year, and I still get crushes. Big time. If you run into someone who never gets crushes, its likely that they are in relationships or 'thou shalt' states of mind that cause them to bury even the idea of crushes. They don't feel them, not because crushes are somehow biologically immature impulses that people grow out of, but because they are conforming themselves to some idea they have that "mature people don't have crushes". Mind over matter in this case. If they convince themselves that "grownups don't have crushes" then they won't. I'd say getting crushes is more normal than not. Link to post Share on other sites
sleeplessindallas Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 OMG! I'm 48 and I still get them!!! I HOPE it's normal! Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 Late 30s here, and I get crushes all the time. Some of them only last for a week or two, but my thoughts can and do center around that one guy. You're not alone, and I don't think it's a matter of age, but more the type of person you are and how you're wired. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SusieQ Posted April 3, 2005 Author Share Posted April 3, 2005 I've been walking around feeling like I have to hide how I feel because it's not normal. But I guess we are just socialized to believe that we are supposed to feel different as we get older. My female friends don't talk about crushing on guys, and since I felt I was lacking in the emotional development, I didn't really want to make myself more conspicuous, so I'm glad I asked the question here. I guess the big difference between adult females and preeteens is not what we feel, but just how much we verbalize about it. Thanks. You guys are great. Link to post Share on other sites
smittenkitten Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 I'm only 31 but I want you to know that I have this crush that won't go away. I've had crushes all my life that have lasted for a short time and some longer. This one has been persisting for over a year now, and I just don't know what to do. I'm usually always super confident and it's rare for ANYONE to make me shy. I don't like it when I feel this way because it makes it to where I can't be myself. I know that if I could just be myself he would like me because before I had a crush on him, he had a crush on me. I still can't stop thinking about him and I know this isn't healthy. Ever since I started crushing on him, he hasn't wanted to even hang out with me. This is only feeding my unhealthy obsession because I know that if I spent more time with him, my fantasies would be disillusioned. That would bring me back down to earth, which is something that I need. Forgive me for the rant! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 37 here and still get them. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 Feelings arent like baby teeth. They suddenly dont change because you hit a certain age. You are who you are and always will be. Only thing that really changes as we get older is you become more refined in your decisions. But sure you find someone you like and you get smitten. Now this is where age and experience comes in. Unlike when you were younger, you wont suddenly run off with this person and get married or something. You've learned what is possible and what is not. Its kinda sad in a way. Because those stupid things you do when you are young are always the most fun. I mean I wouldnt wander through the slums in mexico at 2 am with a bags of groceries now Link to post Share on other sites
followingthru Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 men just says things like that b/c they are jealous that your crush isn't on them! or b/c they are trying to be cute and funny and tease you. while it may be the case that you stop having schoolgirl crushes on movie stars as you get older, you will always crush on other people. it's just human emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
purple21 Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 It's definitely not unusual!!! I get them all the time Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 I'm 34 and still get them too! Just at our age (especially if you're married or seeing somebody) keep it to yourself. Don't ever tell the guy "hey I'm crushing on ya!" cuz that's just playing with fire. I had a huge crush for about a month or so on a guy who worked in the same office building as me. I only would see him once or twice a week, he'd just say hello, walk by (man he smelled SO GOOD!) and head back up to his work area. He was so good lookin' too. Link to post Share on other sites
Linlin Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 37 and still get them and so do my friends. My mom said you girls act like you are back in high school. YUP! We constantly talk about the guys we have met and if they will call and when they do call, etc.... Link to post Share on other sites
kluv Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 [font=times new roman][/font][color=darkblue][/color]I am 30 years old and I have been married for over 7 years. During this time I had not exprienced any crushes besides the movie star crushes which only lasted a few days. I have worked with this guy for 4 months but only the past month have I felt a crush on him. He is funny and we can talk about any and everything I like being in his company. We eat lunch together nearly everyday. It started out as a friendship I felt like he was a little brother. Then one day he came dressed in his street cloths rather than his work clothes and I saw him differently. Today I told him that I had a crush on him. He was not offended and he said it did not make him feel uncomfortabel, we kinda joked about it. I thought by telling him I would stop thinking about it, but here I am looking up websites on adult crushes. Link to post Share on other sites
