Mother of my child is crazy and I have no idea

[dealingwithacrazy]

Not sure if this belongs here since I never married this girl and we've been broken up for years. I just figured who else would know more about child custody problems than people going through a divorce.

 

First off, I'm 22 and my child's mother is bat **** crazy. Not even an exaggeration. We fooled around and she got pregnant at 15, while I was 18 and we had a son together. We ended up breaking up shortly after and for the first year afterwards, it was a hassle to get to see him. She would always act like he was sick and for some reason, I wasn't qualified to see him when he was sick? If I did see him, it was very short and far in between.

 

I ended up going to the army and while I was in the army, she remarried. Our son was almost 2 at this time. While I was in the army, she stopped letting me have contact with my son. She ended up raising him for those 6 months to believe that her husband was his dad.

 

I was in the army for about 9 months before there was a problem with my health (nothing serious) and I was discharged. They had just recently married. Of course, I wanted to see my son but she wasn't having it. She started claiming he was autistic and because I was away for those months, it wouldn't be good for me to see him that he couldn't handle it. Everytime I tried, she just changed her number. My mom and sister could see him but I couldn't and at the time I wasn't in any shape to get a job so I couldn't afford the court fees. Eventually I stopped directly trying and would get my mother and sister to try to talk to her. Well 6 months into the marriage, he loses his job and she leaves him for the guy she was very openly cheating with.

 

This is where the problems start. The guy she's currently with is a major drug addict. I finally got to see my son a lot during the few months before I moved (about 2 weeks ago) and my sister ended up moving in with her. During the short time my sister has moved with her, she has witnessed a lot of crazy ****. My ex and her boyfriend physically fighting, him putting down my son saying he's dumb and he doesn't care about him, lots of drugs and underage drinking around him, drinking and driving with him, he doesn't have a car seat (he's 4 now), all the child support I send goes on drugs, he doesn't have clothes that fit him, neither of them have jobs, they have a very unstable relationship with constant cheating and fighting, my ex puts my son down (says he's slow etc), ripping off drug dealers and having them threatening to come to the house. Once when I was there, her boyfriend showed me his bag of drugs. The list goes on. Here's another thing, my son doesn't know I'm his dad. She absolutely won't let me tell him. She denies it but I know she wants him to think her current boyfriend is his dad. I call him every day (or try, most of the time she doesn't answer. I get lucky with the fact that he's at her mom's most of the time and I can call her mom) and plan on going to see him but I want custody.

 

I have some people telling me to get a lawyer and battle it out in court, and others telling me to contact DSS and get them to do an investigation and I'm not sure which would be better. I feel court would drag on too long. This is a really shorten version of all the crazy **** she's done but any advice? I'm worried that DSS would just release him to her mom and that wouldn't do any good seeing as they live on the same land but I know he's not in a safe environment.

[ArtIsMyThing]

As a mum who has raised 9 kids - do what is best for the child

[Jessie1231]

I would try DSS first since there are obviously some bad things going on in the house. They try first to place the child with another parent which would be you, and that route wouldn't cost you anything. Good luck.

[Radu]

What she is doing is called Parental Alienation.

 

The reason she is doing it is to have power over you, power over the child [up to 8 or so they are little avatars of the parent that raises them] and finally to ensure that she is easier accepted by whatever guy she is screwing.

Also, by doing this she hopes to trick the guy into staying by activating his 'fatherhood' circuits.

Basically your ex is a something that exists and is significant only because she has a vagina and is probably what she feels deep down.

[i may get some flak for this ... and also don't spread this in your RL]

 

You need to understand a few things.

First of all ... the courts have the best interest of the child at heart.

Second ... courts go on proven track record if they are looking at a guy [the woman is more likely to be believes straight up]; so you need to document this ... in any way possible.

As unstable she is ... she is giving you tons of ins to document this instability.

Third ... because you are not an emotional ball of instability with self-destructive behaviour [aka you actually have a brain and presumably use it] your best bet is to plan and to slowly show yourself as the better much saner option as a caregiver to this child.

 

How you do this is dependant on what the law says in your state ... but you do need to talk to a lawyer pronto.

And hold a good job.

And show something like :

- parenting classes

- interest in the child

- interest in the child's education

- support system in place [sister and mother who vouch to help you is good]

- some bonus points from ppl who have known you throughout your life; maybe someone in the military who knows what an upstanding guy you are.

Maybe the priest who remembers you fondly and saw you go from young boy to man.

All of these ppl are character references.

 

Neither of the above is strong enough to win you custody of this child ... but put together and with good presentation ... you have a significant shot.

 

Finally ... the fact that she refuses to acknowledge or allow your son to believe that you are his father is a form of child abuse ... that can be proven.

A father has rights to.

Go after custody ... but go smart.