Mr Keys Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Hello everyone, We've been together 8 years. It was never 'the spark' kind of deal. We met, took our time , and as we got to know each other (good and bad) , have become very close. We have fun, we make each other laugh , and shes kind and considerate , trustworthy, everything you would want in a relationship. Except.. I've came to realize , I'm in love with somebody else. I wasn't looking for it , but this girl has come from nowhere. I cannot get her out of my head , and the feeling is mutual. I've tried telling myself its infatuation , it'll pass. I told her I'm with someone and we agreed to leave each other in peace. But recently, we bumped into each other again , and it's all still there. This is gonna sound a bit smooshie , but she makes me ache. We have very similar interests and passions , and seems to kinda get me. I dont know... I truly feel my current partner is my best friend, who I love , like a best friend. But there are things missing that i want from a relationship that i don't get. I haven't been able to stop thinking about this girl , and I haven't felt like this before (and I'm 43) Circumstances as they are just now, to even contemplate being with her , I would need to leave my whole life behind me. Job , friends , everything. She lives 100 miles away. I feel I'm losing a chance here if i dont do something about it. I'm tearing myself apart over this. Link to post Share on other sites
Be_Strong Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Are you married? Do you have kids? If your answer is "no" to those questions, I say split up with your current partner and go for it with the new girl. You only live once. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
darv Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 You can't be in love with a 2 women. If you allow yourself to fall in love with 2nd woman, then you're not really in love with the first. But if you're married, my suggestion would be to do everything you can to save that marriage. Just my two cents. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 You are 43, how old is she? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr Keys Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 She's 40 next month. I'm not married or have any kids. But I do have a life here that's gonna be hard to leave. Job , not so much , i hate that anyway. But my family and friends dote on my partner. They all think we're well suited. Its gonna create a bomb with everyone if i do this and I really don't want to hurt anyone. There's a lot of 'what ifs' going on inside me right now. This girl has said she would do anything for us to be together. (she is single at the moment). But I understand she cant wait forever.. Her words being.. "I'll wait for you,, but don't take too long..." I'm a bit scared.. Scared of leaving my normal easy life ,, and scared she's gonna move on and I'll miss my chance. Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 But there are things missing that i want from a relationship that i don't get. What are those things, specifically? Is it simply the aching feeling you have for the new woman? What is the new woman's relationship status? Have you communicated what is "missing" with your current partner? She at least deserves a chance to address whatever your issues are, in my opinion, before you bail out. I honestly can see both sides of this dilemma. On the one hand, you are feeling something that you haven't felt in 43 years, and that's not easily ignored. On the other hand, you have a long-term relationship with someone else who you say you love, and that is not easily thrown away. I honestly think that throwing away a long-term relationship over what could turn out to be a temporary infatuation could come back and bite you in the end. So I guess the question is: What is worth more to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr Keys Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Because , somewhere deep inside I feel I'm settling for good and easy. I don't know if can do that anymore. Even if it didn't work out Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Because , somewhere deep inside I feel I'm settling for good and easy. I don't know if can do that anymore. Even if it didn't work out Yep. I was dating the best girlfriend I ever had when I met my wife. On paper, ex-GF was perfect for me, and we were great friends, no boundaries, intimate both physically and otherwise. I really liked her, but I didn't love her. I also didn't think I could do any better. Then I met "The One". The question is, have you? If you go, you have to know that it's a crap shoot. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I don't know if can do that anymore (settling). Even if it didn't work out That is very relevant and if true, something you have to acknowledge. If you are indeed done and accept that this may not work out and are prepared for that, but you feel you have to do it anyway, then you have answered your question. I note that this is an 8 year relationship, is this a pattern for you, ie the seven year itch perhaps? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Also, why no marriage and kids with current partner? Was this a decision you both made? Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 If you go, you have to know that it's a crap shoot. ^^^ This is true. You are leaving something that you say is "easy and good" for an unknown. People are always excited by things that are new and things that they can't have. Once they get them, oftentimes that excitement wears off eventually. I am not saying that would definitely happen here, but it's a risk you take in giving up a known for an unknown. Almost all relationships are bound to settle into something less than "spectacular" after 8 years. It's up to both of you to work together to keep things interesting, if you choose to be together. My own relationship fell victim to that, so I know all too well the collateral damage left behind when one makes the choice you are considering. I'm not trying to talk you into staying necessarily, but just trying to make sure you consider all sides of what is at stake. Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 You'd be dishonest with yourself if you stayed in the relationship without ever fully exploring your feelings. And your relationship is going to suffer from it in the long run. You would be doing both of you a disservice if you do nothing. However, feelings for someone else in the middle of a long relationship can be due to many factors more than mere chemistry between you and this new person. My opinion is that you should be open to your GF about your feelings. Give her a chance to have a say in the matter or tell her you need space to sort them out. She deserves to know the truth that you are not 100% into the relationship in your current state. But she does not necessarily have to know you have feelings for someone else, since you haven't acted on those feelings yet. The right thing (again my opinion) would be to take a break from all relationships for a few months and sort out your feelings. The saying "you never know what you had until you lose it" exists for a reason. There's no need to burn any bridges yet if you do the right thing. That will come after you make a more heartfelt decision after some inner soul searching with no outside influences. You owe it to yourself , to your GF and even to the new girl in case you do chose her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I haven't been able to stop thinking about this girl , and I haven't felt like this before (and I'm 43) Circumstances as they are just now, to even contemplate being with her , I would need to leave my whole life behind me. Job , friends , everything. She lives 100 miles away. I feel I'm losing a chance here if i dont do something about it. I'm tearing myself apart over this. Have you slept with this new woman? Taken an extended trip with her? Sat with her through illness or injury? I'm confused as to how you've anointed her "the one" based on some brief interactions? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts