NoC Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I am separated from my soon to be ex wife for other reasons (I left her, 7 months in North Carolina). I found out that she had an EA and I suspect she had a FA with this man also, but no proof whatsoever of FA. Anyway, I am so happy to have her out of my life, but why am I hurt as if I found out while I still love her? I thought I was indifferent torwards her, and I feel that way (at least I think so), but i'm hurting as if I still love her? WTF? Anyone go through this? Edit: the EA happened while we were together. Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Because it puts into question the reason for the failure of your marriage. It's so difficult to have the courage to get out of an unhappy and irreparable marriage in the first place. But then to find out there could have been an external factor that might have played a major role in everything that happened is really devastating because it destroyed what we once believed in. Anyways it's just a quick theory. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HelenaHandbasket Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I think it's just mind tricks. Like, somebody else wanted them? At least that was the feeling with me, I think. When I first found out, I was furious, but already unhappy in the marriage. I thought, well if someone else wants him, maybe he's not all that bad. But, then I found out more and more along the way including prostitutes. It was over for me then. I think we fool ourselves into feelings when we are shocked and hurt. It's a feeling of being rejected and you want to fight it. But, it's not about us, it's the cheaters personality and their own insecurities. Trust me, it will get better! I had doubts too, but I never wavered from my decision to file for divorce and move on in my life. Two weeks ago I was self-doubting. Each day gets better. I want nothing more to do with him. Be strong and keep busy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
badkarma2013 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I am separated from my soon to be ex wife for other reasons (I left her, 7 months in North Carolina). I found out that she had an EA and I suspect she had a FA with this man also, but no proof whatsoever of FA. Anyway, I am so happy to have her out of my life, but why am I hurt as if I found out while I still love her? I thought I was indifferent torwards her, and I feel that way (at least I think so), but i'm hurting as if I still love her? WTF? Anyone go through this? Edit: the EA happened while we were together. ******************************************************************* I can...from experience..tell you much will change in the next few weeks and months.. I can assure you, you DO NOT know the whole story with re to your WW.. If and when you find out some of the truth....your feelings will change that instant... Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I assume everyone goes through periods of sadness and disappointment and anger etc as a marriage ends. Not only does a current union end but so too do all the future dreams and goals and future plans. Quite frankly, I'd be more worried about someone ending a marriage and not feeling at least some level of sadness and disappointment. People don't fall in love and get married and have a home and family in a day, neither do they fall out of love and break things off in a day either. Relationships take some time to develop and they take some time to come to conclusion as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I would guess that the initial thought of your marriage ending due to irreconcilable differences (or whatnot) is a bit easier to swallow than the feeling of personal rejection that accompanies an affair. One can't help compare ourselves to the other person. And when we've been compared by our spouse and been found less desirable, it's a blow to the ego. That's part of the reason it was hidden from you (the other part was damage control on her part). I think it's pretty common for affair partners that leave their spouses to continue to keep the affair hidden and to try to make it appear that they got together some time later. I also think most former spouses eventually do the math but just never have the proof. It's fairly apparent that my former spouse is now dating a guy from HS. We were acquainted throughout my marriage. I always suspected that they'd hooked up back in the day but my wife denied it. Now I'm guessing that it had continued throughout my marriage (FWB style). Fortunately, I no longer care. But I have noticed that he's totally kept his distance from me, regardless of how much I know he's now around my exwife and kids. He's probably anticipating a right-cross at some point. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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