I'm new to this forum - my relationship:)

[CherryBlossomSkirt]

I'm here because I've always enjoyed participating in forums. It makes me feel "connected" to interact with people over the internet. Some people use Facebook, I use forums I thought it would be cool to be in a forum like this because I can't talk too openly about my relationship without being judged.

 

 

I'm in a long distance relationship with a married man. According to his description, he and his wife have more of a platonic relationship after being married for a long time, so I do not feel jealous of his wife. I understand and accept that he is more emotionally attached to his wife/kids than he is to me, given how long they have known each other. I know that he is not going to leave his wife and that does not bother me.

 

 

We were actually in a relationship a few years ago. At that time I was very jealous because I thought he and his wife were very much in love and I ended up telling his wife about us. Over the past few years I actually regretted that and felt that I had done something wrong and did not ever intend to be in the middle of a marriage again. However, lately I have been going through a tough time and was unable to find anyone to be there for me, so I was willing to lower my moral standards so to speak.

 

 

Anyways I'd love to get to know some of you, not quite sure how it works on this forum yet!

[whichwayisup]

I'm not sure what you are getting out of this affair with him? He does love his wife, trust me, if he were so unhappy and if there was no love left between them, there would have been a divorce after you told his wife about yourself and your A with her husband. He chose her and she chose him, together they are working on their marriage.

 

All you have to go on is his word and really, that doesn't mean much. Your affair is now long distance so you have no idea what their home life is like, whether or not they have sex, go on family outings.

 

Seems to me you're wasting your love and energy on someone that you know is never leaving his wife.

 

What is it that you want to happen in the future?

[CherryBlossomSkirt]

Hi Whichway, how are you? Thank you for being the first to respond to my post What I am getting out of my relationship are simple things. For example I enjoy talking to each other about our days and our emotional connection. In the future we will also enjoy doing things together such as going on walks or going to the beach.

 

 

My boyfriend is not unhappy and in fact his family gets along very well. He loves her very much; they have been together for a long time. What I meant was that they are not so much in love any more. I suppose it's quite normal. From what I've seen of my parents, relatives, and some other adults, they love each other but aren't romantic any more after being married for a long time.

 

 

I'm glad that after I told my boyfriend's wife about our affair, she decided to stay with him. It would have harmed his 2 young kids not to have both parents around.

 

 

I do not mind that my boyfriend isn't going to leave his wife - I don't need to live with a man or have a man around every single day. Meeting up a few times a week and talking every day sounds quite good to me and this is what will happen after we are living in the same area:)

[Friskyone4u]

The only problem is that you are shutting yourself off from allowing yourself to have a relationship with an available man . Not sure why you are so fine with being someone's side piece but if you really made the effort you should be able to find some other type of rrlationship.

You are not emotionally available to anyone else and Younare NOT a safe partner for anyone else because any new relationship you have that develops into anything will have you cheating immediately unless you get did of your OM .

And it sounds like you have no intention of doing that.

I just hope that years down the road you are not one of these women who laments on the forum that they are lonely and how could they have wasted all that time in a relationship with no happy ending.

[elaine567]

I just hope that years down the road you are not one of these women who laments on the forum that they are lonely and how could they have wasted all that time in a relationship with no happy ending.

 

I think that is definitely a downside and a possibility, but if we forget the morals of the story for a moment and for the sake of argument.

The OP has been unable to find anyone, so is being alone really preferable for her?

[truncated]

You say, with some sense of pride, taht you don't want to hurt his kids, hurt his wife, etc.

 

I suggest you take a look over at the infidelity section to see the reality of what affairs do to a person's family. Look at the pain and suffering they cause, and then ask yourself if you are really okay in being part of something that could hurt so many who have done nothing to hurt you. Is that really who and what you are?

[gettingstronger]

Isn't there someone better for you to get those things from? Why do you have to settle for being in the position you are in? I am betting you have more value than that- have you considered what it is about you that you allow yourself to be ok with this situation and its long term effects on not only you but the wife and kids?

[anika99]

Hi Whichway, how are you? Thank you for being the first to respond to my post What I am getting out of my relationship are simple things. For example I enjoy talking to each other about our days and our emotional connection. In the future we will also enjoy doing things together such as going on walks or going to the beach.

 

 

My boyfriend is not unhappy and in fact his family gets along very well. He loves her very much; they have been together for a long time. What I meant was that they are not so much in love any more. I suppose it's quite normal. From what I've seen of my parents, relatives, and some other adults, they love each other but aren't romantic any more after being married for a long time.

 

 

I'm glad that after I told my boyfriend's wife about our affair, she decided to stay with him. It would have harmed his 2 young kids not to have both parents around.

 

 

I do not mind that my boyfriend isn't going to leave his wife - I don't need to live with a man or have a man around every single day. Meeting up a few times a week and talking every day sounds quite good to me and this is what will happen after we are living in the same area:)

 

 

I think you are somewhat deluding yourself. You say you told his wife because you became jealous. Now that some time has gone by and you live far away it is easy for you to be sort of emotionally detached and accepting of his marriage but once you move back and start seeing him on regular basis those old feelings of pain and jealousy will return. You will not be able to control those feelings because you will naturally want more than you are settling for and eventually his wife will find out again and a huge dose of pain will be had by all, including his children. That's another thing. Do you really think his wife and kids weren't hurt the last time? Do you think that just because she stayed with him that it wasn't a horrible painful time for the whole family? Shame on your MM for being so willing to hurt them all over again. It would have been kinder for him to leave the first time.