Three of Swords Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 47 and totally crushing on someone. Damn - and it is unrequited. Guess you never 'grow' out of it. Ain't love grand?? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Today I told him that I had a crush on him The thing about adult crushes when you're already married...Shhhhh, ya don't tell the guy you're crushing on him. You open the door to thoughts, comments and intimate conversations...Takes it to the next level. Having lunch with him everyday isn't a good idea...Just playing with fire abit...Cuz it's not so innocient anymore. The feelings are being 'enjoyed' too much. Link to post Share on other sites
purple21 Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Originally posted by Three of Swords 47 and totally crushing on someone. Damn - and it is unrequited. Guess you never 'grow' out of it. Ain't love grand?? Hey Three - I feel your pain - it totally stinks Link to post Share on other sites
Three of Swords Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Originally posted by purple21 Hey Three - I feel your pain - it totally stinks Stinks like a monkey's butt Link to post Share on other sites
purple21 Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 lol - I agree completely Link to post Share on other sites
kluv Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 Well, we have discussed it and decided to just see where things go. We came to an understanding that neither of us is looking for a commitment, and we agreed that nothing is wrong with harmless flirting which he has actually been doing for quite a wile before i told him abou the crush. We are also entertaining the idea of hanging out, outside of work hour. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 By telling him that you have a crush on him, you pretty much gave him the green light to move to the next level. You have expressed mutual sexual attraction, have acted on it by flirting, have established the groundwork by saying 'no commitment', and are now entertaining the idea of seeing each other off the clock. You have taken the first steps toward a full blown affair. This is no longer a crush. Crushes are no longer crushes if you tell the other person about it. Once you do, you have moved into 'intent'. Having an attraction is one thing. Acting upon it is quite another. I take it you haven't discussed this 'harmless crush' with your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
kluv Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 Of course i have not told my husband. He is very jealous. Up until now he had no reason to be that way. For the past 18 months my husband and i have been experiencing problems, no it is one particular problem he has a drug addiction that can be dealt with but he is not willing to do so, therefore I have asked him on several occasions to leave the home and let me move on with my life. He chooses not to leave, therefore I plan to move on with my life anyway and maybe that will convince him that things either need to change or he needs to get out. Link to post Share on other sites
Fester Lungblood Posted May 1, 2005 Share Posted May 1, 2005 50 year old married guy here. Man I've been getting huge crushes all my life and they haven't ended just because I hit 50. I almost had to leave a job because the crush was killing me. God she was sweet. I see her now tho and while she can still turn me into a pimply, squirming,15 year old bag boy at the supermarket I'm no longer in love. I'm pretty sure there's a 30 something woman with a crush on me at work because she has all the signs, which of course I know only too well. I do love 30 something girls too. Link to post Share on other sites
kluv Posted May 1, 2005 Share Posted May 1, 2005 My father is 53 and he dates girls in their 20's which is younger than me. There is nothing wrong with flirting and having a good time as long as you know that it will not interfere with work, which I don't think you can know what the future will bring, you can only try your best if you choose to entertain her advances. Link to post Share on other sites
Night Train Posted May 6, 2005 Share Posted May 6, 2005 Originally posted by kluv [font=times new roman][/font][color=darkblue][/color]...Today I told him that I had a crush on him. He was not offended and he said it did not make him feel uncomfortabel, we kinda joked about it. I thought by telling him I would stop thinking about it, but here I am looking up websites on adult crushes. Thanks for posting this. I am about to turn 37 and a male who has a strong crush on my assistant who is 10 year younger. I have been married for 16 years and don't want an affair, but I can't get this beautiful younger girl out of my mind. I was recently thinking that if I just told her that she is haunting my mind and dreams, we'd have a good laugh and it would be gone. Now I'm sure it would just make it worse. This is a bit different type of crush too. I've had one like this before where I don't really want a physical relationship with this person, but I can't stop thinking of her and want to be around her all the time. My real problem is that I absolutely love working with this person and don't want this to screw up our great working relationship. I would hate to tell her and make her feel uncomfortable, which could lead to her quiting. So I think I suffer in silence and enjoy our time together (which I might add is more time together than either of us spend with our significant others.) I also agree with everyone else that it is very natural. In fact, I feel it is very un-natural to think we are made to find the only person we could ever love and then love only that person for the rest of our lives. Link to post Share on other sites
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