Wimenknow79 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I'm in a sticky situation but to be clear I am not the other woman. I have not been intimate with this guy at all. It started back in June when we started flirting with each other. He kind of hinted around to us going out. I missed the signs but my friends pointed it out. We continued to flirt when he would come in. We both acted as if we liked each other. My work provides employment services to his company. We also offer free fax and copy services for our employers as part of our services. Anyway on he mentioned having a friend but never a girl friend. Not in front of me anyway. In November it came out he started seeing someone in August but she got pregnant immediately. So he moved her in, in November and got engaged with her in December. I tried to avoid him but he kept coming to my work for one thing or another and wouldn't let me. He went out of his way to talk to me. Then I tried being mean to him but he just picked back. Later I he told me about his girlfriend but mentioned that she's pregnant so she's living with him now. Later I and my friends found out he had a fax a while back but still comes in to use ours. He found out I was kind of talking to a guy and he started asking me when he came in all about him until I stopped talking to him. If something is wrong and he can tell he won't leave me alone until I tell him what. He can tell when I'm lying. My friends think he's trying to do the right thing for the baby with his girlfriend. I'm trying to do the right thing by avoiding him but he won't let me. My friends say he knows I like him. They say he likes me too. My hands are tied cause he's getting married and having a baby. But it hurts to see him cause I care about him but I have too cause of work. He's says he would never cheat on anyone but why is he always in my face. I would never do that to another woman either. I don't go to his work. I need to get over him but how if he's always there. My friends say tell him how I feel but why if he knows how I feel the. Why tell him. Do you have any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Stay away from him, he is bad news. He has a pregnant girlfriend that he is MARRYING!!! That says it all. Tell him to call you when he is completely free.... Btw, he is not doing this girl any favors by marrying her if he isn't in love with her. That spells disaster right there! He has his own best interests at heart..... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnimon Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 You say you are not the other woman and don't want to be nor could you be, right? So whats the problem? DON'T BE THE OTHER WOMAN. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Tell your friends to stop pushing you and to stop talking about it. The guy has a baby on the way and is getting married. There is NO point in telling him how you feel and there's no point in him telling you how he feels. That will not change the facts here, marriage and a baby with someone else. Also, he omitted telling you he had a girlfriend from the get go. Just tell him to f off and to leave you alone next time he gets in your face. You owe him nothing. Again, tell your friends to back off and stay out of it. Seems they love the gossip factor in this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Be straight with him. Tell him to back off, he has a fiancée and a baby on the way. Tell him to stop chasing you and put all that energy into his new family. Kindly ask him to leave you alone. Assuming this is what you want of course. Believe me. Run while you're not caught up in this mess too bad yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria_Smellons Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I'm trying to do the right thing by avoiding him but he won't let me... My friends say tell him how I feel but why if he knows how I feel the. Why tell him. Do you have any advice? Sorry to say it, but I think your friends advice in this situation is pretty awful. You're right, telling this man how you feel won't do you any good except give this man more power over you. You need to start disengaging from this man as quickly and as cleanly as possible and getting him out of your headspace. You can't avoid him because he works with you - in a manner - but is it possible to get one of your other colleagues to deal with him so you can just conveniently be busy doing something else when he comes in? If it isn't possible and you have to interact him, I would not recommend telling him to eff off (however deserved) but just redrawing a boundary of professional distance. Don't talk to him about anything that isn't work related, just keep it completely business and if he starts to get off topic, shut him down politely but firmly. A simple 'Excuse me Mr X/Sir, I have a lot of work to do and really don't have time for chit chat, I'm sure you understand', should suffice. Repeat as necessary. Forgetting him is harder, and sadly time is one of the major cures so there's no quick fix. Just do the usual stuff, focus on yourself, keep busy, do things you love etc etc. In the past I've found it's helpful for me if I talk it over with my friends until I feel I've exhausted the topic, and then me and my friends just don't talk about it anymore. I may still be thinking about it, but vocally going over things again just keeps it in my headspace when I need to move on. I'm not suggesting you keep things bottled up and don't mention it, but I think sometimes people can fall into a habit of just talking about it ALL THE TIME and going over old ground repeatedly, which I don't think really helps in the long run. Consider this guy a bullet dodged and get yourself ready to move onto better things. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 You have gotten the right advice here and if you arenas adult you should know by now how to shut a guy down, politely or impolitely. That choice is yours. It also seems like you have at least a few friends who are either cheerleading you and enjoying the drama, and living vicariously thrilled by the potrntial soap opera unfolding before their eyes . So how about the next time he comes in saying something like this " listen buddy, you have a girlfriend who is pregnant with your child. I have no interest in establishing any kind of relationship with you, and we are not going to be friends. Please stop going out of your way to interact with me or I will have to speak to my boss about it. " Do you think that might solve your situation . Then I would tell your friends you are tired of this drama and to respect your wishes and stop talking to you about him or what he is doing or anything having to do with him. If you really want to stop this that so what you do. But I am not sure if that is what you are really looking for or if you are enjoying the ego kibbles a little too much. I hope you do the right thing and shut this down in no uncertain terms Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 you know very well what you should do. to be honest you sound a bit naive- dare i say, a bit immature -about the whole thing. sounds like you're pretty much in it for the attention he's giving you- just an observation. right now, it's just flirting. don't make a bad thing worse by making it physical. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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