[CherryBlossomSkirt]

Thanks for all the responses, guys!

 

 

Hi Frisky - you're right, I won't be with a single man since I am in a relationship already. However, I do feel that my relationship is a real and valid relationship. Sure, we won't be seeing each other every day - but then again, I didn't see my ex boyfriends every day either. I definitely do not intend to get into another relationship unless we break up. Thank you - I do not think I will end up lonely because I was happily single for years in the past, don't worry

 

 

Elaine - hi! Yes, you're right, after going through a tough time I was no longer happily single and wanted to be with a man. I tried talking to many single men but none were interested, and now I already have feelings, so I'm not just waiting until the next single man comes around!

 

 

Truncated - Hmmmm I don't remember saying that I didn't want to hurt them. Though no, I don't want to! hehe. I am not planning on telling his wife about us, so they should be fine And I fully admit that my moral standards are not as good as they could be, but this is who I am now and it doesn't bother me~

 

 

Gettingok - how are you? I don't feel that I am in a bad situation personally. I can understand that some women may really want to get married or live with their boyfriend, but I do not particularly have that desire. With that said, of course I originally would have preferred to find a single man so as not to intrude on someone's relationship, but that didn't happen. I do not think his wife and kids will be hurt since they do not know that we are together.

 

 

Hi Anika - I see what you mean! Actually, the reason why I was jealous last time was that I assumed my boyfriend and his wife were still in love and doing romantic things together. However, now that we have talked about it, I have nothing to be jealous about Of course, I know they still have sex once in a while, and that's fine! His wife and kids definitely were hurt last time, but this time around, I do not plan to tell her, so they will not find out Of course, I do know that I'm not doing the most morally sound thing, don't get me wrong, but I'm okay with that!

[jellybean89]

Hi Whichway, how are you? Thank you for being the first to respond to my post What I am getting out of my relationship are simple things. For example I enjoy talking to each other about our days and our emotional connection. In the future we will also enjoy doing things together such as going on walks or going to the beach.

 

 

My boyfriend is not unhappy and in fact his family gets along very well. He loves her very much; they have been together for a long time. What I meant was that they are not so much in love any more. I suppose it's quite normal. From what I've seen of my parents, relatives, and some other adults, they love each other but aren't romantic any more after being married for a long time.

 

 

I'm glad that after I told my boyfriend's wife about our affair, she decided to stay with him. It would have harmed his 2 young kids not to have both parents around.

 

 

I do not mind that my boyfriend isn't going to leave his wife - I don't need to live with a man or have a man around every single day. Meeting up a few times a week and talking every day sounds quite good to me and this is what will happen after we are living in the same area:)

 

 

FYI. He's not your boyfriend. He is the husband of someone else. Labeling him your boyfriend is just silly. Is that how you have to define him so you can accept that you "lowered your standard" (your words)?

 

I feel sorry for you. Wasting your life not once but twice with a dude who is married and who loves his wife. He doesn't respect her, nor does he respect you...but he's got the best of both worlds...he can pretend he is Mr. wonderful Married man & father and then sneak around with a woman who obviously is way more into him than he is into her. He's got the life, and you get the crumbs. Why is that enough for you?

[truncated]

Thanks for all the responses, guys!

 

 

 

Truncated - Hmmmm I don't remember saying that I didn't want to hurt them. Though no, I don't want to! hehe. I am not planning on telling his wife about us, so they should be fine And I fully admit that my moral standards are not as good as they could be, but this is who I am now and it doesn't bother me~

 

 

 

That's the thing. You are making one hell of an assumption there.

 

Wives aren't stupid, and this day and age, technology makes it really easy to find out what someone is doing.

 

Suppose she does find out. Do you know what that will do to her, to their kids? WHat have they done to you that you feel okay about possibly hurting them like this, or does it only matter when it's you that's in pain?

[CherryBlossomSkirt]

Hello Jellybean ^^ I guess it depends on your definition of a boyfriend. For me, a boyfriend or girlfriend is someone who you have a romantic relationship with which includes things like holding hands and regular communication Yes my moral standards are not 100% like for example a priest's and I admit that.

 

 

Thank you very much for your sympathy and concern, but I don't think that I am wasting my life. Even though I am not working right now, I am looking for volunteer opportunities and I enjoy going to scenic places. I don't think my life is only crumbs at all. Everyone has a different path and I enjoy the life that I have.

 

 

Hello again Truncated! I guess it is possible that my boyfriend's wife will find out but I don't think she will since he usually e-mails me from his office They haven't done anything to me but I have feelings for him. Of course, I would have preferred to find a single man, but I did get into a relationship with my boyfriend. I know that what I'm doing is not the morally best thing to do, but it doesn't really bother me. It seems as if this topic really saddens you - there are actually other parts of the Loveshack forums as well that aren't about "other women/men."